Shaowlands

Yesterday was my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner with friends and then to the great Guthrie Theater to see Shadowlands, the love story of C. S. Lewis and Joy Gresham.

It's a very familiar story to me.

Most people know that C. S. Lewis was one of the brightest academics ever, having written The Lion,the Witch and the Wardrobe, Surprised by Joy, Mere Christianity, The Screwtape Letters and countless other books.

He lived at Oxford with his brother and hung out with four other really smart people - like J. R. R. Tolkien. They called themselves the Inklings. At these meetings they shared some of their most famous writings for the first time. Works like Tolkien's Lord of the Rings.

Over the years, I've had people tell me that Lewis' late in life love affair was with some young, American floozy.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Joyce Gresham was an accomplished writer and activist and was his equal on many levels.

They had a short, tragic time together. As it turned out she was suffering from bone cancer when they met.

What's remarkable to me is the softness she brought to this genius who lived almost totally in his head.

Following are some C. S. Lewis quotes from after the time Joy died...Ones that have helped me.

Grief is quite unlike what I imagined. I thought of it as a state, but it is really a process.

Indeed, the situation is not easy to describe. My heart is breaking and I was never so happy before; at any rate there is more to life than I knew about.

You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you.

I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time, waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God. It changes me.


***

Hanging Chads

Everybody in the world knows that Floridians can't vote properly. I've personally been held responsible a couple of times for electing the current occupier of the White House.

Believe me, that's a stretch!

Now I'm kinda enjoying the daily news regarding the Minnesota senate race. If you'll remember, they voted on November 6th with the rest of us.

The votes are still being counted - with no end in sight.

The big race is between Al Franken, the perennial (but former) writer and performer on Saturday Night Live and Norm Coleman, the current senator.

The average person might think "What's the big deal? Just count the votes." But the first count was very close and each additional count brings up a different total.

And there are the problem ballots. We Americans really do know how to mangle a ballot, not to mention the votes cast for Mickey Mouse and other animated rodents.

But it's the American way. The democratic process is messy - at best.

I have every confidence that, eventually, the best man will win.


***

Baby, It's Cold Outside

I now understand more why Sarah Palin is such a hearty person.

The temperature here has hovered between ten below and ten above zero for several days. I have great admiration for the people who choose to live here. But you can't imagine the beauty of this winter wonderland.

Today's observations:

A few blocks from home we saw four fire trucks in a residential neighborhood. House fires are still not uncommon.

We had lunch today with a friend of my boyfriend's. He's lived here all of his long life. I asked him how it was growing up. He said his mother hung the sheets on the clothes line and the kids brought them in - frozen solid.

I'm amazed that by 10:00 A.M. the roads have been cleared by the big snow plows. Even my boyfriend's short dead end street. But it's a given that there will be some days when people can't leave their homes.

The other evening we went out for a sandwich in minus 8 degree weather. I couldn't imagine anybody else being this brave. A young woman came into the restaurant with her baby. It took a full ten minutes to unwrap the baby and herself. She acted like it was no big deal.

My boyfriend lives on a creek. Up a ways the children have swept the snow off a large portion of the creek and added a hockey cage and white molded plastic chairs for spectators. I can't imagine sitting out there for long.

Years ago for one of my boyfriend's family's New Year's eve parties, they invited guests to bring ice skates. At midnight they all went skating on the creek.

We hardly ever do that at my house.

***

The Day the Earth Stood Still

I loved this 1951 movie - staring Michael Rennie and Patricia Neal - about an alien arriving in Washington D.C. in one of those comical flying saucers. Rennie, playing a very kind and gentle space being named Klaatu, was sent to earth by an intergalactic council to tell us humans to get a clue regarding our war like ways or we are all gonna be toast.

Naturally, the rest of this sweet quiet movie was spent showing Klaatu being sweet and quiet with Patricia Neal and her adorable little boy while we earthlings tried to kill him. However, his gigantic sidekick and enforcer, Gort, held us at bay.

As I said, I loved this movie so it was with a little trepidation that I ventured out with my boyfriend into the sub zero weather to see the multi million dollar remake staring Keanu Reeves in the Michael Rennie part and Jennifer Connelly playing an entirely different part from Patricia Neal.

But I liked it.

Reeves' character's name is still Klaatu but he could very well have used his other creature from outer space name, Keanu. Of course the 2008 style special effects are way over the top. The story is similar but not quite the same. Of course, we humans are still made to look like violent idiots but the alien has come, not to address our lack of peace in the universe issues but more to address our lack of paying attention to the environment, i.e., Al Goreish issues. Apparently we have the ability to polute the universe.

Yes, he's bought along Gort to subdue us but it doesn't keep us from refusing to listen to his message and, instead, trying to blow him up.

Look for Monty Python's John Cleese, in a small but representational role. (Representing the few of us humans who actually DO have a clue.)

I had a couple of problems with the new movie. First, in the original, Klaatu actually did make the earth stand still. Hence the name. This didn't happen quite the same way in this version. Second, I didn't get what the whole first part of the movie was about. The part that takes place in the artic. If you understand it, let me know.

My boyfriend tells me that I liked Klaatu because he's a Christlike figure.

Could be.

***

No Room at the Inn - And That's a Good Thing

Florida has a tourist based economy - and, like most every other place, we're suffering.

But in Bethlehem things are hopping. They're having a great Christmas season. Hotels are full, restaurants are full and businesses are expanding, creating 12,000 new jobs in the city.

Israeli and Palestine forces are working together to make this happen. It's interesting how the economy can sometimes help us see that we need each other.

I was once in Bethlehem during the Christmas season. It was quite a moving and spiritual experience, especially the Church of the Nativity.

Thinking about Bethlehem and what happened there makes me Deliriously Hopeful.


***

Obsessed With the Weather

Everybody knows that old people are obsessed with the weather. I try not to be but it's hard because my area for temperature comfort is very narrow - and changes quite unexpectedly. (It's called a hot flash.)

On the other hand, I see young people out freezing in bare arms and backless dresses because they didn't check the weather. But I try not to give them advice because of the stereotyping thing.

Now, here I am in the far North where EVERYBODY obsesses over the weather.

This morning I woke up to the beautiful snowfall that was here when I arrived. It warmed up to the 30s and rained so, sadly, many people stayed home from church and missed the magnificent Christmas music. Now the temperature is dropping rapidly and heavy snow is expected over the frozen rain.

Apparently this is hard to drive in - because the TV guys are telling us to stay home. We've cancelled our plans for the evening. It's just as well because it's supposed to be below zero tonight.

I always sleep with my window open when I'm here. Now I'm not sure.

I'm obsessed.


***

A Wedding at Last!

Imagine my pride and happiness to see my governor's picture, along with his new bride, on page two of the Sunday Minneapolis/St. Paul Star Tribune!

Not one Floridian that I know, or know of, thought they'd actually pull it off.

There are a number of reasons for this. While our governor loves the spotlight, he's kept his marriage plans quiet.

Remember, a few short weeks ago when he thought he might be our new vice president? Some people thought the engagement was a prerequisite. After Mr. McCain picked someone else (I can't remember her name) those in the know told us that the marriage would be quietly called off. Talk show hosts offered odds on whether or not he'd tie the knot.

But they did it.

Our governor, who's been a bachelor for almost all of his 52 years has married a beautiful and wealthy young woman.

I sincerely hope they have a long and happy life together.


***

Oh, The Weather Outside is Frightful

Early tomorrow morning I'm flying off to see my Boyfriend in the frozen North. Yesterday the high here was 82 degrees. Yesterday the high there was 14 degrees. And snowing hard.

Will I freeze to death? We don't know. But I'm willin' to chance it.

Just as we did last year, after a few days at his house, we'll start on a rambling two week road trip South, stopping to visit friends and family. And, we'll separate for a few days while he spends Christmas with his kids and I spend Christmas with mine. Just as it should be. This will all necessitate my boarding three planes.

By the way, the airlines have changed all three of my flights since booking. I hope they're still in business when I need them.

And, just as last year, I'm taking only a carry-on. So if you see what looks like a bag lady in the airport, wearing several layers of clothing -

Say hi. It's me.


***

Let's keep It In Perspective

Yesterday a person was commenting to me about the new "Rainbow Coalition" Obama is assembling. One part especially bothered him.

This will be the third woman in a row to be secretary of state. You should be happy, Cess.

I'm not happy yet.

As Ellen Goodman said in her column the other day:

- Three-fifths of the world's poorest people are women and girls.

- Seventy percent of the children not in school are girls.

- Half a million women die every year in childbirth.

- One in three women will suffer from the pandemic of violence - rape, honor killings and genital mutilation.

Only about fifteen percent of our legislators are women so no need for my friend to feel like we're taking over. Besides, it's been proven over and over that when women are healthy, educated and free, we all win.


***

Beware of the Mini Bar

Our governor, Charlie Crist, is experiencing a little bad press (but nothing like the governor of Illinois) due to an expensive trip to Europe he made last summer.

Even though the trip cost us Floridians hundreds of thousands of dollars, the biggest flack is over the mini bar expense.

Over 1,300 dollars.

Receipts show that somebody in the governor's suite visited the mini bar 14 times in one day.

Come on! Everybody knows to stay clear of the mini bar. If you want a Red Bull (our governor's favorite drink) or a package of peanut butter crackers, go down the hall to the snack machines.

This would give one of his 90 body guards, all told, who traveled with him, something to do.

I've never used the mini bar. On the rare occasion that we had children with us in a hotel, the last thing we said to them before leaving the room for any reason was:

"Don't go near the mini bar!"


***

Tortoise Tips

What are the chances that a small group of women having a delightful Christmas lunch in a beautiful country club would discuss tortoises?

Today I told my Power Rangers that my daughter has a 125 pound, 65 year old tortoise. Yes, they live that long and get that big.

This reminded another one of us of the following story.

Did you know tortoises pee when you pick them up?

Last week one of my PRs pulled into the driveway of another and spied a big tortoise in the yard. It needed to be taken back to the lake.

Neither wanted to pick it up because one of them knew about the pee thing.

Just then some nursery guys pulled up to inquire about yard work. No, they didn't need yard work done but "would you guys please carry this tortoise back to the lake?"

Sure enough, when one of the guys picked it up "you know what" happened. Big time.

So you have now been forewarned.


***

Personal Care

I've noticed that the people I do business with are being extra nice to the public in these hard times. It makes a difference.

Years ago the hospital where I did some contract work had an excellent "new hire" video. Every new person, no matter what level, had to watch the video.

It depicted a man and his dog having a little accident. It then followed them through the medical process. The man had all kinds of trouble from grumpy nurses to rude housekeepers.

The dog had an entirely different experience at the vet's office. The staff loved him and showed it. After he left they sent him a card.

The video made a great point of showing "new hires" the importance of personal care.

Last week I had a little eye irritation. I'd never have gone to my doctor with it. For one thing it would be well (or my eye would fall out) before I could get even an appointment.

I went to my favorite little clinic in my grocery store. In and out in 15 minutes.

This morning Melissa, the nurse practitioner who runs the place, called to see how my eye is doing.

I appreciated it. I'll go back.


***

Age Has It's Privilege

I'm a creature of habit. Every Saturday morning I have breakfast with my Oldies. But the situation gets complicated because of the constant celebrations on the street.

There are art shows and car shows and any number of events that require blocking off the street. This morning it was the Christmas parade.

I arrived early knowing parking would be a nightmare. By the time my Oldies arrived the line for coffee and breakfast was out the door. I told Mr. Oldie that I'd wait in his place while they guarded our table. But he went right up to the cashier and placed his order. The hoards of customers standing in line didn't seem to mind a bit. Most of them smiled.

Later, when it was time for Mrs. Oldie's hair appointment, I worried about how they'd get across the street. The parade had started. By the way, this is the longest parade imaginable. Hours and hours. It's delightful but it's extremely inconvenient if you have business on the other side of the avenue.

Hundreds of people lined the parade route. Police, both on foot and on horses, controlled the crowd. Mr. Oldie, with Mrs. Oldie in his one hand and her purse in his other, told the policewoman in front of Panera's they needed to cross.

She stopped the parade!


***

Relief

I'm feeling a little stress in my life right now - most of it good. It's the time of year when feelings are running high.

But one of the things I do to calm myself is to read recipes. I have a bunch of "Bon Appetite" magazines that I thumb through when I'm stressed.

Not that I make any of this stuff. Sometimes I don't even know what the ingredients are. Like the Spice-Rubbed Butterflied Leg of Lamb recipe calls for fresh marjoram leaves. What are marjoram leaves?

But in my "Indianapolis Monthly" issue that arrived today there was a beautiful picture of a cheeseburger with all the fixin's. But with a difference. The bun had been replaced with DONUTS!

Now that would be an instant stress reliever.


***

A Business Plan

Most of us know about business plans. I love them. I'm always amazed at people who don't have them. I think we should have them for everything. Lots of times we set out to do something with no road map and no way of measuring how we're doing.

I have two very cool friends who've spent some time in Rwanda. On their last trip their goal was to help the people in their poor village change their economic lives. How would they do this? By providing loans. They had $5,000 to lend.

First they got to know the people.

Then they asked the ones who wanted loans to write up business plans. Forty of them did.

Examples: One man sells milk in the village. He travels on his bicycle so he has to make many trips back and forth. He wanted a loan in order to buy a scooter.

A woman makes coffee every morning in a crude pot on an open fire. She puts the coffee into a relatively small container, then walks around the village selling cups of coffee. She wanted a loan to buy one of those 40 pound tanks you can strap on your back that has a spicket on it. Then she could serve lots of cups of coffee before refilling her tank.

These sound like excellent business plans to me.


***

Have You Heard About This Casey Anthony Thing?

Most of us will be happy to see the new year arrive. What with the World Wide Recession and all. Not to mention fires, storms and what not.

So, what's been the #1 story of 2008? You guessed it, CASEY/CAYLEE ANTHONY.

I'll have to admit I was a bit out of the loop while I was up north all summer but upon arriving home to Florida the story hit me like a ton of bricks. Even with my ignorance, this was a national story even last summer. Now it's an intergalactic story.

Nancy Grace will soon be so rich and famous she can retire and have more twin babies.

Google rates Casey Anthony, with 7,540,000 hits, as the second most popular story. With "hurricanes" #1.

A couple of silly, short videos on You-Tube have had more than 20,000 hits.

This story is reported on hourly in my city. Even though, since the child went missing, almost nothing has happened.

I would like to explain this phenomenon to you but I don't get it. What with millions of dead and dying children across the world.

But it does have those popular ingredients. A missing baby and an attractive parent/suspect. (Think Scott Pettersen, JonBenet Ramsey, etc.)

A couple of weeks ago I rented a car from Hertz. As the young woman behind the counter and I I chatted this blog came up. All at once excited. she said,

"It's about Caylee isn't it?"


***

Deliriously Hopeful

I've been part of a study at my church for a few weeks. It will be finished on Wednesday evening. The author of the book we're using will be there with us for this final session. I think this is very cool. He's someone I admire and respect.

The title of the last chapter of the book we're using is "Deliriously Hopeful."

Today is the beginning of Advent (the weeks leading to Christmas.) It's a time when we're supposed to be Deliriously Hopeful.

My niece and others that I know (and don't know) are at crossroads in their lives. Now's the time to be Deliriously Hopeful.

Last Wednesday my Power Rangers went to lunch to celebrate one of our birthdays. The BDG (birthday girl) is younger than me. In 2007 she had two entirely unrelated bouts with cancer. 2008 has been all clear. I suspect that her attitude for 2009 is Deliriously Hopeful.

I love Christmas. I love Advent. I'm Deliriously Hopeful.


***

.

Who's Your Favorite Baldwin?

This picture was taken last week. It's Stephen Baldwin along with local talk show host, Shannon Burke. Stephen was the speaker at a downtown leadership prayer breakfast that my sons and others host each year. He did a great job.

Stephen is the born again, conservative republican Baldwin.

Daniel is the celebrity rehab, bad boy Baldwin.

Billy is the successful, married to the same wife forever Baldwin.

This morning I read a long article in the New Yorker about Alec, the oldest and most famous Baldwin.

Billy says in the article that if you want to know how Alec feels about his brothers, here's an example.

Alec once wrote a screenplay where he and his brothers were to portray a family of gunfighters.

As Billy tells it:

Basically it was: Daniel's the outlaw, I'm (Billy) the riverboat gambler who gets all the (women,) the shallow, good looking sap; Stephen's the village idiot; and he's (Alec) the #*!# hero. ...the one who saves the day in the end.

I think I'd call Alec the complicated one. We all know that he's a divorced dad. (We've all heard that famous and painful voice mail to his daughter.) On the other hand, he's a smart, funny, extremely talented actor, writer and director and very passionate about life - and his brothers.

He's also perpetually unhappy.

Lorne Michaels, the SNL producer and model for Alec's character on "30 Rock" said to him:

Alec, you have one of the best writers in television (Tina Fey) writing this part for you. It's shot in New York, where you choose to live. You work three days week, you get paid a lot of money, you're getting awards. It's a great time in your life. It's an all-good thing. And, if you were capable of enjoying it, it would be even better.

Some might say that Alec should go the way of his brother, Stephen. But Alec is a non drinking, church going, praying, vegetarian democrat.

My take on the Baldwin brothers (and their two sisters) is that they're much like many other big families - only rich and famous.


***

I Blame Jack Sparrow

Have you heard about the pirates off the coast of Somalia? They're hijacking, among other ships, Saudi Supertankers.

But these are, apparently, a new breed of pirates. They don't harm their captives. In fact, they hug and kiss them and let them call their families on their international cell phones.

Instead of menacing names like "Pegleg" a pirate spokesperson calls himself "Daybed."

How are they managing to board these huge ships? The ships are not armed. They've been instructed to fight off the pirates with fire hoses.

These new and improved pirates are not interested in the booty aboard the ships. They just want money - and lots of it.

I think Disney has made this pirate business way too attractive.


***

Smoke Gets in My Eyes

AMC's popular series "Mad Men" features some great looking men. I've never seen the series but I like John Slattery's looks. I'd let my hair go white if I thought it would look like his.

"Mad Men" also features smoking.

They've had to let the public know that , no, it's not tobacco the actors are smoking. They're smoking herbs. But they're pretending to smoke tobacco to but true to the pre 1970s era.

Back then everybody smoked. They smoked in restaurants and movie theaters and at work. All smoking all the time.

Once, years ago, when my son was hospitalized in North Carolina while we were on vacation, they let our family eat in the doctor's dining room. It was blue with smoke. When the doctor met with us in his office he chained smoked.

This week I watched two absolutely wonderful old movies on TCM. "To Have or Have Not" with Humphrey Bogart and Loren Bacall in her very first roll. It's worth watching the movie just to see her do her little jiggy dance at the end. But the whole movie is good. Lots of similarities to "Casablanca."

But an interesting aside is that they both chain smoked during the entire movie.

Last night on PBS I watched "Laura" with Gene Tierney, Dana Andrews and the great Clifton Webb. Also an excellent movie. But Dana and Clifton never put the cigarettes down. Gene, playing Laura, was dead for most of the movie so I don't remember her smoking so much.

I found the smoking distracting and disgusting in both movies.

I grew up in a family where everybody smoked. They smoked while they were cooking and during meals. I remember wanting to crawl up into my dad's lap but being repelled by the constant cigarette smoking.

I never tried it - and I'm so happy that I now live in a smoke-free world.


***

And a Sense of Humor Helps

This morning in my Sunday school class we discussed hope and faith and how important it is for people our age to share these concepts with younger people in these hard times.

Somebody mentioned how important it is, as well, to keep your sense of humor in times of great stress and hardship. That reminded me of a visit my husband and I had just a few weeks before he died. I shared the following with the class.

Our son called one afternoon to say that his boss had just flown in from Atlanta expressly to pay his respects to my husband - knowing that he was near death. They were on the way in from the airport.

Well, see, the problem was that we'd just gone out to lunch and my husband was sitting on the couch in his favorite pink dress shirt, looking pretty darn spiffy.

So I explained to my husband that our son's boss would probably be disappointed that he came all that way to find him sitting in the living room with his doggy bag from the restaurant.

So, I got him into the wheelchair, took him to his room and got him into his hospital bed. No time to get the great looking shirt off so I just tucked the sheet up around his chin.

Our son and his boss showed up. (He's actually a very nice guy.) He paid his respects and left.

Afterwards I told my husband what a great sport he'd been. He wasn't able to speak much by that time but he let me know that it was fun for him.

The next time my son's boss flew in was for the memorial service.


***

Edgy Knowledge Cards

Frequently I buy books from a mail order bookstore. Many of their things are artistic, deep and a bit edgy.

A while back I ordered, among other things, something that was described in the catalog as "Women of the Old Testament Knowledge Cards." I was planning to give them to a conservative relative whom I love a lot.

When they arrived early this week I thought the box looked edgy. I got a little nervous so I carefully opened it to peek at the cards.

uh oh!

The pack was shrink wrapped so I could see only the front of the first card "Eve" and the back of the last card "Queen of Sheba."

But it was enough to know that they won't be leaving the house.

The artist is a former member of the Benedictine order and the writer is a professor at Hartsford Seminary so the cards aren't X rated but....

...let's just saw that the Old Testament is full of sex and violence, much of it directed at women, and the cards depict this in somewhat graphic ways.

I tore open the package to check them out. Since Monday I've read a few of the cards each morning.

They've impacted me deeply and spiritually. I'm being reminded of ancient women who had absolutely no power, who sometimes lived brutal lives, but were, many times, able to rise up and be strong anyway.

When Clinton and Palin talk about the 18 million cracks in the glass ceiling we all need to remember that it started with some of these ancient women.


***

Whoops!

We're all feeling bad about the lady astronaut who dropped her tool bag in outer space a few days ago.

I have two observations.

First, women have a pretty keen sense of what to drop and what to hang on to when things get a little chaotic. If a woman has groceries in one hand and the baby in the other and stubs her toe and starts to lose her balance - she'll drop the groceries every time.

Second, we're pretty flexible about tools. In a pinch I use chewing gum to hold a picture straight or plug a hole in the wall.

So if astronaut Heidemarie Stefanyshyn-Piper thought to take with her a paper clip, a hanger, some duct tape and chewing gum - I'm sure she'll be fine without her tool bag.


***

Who Can I Blame?

A couple I love, relatives actually, are having marriage problems.

All day yesterday I was trying to think of who (whom) to blame.

At first I thought it was those darn gays. Although this couple lives in a conservative state, they didn't pass a "no gays can get married law" like we did here in Florida (because we all know that it's those gays that are causing our marriages to flop.)

But I don't think blaming gays will help in this situation.

Then I thought of what another friend who's husband had left after years of a bad marriage said to me when I tried to get her to go to counseling.

Why should I go to counseling? The Devil breaks up marriages!

But I don't think blaming the Devil will help this situation.

I don't know what the answer is. But I do know that this smart, funny, talented couple has blessed countless other people throughout their long marriage. We'll all be poorer if they don't make it.

But what's even more important is they're both suffering and they both have personal issues to deal with. (Don't we all?) I think she's up to it. I don't know about him.

But we do know that this life - that God gives us - is all about new beginnings.


***

The Oldies Saga Continues

This morning I met my oldies for Saturday breakfast as usual. Their exciting news for this week was that - they lost both of their credit cards.

They had them cancelled but the new ones won't arrive for a week or so. So they've been eating in restaurants as usual and then promising to pay when the cards show up. So far so good.

Mr. Oldie fell a couple of days ago in a restaurant (not unusual.) He cut his arm but drove himself to his doctor's office to get bandaged up. The doctor's wife did the bandaging. No charge!

I have accused him on occasion of having these little accidents on purpose because he loves the drama. In fact, I've called him the "Fall Down King" but he just laughs.

I offered to call their son but Mr. Oldie said no way!

I offered to go home with them to find their check book so they could write themselves a check to hold them over. No dice.

When I escorted Mrs. Oldie across the street to have her hair done I offered to pay but the hairdresser turned me down. Said he'd wait. This was smart on his part because I don't give 100 percent tips.

Back in the restaurant my son and granddaughter arrived as planned and, when my son heard the story, he offered Mr. Oldie $100 cash to tide him over. (He's never offered me $100 cash! Who carried $100 cash on Saturday morning?) Anyway, Mr. Oldie said "Thanks but no thanks."

So we went on our way - leaving the Oldies to their own devices.

An hour later, as I was walking back to my car I saw (guess who?) my Oldies sitting outside at Starbucks. They'd gone home, found the check book and had come back to the bank to cash a check and solve their money problems only to discover the bank was closed.

So I left them sitting in the sun happily drinking their cappuccinos.

P.S. I'll take them to lunch tomorrow but you know that our wait person is gonna be so disappointed with the tip.


***

Let's Be Sensitive

An old friend called me last night because she'd just seen my son on television. I laughed and said,

"Oh, has he been arrested?"

Once when I was younger and leading a large group somebody complimented my super achieving kids and I said, "Well, I'm just thankful none of them are currently in prison."

But I never did that again because it became clear to me in any large group it's probable that somebody's kid IS in prison.

While I was teasing about mine, all of us have feelings of sheer pride and stark terror regarding our children. Sometimes in the same day.

My old friend on the phone told me that, no, my son wasn't in trouble. He was telling us how to deal with our economic issues. Then she told me he was too young to be giving that advice. Then she ended up saying, "I see he has some gray in his hair!"

I guess we all need to be a little more sensitive, including me.

Besides, my kids may or may not be aware that, in our younger days, there were causes that their father and I would have been proud to go to jail for.

***

Hot, Flat and Crowded

Thomas Friedman, the three times Pulitzer Prize winner, has written a new book. I know some of you find him a little hard to read. I know this because you've told me. I understand. He uses big words. So I'm here to help. The title says it all:

HOT, FLAT AND CROWDED

Still confused? I'll explain further.

1. HOT. Global warming is real. Our world wide need for energy is real. Saving the planet isn't just a slogan. It's a dire necessity. The good news is that we are fantastic problem solvers. We can fix this.

2. FLAT. While the world wide fast growth of the middle class is gobbling up resources, it's also instantly connected. Little tiny companies and individuals can get their ideas out - instantly. We can fix this.

3. CROWDED. There are way, way too many people in the world - and most of them are suffering mightily because of it. How can we fix this? (OK, don't get me started. You know how I feel about birth control!)

My plan would be for no female in the world to become pregnant - unless she WANTS TO! (This would also take care of another pesky social problem we have in this country.)

Now, what about our current crisis?

Following is a quote from Friedman's book:

Not only is America's leadership the key to the healing of the earth; it is also the best strategy for the renewal of America.



***

In Times of Trouble We Need More Stuff

A lot of people are suffering right now. Some of them because their favorite Starbucks has closed.

These days I talk with people most every day who are scared they won't be able to make ends meet. But I also run across people who are totally oblivious to what's happening in the world.

Social scientists tell us that our teenagers are the most brand oriented and materialistic generation in history.

I have a young married friend who told me today that she "hates" going to friends' homes that are nicer than hers. It makes her feel "small."

What's the answer? She needs a better sense of self worth.

Hey sweetie, who you are has nothing to do with what you have.


***

I'm 48 Years Old!

Today I took the True Age Test on Facebook. It seems I'm "truly" 48 years old. This is good news and bad news. On the one hand I feel good and am in great health but on the other hand I have these children who are in their 40s.

We can't all be in our 40s!

There's an article in my paper this morning titled "Want to live to 100? Then calm down and start moving."

I think this is excellent advice. It's how I dropped 20 plus years. Of course it took heavy B/P meds to calm me down.


***

Taking a Break

Hume Cronyn and Jessica Tandy were one of the greatest couples on the American stage. Married for over 50 years, they were both stars prior to meeting each other.

Their marriage was based on love and respect.

Once, shorty before Jessica's death, Hume was being interviewed on "60 Minutes." At that time the phrase for celebs breaking up was "taking a break." When the interviewer asked Hume why Jessica wasn't there for the interview, he said (with a straight face) "We're taking a break."

The interviewer was momentarily stunned until he realized that Hume was kidding.

My Boyfriend has been here in Florida for six weeks. We've had a glorious time together. He's leaving today. Several friends asked, as always, why? I told them we were "Taking a Break."

They didn't buy it. They knew better.

Playwright Brian Clark once said of Hume and Jessica,

The way they play together is wonderful. The understanding, the bantering. Everything that comes with a lifetime of knowledge.

Even though my Boyfriend and I have known each other for only three years, we each have a lifetime of knowledge. And we know how to play together.

I'll fly to his home in a few weeks. So, after "taking a break," we'll once again be "Starting Over."

***

A Dog Named Spot

I don't like labeling. As a wise friend of mine said the other day, a person can label you and then throw you away if they don't like the label.

There's an old story about a dog named Spot. When the owner was asked why his all brown dog was named Spot, he raised the dog's leg to reveal a tiny blond spot.

When I began teaching a class series a while back I asked the group of 18 people to introduce themselves this way:

Tell us your name and something about you that is "conservative" and something about you that is "liberal." After a little coaxing, each person was able to do it.

Please don't call me "Spot."

I'm way more complex than that. We all are.


***

Universal Reconciliation

Universal reconciliation is a gigantic concept. It was also one of my husband's favorite themes. He believed in it. So do I. I guess the difference is that I don't see the whole universe holding hands and singing Kum Ba Ya thing happening in my lifetime.

But I agree with my late husband and the Apostle Paul that this is what we should be about. OK, let me rephrase that, this is what I should be about. I know we're all called to different things.

Night before last and all day yesterday many people across the world were celebrating. But not everybody. Many (close to half) of the people in this country were sad and disillusioned. Those of us who are happy need to be sensitive and kind about that.

I feel strongly that I need to look at all sides of issues that are important to me and to try to respect and understand where others are coming from.

I love to read George Will's columns. I don't always agree with him and I don't always understand him - because he's way smarter than I am. Like in this morning's paper he was all about numbers and I didn't really get his point.

But in a recent Newsweek article he talked about 3 "Axioms."

1. All news is economic news. That's because all news conditions the public mood, which shapes behavior, which has economic consequences.

2. All economic news is bad. Because any economic development can be construed ominously: Inflation is down? The economy might be slowing. the economy is growing: Inflation might be coming. Either way, woe.

3. Bad news always contains good news. The price of oil (hence gas at the pump) is down. Want to buy a house? Now's the time.

I do not believe that God brings terrible times upon us. But I do believe that we discover our strengths in bad times. I believe that people working together in this country and around the world can solve many of our economic problems.

And in the process we can be a step closer to universal reconciliation.


***

Betrayed by Babar

When I was young I loved the Babar (the elephant) books. He, along with his beautiful, cultured (elephant) wife, Celeste, lived such a sophisticated, structured, orderly life in Celesteville. They had animal teas where they sat in the sun in their fine clothes with their parasols protecting them. I'm sure the books soothed me when my life was in chaos.

Some of my children loved these books as well and I'm quite sure they've shared them with their children.

Now I find that Babar and Celeste were Nazis. Or, at the very least, Fascists.

It seems that Celesteville was the capital of a well-ordered corporate Fascist state. Remember the splendid parade of citizens marching according to their estate or profession - soldiers, musicians, carpenters, fishermen, etc? I guess this is proof.

Remember when Babar's little monkey friend, Zephir, visited his homeland, which is not a kingdom but a military dictatorship under a generalissimo?

No, I don't remember this either but apparently it's further proof.

I've just got to stop reading so many New Yorker articles.


***

Halloween Afterthoughts

This morning I read an article about how the new marketing emphasis for Halloween is geared toward teenagers and young adults.

Universal Studios has an attraction called Halloween Horror Nights. Definitely not geared toward children. In fact, there was a big push to get the "Bloody Mary" billboards on the Interstate removed.

Last night at my son's house I didn't see any out of control costumes on the streams of kids who came by. (However, last year I did.) Scary is one thing but an ax in the head with blood dripping down the face is a bit much around preschoolers.

My son let people know that we didn't want to see any teenagers in costumes that would be described as "Naughty." I.E., Naughty Nurse, Naughty Nun, Naughty Princess Leia.

We had a fun G rated Halloween.


***

A Reminder of Worse Times

Last Saturday when we were on our "Get Out the Vote" Walk, I ran into an old friend. She's a mental health counsellor. But she has created some wonderful classes over the years that are open to the community.

I took one having to do with keeping our brains healthy as we get older. I still use some of the tips.

But about six years ago I took a class for people who were going through serious crises. I needed it at the time.

Sitting next to me was a younger woman who had a debilitating disease - one that kept her in constant pain. After a couple of hours of lecture and conversation our leader (my friend) asked that we make collages depicting our feelings about our situations. She provided magazines, paste, scissors, markers and poster board.

When we finished we held up our works of art and explained them. The Young Woman in Constant Pain's collage depicted flowers and blankets and puppy dogs and hot soup. Mine depicted clouds, skulls, lightening, and words like DEATH and DESPAIR, layered over a black background. I was quite proud of it.

This past Saturday I reminded my friend of that day - and how things have changed - and thanked her for helping me get through a very bad time.

She laughed and said,

"And I didn't have you Baker Acted!"

And I said,

"Well, thank you for that too!"


***

Halloween

I love Halloween. Today I bought candy. But I don't get many halloweeners in my gated condo community so I was sure to buy candy that my boyfriend and I like.

I don't dress up anymore but I used to. One year I attended a party as Arthur Fonzarelli (or Fonzy or "The Fonz".) Back then we always made our own costumes. I wore tight jeans and a t-shirt with a cigarette pack rolled in the sleeve. The big thing was soaking my short hair in Vaseline for that Fonzie hairdo. It took about six weeks to wash it out.

My kids bought big one dollar bags of stuff at the Fall church rummage sales, like crazy clothes, hats and wigs. You can make great mustaches and beards with wigs.

The little kids would be terrified and jump behind the couch when goblins started knocking on the door.

When the older kids returned from trick or treating with their loot, and dump it out on the living room floor, I would beg them for a Milky Way but they would offer only candy corn or lifesavers.

It's different now. My boyfriend and I will show up for a while at my son's house. They live on a street of big houses with wide front porches. It's fun to sit outside and hand out the candy to the hundreds of children and adults who come by - some of them arriving in cars from outside the neighborhood - all decked out in expensive but sometimes somewhat questionable costumes.

It's fun but not as much as the old time, simpler fun.

But being with family and friends is the best. My granddaughters will be decked out as princesses, of course. But then they always look like princesses to me.


***

Crossing the Line

Yesterday my boyfriend and I walked out in the middle of a movie - possibly the first time I've ever done that.

It was Ben Stiller's latest, "Tropic Thunder" - playing at the second run neighborhood theater.

I think Ben Stiller is superbly talented. His parents, Jerry Stiller and Ann Meara were favorites of mine in the 60s. They did stand up. Lots of comedy bits about she being Irish Catholic and he being Jewish. And later they went on to do separate work. Jerry's being, most notably, Seinfield and King of Queens.

When Ben came along his work was different. Edgier from the get go. While many of my friends thought "There's Something About Mary" was in bad taste and crossed a line, I thought it was very, very funny. And, as the movie ended, it became clear that every character was good. I liked that.

I did not like "Meet the Parents." Spending two hours seeing somebody being humiliated isn't my idea of fun. Still I didn't think it crossed a line.

In considering the movie "Tropic Thunder" we knew it was a comedy and that the plot was about a group of self-absorbed actors who set out to make an expensive war film in Viet Nam - where they end up encountering real bad guys. Clever.

We also knew that there were fake trailers prior to the movie. Clever. We didn't know they would be so disturbing. They were offensive to me but still didn't cross a line.

The movie started with lots of fake bloodletting but it's a movie within a movie. I got it.

What crossed the line for both of us was when the director, a character that the audience had gotten to know a bit, was blown up. Ben Stiller held his head up on the end of his rifle and drank blood that was oozing from his severed neck.

Ben and the other spoiled, clueless actors were not supposed to know that this was their real friend and director - but we, the audience, knew. And several of the mostly male audience sitting around us were laughing.

This is where, to me, a line was crossed - big time!

Thank goodness it was Tuesday so we'd paid only 75 cents to get in.


***

Oldies and Birthdays

Birthday season is beginning. There are an unusually large number of birthdays in the fall and, especially, in December.

My birthday is in December and it's a special one.

This morning we had birthday cake and coffee in my Sunday school class because Mrs. Oldie, looking beautiful, will be 89 years old this week. Her son and wife are visiting from across the country. They've celebrated her birthday almost every day since they've been here. A smart thing to do. Today they treated all of us.

Yesterday Mrs. Oldie looked even better because when we met them at Panera's for breakfast, she was wearing her Chanel suit because she thought it was Sunday. A nice contrast to the sweaty runners and the usual early morning crowd.

Even though I express a little frustration occasionally, there are no words to explain how much I love my oldies.

They are fragile now but when I first met them, he was always the smartest person in the room and she, in her quiet, unassuming way, was the nicest and best looking. Come to think of it, she still is.

Mr. Oldie and I are backing different presidential candidates. Yesterday at breakfast I asked him why he felt the way he did. He gave me a very thoughtful, reasonable response. (I don't agree with him but he made sense.)

And, yes, he had his 3 eggs fried in butter delivered to our table by the cook.

I hope Mrs. Oldie has a good birthday week - and many, many more.


***

Get Out the Vote

Yesterday, after having breakfast with my oldies and their children who've come to visit, my boyfriend and I took part in a "Vote Early" walk.

It was a gloriously beautiful day. We met a few hundred other people, including some friends, at the appointed place and walked 1.1 miles in the most beautiful village in the world. We carried American flags and balloons. The police kept us safe but there was really no need because people in cars and other pedestrians were happy to see us.

Afterwards we went to the park for a Family Fall Festival Party.

Later my boyfriend said that this was the first organized walk he'd ever done.

I told him he was fortunate because this was nothing like our Walks in the 60's where the policemen had dogs to keep us in line.


***

Everybody Hates Greens

I like greens. When I was a kid we picked dandelion greens, cooked and ate them. I know it sounds weird but lots of people did this. We may be getting back to doing this kind of thing if the economy doesn't turn around soon.

Later, when we moved south, I was introduced to mustard greens, turnip greens and kale. I love all of them. Occasionally I'd buy a big bundle of greens, wash and rinse them many times, boil them, then fry them in a bit of bacon grease.

They were delicious - I loved them but I was the only one - so I gave up on them.

In the weeks prior to my boyfriend showing up I went through many magazines in the evenings. I bought (from the library for a dime each) Bon Appetite!, Gourmet, Cooking Lite and others. Even though I rarely cook anymore, I love to look at recipes.

One night I found this dish that looked wonderful and it featured greens. The next night I was with friends and decided I'd have them over after my boyfriend arrived and make this recipe.

But first I thought I'd better feel them out about the "greens" thing. Two of them are from Alabama so I knew they'd love greens.

But nooooo! They didn't.

So we had them over last night and I replaced the greens with fresh spinach. Also made a few other changes (as I always do.) The dish was huge hit - as I thought it would be. It also fulfills my criteria of being a one dish meal that can be prepared ahead of time.

I know lots of people like to stand in the kitchen with their guests. I like to sit in the living room and drink a glass of wine with them and then have the dinner magically appear.

The recipe follows:

Dijon Chicken Stew

Smart Balance Omega Oil
PAM
1/3 lb. fresh ground pork sausage
2 cups sliced leek
4 garlic cloves, minced
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
4 skinless, boneless chicken breasts cut into bite-sized pieces
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1 cup dry white wine
3 cups chicken broth
1-1/2 cups water
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
3 cups cubed pealed white potatoes
1 10 oz. bag spinach (Or 8 cups mustard greens, Swiss chard or kale)

Spray PAM in a big kettle over medium-high heat. Add crumbled sausage. Cook, breaking up sausage into tiny pieces until almost brown. Add leek. Saute until soft. Add garlic and saute 1 minute. Spoon mixture into large bowl.

Place flour in a shallow bowl. Dredge chicken in flour, salt and pepper, shaking off excess. Heat small amount of oil in pan over medium high heat. Add half of chicken mixture to pan. Cook 6 minutes, browning on all sides. Add browned chicken to leek mixture. Repeat with remaining chicken.

Add wine to pan, scraping pan to loosen browned bits. Combine 1 cups broth and 1 tablespoon flour, stirring with a whisk until smooth. Add broth mixture, remaining 2 cups broth, 1-/2 cups water and mustard to pan. Bring to a boil and cook until 1/3 reduced and smooth.

Transfer sauce to a crock pot that has been sprayed with PAM. Add chicken mixture and potatoes. Cook on high for 4 hours or until potatoes are done.

While you're waiting, clean up the kitchen and take a nap.

Just before serving stir in the spinach. (If using greens, add after two hours.)

Serve in fancy bowels with biscuits.


***

Go Vote

For the last 40 years, as far as I know, I've voted in every election (no matter how small.)

Here in Florida we now have early voting for presidential elections. This started on Monday but, according to the papers and some scary word of mouth, the wait can be hours. As you know, Floridans are notorious for not doing the voting thing well.

I went to the county library yesterday, armed with my driver's license and cheat sheet. The line snaked out through the lobby. I said to my boyfriend, "Oh, no!" But I cued up.

What a surprise. It moved fast. Sort of like a line at Disney. People were happy and there were interesting things to look at along the way.

The volunteers were friendly and well trained - and there must have been 20 voting machines. No wonder the line moved fast.

The only glitch was at the end when I couldn't get my ballet sheet to go into the box. The worker helped me but in doing so, since I'd taken my sheet out of its folder, she could see who I voted for. I know her and I know I didn't vote for her guy.

She helped me anyway. With a smile. What a country! What a privilege to be able to vote.


***

Cess the Trickster

Over the weekend, at the invitation of some good friends, we took my oldies to lunch at a very high end retirement community. After lunch in the elegant dining room (jackets required) we toured the villas, apartments, pools, etc.

And one of the best things about this place is that they will drive you anywhere you want to go.

We told my oldies that WE were interested in checking out this place. I honestly wasn't trying to trick them. It's technically true. But I have a twenty year plan for staying in my condo and when I have to give it up my guess is that this place is a little too pricey for me.

Our time there was delightful. We were hosted by my friend's 96 year old mother who appears to be sharper than I am. So this place must do wonders.

But I could tell the oldies weren't buyin' it!


***

Are You The 10th Person?

I'm usually charged up after attending church. Last Sunday was no exception. My minister started a new series on "Strengthening Relationships." It was hard hitting and real. He was a mental health counsellor prior to the ministry and it often shows.

In Sunday school one of the members, as usual, taught. She's a psychologist. All of what she shared - plus the discussion - was excellent.

Following is one of her concepts:

- For every nine people who denounce innovation only one will encourage it.

- For every nine people who do things the way they've always been done only one will wonder if there's a better way.

- For every nine people who stand in line in the front of a locked building only one will check the back door.

When we walked out of church I felt like I'd just had an invaluable experience!


***

Power Move

A few weeks ago a close friend told us about an interesting encounter he'd had with an angry woman. I'd forgotten the details so yesterday at dinner I asked him to repeat the story so I could tell it to you. Here it is.

He and his wife pulled into a restaurant parking space. Apparently he'd inadvertently pulled into the spot that somebody else had her eye on because when he glanced in his mirror a furious woman was giving him a long, public obscene gesture.

My friend and his wife (actually one of my Power Rangers so she's more than a friend) entered the restaurant. As they were standing in line, he said, "Gee, I hope she doesn't come in here."

At that moment she charged through the door. He looked at her. She angrily turned her back on him.

What should he do? He was innocent. She was making an ugly, embarrassing scene.

Not knowing what to expect, he walked back to where she was standing in line - and apologized. He told her he didn't see her, didn't mean to take her spot but he guessed he had so he was sorry.

She melted. She wasn't angry any longer. She was sad. The details of her really rotten day came tumbling out. They ended up having quite a conversation.

Then he bought her lunch.


***

Thanksgiving Recipes

The following recipes were taken from the October 13th "New Yorker" magazine.

THANKSGIVING RECIPES
from the U.S. Treasury Department

Rare-Treat Potatoes

Six sweet potatoes
One can crushed pineapple
Your retirement account

Mix everything together. Bake until the account is completely melted.


Cranberry Surprise

Two pounds cranberries
One cup stock certificates,
torn into teeny bits
Cinnamon and sugar, to taste

Cook until everything is softened.
Serve.


Turkey Stuffed with
Seven Hundred Billion Dollars

Large turkey
Seven hundred-billion dollar bills,
crumpled

Place the crumpled bills inside the turkey. Roast until all that remains is a pile of ashes.

Enjoy!


***

Hard Times Lesson

Last night when my boyfriend and I were eating popcorn and playing cribbage we started talking about when we were kids and we'd send away for cool stuff.

He told me about his Captain Midnight watch. I told him about my Tom Mix decoder ring with the secret compartment. Actually the ring stood about half an inch high so the compartment wasn't much of a secret.

But we were both thrilled with our purchases.

Here's how kids did it back then. We saved box tops from cereal containers and saved the small amount of money that was required. It took a long time to save enough to order the prize. If moms were smart they didn't allow the tops to be cut off until the cereal was gone.

With enough tops and the cash we mailed them off and waited six weeks to receive the prize. There's no way of explaining the excitement of finding your very own decoder ring in the mail.

This process helped teach one of the most important lessons we human beings can learn. One I tried to teach my children as well.

Delayed Gratification!

My son used to say when he wanted me to buy some big ticket item, "Is it because we don't have the money or are you just saying no?"

My reply would always be, "It's because we don't have the money but I hope I would love you enough to say no even if we did."

This is a little different message than the flat screen TV commercial that, to my amazement, is still being aired in these perilous times.

I want it all. I want it all. And I want it now!


***

An Afternoon's Fun for 75 Cents

Since we're trying to watch our pennies like everybody else we decided to check out the discount movie theater close to my house this afternoon. I had not been there since it was transformed after the new state of the art stadium theaters made these older theaters call it quits a few years ago.

What a surprise. The theater has been remodeled, is clean and comfortable. It shows second run movies, i. e., just a little older than first runs. The cost is $1.50 per ticket but on Tuesdays it's 75 cents.

We hadn't planned to see a movie right then but one of the six choices was just starting so we paid our money and walked in.

We saw a movie than neither of us would have chosen to see in any other circumstances.

We saw The Mummy 3, Tomb of the Dragon Emperor.

What fun! I laughed out loud all the way through. The photography was breathtaking. I could see it again with the sound off.

I have no idea who all of these actors are, except for Brendan Frasier, but they were beautiful, had good skin and could withstand multiple killings without getting mussed up.

Maybe we'll go back next Tuesday and see "Hancock" or "Get Smart." At 75 cents it's worth a shot.


***

Our First Home

During my 44 year marriage to a Methodist minister this is the first and only home we owned until we bought our retirement condo.

In 1970, two years out of seminary, we lived in a lovely parsonage in Fort Lauderdale. Then my husband went from being the associate pastor at a large downtown church to starting an urban ministry.

There was no parsonage. After a short time in an apartment we bought this little bungalow close to downtown. We had three small children, including one in diapers - and one on the way. We lived there for seven happy years.

A couple of days ago my two sons were in Ft. Lauderdale for a meeting. One of them took this picture with his cell phone from the car. He was astounded that the entire house fit into the frame.

We enclosed the carport to extend the tiny living room. The family room in the back held our big dining room table where we had all of our meals. If we had tried to eat in the dining area we would have had to do it in shifts.

What is an urban ministry? We started with the two of us in a downtown storefront office. Seven years later there was a small paid staff of highly qualified people and hundreds of unpaid staff and volunteers - including a dozen full time VISTA Volunteers (domestic peace corp.)

We were community organizers - and proud of it.

All the while we lived in our little bungalow, a few feet from the elementary school, in a safe neighborhood full of kids. My older son has happy memories of this home, My younger son (the one who took the picture) doesn't remember it at all.


***

The Do

You may remember my hair routine. Wash, mousse, brush. Repeat daily.

But on Tuesday my hair was a mess so I dropped into a hair place. While waiting I looked at one of those hair magazines that have names for all the "Do's." The "Stephanie" or the "Rachael," etc.

I asked for a wash, trim and style. As the young lady (20 years old) and I chit chatted I regaled her with my love story, including the fact that I was meeting my Boyfriend at the airport that night.

She got excited and said, "Let me give you a special do!"

"Fine."

So she moussed and sprayed and even put big rollers on my very short hair. It ended up with these long bangs separated off center and plastered down, with the big hair behind that. Nice, but a bit too much for me.

Yesterday morning just before I washed it out and just after looking at my Newsweek magazine I had to finally admit what I had suspected all along.

She gave me a Sarah Palin do.


***

Seeing Things in a Different Way

Remember the 1950 movie "Born Yesterday" staring Judy Holiday who always played a dumb blond but outdid herself in this movie? She won an Academy Award for it.

The story, written by the great Garson Kanin, has Judy as the girlfriend of a mobster played by Broderick Crawford. He thinks she's so dumb that he hires a journalist, played by William Holden, to tutor her.

Holden is frustrated. She can't even read. Then he discovers she can't see. She needs glasses.

After that everything changes. They both discover she's really smart. She starts looking at her life and the life of the thug she's been living with.

In the end Judy and William get the goods on Broderick and his corrupt Washington insider buddies and have them sent to jail.

Judy and William live happily ever after.

To me, this story has many applications.

In a sense, it could explain the Christian word "conversion." Nothing had changed for Judy on the outside but when she put on the glasses everything looked different. The change was inside her. For the first time she could see things for real.

I've been thinking about the movie "Born Yesterday" and our current world wide mess.

Maybe it's time for us to put our glasses on and start seeing things in a little different way.


***

Winners and Losers

The CEO of Lehman Brothers went before congress yesterday.

As Ricky Ricardo used to say, "He had some 'splainin' to do."

The collapse of Lehman Brothers is seen by many as the start of the domino effect that's currently being felt around the world.

Our congressional leaders were questioning Mr. Fuld about the personal compensation being taken home by Lehman Brothers executives even while the company was imploding.

It seems that, over the last few years, Mr. Fuld has personally taken home 500 million dollars.

That's $500,000,000.00.

He took a while to dispute that figure and said he thought it was closer to 300 million dollars. But, still, that seems like a lot of money to me.


***

Love in the Time of Flu Shots

When I was having my annual physical this morning my doctor told me about three times that she wanted to give me a flu shoot. Each time I told her, no, I've signed up to have one tomorrow at my church.

My doctor is an excellent diagnostician, is thorough and bossy. I like that. She has absolutely no time for small talk. I don't really mind that but sometimes I like to make her laugh.

The third time she mentioned the flu shot I replied by saying:

"My boyfriend's flying in tonight and we're going to do something very romantic tomorrow."

At that she broke her "no small talk" rule.

She said "Oh?"

"Yes, we're going to get flu shots together."

She allowed as how, yes, that was romantic - and she stopped bugging me about getting one today.


***

Fashion Statement

This morning I had my annual physical. No big whoop!

But since I didn't have breakfast prior to blood work, I stopped at the service station next to the medical office afterwards for coffee and an oatmeal cookie. I sat in my car to eat them because it was freezing in the station - and I could listen to classical music on NPR.

So next to me pulls up this car with two young African American men inside. I was totally fascinated by their wardrobe when they got out of the car. Really decked out from top to bottom. But what I noticed most was their pants. One guy's belt was literally wrapped under his bottom. His bottom was covered by bright red underwear (I guess.) Walking into the store seemed to be quite an engineering feat.

Several counties in Florida, and other states now have "baggy pants" laws so that you can actually get arrested for wearing this get up.

How did I feel about it? Like I said, I was fascinated. But I wasn't offended. They were totally covered up. I could have been a little jealous because their clothes looked to be more expensive than mine, but otherwise it seemed to be just a fashion statement.

I wanted to lower my window and compliment them on their look but then decided that having an older white woman in an older Camry say that she enjoyed their clothes might not be a compliment they would appreciate.


***

Life as a Movie

I love "redemption" movies. One of my favorites was 2001's "Life as a House." A more recent favorite is "The Painted Veil." These are not religious movies. They're both "R" rated.

In "Life as a House", George, played by Kevin Kline, has totally lost sight of his dreams. He should have had a big Loser sign on his forehead. He's estranged from his ex-wife and son, lives in a shack and works at a job he hates. Then he gets fired and learns he has terminal cancer.

But.

Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose.

So he decides to tear down the shack and, with the reluctant help of his son, build a house. Yes, the house is a metaphor for his life.

I promise that if you rent this movie you will love it and it will give you some insight into your own life - and even make you feel grateful in this crazy time in which we're living. Ditto for "The Painted Veil."

Yesterday I was in a lunch/discussion group. I mentioned the "House" movie. A couple of other people had seen it and felt the same way I did.

Then a person whom I admire very much told this remarkable story:

In 2000, her daughter, who lives in Santa Monica, California, was helping to get a library started at her children's school. They had no building and no books. She learned that the house that had been built for a movie there had recently been disassembled and stored. She asked that it be donated for the library and reassembled at the school.

It was the house from "Life as a House."

Later that year the movie premiered in a little theater in Santa Monica. The proceeds were donated to the library.

So that particular house isn't just a metaphor. It will live on forever in the hearts and minds of the children who read the books they discover inside.

Remarkable!


***

Leaving the World a Better Place

Paul Newman was among a hand full of celebrities who genuinely understand what it means to leave the world a better place.

It's what I want to do. It's what I feel called to do.

Some of us have our own Paul Newman stories. One of his "Hole in the Wall Gang" camps for kids who are seriously ill is not far from where I live. I know some of their stories.

Many years ago my husband sat on a dais with Paul during a long but important rally. Mr. Newman amused himself by peeling, slicing and eating oranges. (A good thing to do when you're trying to influence Floridians.)

But this morning I heard what is now my favorite story.

I awaken each morning at 6:30 A.M. to National Public Radio. Sometimes I hear things when I'm still half asleep so they mingle with my dreams. This is an excellent time to hear a Paul Newman story.

A neighbor of his in Connecticut was being interviewed. He explained how the Newman's neighbors treated he and Joann like everybody else so the Newman/Woodward couple was able to move about freely.

Shortly before his death, Paul, looking ravaged by his illness, took his wife to a concert. The neighbor and his wife were seated next to them. When the lights dimmed, Paul took Joann's hand and held it throughout the entire performance.

How did the neighbor react to this? He reached for his own wife's hand.

We'll all miss you, Paul. You were a class act.


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Should Be Titled "Morally Bankrupt"

On Saturday my friend and I went to the movies. Through a series of comprises and timing errors we saw "The Women."

Sometimes I grade a movie this way: Boring vs. Not Boring.

"The Women" isn't boring. To me, it was infuriating.

It's an all women cast - no men. It's about four rich, spoiled, self absorbed women played by four fine actors. ("What were they thinking?")

In the beginning I was hoping it would be a "Redemption" movie, my favorite genre. One of the very few positive reviews suggested that it was.

Meg Ryan learns that her rich husband is having an affair with the perfume salesgirl at Saks. She reacts like a spoiled 12 year old, including emotionally abandoning her real 12 year old daughter. Just prior to learning about the affair she learns that her mean father has fired her from her part time designing job because she refuses to design clothes for older women.

Hello? That's what employees do, i.e., what their bosses require! Meg ends up getting herself together at a spa, borrowing money from her mother to start her own clothing line and, in the end letting down her mother and best friend - who got the buyer from Saks to show up and offer to buy her clothing line - by going back home to, what seemed to me to be, the same life she had at the beginning of the movie. But she did get her hair done.

Annette Benning plays a woman who lives for a job that she hates but finally quits but not before betraying her best friend and her value system. ("Annette, what were you thinking when you accepted this role?")

Debra Messing lives in an apartment in New York City with an unseen husband and four small daughters, including a nursing baby. And she's pregnant. Why? Because she and her husband love daughters? No. Because they're trying one more time for a boy. Toward the movie's climax Debra, her feet in stirrups, between her last two contractions before giving birth, tells Meg to give her cheating husband another chance because she, too, had an affair and her husband forgave her. What a multitasker! How did she have the time between the pregnancies?

Jada Pinkett Smith is a lesbian writer who lives an expensive life style after having published only one book. (I'd love to know how that works.) And she dates a really mean model who flunked her anger management class.

She also tries to get her friends, including pregnant Debra, to switch to girls thereby giving our gay bashing friends proof that the gays are trying to recruit us.

OK, what's really bothering me? We're in this terrible economy. People are suffering. Most of the people I hang out with are concerned about others who are worse off and trying to do something to make a difference.

The women in "The Women" are concerned about themselves.


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Doing Dishes

I am continually downsizing. The trunk of my car is jammed full of stuff to give away.

I'm thinking about giving away my china and some of my stemware. Beautiful dishes have to be washed by hand. I don't get that.

I have a setting for 12 of "old lady" dishes. It's English bone china with blue and lavender flowers etched on the rims. I'd love to trade it for a smaller set of plain white dishes that I can throw in the dishwasher.

I just had lunch at a rotisserie restaurant with a new friend. Great company and a good meal. My portion of the bill was $5.29. Why would I cook and wash dishes?


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Farmer Cess

I had just enough of farm living when I was a child to know that I wanted nothing whatsoever to do with it ever again.

I appreciate farmers. I'm not one.

But some friends have banded together for a little community farming project and I agreed to be a tiny part of it. I've been to the garden twice. I'm thrilled with the okra. It's ripe and ready for picking. I've never seen okra on the vine before.

On Wednesday when I saw my friend and fellow farmer she shared five stalks of okra with me that she'd stopped to pick on the way to our meeting.

What do you do with five stalks of okra?

Last night I cut them up, fried up the little bite size pieces in some Smart Balance Omega oil, added salt and drained them on a paper towel.

Then I sat on the couch, watched CNN with the crazy Washington stuff going on and snacked on my fried okra and iced tea.

It was yummy - and a very satisfying feeling having seen the okra go all the way from the vine to my mouth.


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Attitude is Everything

Yesterday I met with my Power Rangers. Even though, as a group and as individuals, we're positive, giving, smart and powerful, we started fussing a bit about our own personal portfolios. After all, we're older women.

But then one of us read something that immediately brought us back into proper focus. We ended up having a loving, uplifting, outgoing conservation.

I've had a good bit of response from my posting of a couple of days ago, "H-E-Double Toothpicks." My take on it is that people are scared and feeling negative about our country and our world.

As a person said to me yesterday, "I know what hell is like, I'm there." But when we got to talking, things are not so bad for him. He's projecting some bad stuff in the future.

Following is a little story about hell. It's partly from C. S. Lewis and partly from M. Scott Peck. I'm telling it from memory so my apologies to Clive and Scott.

A young man was in heaven. There were occasional bus tours to hell. He decided to go this one time because his uncle was in hell and he wanted to say hi to him.

After they arrived he and his totally miserable uncle had a little visit. When it was time to board the bus to return to heaven the young man said,

"Uncle, why don't you come back to heaven with me?"

The uncle was unsure. He said, "Let me ask you some questions."

"Back on earth I always had my personal staff to wait on me. They did what I told them to do. Will I have a staff in heaven?"

The nephew said, "Well, it doesn't work that way. You won't need a staff."

"You know I was a professor and I had tenure. Will I have tenure in heaven?"

The nephew thought for a minute and said, "Again, it doesn't really work that way. Everybody has tenure."

This bothered the uncle.

They had some more conversation but when it was time for the bus to leave for heaven the uncle decided not to get on.

He chose to stay in hell.



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Who Will Get Your Stuff?

We think that our kids want our money when we're gone. While that's probably true for many of us, the experts tell us that it's the little, sentimental things that middle aged kids fight over.

It's that rotary egg beater that your grandma gave you that is likely to cause a family war.

I had a reminder today of how true this is when I read a very sweet but gutsy blog posting from a family member.

So this afternoon I've been pondering (again) about how to label my little - seemingly meaningless but very meaningful to me - heirlooms.

Some experts tell us not to give them to our sons because they won't appreciate them or will hand them over the their wives.

Some experts tell us that - if one child is closer and gives us more attention - give that child the good stuff. (That will show the others a thing or two!)

I know exactly what I want to do. I want to split my meaningful things as evenly as humanly possible between all of my children.

I hope I leave enough money for them to throw a big party together with their spouses, children and (hopefully) grandchildren and roll their eyes about the crazy stuff I left them.


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H - E - Double Toothpicks

Do you believe in hell? If you worked on Wall Street this week I guess you might.

A few people have a clear idea of what hell is like - and they know who they'd like to send there. But most of us have only small clues, many of them from the Bible but more, I think, from folklore.

I just finished a very strange James Patterson novel called "You've Been Warned." It's about a young woman living in New York. Hard to make sense of what's happening to her - but in the end (sorry to spoil it for you) the reader learns that the woman is dead. This is Patterson's idea of hell.

Oddly, she has some pleasant experiences along with the rats, cockroaches, vomiting, etc.

I'm currently in a study group with several smart, open, people. In a week or so we'll discuss the concept of hell. I'm looking forward to the discussion. Especially the discussion of how the decision making process goes regarding who's in and who's out.

I'm sure I'll learn something.


***

Mexican Standoff

Today I happened upon my Oldies in one of their favorite restaurants very close to their home. I was meeting a friend for a late lunch.

Mr. Oldie was late for a doctor's appointment. Despite the fact that he'd been there several times before, he was stressed. He didn't know how to get there. He was pouring over a map and a page of directions. I know he wanted me to help him.

I tried to assist him with the map. My friend arrived and tried as well but he wasn't getting it. So what did I do? I hugged my Oldies and urged my friend to head to our own table - leaving him (and Mrs. Oldie) obviously upset.

But here's the thing. He doesn't have to drive. He has a nurse on call. He has friends and family who are waiting in the wings to help. He has the resources to be lovingly cared for - and to be driven wherever they want to go. All he has to do is ask.

But he's not ready to say "uncle."

And, even though I love my Oldies, I'm not ready to play the game where I pretend he's in charge but I take care of them. I've already done that. I'm not their caretaker. I'm their friend.

And besides, the doctor's office was three blocks away (and I think she knows how to get there.)

I hope they made it.


***

Let's Do Lunch

Yesterday six friends and I made our way downtown for our semi-annual time of serving lunch to the homeless.

Six of them lined up to serve. This may sound like an easy task but when you're trying to serve 300 to 400 people in an hour - it's a fun but pressure filled hour. As I've told you before, when the hour is over - it's over. And it's really sad to see guests still in line who aren't going to get fed.

So we worked fast!

Some people think the hardest job is pouring the soup. Pouring hot soup really fast can be scary. Others think the hardest job is serving drinks - because you're not behind the counter - you're out with the people.

I was chosen to serve drinks yesterday. I loved it. Lots more chances to have little interchanges with the guests. We're not supposed to grant special favors but when somebody wants you to fill their battered old plastic bottle with ice water it's hard to say no.

But then you get behind with the other 300 plus drinks.

All in all it was a joyful, extremely meaningful, humbling experience. The vast majority of the homeless people are kind and polite to us rookies. It's fun to be kind and polite back.

Afterwards the seven of us went to a restaurant and had salads. You might think that we ate better than the homeless. Not true! They had all kinds of breads and rolls, soup, veggies, rice and what looked like chicken and gravy.

But a worker there told us it was EMU and gravy. I guess it taste like chicken because nobody complained.


***

The Butterfly Stole

Most Methodist ministers wear liturgical stoles over their robes. They're usually symbolic of the liturgical season.

Many years ago a friend made my husband several liturgical stoles. They're silk, hand sewn works of art. Our family's favorite is the butterfly stole. Butterflies are a symbol of new life.

Last week my tenth and newest and LAST grandchild was baptized in another city. I couldn't be there. But I mailed my daughter the butterfly stole.

She was hoping their new minister would wear it. I had my doubts. It's old and hand made, not a professional stole. Besides that, it took ten days to get there and it arrived only the night before the baptism date.

They belong to a huge, wealthy sophisticated, downtown church. After the ritual the minister carries the babies all the way down the long center aisle as a way for people to celebrate this "new life."

Despite the fact that my daughter can talk anybody into anything, I didn't believe he would wear the stole.

And he didn't.

At the end of the baptism ceremony he lifted our baby up before the congregation and carried her down the aisle, with her deceased grandfather's silk butterfly stole draped around HER!

The stole is a symbol of new life. She is a symbol of new life. Hers and ours.


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Don't Get Mad, Just Get Even

My friend, Bob, told the following story this morning. Maybe you heard it.

A husband and wife are having lots of arguments. He's upset all the time. She's cool. He asks her how she stays so calm. She answers:

"When I feel upset with you I clean the toilet."

"How does that help?"

"I clean it with your toothbrush."

We've heard other stories like that, like waiters spitting in our soup, or - have you seen the episode of "Two and a Half Men" where, before Charlie puts his brother Alan's burger on the grill, he smashes it under his armpit?

I guess that kind of thing can be momentarily placating but just think about how totally miserable we have to be to get to that place.

"Two and a Half Men" is a fairly raw sit-com but the writers do a good job of showing us how Charlie and Alan are two broken, sad, wounded human beings.

Just like the rest of us are at times.

But maybe doing childish, destructive things that diminish us isn't the answer.

I used to know somebody who literally had (like Richard Nixon) an enemies list. I decided then that I never wanted an enemies list. I didn't want even one name on a list.

That doesn't mean I haven't ever wanted to use a certain person's toothbrush to scrub the toilet.

But there are better ways to deal with people who hurt me. I'm happy that my friend, Bob, reminded me today of what some of them are.


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What's This About?

Have you seen the videos featuring Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfield? I absolutely love them. My guess is that they're Microsoft ads - or something else that Bill Gates is up to - but they are good - and so funny!

When I see them, especially the one where they're staying with the big family in the little house, I keep wishing that our presidential candidates would do this. It would help both them and us if they spent a couple of weeks actually living with us.

***

Street Eats

In our church we have available big plastic bags filled with non perishable healthy (instant) snacks. We're encouraged to put a bag or two in our cars for when we see people (especially street people) who look like they need something to eat. They're called "Street Eats."

My Power Rangers (small group of close, wise, woman friends who are "empowered" in ways you can't imagine) and I have shared stories about how we've occasionally given away Street Eat bags and how clumsy and uncomfortable we've been about it. The scarest part is knowing you might be rejected.

There's a guy who routinely stands off the interstate holding up a sign that says "Will Work for Food." I stopped and gave him a bag but it wasn't the warm fuzzy interchange I had envisioned.

But I guess the point of the Street Eats is not especially for us to feel good.

A couple of days ago one of my P.R.'s told us her latest "Street Eat" story. She saw a woman on the street who was obviously not a street person. But she was out in the hot sun working with 3 little unhappy, crying children.

My friend saw her, drove by, thought about it, turned around, parked her car, got out the "Street Eats," walked over and offered them to the woman saying, "Could you use some snacks for the kids?"

The woman declined saying she HAD snacks for her kids.

I was almost in tears when my friend told this story. Especially when she finished by saying "I guess that's not even what the Street Eats are for."

I disagree, I think that's exactly what they're for.


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Start by Saying Hello

I used to lead small groups. I used to teach others how to lead small groups. It's not rocket science.

I did it in all kinds of business situations, in museums, at the Space Center, in churches.

It's interesting that Randy Pausch, who wrote "The Last Lecture" - and was a computer scientist - also thought that leading small groups was important - even though some of his students found his tips to be beneath them.

But here's one of the reasons it's so important - if it's done right:

The truth emerges from the group - not the leader.

So how do we get the group comfortable enough to do this? Here are Randy's points. I like them, of course, because it's what I did as well.

- Meet People Properly: I'm amazed at how many meetings I (still) attend where people don't get introduced.

- Find Things You Have in Common: I usually try to make this happen by initially asking each person in the group a very simple, easy to answer, question that relates to what we're about.

- Try For Optimal Meeting Conditions: Have people face each other. Make sure the temperature is right, give them something to eat or drink. Make them comfortable.

- Let Everyone Talk: I find the best way to get that accomplished is the simple question at the beginning. It primes the pump. I've attended many small groups (less that a dozen people) where half the people never spoke.

- Praise Each Other: This starts with the leader genuinely praising the ideas of others.

- Phrase Alternatives as Questions: Instead of "I think "A," try "What do you think of "A?"

Although I'm basically kind of a shy person (honestly) I find that when I'm part of a small group where I feel safe and valued, especially by the leader, it's sometimes hard to shut me up.


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