The Happiness Project

Over the holidays Dave's daughter suggested that I read "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin.  I wasn't sure.   As some of you know, I did not like "Eat, Pray, Love" which was about a wealthy, beautiful woman trying to find happiness by traveling all over the world. 

Oh brother!

But "The Happiness Project" isn't superficial or selfish.  It's about finding happiness all around us - most especially by helping other folks be happy.

So....when I knew I was scheduled to teach an Oldies Sunday school class I decided to use this book along with the Sermon on the Mount as the basis for our discussion. 

Now these are not the beautiful, jet setting folks who are traveling all over the place looking for the big romance.  They ARE beautiful - but in various and different ways.

They're all older than I am.  Most of them have experienced serious loss.  Many of them are in declining health.

After reading aloud a letter I'd received from an old lady who is most unhappy - I asked the class "What Makes You Happy?"

The responses warmed my heart.  One man told us about moving to Assisted Living with his wife six months ago.  They're both 86 years old.  He's been through horrendous health issues.  He talked about kindnesses they'd received and kindness they'd given - he especially complimented his wife for reaching out to other residents. 

This man ended by telling us about a few folks in their new home who are over 100 years old and really sharp.  He wrapped up by saying, "Naturally the residents in their 90s are sharp!"

As the Be-Attitudes that begin the Sermon on the Mount tell us - attitude is everything.


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Presidents on Our Minds

It's that time of every four years again.  Non stop thinking about who will be our next president.

Yesterday Dave woke up with a worried look on his face. 

I'm trying to think of all of the presidents since I was born, says he. And I'm having trouble.

So, since yesterday morning, we've been trying to think of all the presidents, in order, in our lifetimes. This morning we thought we had it.  But we'd forgotten Jimmy Carter.  This afternoon I was driving across town and realized we'd forgotten Ronald Reagan.  How could we?  We hear his quotes every day.

To get them in the right order I tried to think of what I was doing at the time they were in office.  For instance, when then unknown Jimmy Carter was first running, my husband, Ken, drove down to Miami to have some one-on-one time with him.  But this morning I couldn't remember whether he drove from our home in Ft. Lauderdale in the 70s or our home in West Palm Beach in the 80s.

Of course, we all know exactly where we were when John Kennedy was shot (those of us who were alive at the time.)

 I remembered I was ironing while listening to the Watergate saga so I must have had kids.  I was originally thinking Nixon was right after Eisenhower because their kids married (actually Ike's grandson married Tricia Nixon.)  But I was wrong.

I talked with my daughter on the phone last night.  Three of her four young children know ALL of the presidents in order and can rattle them off really fast.  But I wasn't about to cheat.

By the way, I could list things I admired and things I didn't admire about each of these men.  But, as you know, I have great respect for the office of the president.

Just a while ago, when we thought we had it right, Dave Googled the list.  Here it is.  All 13 presidents since we've been alive. 

33-45   Franklin Roosevelt
45-53   Harry Truman
53-61   Dwight Eisenhower
61-63   John Kennedy
63-69   Lyndon Johnson
69-74   Richard Nixon
74-77   Gerald Ford
77-81   Jimmy Carter
81-89   Ronald Reagan
89-93   George Bush
93-01   Bill Clinton
01-09   George W. Bush
09-       Barack Obama


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Incredibly Moving

Yesterday was an incredibly moving day.  First, in church, we heard a General Contractor tell us, from the pulpit, how he and his family lost their business, their home and all of their investments in this terrible recession.  But now things are finally looking up.

I am hearing this latter story (things are finally looking up) from several sources these days.

Later Dave and I changed into our jeans and drove downtown to Lake Eola where we saw the mini traveling version of the Viet Nam Wall.  This is my second time to see a replica of the wall but I was still moved almost to tears as we traveled down the columns. 

From there we went to the movies.  We saw "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close."  I was expecting it to be a 9/11 movie but, to me, it was a story about a child with Asperger's and Post Traumatic Stress Syndrom. This incredibly well loved child with an incredibly active mind takes us on a remarkable journey through New York City.

The child, Oskar, after the death of his father in the twin towers, finds a mysterious key in his dad's closet and sets out to find the matching lock.

The reviewers haven't been kind to this movie but I was glued to my seat from beginning to end.  The boy's parents are played by Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock.  His mysterious companion is played by the great Max Von Syndow.  By the way, he's 82 years old and is still a magnificent actor that you can't take your eyes away from when he's on the screen.

At one point I thought about all of those thousands of dads who's names were on that Viet Nam Wall and then this child's dad, lost in a similar way. 

But, somehow,  as Oskar reminds us, we manage to carry on.


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Betty White Still Has Her Marbles

We watched Betty White's 90th birthday party last night.  We found it entertaining.  And then right after that we watched about 5 minutes of her new show.  Couldn't take any more because it was pretty awful but we were amazed that Betty is starting another new show!

The good news is that there are thousands of really, really, old people who are doing exciting things and living full lives.

I saw in my AARP magazine that Lesley Stahl is turning 70.  What?  She's gorgeous and has great legs that she enhances with gorgeous high heels. 

And, speaking of reporters on "60 Minutes," most of them are really really smart and really really old.  Morley Safer is 80, Bob Simon is 70, Steve Croft is 67. 

Scott Pelley is young at 55 and the newest member, Lara Logan, the amazing war correspondent, is a kid at 41.

In this culture that reveres youth to a frustrating degree, it's exciting to see role models we can all follow - even us oldies.


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Ditch These Things

Yesterday's Orlando Sentinel ran an article by Deborah Netburn the "Savvy Shopper."

She listed 10 obsolete devices we need to get rid of immediately. Remember a couple of years ago when you stood in line to pay top dollar for these devices?  Fortunately, I never had any of these things so I'm OK.  However, I'm listing them for you so that you can trash them - because they are sooooo 2011!

The Flip Cam

The Portable DVD Player - I've seen folks on planes playing games with these but I usually just read a book.  (So 1700s)

Flash Drives - Thanks to "cloud computing" (whatever that is) you no longer need this.

GPS for your car.  We have no GPS whatsoever.  Speaking of that, have I told you about getting hopelessly lost in downtown Atlanta and getting hopelessly lost in downtown Lisbon?

The Digital Camera

The FAX Machine

Netbooks 

PDA 

Voice Recorder - the smartphone has made all of the above obsolete.

CD Player - OK, I was happy to read about this last one because I love my Bose CD player.  Everybody is getting rid of their obsolete CDs so that's good for me.  I can buy CDs on Amazon and a number of other places for next to nothing.

As you know, I'm old school.

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Happy Birthday, Martin

Since I started this blog in 2007, I've written several posts about Martin Luther King, Jr.  Yesterday was his real birthday but today's the day we celebrate.  For many years I marched in a parade on MLK, Jr. day.  Now I do quieter things.

But each year on this day I always read the "I Have a Dream" speech.  I know we have a ways to go but I feel comforted in the knowledge that many of Dr. King's dreams have been fulfilled in my lifetime.

Following are a few excerpts, ones that are most familiar to you. See what you think.

I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation...

I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today... 

And when this happens, when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"


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Curried Chicken

Years ago I used to prepare a fabulous curried chicken. It took hours.  I finally got smart and invited friends to bring the toppings - the best part.

Dave, on the other hand, had an entirely different recipe seeing as how he spent his first six years in Malaysia. 

But the days of dueling recipes are over.  Last night we had a little dinner party.  We had chopped chicken in the freezer ready to go.  We put it in the pot, added several jars of Pakak's Korma Curry Simmer Sauce, cooked up a pot of Jasmine Rice and Voila!  We had curried chicken. 

Pictured here are our (easy) toppings:  Pineapple, raisins, chopped boiled eggs, peanuts, coconut, chopped scallions and mango chutney.

The toppings were good but they weren't the best part.  As Ann Landers used to say, To ensure a good dinner party, it's not what you put on the table that counts; it's what you put on the chairs.


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Why the Title?

Several of you have asked about the title of Abraham Verghese's book "Cutting for Stone." 

In addition to being a superb novelist, Verghese's day job is Professor and Senior Associate Chair for the Theory and Practice of Medicine at the Stanford University School of Medicine.

Additional clues to the title are (1) the book is about surgeons and (2) the surgeons' (father and sons) name is "Stone."

My friend, Nancy,by coincidence, was reading the book at the same time I was.  But she finished well before me.  She said she couldn't put it down and read the last part in five hours straight.

For the record, I've never done anything - even things I love to do - for five hours straight.

Another clue:  Nancy pointed out that in Verghese's epilogue, he points out that each year he renews his vowels to medicine at commencement along with the graduates in part by saying ...I swear ... to be true to her (Medicine) for she is the source of all...I shall not cut for stone."

But in an interview Verghese clarifies,

(The term) stems from the days when bladder stones were epidemic, a cause of great suffering, probably from bad water and who knows what else.  There were itinerant stone cutters...who could cut either into the bladder or the perineum and get the stone out, but because they cleaned the knife by wiping in on their blood-stiffened surgical aprons, patients usually died of infection the next day.  Hence..."Thou shall not cut for stone."

(Also this is a classic example of "The operation was success but the patient died.")

If you love all things medical as I do, you'll love this book.  Once, many years ago, I saw a vasectomy being performed.  I told my family that it looked pretty easy and I thought I could do it.  (Yes, they were scared.)

In "Cutting for Stone" there is an entire chapter devoted to Ghosh instructing another doctor on how to perform a vasectomy.

Now I'm sure I can do it.


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Cutting for Stone

I finally finished this remarkable and long (almost 700 pages) book this afternoon.  One of the reasons it took so long was because I'd stop to look up some event or description to see if it actually happened. 


Just when I think I can maybe call myself a writer of sorts I find an author like Abraham Verghese and think - Oh, doggies.  This guy's the real thing.


Verghese describes in this book of fiction the word "fistula."  I've always understood fistula to mean  an abnormal passageway between two organs.  My husband, Ken, had a fistula fashioned in his arm to receive dialysis. A good thing.


Verghese's use of the word fistula has to do with a different part of the body.  This is an opening or abnormal passageway from the bladder to the vagina or from the bowel to the vagina.  I'd not heard of what he was describing so I researched it.  To my dismay, I discovered that this condition is still common in many parts of Africa and Asia.  So, in "Cutting for Stone," as in many other great works of fiction...

It's the truth even if it didn't happen.  

Following is a quote from the book that helps us to understand this sinister situation caused by sinister practices.

... Five Failings that Lead to Fistula.  The first was being married off too young, child brides; the second was non existent prenatal care; the third was waiting too long to admit that labor had stalled (by which time the baby's head was jammed halfway down the birth passage and doing its damage) and a Cesarean section was needed; the fourth failing was too few and too distant health centers where a c-section could be done.  Presuming the mother lived (the baby never did,) and the final failing was that of the husband and in-laws who cast out the woman because of the dribbling odoriferous fistula...Suicide was a common ending to such a story.

And still is.  It's so hard to grasp that young girls in third world countries - and sometimes here as well, are still being treated in atrocious ways.    

Are You Smarter Than You Were Last Year?

We should be getting smarter all the time.  That's the essence of life long learning.    But, as we get older, some of us feel like we have to scramble to just stay even.

This week's Newsweek lists "31 Ways to Get Smarter in 2012."  Here are most of them.  For your convenience, I've separated them into Hard and Easy.

HARD

Most of the hard suggestions involve learning new stuff and seeing things in a different way.  For instance they recommend getting your news from "Al Jazeera" once in a while.  And downloading the TED app.  TED stands for Technology, Entertainment and Design.  I agree that they have some cool lectures.  Check it out.

Learn a new language.  Mastering a second language gives us a workout in our prefrontal cortex, which affects decision making and emotions.

EASY

OK, now for the fun, easy stuff.  Play word games on your phone (but not on airplanes unless you're a Baldwin.)  Eat dark chocolate.  Learn to knit. This will refine your motor ability and bolster cognitive skills.  Eat Yogurt.  Probiotics are not only good for your stomach but some studies say they're also good for your brain. 

Drink, stay hydrated.  Visit art museums.  This not only makes us look smart but viewing art reduces stress, letting you focus on other things.  Play the tuba.  Learning an instrument boosts I Q.

Play Violent Videogames.  What?  The articles says that playing violent games  quickens our reactions, improves multitasking and reduces hostile feelings.

I don't know about this last one.


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Discussing Good Books

I was privileged to lead the discussion this afternoon at my book club.  It was great.  The book being discussed was "In the Garden of Beasts, " by Erik Larson. It's about William Dodd, the U.S. ambassador to Germany in 1933. 

His job was to keep things cool in order to placate those of us here in the states who wanted to pretend that Hitler wasn't such a bad guy. 

We all know how that turned out.

One of the last questions we dealt with was, with our current technology and with the world being flat and all,  "Could it happen now?"  The overwhelming answer from this group of wise women was "Yes."

And then they cited many places in the world where this kind of tyranny is happening now and we choose to ignore it. 

They also discussed the book's title.  And talked about other places in the world that look lovely (The Garden) but are governed by Beasts. 

"In the Garden of Beasts" is not an easy read.  Larsen ends it with 61 pages of footnotes. But, among other things, it's an excellent reminder of how human nature continues to play out in surprising ways.


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Sometimes the Old Ways Are Best

I prepared a really good dinner last night - if I do say so myself.  Very old school.  I roasted a chicken with potatoes, celery, onions and carrots.  The whole place smelled yummy all afternoon while it was baking in the oven.

But the best part of the meal, for me, was the green beans.  Remember how your grandma made them?  She picked them, strung them, broke them up and put them in a big pot with "half back," onions and, sometimes, potatoes. And she cooked them all afternoon.

And then a few years ago we were told that the only proper way to prepare green beans was to put them in the microwave for about 2 minutes, till they were "crisp tender," then add a little lemon juice and pepper.  I did that.  But then I stopped eating green beans.

Yesterday I opened a large can of beans, rinsed them in cold water, put them in a big pot with a few pieces of ham, about a half cup of chicken bullion, a teaspoon of sugar and a little pepper.  Then added water from the tap and cooked them.  All afternoon.

Everybody loved them.  We just now finished up the left overs. Yum.


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Medical Communication

Yesterday I went to see the nurse in my new doctor's office.  I had a urinary tract infection and was not a happy camper.  The nurse had me sit down to go over my medications, hand writing them from the list I'd given her. 

She looked up and asked me about "Valerian Root."  "What is it?" she said.  "It's a benign herb supplement that I use for sleeping", says I. 

She says, "Most older people don't need much sleep."  I say, "I've had life long insomnia."

She says, "Exercise will make you sleep."

What I want to say at this point is, "LOOK AT ME!  DO I LOOK LIKE I DON'T EXERCISE?" (At the current time I have fabulous abs.)

But I didn't.  I told myself she was trying to be helpful and that my main goal was to get out of there with a prescription for antibiotics.  I tried to gently get her back on message.  She ended up getting the job done.

As we age, and just at the time we need communication most, communicating with our medical providers many times becomes more difficult.  It's sad but we are often treated like children.  It doesn't seem right but it's up to us to be assertive without getting these folks too ticked off. 

Not easy when we're hurting and/or scared.

I read recently that 70 percent of Americans don't get a second opinion after a serious diagnosis because they don't want to get their doctor mad at them.  By the way, the poll also said that doctors don't get mad about second opinions.  And even if they did, we need to gather all the research we can when serious decisions must be made.

Do you know who's in charge of my health?  I am.  And if that changes I've already decided who else will be.  And, believe me, medical folks don't want to mess with her.


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Giving the Right Thing

Two people whom I love were recently in Haiti.  One did important work in a hospital and felt good about it.  The other felt like things could have gone better.  There is much frustration in Haiti.  There's very little coordination and folks don't always send what's really needed.

Years ago, when I was active in urban ministry, we had the same problem but on a lesser scale.  Many times the gifts didn't match up with the needs.  But we were always grateful and always said thank you.

I'm in the midst of reading "Cutting for Stone," by Abraham Verghese.  I love this book.  In one section an old nun, in charge of a hospital in Ethiopia in the 1950s is talking with an American benefactor who has come to see how things are going.

She says, "God will judge us, Mr, Harris, by what we did to relieve the suffering of our fellow human beings....We need medicine and food.  But we get Bibles..."I always wondered if the good people who send us Bibles really think that hookworm and hunger are healed by scripture?  Our patients are illiterate."

(But)  People here love these Bibles.  They're the most valuable thing a family can possess.  Do you know what Emperor Menelik did when he fell ill?  He ate pages of the Bible.  I don't think it helped... 

So now the Bibles pile up, Mr. Harris.  They breed in the tool shed like rabbits.  They spill over into our storerooms and into my office.  We use them to support bookshelves.  Or to paper the walls of the huts.

OK, here's my take on this.  WE'RE the ones who need to read the Bible.  And then do what the scriptures tell us to do.  Which, to me, is, clearly, to relieve the suffering of our fellow human beings.

I'm with the nun on this one.


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