Friday, February 29, 2008

The Stereotypical Minister's Wife

I recently read something that described the stereotyped minister's wife.

Like she still existed!

The term no longer describes anybody I know.

A little history:

When the Sexual Revolution, prompted by the advent of the birth control pill in the early 60s, got rolling - it affected all of us.

Minister's wives were able to go to work. Many of them earned more than their husbands. This caused issues. There were divorces.

Years ago, a bishop I know, concerned about the above, addressed a group of us minister's wives. His goal was to straighten us out. He said that MWs needed to get back home where they belonged. He said that ministers should never "baby sit." (I've never understood that term when it applies to your own children.) He said that, and I quote, "ministers think in intellectual terms, like writing a sermon. You (meaning us MWs) think in concrete terms, like baking a cake."

Sitting in front of me was a psychologist and a principal of an elite private school. Both minister's wives. I leaned forward and said, "You're not armed are you!"

One of the new inventions to help change the image of minister's wives - is minister's husbands. They just don't fit the stereotype at all.

And there are more and more of them because more than 50% of the people in seminaries are women.

In case you haven't noticed, women, who, years ago, had careers vicariously through their husbands, are now doing all sorts of professional things on their own.

And then, to complicate the stereotype even further, there are ministerial couples.

Wonder which one "babysits" their kids.



***

Prison

Several years ago a woman came to speak to my (really cool) Sunday school class. She was older, smartly dressed, intellectually curious, had a good resume and lived close by.

She was a lot like me.

Except she was an x-con. She came to tell us what prison was like.

First off, she was imprisoned for trespassing on military property. She, along with many others, had protested on this facility for years. This time she was arrested and had the book thrown at her.

Along with her 70 year old friend. They were cellmates for an extended period of time.

These women had money and visitors. So their circumstances were vastly different than the majority of women with whom they were incarcerated.

Most of the prisoners were young, uneducated and poor. Most of them had been arrested on drug charges. Most of them were mothers.

Some new prison stats - that may surprise you - came out in this morning's paper.
  • The U.S. has more people in prison than any other nation. (Far ahead of China.)

  • One in every 100 adults is behind bars.

  • One in NINE black men between the ages of 20 and 34 is in prison.

  • The cost of keeping people behind bars is soaring.
Our prisons are not designed to rehabilitate. They're designed to punish. The consequences of this system are that we release people who are in worse shape than when they went in. The majority of them go back to prison.

I agree with this quote from Sen. Bernie Sanders:

Perhaps if we adequately invested in our children and in education kids who now grow up to be criminals could become productive workers and taxpayers.

In other words, this isn't brain surgery. There are some answers. But we don't seem to want them. We want to throw people in prison.



***




Thursday, February 28, 2008

Feathers

The Thursday issue of the Women's section of my paper is always about fashion. Not something I get excited about. Today there were pictures of hats, some of them with feathers. It seems that hats are making a come back.

Not only do I not wear fur but I don't wear hats and I especially don't wear feathers.

One of my Power Ranger friends is a birdwatcher. Yes, it's fun to tease her about that but, more than birdwatching, she's an active environmentalist.

She understands the balance of nature.

Years ago I did some research for a book on Florida. I discovered that rich northerners loved to kill our exotic birds in order to make hats. In the "hat" heyday, they not only added magnificent plumes to the hats, but often entire birds.

We all know of John James Audubon, the famous ornithologist. He made no secret of the fact that he killed birds in great numbers for his life like paintings. He shot them, skinned them and mounted them on wire frames.

That's one way to get your model to stand still.

Today when we walked our two miles around the lake we saw beautiful birds. But Florida doesn't have nearly as many varieties as we once did.

I hope your new Easter bonnet doesn't have feathers.



***

Monday, February 25, 2008

Oscars

I agree with this morning's reviews of the Academy Awards. John Stewart is a wonderful entertainer but he didn't do much for me last night.

I loved Ellen Degeneres last year. Remember how she went into the audience and asked Stephen King if he'd read her manuscript - then asked Steven Spielberg to take their picture with her little camera - then instructed him on how to hold the camera?

And the best part was that he did it.

I wasn't thrilled with the wins last night. Neither "No Country for Old Men" nor "There Will be Blood" has an ending. It's like, when the movies' over you say,

"Huh?"

The only other conclusion is that evil wins out - big time.

What would I have chosen? I would have picked "In the Valley of Elah" for best movie and Tommy Lee Jones, its star, for best actor. (Actually he could have won it for "No Country..." as well.)

In "The Valley of Elah" Tommy Lee Jones' son is due home from Iraq but he turns up missing. The movie's about a bad war and what it (and every war) does to our young men and women. It's real, raw - and it has an ending.

The title is taken from the Bible (I Samuel:17.) The Israelites are camping out in the Valley of Elah and getting ready to fight the Philistines. Nobody can beat this giant of a warrior, Goliath until they send out the kid, David.

After seeing the movie I read the Bible story a couple of times very carefully trying to find more clues about why this name was chosen.

For best actress (last night on the Oscars) I would have picked that young actress who stars in "Juno."



***

Saturday, February 23, 2008

The Vantage Point of Car Chases

Last night we saw the movie Vantage Point. I'll give it points for being inventive. But it's a little like Ground Hog Day in that I grew really tired of it starting over and over and over and over and over.

The plot is this: Our president is in a plaza in Spain half filled with protesters and half filled with an adoring crowd. All at once shots ring out. The president is hit. Then a bomb goes off. Then all h#@* breaks loose.

First we see this from the TV director's van parked just outside the plaza, then we see the same 23 minutes from the view of the damaged secret service agent played by the yummy Dennis Quaid who is looking his age (and I like that.)

Then we see it from several other views including that of an American tourist played by the great but (even though he's won an Academy Award) unappreciated actor Forest Whitaker.

In fact, he's the only one to bring any humanity into this movie. Otherwise it's mostly a manic, jumble of special effects.

I've read a couple of reviews saying that it's hard to follow. Despite all of the above, it's not hard to follow. It's hard to believe.

The car chase rivals the one in the Bourne Ultimatum. Very long and very complicated. Like Jason Bourne, Dennis Quaid gets killed many time. So if you like car chases it's worth sitting through this movie just to see it. I don't like car chases so I was bored for 20 minutes.

Funniest line: The president, played by William Hurt while watching his double on TV played played by William Hurt says, "He doesn't even look like me.!"



***

Friday, February 22, 2008

My Late Husband

A couple of people have asked why I refer to my late husband as my Real Husband. It's because he was. We were married for 44 years.

But I could call him my late husband - because he was. He was late for everything. I used to get stressed because I was running late for a wedding I was to attend only to realize that he was still in the shower - and he was performing the wedding.

It's interesting how we tend to marry opposites.

But my Boyfriend and I are both ridiculously on time - or early. When we were married to our spouses we were the ones sitting in the car with the motor running. Now we're both sitting in the car ready to go with oodles of time to spare.

I frequently estimate too much time to get somewhere so we sometimes find ourselves sitting in front of a friend's home listening to the radio and waiting for a decent time to ring the door bell.

When I'm alone I read a magazine or book when I'm early.

If I'm 10 minutes late for something my friends tend to want to call 911. They know something has to be very wrong.

When I teach classes or lead a meeting everybody knows that we'll start on time and end on time.

You may be thinking "How boring." It's not. It's a stress free, relaxing and comfortable way to live - and everything gets done.



***

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Good News!

The other day I blogged (see Monkey Boy) about our Florida school system and how we're behind in science and how we don't believe in evolution so don't be sayin' that our great, great grandparents were monkeys!

The facts are that our school system used to be abysmal - but it's pretty well turned around in the last few years. In English and math, our kids tests scores have gone from close to the bottom of the list to close to the top.

And, even though I'm a democrat, I'll have to say that much of the credit goes to our former governor, Jeb Bush. (Perhaps you've heard of his family.)

And now here's more news! Our teachers are going to be required to teach evolution for the first time ever. It's not the original proposal that those crazy liberal scientists and educators worked on for months. The board has added the phrase "the scientific theory of" in front of evolution and some other concepts. But it's still a win for education in Florida.

Our kids will now have some concept of the theory on which most every other biological theory is based. Maybe we won't be sending them off to college (or to McDonald's) totally clueless.

As Lawrence Lerner, a retired physics professor at Cal State and national expert on public school science standards said:

At least the kids of Florida are going to learn some honest to-God biology.

And speaking of God, do I believe that He created the earth and all of us? Yes I do.



***

Ground Hog Day

The elderly couple whom l like to lovingly call My Fake Parents are both having some significant memory loss.

But they're lucky. They have a lovely condo, a housekeeper, and excellent home health care. Not to mention loads of friends and a devoted family.

And all of the above does not deter them from attending classes, going to church and movies and plays and eating out in fine restaurants three times a day which they'd done for the past 22 years.

The day before yesterday, early in the morning "Mom" called me.

"Did you know that 'Dad' is going in for surgery tomorrow?"

This got my attention. After a long, confusing conversation I made several other phone calls and made sure they would be safe the next day and have all of the attention they needed. (I was pretty sure it was not surgery - but a procedure.)

About noon I had another call.

"Did you know that 'Dad' is having surgery tomorrow?"

So we had the same conversation again.

Late that evening when I returned home from a meeting my boyfriend handed me the phone and said, "Guess who this is?"

She said, "Did you know that 'Dad' is having surgery tomorrow?"

Yesterday I finished up an afternoon meeting kind of early so thought I'd run by their condo to check on him - hoping he would have arrived home from the ordeal by then.

I was on the sidewalk when a car stopped beside me. It was the two of them. They didn't ask what I was doing in front of their building. They didn't offer any information about the procedure.

They said "Get in and go eat with us."

I declined and told them I would meet them as usual on Saturday morning - in the same restaurant I've been meeting them for the last 17 years. Except now sometimes they forget which one it is and I have to hunt them down.

Am I complaining? No. Every time I see them my heart flutters.



***

Monday, February 18, 2008

On Golden Pond

Yesterday I was with an older couple and something the man said made me think of the movie "On Golden Pond." Then today my niece wrote a blog on the same subject.

I found the movie to be profound the first time I saw it. I've seen it several times since. Last year we sat on the front row in the Ordway Theater in St. Paul, Minnesota to see the play, staring Tom Bosley and Michael Learned.

My niece, in her blog, zeroed in on the relationship between the old man and woman - played in the movie by Henry Fonda and Katherine Hepburn.

My take on "On Golden Pond" is that it's all about the father/daughter relationship. It's about a daughter, played in the movie by Jane Fonda, fast approaching middle age and still trying to jump through hoops to get her dad to notice her.

I know the feeling.

Jane Fonda knows the feeling. She's said many times that her real relationship with Henry was much like the one in the movie.

Years ago I wrote a little booklet for Father's Day called, "Thanks, Dad." It's full of loving vignettes from various people, young and old, male and female, telling sweet stories - large and small - about their dads.

I thought that getting these interviews would be a slam dunk. I was wrong. Turns out that most people, especially of my generation, especially women, have serious issues with dad.



***

Friday, February 15, 2008

Signs From God

Do you know people who are always looking for signs from God? Or they're wanting to blame God for stuff they do?

"God told me to wear this tie."

I wish that God spoke to me in a clear fashion telling me exactly what to do (and wear) but, for some reason, he doesn't. However, there are times that I look back and realize that he has been with me every step of the way or I wouldn't have survived nearly this long.

But there was this one time a few years ago that I had a clear sign from God.

I was driving two old cars. Friends kept telling me that I needed to buy a new(er) car but I wasn't convinced. Since I had two, if one broke down I always had a spare. (One of the cars was my Real Husband's which he no longer drove.)

And then one day my son who buys and sells properties (among other things) bought a small used car lot close to downtown. After I finished teasing him about having to buy plaid pants and a white belt and white shoes and grow a moustache, etc. I realized:

This is a sign from God that it's time for me to buy a car.

Yes, you'd think my son would just give me one off the lot but we don't operate that way. Besides, I don't know that he actually ever set foot on this little used car lot.

What I did was get on the Internet and find the perfect car for me. Then I researched how much it should cost. Then I went to the car lot and talked with the two nice gentlemen who ran the place. They spent months going to the car auction every Thursday until they found my car - at the (fair) price I wanted to pay. All three of us were happy when this little ordeal was over.

It's been five years since I bought the car. I still love it. I'm glad I recognized the sign.

My son sold the car lot soon after my purchase.



***

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Rookie's Night Out

Today is Valentine's Day. We've had a romantic day but we won't be going out to dinner. This is Rookie's Night Out. All of the people who never eat out will fill up the restaurants tonight.

Likewise Mother's Day.

After our romantic two mile walk this morning we drove downtown for our annual Valentine's Day Feeding the Homeless project. Today seven of us fed 300 people in one hour flat! We filled the plates assembly line style and served them up.

After that we attended a romantic Memorial Garden Meeting. Years ago I helped build a memorial garden on my church campus. My Real Husband's ashes are interred there. We say hello to him whenever we pass by.

When we arrived home we ate chocolate covered strawberries.

This is a wonderful day to be "romantic" no matter what your circumstances.

But if you want a romantic dinner out - do it tomorrow.



***

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

A Calling

Yesterday my Boyfriend and I were once more discussing a "Calling." He's kind of fascinated that my Real Husband left a lucrative career to enter seminary largely because he experienced a calling.

He attended a businessmen's spiritual retreat in the 1960s and felt God call him to full time ministry. We were not even (very) active in our church at the time.

Yes, I believe in callings. But I'd expand the concept. A while back a friend, who is a successful concert pianist (almost a contradiction in terms) sat on my couch and told us about how she grew up in a home that didn't value music. No one played an instrument. But from the time she was a toddler she knew what she had to do.

And what about the Southern Writers? People like Faulkner, Caldwell, Williams and Capote. Some of them came from families that didn't even read - much less write.

A calling is not about being successful or making tons of money.

My definition of "a calling" is this: "You have to do it." I also believe that this deep down need comes from God.

One of the saddest things is seeing people who are stuck in life and can't (or won't) do what they are called to do.





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Monday, February 11, 2008

Monkey Boy

While our children here in Florida are lagging woefully behind most of the country (not to mention the world) in science and math, we are continuing our efforts to reject evolution.

Even though evolution has been a cornerstone of biology for more than 100 years, we Floridians are not buyin' it. On February 19th the state board of education will vote on new science standards that would require teaching evolution in our public schools.

Following is a sample of the hundreds of people (mostly from North Florida) who are up in arms about it and have shared their opinions online.

It (evolution) is only a theory. Teaching it as a proven concept goes against the beliefs of all Christians. I do not want my children corrupted even further in this so-called education system!

God made the world and everything in it. Evolution is untrue and I don't want my kids learning about it.

If man evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

What about Creationism?? This needs to be taught as well as students need to be informed that evolution is just a theory.

To be fair, there were a few in favor of the proposal. An example:

My son took Honors Biology in 9th grade last year and Evolution was never mentioned. This explains to me why I get students in college science classes who seem like they have no previous exposure to important basic science concepts such as Evolution.

As Pogo once said, "We have met the enemy and it is us."

***

Moon River

I've had a crush on Andy Williams for about 50 years. I even stuck with him through his marriage to Claudine Longet (and later on her unfortunate accidental shooting of Spider Sabich.)

But there comes a time when celebs need to call it quits. It's especially embarrassing to see old timers, who are confused and can't see the cue cards, on awards shows.

Especially the Grammys!!

I want to remember Andy in his various sweaters as he danced and sang with his brothers or, better yet, the Osmonds. (Isn't that cute little Donnie about 60 now?)

Andy embarrassed me and himself last night. Likewise Keely Smith.

But then there's Cher. I remember reading once that if or when we suffer a nuclear attack and all of life is destroyed, only two things will remain. Roaches and Cher.

Cher has heard this story and likes it.



***

Celebs

I didn't watch much of the Grammys last night. Mainly because I don't know most of the celebrities anymore. Of course, you'd have to be brain dead not to know Justine Timberlake or Carrie Underwood - but I never heard of "Foo Fighters."

I know absolutely nothing about Amy Winehouse's work but I know who she is because I read the papers. I'm aware of her fugitive status but not her music.

There was yet another article in this morning's paper about our fascination with "Celebs Gone Bad." Is it because we can't get enough of this news or is it because it's forced on us? My take is that in one sense it's good for us. Unlike al Qaeda or the recession, it's news that doesn't affect us personally. Whether or not Amy gets her visa back doesn't affect my travel status one bit.

But it does make us sad.

Whenever we pass a Waffle House my Boyfriend laments about how tragic it is that Kid Rock has been banded from them for life.



***

Saturday, February 9, 2008

The Meaning of Words

The problem is that the meaning of words changes. We were in an old bookstore yesterday and saw a publication from the 1920s called "The GAY Magazine."   It featured spring weddings.

Leonard Pitts' column this morning is about Feminism - what it used to mean and what it's perceived to mean now. In the 60s women were proud to be known as feminists. Today even the most independent female shrinks from admitting to it.

I asked a friend what his definition of "feminist" would be and he said "Ugly lesbian."

It's sad because young women today owe a tremendous debt to the women who were out there making changes. My daughter went to law school with a young women who called herself an "anti - feminist."

I wonder who she thought paved the way for her to be in law school.

Leonard Pitts wrapped up his column with this:

We have, I think, lost collective memory of how things were before the "F" word. Of the casual beatings. Of casual rape. Of words like "old maid" and "spinster." Of abortion by coat hanger. Of going to school to find a man. Of getting an allowance and needing a husband's permission. Of taking all your spirit, all your dreams, all your ambition, aspiration, creativity, and pounding them down until they fit a space no longer than a casserole dish.

I'm very grateful that my daughters, granddaughters and I live in this world and not that one.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Fake Medicine Works

I was reading in my Intellectual Devotional this morning about "The Placebo Effect."

It seems that it can be partially explained by brain chemistry. Brain image studies have shown that when a person takes a placebo, it triggers the release of endorphins.

In other words, if I believe I'm going to feel better, I will.

This, obviously, may not work on big things like cancer or total knee replacement, but it works on every day kinds of pain.

Interestingly, the opposite works as well. In one study people were given a sugar pill and told that it induced vomiting. 80% of them threw up. This is called "The Nocebo Effect."

How can we make this info work for us?

Well, we could spend lots of time around people who bring us down and have nothing but negative things to say.

Or we could get ourselves around people who are upbeat and affirming - as I'm going to do this afternoon when I meet with my Power Rangers.

As a fellow public speaker used to say to me:

"If you want to soar like an eagle, don't hang around with turkeys."



***

Monday, February 4, 2008

The Giver of Gifts

One of my Power Rangers keeps giving me gifts. I wish she'd stop.

She is one of the most giving people I've ever seen - and that's saying something because I'm surrounded by givers.

A while back she gave me a suit that was almost new but didn't fit her anymore. I was going to refuse it but it's gorgeous and fits me perfectly and I love it. So I'm keepin' it.

After the birth of my last grandchild she left one of those "grandmother and child" sculptures at my front door. I called her and said (in my charming way) "Stop it."

She said the only reason she did it was because I saved her husband's life. (I drove him to the hospital.)

I told her the only reason I saved his life was because she gave me the suit.

Dark chocolate is good for blood pressure. Saturday the doorbell rang. There she was with the biggest bag of Hershey's Extra Dark Chocolates I've ever seen.

What am I going to do with her?



***

Health Update

I know that you're wondering how my blood pressure situation is coming along. Here's the latest scoop.

I was on three B/P drugs and it was fine for a while. Then it started zooming up again. They say that when you have blood pressure symptoms you"re in big trouble. It's not called "The Silent Killer" for nothin'.

I was sitting in church a couple of weeks ago all comfy and quiet. Then I started feeling like I was going to explode. Then as I was trying to take some notes my hands wouldn't work. They felt all tingly.

I was either having a blood pressure spike or some kind of strange religious experience. Since I'm Methodist and we don't general have those, I figured I'd better get the B/P checked out again.

So now I'm on four B/P drugs.

The side effects are quite entertaining.

What's the big deal? High blood pressure can cause organ failure and stroke, among other things. So next time you're in the drug store or supermarket, get your blood pressure taken.

And don't think that just because you take good care of yourself that you're home free. I'm the poster child for taking care of myself. I've never smoked. I exercise and eat chocolate every day.

As my internist said to me a few years ago as I was doing everything humanly possible to get the blood pressure down myself.

"You're old. Take the medicine."



***

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Cultural Weekend

My Boyfriend likes cultural things. I do too as long as he doesn't push me too far.

On Friday night we saw a weird experiential play that was a combination of live performance and technology. Titled: Alice Experiments in Wonderland, it was described by the reviewer in the paper as, confusing and nonsensical. Actually, to be fair, I always thought Alice in Wonderland (the book) was confusing and nonsensical.

I didn't hate it. It was interesting and funny in parts. And it was only one hour and fifteen minutes long. I can keep my sense of humor about most anything for an hour or so. And besides, we were there with some good friends after having a really fun dinner together.

Saturday afternoon we traveled to a nearby little town because my Boyfriend wanted to see the traveling Contemporary Teapot Exhibit. Yes, I did some eye rolling when he mentioned it.

But it was fascinating. Jeweled teapots, teapots shaped like people and animals, teapots shaped like rocks and penguins. Varied works of art whose only thing in common was a handle and a spout.

We arrived just in time for the "Tea Tasting." We sat in the sun, ate sweets and drank flavored tea from old fashioned china cups.

Also in this little town Men of the Deeps were performing. But I drew the line at seeing "North America's only coal miners choir."

In a few minutes we're headed to the college art gallery to see a Louise Nevelson display.

Have I mentioned that all of the above is FREE!

Friday, February 1, 2008

Plato's Cave Stories

Like many people I read Plato's The Republic in college. But the difference for me was that I was about 32 years old.

I remember sitting in a classroom, amongst some very bored young students, with my tongue hanging out - I was so excited!

This Plato guy gets it!

The Allegory of the Cave is basically this: A bunch of guys are trapped in a cave. All they know about life on the outside are the shadows they see projected on the wall. Occasionally somebody escapes and comes back to tell them what it's REALLY like out there - but they just say "no way" and go back to looking at the shadows.

Or, as Auntie Mame said:

Life is a banquet and most poor bastards are starving to death!

I've enjoyed spending much of my life helping people to see what's out there - and to know that everybody has a place at the table.

***