This morning in Forum we continued our off again/on again discussion of Toxic Charity, a relatively new book by Robert Lupton that is causing some dis-ease in religious and other mission type groups. I try really hard not to go on a rant in this blog but I have super strong feelings about this subject. So here goes!
When we do for those in need what they have the capacity to do for themselves, we disempower them.
Quotes like the above from Mr. Lupton are not easy to swallow. But the concept isn't new. Our country has been made great in many ways through groups of disenfranchised folks who've somehow been empowered. One of the problems is that those of us who have the power don't want to share it.
And I think this is equally true, not just in helping the poor, but in raising our kids. Do we want to empower them - or just get them to shut up and be grateful?
Never do for the poor what they have (or could have) the capacity to do for themselves.
This is equally true for a two year old who is struggling to put on his socks.
Giving to those in need what they could be gaining from their own initiative may well be the kindest way to destroy people.
If I have a 30 year old who's still living at home and I'm feeding him while he plays video games, maybe it will make him look at me as a cool parent - but am I really?
Developing the dependency-free zone is the real challenge.
On my daughers' 16th birthday her dad took her to get her driver's license. On the way she had a flat tire. He sat on the curb and encouraged her while she changed it. She wasn't one bit happy about it at the time. But that was over 20 years ago and she still remembers it as an empowering experience.
Personal involvement offers the best way to determine if our charitable investments are being put to good use.
It's not about how much I do. It's about why I do it and what the results are. Hopefully, they are ongoing, loving relationships - and empowerment.
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