Interesting Friends

I am blessed with the most interesting friends. I have this guy friend who's getting married soon. He's been single a while but he has a beautiful teenage daughter and a former wife (who is also a cool person) close by.

He's a financial planner. (Yawn!)

He's also heavily into meditation. I don't attend the classes in his living room because if I had to be quiet for an hour I'd shoot myself. But I have attended his meditation/labyrinth retreats.

But his speciality is Crystal Singing Bowls.

He's also a music guy. On the symphony board. Plays his grand piano.

I didn't think there was much chance that he'd find somebody compatible. Not even that eHarmony guy would be able to match him up.

But she appeared. They have much in common. They're both uncommonly Woo Woo. She's a pianist. (Yawn!)

But what that means in her case is that, well, she's found her way to Carnegie Hall - the hard way. She's part of a very prestigious ensemble.

They were here for dinner the other night along with other close interesting friends. We had a delightful time discussing the wedding. My boyfriend and I cannot attend because it's one of those destinations where it takes you 3 days to get close - then you travel the rest of the way on foot or via mountain goat.

They're living close by but I'm not sure how they're accommodating their matching grand pianos.

On a side note, nobody swelled up or turned purple from the Cashew Chicken with the peanut sauce. Whew!

Intimacy

After my Real Husband died I wasn't ready to go back to work. Then I decided that I would never be ready to go back to work - and that turned out to be a good decision.

I do the same kind of work for free that I used to do for money. It's lots more fun this way.

But shortly after my Real Husband's death I was asked to speak to a national group of caregivers for Alzheimer's patients. This invitation came because I was a professional speaker. They didn't know that my husband had dementia or anything about what we'd been through for the previous 8 years.

It was what we call a coincidence.

I figured this was something that I was - possibly - being "called" to do even though I wasn't really up to it at the time. So I said "Yes."

Later they sent me the title for my seminar: INTIMACY.

The event took place at a gorgeous resort. These caregivers deserved it. I took 5 questions to ask them so that they would have a chance to vent.

They turned out to be mostly spouses of patients and a few parents and children of patients. After telling them a little about my own marriage I started with the questions.

Question #2 was "What would you like your children to know about your situation?"

Several spouses told about how their children would come for a day and then brag to everybody in sight about how they'd spent an entire day with mom or dad (or both.) But never quite getting the fact that these caregivers were there every day and every night - with no end in sight.

Question # 3 was "What do you miss the most?"

One man stood up and told about how much he and his wife loved to dance. He said he missed the sex but the dancing was what he missed the most. She was still at home and still ambulatory. But it wasn't her anymore. He couldn't dance or have sex with this stranger. He was crying before he sat down and so were many others.

I held it together because I was in charge. But, yes, I think I was "called" to be there that day.

Cruising

My Boyfriend and I are trying to plan another trip to Europe. Last May we went to Paris. It was to die for.

I used to think that cruises were decadent and I would hate them. Then, years ago, I took one. It was decadent - but I loved it.

Part of our Paris trip was a cruise down the Seine for 7 days. We visited little villages from Paris to La Havre, then took the train back to Paris.

Here's the best part of a cruise for both of us. Meeting people. We both love discovering new and interesting people. On the Paris cruise we met and chit chatted with everybody but then ended up having dinner with the same 3 couples every evening. They became our new best friends. Of course, we haven't seen them since.

But one of my favorite parts of the cruise was the night I had insomnia so, all alone, I watched the lights of Paris slowly pass by as we started our journey down the Seine.

After our train ride back, we stayed in a tiny, inexpensive Parisian hotel. Only the desk clerk spoke English. We walked for hours the first night and finally settled on a little Italian restaurant. We ate outside, of course. Shared a salad and Pasta Bolognaise. It arrived at the table steaming hot with a raw egg yolk in the middle.

How can we top that?

Life is Changing

Much as I don't want to admit it, my friends and I are changing. We're still doing great work, going on fantastic trips and living enviable lives but - something else is happening.

When our friend had the heart attack a while back one of my Power Rangers (who is quite a spiritual person) wrote all of us an e-mail that started:

"What the h#%* is happening to us?"

Today she had a breast cancer biopsy.

At the very same time, the husband of another P.R. had a skin cancer removed from his nose that required messy, messy surgery.

Here's what was on my prayer list today: Breast & Nose.

What kind of tools do we need to proceed into the next phase of our lives? One thing is perspective. We're not in concentration camps or war torn countries. But even those who are find ways to being triumphant.

I just reread a book about Viktor Frankl. He emerged from the concentration camps in WWII as a world famous psychiatrist. He said 4 things saved him:

• The love of his family (even thought they'd all been killed by the Nazis.)
• Faith
• A Grim Sense of Humor
• Nature

Food

An old friend called the other evening. She'd been reading the blog entry I wrote a while back called "I Don't Cook." Actually in the blog I was reminiscing about the massive amount of cooking I used to do - for what seemed like armies of people.

The old friend was around for some of that. Before we ended the conversation she asked for my "Six Weeks Bran Muffins" recipe.

We talked about how cooking has changed. I like simple meals - but presentation is still a big deal with me.

People of all ages are allergic to so many things these days. (I think this is an environmental issue but you don't want me to get started on that, do you?)

We're having a little dinner party this week. I'm making Sesame Chicken but it has a peanut butter sauce so I'm hoping nobody swells up or turns purple.

Here's the bran muffin recipe. I haven't made it in 20 years but I can assure you it's good - and good for you.

SIX WEEKS BRAN MUFFINS

1 box Raisin Bran (15 oz or 4 cups)
3 cups sugar
5 cups flour
5 teaspoons soda
2 teaspoons salt
4 eggs - beaten
1 quart buttermilk
1 cup oil

Combine raisin bran, sugar, and (flour, soda and salt sifted together) in a large bowl. Add mixture of eggs, buttermilk and oil. Mix well and refrigerate in a large covered container. Now whenever you want one or 50 hot, moist, delicious muffins, bake the desired amount in paper muffin cups in muffin tins. Batter will keep at least six weeks. Bake 15 minutes at 400 degrees.

Beautiful People

Yesterday my Boyfriend and I attended a fancy luncheon that was in memory of my Real Husband. Yes, when he's being honored I like to take a date.

When he (my Real Husband not my Boyfriend) died our family established a scholarship in his memory at a university we love. And then so many friends and family contributed to it that it has become an "endowed" scholarship.

"Endowed" means that it will pay out forever.

This is a traditionally black university. Over 90% of the students are on scholarship.

So a particular industry was having a big convention in the same town as the university and my #2 son made arrangements to have the luncheon be all about the scholarship. He can do this because he is "king of the world."

At our table was the president of the university and two students, my son and some convention people. This convention was full of big shots but when the (woman) president of this old, traditionally black university got up to speak for 5 minutes she blew them out of the water.

So did my son - but we expect that because he's, you know, k. of the w.

But the truly most beautiful people we met at the luncheon - and there were many - were the two outstanding students. The young woman was from Washington, D. C. She's majoring in international studies. The young man was from Nassau in the Bahamas. They both hope to go to graduate school at Columbia.

We had a lovely lunch and lovely conversation with all of these beautiful people. Maybe this is a little bit of what heaven is like.

Old and Perfect

So my friend/handy man finished the tile work but it made the rest of the tile look kinda bad in comparison.

So when my Boyfriend asked, after we'd gone out for breakfast and our 2 mile walk, what work needed to be done in my condo today, I said "If you run the sweeper I'll clean my bathroom."

He has a great sense of humor about this sort of thing since he doesn't clean his house. A nice lady comes in and does it for him.

So the grout cleaning directions said to use a toothbrush.

So after a half hour or so on my hands and knees (with very little to show for it) I said to myself, "What am I - in a Turkish prison or something?"

Not to mention that those harsh chemicals are bad for the environment - but you don't want me to get started on that, do you?

So I gave up and cleaned the bathroom in the usual way. Lickity split.

Older things - and people - do not look perfect. We have lots of little imperfections that make us unique.

So when you visit me and my bathroom tile you will find both of us with imperfections. But we will be clean.