Stories of Our Lives

You Are Old Father William - Written by Lewis Carroll in 1865

In a recent opinion piece for the Orlando Sentinel Anne Elizabeth Zimmermann wrote about Disney's outdated cultural depictions.  She's an expert on all things Disney and lectures frequently at Rollins College on the subject. Over the years Disney stories like "Dumbo" and "The Jungle Book" have depicted cruel caricatures of black Americans.  On the other hand she lauds Disney's  tradition of storytelling that clarifies right and wrong.

She likes the straight forward disclaimer that Warner Brothers uses on their vintage Looney Tunes cartoons:

The cartoons you are about to see are products of their time.  They may depict some the the ethnic and racial prejudices that were commonplace in American society.  The depictions were wrong then and are wrong today.

I agree.  No need to censor or throw out old stories that capture who we were, but to acknowledge them and move on.  And, despite our current tribal mentality, we are moving on.  I love some old films that are delightful, with good over all messages, but then show a big song and dance number done in black face.  That distresses me.  I, like millions of others,  loved Mark Twain's  Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn books.  I wish they came with a disclaimer.

Likewise, one of my favorite poets, James Whitcomb Riley's, "Little Orphan Annie."  Annie's harsh upbringing,  and then Annie herself telling horror stories to the family's (real) children to keep them in line, would be punishable offenses in today's world.

I'm not feeling well this week so have been home rereading old poems and other classic stuff.   Most of us in today's world are aware of "Ageism."  This morning I loved rereading  You Are Old Father William, written in 1865.  Many of us oldies will have Thanksgiving with family next week and our loving children might question some of our current decisions - as is happening with Father William.  He sets them straight.  Here is the first verse:

"You are old Father William," the young man said,
"And your hair has become very white:
And yet you incessantly stand on your head-
Do you think, at your age, it is right?"

"In my youth," Father William replied to his son, 
"I feared it might injure the brain;
But now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again.

Yesterday my son asked me if I was lonely.  I'm not.  I miss David and I miss not doing some things that are important to me, but, to quote Robert Lewis Stevenson:

The world is so full of a number of things
I'm sure we should all be as happy as kings.


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Fear of Falling

...Falls are the number one cause of injuries - and injury death - in older Americans.  -  Center for Disease Control and Prevention

Over the years I've written several postings on falling and how important it is to be proactive.  I have taken several anti-falling classes and currently I'm wearing my Medical Alert button and using my colorful, hand carved cane from Mexico when I'm out and about.

A while back I went to see a good friend who had recently had a bad fall resulting in serious injury.  I admire this woman in so many ways.  She has a career and is the epitome of living a life that matters.  I sat on her couch and asked her to tell me exactly what happened.  She told a funny, hair raising story of doing several things after the fall before deciding to get medical help; like feeding and walking the dog, etc.  She then drove herself, with her bleeding arm wrapped in a blood soaked towel, to the ER.

So, wanting to be as helpful as possible I said, what you did  after the fall was stupid.  But I was laughing when I said it and we went on to have a fun visit, as we almost always do.  She's one of those strong women who's lived a life rich with many chapters.  She's extraordinarily kind and generous but a straight shooter about her beliefs and values - that differ somewhat from mine in the way we live them out.  I respect this.  She respects me.

As I was getting ready to leave she took notice of my hand bag and she expressed concern about how big it was and how it had a short handle that made it difficult to carry on my shoulder.  I told her I had all this stuff to carry, blah, blah, blah, as I was gathering myself, the big purse and my cane.

Then she said, Carrying the big purse is stupid!  Get rid of it.

So I have downsized.


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Annual Reviews

Philip Gulley has written a column in my Indianapolis Monthly magazine for 13 years.  It's my favorite part of the magazine.  He also writes for other publications, has published a series of books and is a popular speaker.  He's sort of the folksy voice of small town America.

In addition to that Philip Gulley has been the pastor of a Quaker Meeting for 23 years.  And in that position he's been subjected to 23 annual reviews.

So in this month's column Philip writes about that process and how he decided to give various family members a long overdue review, starting with his wife of 35 years, who did not respond well. So he had to put a note in her permanent file that will now follow her the rest of her life.  She did not seem concerned.

Next he reviewed his four year old granddaughter.  He discovered her work habits were somewhat checkered and if this carried over to kindergarten she might not get into her college of choice.  But she also wasn't concerned and wanted them to play together with her Barbies.  But this, however, was problematic because Barbie does not wear underwear.  She too (Barbi) got a bad review.

A while back, Scott Maxwell, a popular columnist with The Orlando Sentinel, did his own take on reviews.  Several people, in response to an issue he'd taken on, told him he was an a-hole.  (Please, not my word and I've cleaned it up.)

So, Scott decided to go home and get an unbiased answer as to whether or not he was an a-hole.  His wife and daughter assured him he was not.  His teenage son, however, had a different take.  Let's just say two out of three isn't bad.

Both Philip and Scott had funny, insightful columns about being evaluated.    Here's the reality about reviews for people who write and speak for a living.  You are constantly being evaluated.  Every piece of work is an audition for the next.

I'm glad that part's over for me.

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Money, Money, Money, Money

Money Makes the World Go Round - Sung by the money hungry Liza Minnelli and the evil Joel Grey in 1972 film Cabaret

A few weeks ago my minister, David, started his Sunday sermon describing his mother's attitude about money when he was growing up.  She had great difficulty spending it and the only satisfaction she derived from each purchase was defined by how much she saved.

I thought, wait a minute.  I'm not your mom.  How do you know this about me?

I used to think my husband Ken had a strange relationship with money. But somewhere along the way realized that I, as well, had an unhealthy relationship with money.  It used to be called  "depression mentality."  We were the Yin and Yang of unhealthy views.

Of course I still don't throw it away but when I realized at some point that Jesus spent his time here on earth talking to us about our relationships to money, I worked on why I functioned the way I did.  My attitude was fear based and I wanted to get over that.  I now find great joy in sharing what I have.  Sometimes anonymously.  But I'm not unique in this by any means.

Last week in Forum a younger guy facilitated a discussion on folks, from poor to rich, and how our values influence our view of wealth.  It was great.  He had an excellent handout on the hidden rules of economic classes.  But the most interesting thing he shared was a very sad story about his uncle.  I want to share it with you here.  I may not have it quite right (forgive me Luis.) But this is what I heard.

His uncle was a wealthy man but not very social.  Nor was he generous.  He would come to family celebrations but would not get involved in the festivities, no matter what they were.  At some point, in most  family gatherings, he would take out his (fat) wallet and proceed to count his money in front of the group.

I know people like that and I'm sure you do too.  It may not be a fat wallet but they find other ways to demonstrate superiority.  I find it to be so very sad for all concerned. Including, and maybe especially, the uncle.


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We're Not Goin' Home

Recently John MacArthur,  a wildly popular and successful evangelical minister of a mega church in California, when asked to describe in two words, his feelings about Beth Moore, a wildly popular evangelical female leader, replied,

"Go Home!"

This has started a big old brouhaha in the evangelical  world.  I don't travel in these circles so I barely know who John MacArthur is.  I do know about Beth Moore from her books and Bible studies but she's not one of my personal favorites.  However, in her defense, she's had a powerful spiritual impact of many folks I love and respect.

But I do know about United Methodist clergywomen.  Yesterday I had lunch with one of my very favorites.  She has strongly affected my life, both spiritually and personally, since she came into it 20 years ago.   I'm beyond grateful she was called by God to ministry and I'm beyond grateful that she accepted the call.  We have a strong group of clergywomen in the UMC.  We currently have 16 female bishops, the highest office in the UMC.

As you can image, it has not been an easy process.  As with any kind of change within faith groups, interruption of scripture is paramount.  And even just a few months ago I read an article where clergywomen here if Florida were quoting some of the boneheaded things both male clergy and lay people have said and done to them.

I don't know exactly where mainline churches are headed here in this country.  I can't imagine a world without them.  So I'm grateful for faith leaders who guide us using love, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self control.

And I know our female leaders, lay and clergy, will hang in there and make our voices known.  I don't know exactly where we're going but we're not "going home."


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Another Bridge Builder is Gone

My husband, Ken, was known as a bridge builder.  But he was also affectionately known as a Yellow Dog Democrat.  This title suggests a person who would vote for a yellow dog before voting for a non-democrat.  Even thought they are polar opposites, he loved both of these descriptions.  I, on the other hand, was way more moderate.

Yesterday's paper announced the death of life long republican  congressman, Lou Frey.  Lou was also a consummate bridge builder.  He got things done.  He liked to discuss all points of view and was good at collaborating with people.

For 20 years he did a program on NPR with Dick Batchelor, a strong Democrat.  Dick is quoted as saying  that  For 20 years at NPR, we did point/counterpoint as a Republican and Democrat, and we never argued about anything.

In the '80s, Lou Frey ran for governor.  He chose Representative Marilyn Evans-Jones as his Lieutenant Governor running mate.  Marilyn was a member of the church where my Yellow Dog Democrat husband was the pastor.  Sounds like trouble, huh.

But Ken, shockingly (to me)  ended up going through the process of changing his party affiliation from Democrat to Republican so he could vote for this team.  Why? Because it was the right thing to do.

Of course, after the vote, he switched back.

Lou Frey helped all of us learn how to be responsible, loving, kind and strong.  And above all, even though it might be extremely uncomfortable, do the right thing.


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Goodbye Ferris Wheels

Navy Pier in Chicago

Many years ago the Catholic church down the street started a fall Community Fest.  The church has a big campus and it gets outfitted with all kinds of carnival rides and everything else you could image in a mini state fair.  Driving down the street at night and seeing all the neon/twinkle lights is exciting, especially the big Ferris Wheel.   But I never went because my husband, Ken, wasn't well.  Instead of feeling excitement as we drove by, many times, I felt sad and lonely.

London Eye

When I met David a few years later we saw the lights one evening and when I told him my sad story he said, "well we're going".  And we did.  Every single year we walked over, ate crazy food for dinner and rode the Ferris Wheel.

Not only that but we rode some of the best Ferris Wheels in the world - like the one at the Navy Pier in Chicago.  The Navy Pier is one of the most popular attractions in Chicago with its 50 acres of parks, gardens, restaurants, and a giant Ferris Wheel that never stops - so you have to get on fast.

Orlando Eye

And we rode the London Eye, which was the tallest Ferris Wheel  until our hometown, Orlando, built our own Eye, featuring enclosed, air conditioned cars that hold about 18 people.  We rode that too.

The Catholic church Community Fest is next weekend.  I won't be going.  David is gone and I have no business riding, or desire to ride, another Ferris Wheel.   But I'm not at all sad about it.  I feel blessed.

Goodbye Ferris Wheels. We had a great ride.


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