My Neighbor

I used to have this neighbor. She was in her 80s and extremely hard to get along with. If I agreed to drive her to the airport she would complain during the entire hour long trip. Mostly about how everybody in her world was trying to take advantage of her.

But the thing was that most people knocked themselves out trying to help her until they became exhausted and just couldn't take it anymore.

Some did it because they were good people, some did it for the money. I did it for both.

When I first became her temporary "favorite" (by that I mean "servant") she would try to force money on me. We had big fights. Sometimes when I thought I'd won and she knew I wouldn't accept the money, she'd fling a grocery store gift card at me. Literally, she'd throw it at me!

Finally, I caved. I took the money once in a while but assured her that I would give it away. And I did.

She was a tiny person. She teeter tottered on high heels. She wore expensive clothes from the 60s - every day. It was obvious that she'd once been a beautiful woman but she looked just plain scary most of the time. She kind of had that "Nora Desmond" thing going.

She traveled a lot, using a very upscale travel group that catered to her every need. Occasionally she bribed a family member to go with her but it never worked out. After a few days she was ready to kill the family member and the family member was ready to kill herself.

A couple of years ago I picked her up from the airport after one of her high end trips. She told me that the night before she'd been in a night club in Italy. As she was coming out of the ladies room she slammed into a man coming from the men's room.

It was George Clooney.

He tried to pick her up off the floor. She screamed at him to leave her alone. He was flustered and, at some point, said to her, "I'm George Clooney."

As she rearranged her 60s dress and the big layers of blond hair she said to him, "I know who you are. Now leave me alone."

Poor George. The majority of women on the planet would give anything to meet him. My neighbor received a full body press and then rejected him on the spot.

But here's the thing. She's a good person. Just not very nice most of the time. I don't think she can help it.

She's in assisted living now and guess what? I miss her.