Interesting Friends

I am blessed with the most interesting friends. I have this guy friend who's getting married soon. He's been single a while but he has a beautiful teenage daughter and a former wife (who is also a cool person) close by.

He's a financial planner. (Yawn!)

He's also heavily into meditation. I don't attend the classes in his living room because if I had to be quiet for an hour I'd shoot myself. But I have attended his meditation/labyrinth retreats.

But his speciality is Crystal Singing Bowls.

He's also a music guy. On the symphony board. Plays his grand piano.

I didn't think there was much chance that he'd find somebody compatible. Not even that eHarmony guy would be able to match him up.

But she appeared. They have much in common. They're both uncommonly Woo Woo. She's a pianist. (Yawn!)

But what that means in her case is that, well, she's found her way to Carnegie Hall - the hard way. She's part of a very prestigious ensemble.

They were here for dinner the other night along with other close interesting friends. We had a delightful time discussing the wedding. My boyfriend and I cannot attend because it's one of those destinations where it takes you 3 days to get close - then you travel the rest of the way on foot or via mountain goat.

They're living close by but I'm not sure how they're accommodating their matching grand pianos.

On a side note, nobody swelled up or turned purple from the Cashew Chicken with the peanut sauce. Whew!

Intimacy

After my Real Husband died I wasn't ready to go back to work. Then I decided that I would never be ready to go back to work - and that turned out to be a good decision.

I do the same kind of work for free that I used to do for money. It's lots more fun this way.

But shortly after my Real Husband's death I was asked to speak to a national group of caregivers for Alzheimer's patients. This invitation came because I was a professional speaker. They didn't know that my husband had dementia or anything about what we'd been through for the previous 8 years.

It was what we call a coincidence.

I figured this was something that I was - possibly - being "called" to do even though I wasn't really up to it at the time. So I said "Yes."

Later they sent me the title for my seminar: INTIMACY.

The event took place at a gorgeous resort. These caregivers deserved it. I took 5 questions to ask them so that they would have a chance to vent.

They turned out to be mostly spouses of patients and a few parents and children of patients. After telling them a little about my own marriage I started with the questions.

Question #2 was "What would you like your children to know about your situation?"

Several spouses told about how their children would come for a day and then brag to everybody in sight about how they'd spent an entire day with mom or dad (or both.) But never quite getting the fact that these caregivers were there every day and every night - with no end in sight.

Question # 3 was "What do you miss the most?"

One man stood up and told about how much he and his wife loved to dance. He said he missed the sex but the dancing was what he missed the most. She was still at home and still ambulatory. But it wasn't her anymore. He couldn't dance or have sex with this stranger. He was crying before he sat down and so were many others.

I held it together because I was in charge. But, yes, I think I was "called" to be there that day.

Cruising

My Boyfriend and I are trying to plan another trip to Europe. Last May we went to Paris. It was to die for.

I used to think that cruises were decadent and I would hate them. Then, years ago, I took one. It was decadent - but I loved it.

Part of our Paris trip was a cruise down the Seine for 7 days. We visited little villages from Paris to La Havre, then took the train back to Paris.

Here's the best part of a cruise for both of us. Meeting people. We both love discovering new and interesting people. On the Paris cruise we met and chit chatted with everybody but then ended up having dinner with the same 3 couples every evening. They became our new best friends. Of course, we haven't seen them since.

But one of my favorite parts of the cruise was the night I had insomnia so, all alone, I watched the lights of Paris slowly pass by as we started our journey down the Seine.

After our train ride back, we stayed in a tiny, inexpensive Parisian hotel. Only the desk clerk spoke English. We walked for hours the first night and finally settled on a little Italian restaurant. We ate outside, of course. Shared a salad and Pasta Bolognaise. It arrived at the table steaming hot with a raw egg yolk in the middle.

How can we top that?

Life is Changing

Much as I don't want to admit it, my friends and I are changing. We're still doing great work, going on fantastic trips and living enviable lives but - something else is happening.

When our friend had the heart attack a while back one of my Power Rangers (who is quite a spiritual person) wrote all of us an e-mail that started:

"What the h#%* is happening to us?"

Today she had a breast cancer biopsy.

At the very same time, the husband of another P.R. had a skin cancer removed from his nose that required messy, messy surgery.

Here's what was on my prayer list today: Breast & Nose.

What kind of tools do we need to proceed into the next phase of our lives? One thing is perspective. We're not in concentration camps or war torn countries. But even those who are find ways to being triumphant.

I just reread a book about Viktor Frankl. He emerged from the concentration camps in WWII as a world famous psychiatrist. He said 4 things saved him:

• The love of his family (even thought they'd all been killed by the Nazis.)
• Faith
• A Grim Sense of Humor
• Nature

Food

An old friend called the other evening. She'd been reading the blog entry I wrote a while back called "I Don't Cook." Actually in the blog I was reminiscing about the massive amount of cooking I used to do - for what seemed like armies of people.

The old friend was around for some of that. Before we ended the conversation she asked for my "Six Weeks Bran Muffins" recipe.

We talked about how cooking has changed. I like simple meals - but presentation is still a big deal with me.

People of all ages are allergic to so many things these days. (I think this is an environmental issue but you don't want me to get started on that, do you?)

We're having a little dinner party this week. I'm making Sesame Chicken but it has a peanut butter sauce so I'm hoping nobody swells up or turns purple.

Here's the bran muffin recipe. I haven't made it in 20 years but I can assure you it's good - and good for you.

SIX WEEKS BRAN MUFFINS

1 box Raisin Bran (15 oz or 4 cups)
3 cups sugar
5 cups flour
5 teaspoons soda
2 teaspoons salt
4 eggs - beaten
1 quart buttermilk
1 cup oil

Combine raisin bran, sugar, and (flour, soda and salt sifted together) in a large bowl. Add mixture of eggs, buttermilk and oil. Mix well and refrigerate in a large covered container. Now whenever you want one or 50 hot, moist, delicious muffins, bake the desired amount in paper muffin cups in muffin tins. Batter will keep at least six weeks. Bake 15 minutes at 400 degrees.

Beautiful People

Yesterday my Boyfriend and I attended a fancy luncheon that was in memory of my Real Husband. Yes, when he's being honored I like to take a date.

When he (my Real Husband not my Boyfriend) died our family established a scholarship in his memory at a university we love. And then so many friends and family contributed to it that it has become an "endowed" scholarship.

"Endowed" means that it will pay out forever.

This is a traditionally black university. Over 90% of the students are on scholarship.

So a particular industry was having a big convention in the same town as the university and my #2 son made arrangements to have the luncheon be all about the scholarship. He can do this because he is "king of the world."

At our table was the president of the university and two students, my son and some convention people. This convention was full of big shots but when the (woman) president of this old, traditionally black university got up to speak for 5 minutes she blew them out of the water.

So did my son - but we expect that because he's, you know, k. of the w.

But the truly most beautiful people we met at the luncheon - and there were many - were the two outstanding students. The young woman was from Washington, D. C. She's majoring in international studies. The young man was from Nassau in the Bahamas. They both hope to go to graduate school at Columbia.

We had a lovely lunch and lovely conversation with all of these beautiful people. Maybe this is a little bit of what heaven is like.

Old and Perfect

So my friend/handy man finished the tile work but it made the rest of the tile look kinda bad in comparison.

So when my Boyfriend asked, after we'd gone out for breakfast and our 2 mile walk, what work needed to be done in my condo today, I said "If you run the sweeper I'll clean my bathroom."

He has a great sense of humor about this sort of thing since he doesn't clean his house. A nice lady comes in and does it for him.

So the grout cleaning directions said to use a toothbrush.

So after a half hour or so on my hands and knees (with very little to show for it) I said to myself, "What am I - in a Turkish prison or something?"

Not to mention that those harsh chemicals are bad for the environment - but you don't want me to get started on that, do you?

So I gave up and cleaned the bathroom in the usual way. Lickity split.

Older things - and people - do not look perfect. We have lots of little imperfections that make us unique.

So when you visit me and my bathroom tile you will find both of us with imperfections. But we will be clean.

Family

My grandparents on my mother's side had 13 children. I once asked my grandmother why she decided to have so many kids and she let me know that "deciding" had nothing to do with it.

It was one of my first awakenings to women not having choices.

This big family was, for the most part, good for me. Most of them lived in the adjoining state but when my little brother and I needed help many of them stepped up.

They were an insular group. They all came "home" for Sunday dinner. Many of them spent the entire weekend at "home" including spouses, kids, etc. If they had job or marriage problems they moved back home. This may seem like normal family behavior - but with 13 of them it was messy at times.

There was intrigue in their marriages. For instance, a brother married the daughter of his sister's husband. Just think of the lyrics to "I'm My Own Grandpa" and you'll have the idea.

Two of the brothers married sisters. These two couples were different. They had friends on the outside. They were church going Baptists (the good kind.) They did a great job of raising their children.

The last of the 13 kids, my uncle, died about 3 years ago. Yesterday his wife, the remaining sister, died.

As a child, I remember Aunt Catherine being one of the most beautiful women I'd ever seen.

I'm not only an orphan and a widow - now all of those in the generations before me are gone.

I am the matriarch. I am the older generation. It can be lonely at the top.

A Good Day

Yesterday I got up at 6:30 and read for three hours. What a treat! My friend/handy man arrived. And, guess what? He finished working on my bathroom! A projected 3 days worth of tile work turned into 8 when he discovered big surprises behind the tiles.

Perfect timing because in the afternoon I picked up my Boyfriend from the airport. We haven't seen each other for a month but it was as if he'd just gone to the drug store. The conversation continued.

We had a late lunch at Brio's.

By the way, I have a favorite meal at all of my favorite restaurants. At Brio's it's Bestecca Insalata and, of course, their great sour dough bread.

Later, at home, we had a glass of wine and played cribbage.

Still later we went for an evening swim where we saw 4 close friends. One of them is the Heart Attack guy. He's doing fine.

Still later my Boyfriend replaced my energy hogging light bulbs with my new funny looking ones. The old ones produce 750 hours of light. The new ones 10,000 hours.

It was a good day.

Call Me Crazy

Call me crazy but I'm one of those people who thinks that our little planet is in real trouble. Global warming is a big part of it but it's not confined to that.

In comparison to most of the people around me I live a pretty stripped down life. I've given away most of my stuff. If something comes in - something else has to go out.

I think most people are finally "getting it" but it's depressing and we feel helpless.

I'm reading a fantastic book by Matthew Sleeth call "Serve God Save the Planet." He's a doctor and was an ER director for a long time. But now he's doing other things - things he thinks are more important.

Sure, the book has the usual scary predictions - like the earth is ...a sinking ship with billions of passengers aboard.

But there are positive suggestions: Early on he asks us to ask ourselves these questions:

• How can I help people today and in the future?
• How can I be less materialistic?
• How can I live a more charitable life?
• What would happen if I led a slower-paced existence?
• What is the spiritual prescription for depression, anxiety and anger?
• How can I become a better steward of nature?

And this blew me away:
...if every household changed its five most used bulbs to compact fluorescent light bulbs, the country could take twenty-one coal-fired power plants off-line tomorrow. This would keep one trillion pounds of poisonous gases and soot out of the air we breath and would have the same beneficial impact as taking eight million cars off the road.
So I'm going to buy some more of those funny looking light bulbs today. Last week I bought "green bags" at my grocery store to use instead of carrying home my pitiful amount of groceries in about 9 plastic bags.
I think we can turn this thing around with a minimum amount of sacrifice but if we're going down like the Titanic I don't want to be spending my time rearranging deck chairs.

The "L" Word

Early on my Boyfriend became impatient with me because I wouldn't/couldn't tell him that I loved him.

He reminded that I had a male friend to whom I freely said "I love you." It's not the same. I do love that person but it doesn't imply nearly as much as the Boyfriend "I love you" would.

I love my friends and relatives and tell them so - often. It's not the same either.

Love is a complicated word and means so many different things. It's way more than a feeling, it's a commitment. People who are married to Alzheimer's patients can attest to that.

I love my children. This is altogether different. I love them with a passion that's staggering. (And I know that they know it.) Even those whom I don't see often and those with whom I don't often agree.

A few years ago my son, who was about 40 at the time, became seriously ill. I surprised myself by dropping everything, including my terminally ill husband, to be a his bedside. It wasn't like he needed me. He has a loving wife and an entourage. I needed it. It was everything I could do not to crawl into the hospital bed with him.

But when the crisis was over I said, "See ya!"

I love my grandchildren. But not like some people who have the bumper stickers that say "If I'd Known I'd Love My Grandkids So Much I Would Have Had Them First."

So, knowing all of this - here's the thing:

I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND!

My Neighbor

I used to have this neighbor. She was in her 80s and extremely hard to get along with. If I agreed to drive her to the airport she would complain during the entire hour long trip. Mostly about how everybody in her world was trying to take advantage of her.

But the thing was that most people knocked themselves out trying to help her until they became exhausted and just couldn't take it anymore.

Some did it because they were good people, some did it for the money. I did it for both.

When I first became her temporary "favorite" (by that I mean "servant") she would try to force money on me. We had big fights. Sometimes when I thought I'd won and she knew I wouldn't accept the money, she'd fling a grocery store gift card at me. Literally, she'd throw it at me!

Finally, I caved. I took the money once in a while but assured her that I would give it away. And I did.

She was a tiny person. She teeter tottered on high heels. She wore expensive clothes from the 60s - every day. It was obvious that she'd once been a beautiful woman but she looked just plain scary most of the time. She kind of had that "Nora Desmond" thing going.

She traveled a lot, using a very upscale travel group that catered to her every need. Occasionally she bribed a family member to go with her but it never worked out. After a few days she was ready to kill the family member and the family member was ready to kill herself.

A couple of years ago I picked her up from the airport after one of her high end trips. She told me that the night before she'd been in a night club in Italy. As she was coming out of the ladies room she slammed into a man coming from the men's room.

It was George Clooney.

He tried to pick her up off the floor. She screamed at him to leave her alone. He was flustered and, at some point, said to her, "I'm George Clooney."

As she rearranged her 60s dress and the big layers of blond hair she said to him, "I know who you are. Now leave me alone."

Poor George. The majority of women on the planet would give anything to meet him. My neighbor received a full body press and then rejected him on the spot.

But here's the thing. She's a good person. Just not very nice most of the time. I don't think she can help it.

She's in assisted living now and guess what? I miss her.

They Didn't Fall Out of a Tree

When my Real Husband used to compliment parents on how well their children were doing and they would deny their contributions he would say,

"Well, they didn't just fall out of a tree!"

Yesterday I had lunch with an exceptional woman - in every area of her life. Her siblings are exceptional as well. When that's the case I usually ask "What was going on in your house when you were growing up to produce people like you?"

I've asked enough people to have an opinion. I know this: It's not money. In my opinion money's used as much to hold kids back as it is to empower them.

Do you know the story of the woman in the hotel with the kid in the wheelchair and the doorman says, "I'm sorry your son can't walk."

And she says, "Oh he can walk, but thank God he doesn't have to."

Like that.

In my opinion, two of the ingredients for producing these super contributing human beings are:

1. A motivated mom (and a loving dad.)

2. Books (all kinds)

There are exceptions. My brother and I just fell out of a tree.

Getting Mad at God

Another close friend has cancer. How can I make sense of it?

Somebody let me know recently (after reading one of my blogs) that "I should never be angry with God." Actually I don't blame God for the cancer.

I don't believe that God causes terrible things to happen to us or to the people we love.

We've found the cure for so many diseases. Some day we'll find the cure for all cancers. Because it's already here - we just haven't found it yet. We're too busy doing other things.

I think I get angry with God in 2 ways:

1. When, like Mother Teresa, I can't find God for a time. It's the loneliest feeling in the world.

2. When God speaks to me and I don't want to hear it.

For instance, a while back there was a little five minute skit in my church service just before the sermon. This great looking woman was standing next to a table with beautiful place settings, candles, etc.

She sort of rambled on about how the kids were gone so she and her husband could have sophisticated dinner parties with the beautiful people.

And I was thinking, Yeah, that sounds good to me.

Then a homeless (looking) man stood up and said, "Can I sit at your table?"

Then a young, strange looking couple came up the aisle and said, "Can we sit at your table?"

And they kept coming. Old, sick, smelly, young, scary - they all wanted to sit at this woman's beautifully set table.

Did I get the message from this little five minute skit? Yes.

Did I like it? No.

I think my problem is that I want to be comforted but I don't want to be reminded that I live in a world full of pain.

Happy Holidays

I was in J. C. Penney's a couple of hours ago and guess what I saw? That's right. Christmas stuff. I made the sales clerk laugh when I looked at the lights and Santa Claus china and said, "It's about time!"

I love Christmas. I love everything about it. Including the music in the grocery store and the big gaudy decorations. But this is a bit much even for me.

I don't even have my ceramic pumpkin out yet. By the way, the first year I switched from a real pumpkin to ceramic my son called me a communist. Oh, and he called me a communist when I added one new dish to the Thanksgiving menu. My family was pretty traditional.

The reason I was in Penney's in the mall is that I walk two fast miles every day and it's still way, way too hot to walk outside.

Happy holidays!

Influential People

My Boyfriend (who, by the way, will be flying down to see me very soon) sent me the USA Today's list of the 25 most influential people of the past 25 years.

Some not surprising - some very surprising.

Bill Gates was 1st (not surprising.) Homer Simpson was 25th (What?)

Stephen Hawking is 7th. I read in my paper just this morning that he's writing a novel for middle schoolers. I can't wait. Learning about physics, time and the universe through the eyes of an 8th grader sounds right up my alley.

Both Hawking and Gates would be on my list but many of the others are, in my eyes, questionable.

I guess I should make my own list but I don't have time today because I have to scrub a bunch of old bathroom tiles. The remodeling of my bathroom has taken on a strange life of its own, one that might interest Stephen Hawking.

Here is the USA Today list:

1. Bill Gates (I've been in love with one of his employees for 23 years.)

2. Ronald Reagan (Fascinating man. I read his diaries this summer. But he would not be on my list.)

3. Oprah Winfrey (A person would have to be brain dead not to know her but I don't see her show(s) and she wouldn't be on my list.

4 & 5. Francis Collins & J. Craig Venter (OK, I know you're saying to yourself "Who?" They are the mappers of the human genome. They're on my list. I want my grandchildren and your grandchildren to live very long and healthy lives.

6. Osama bin Laden

7. Stephen Hawking

8. Lance Armstrong (Great biker and cancer activist but would not be on my list.)

9. Pope John Paul II

10. Bono (Most of us would be surprised at the huge good this man has chosen to do with his life)

11. Mikhall Gorbackev (The Glasnost Guy.)

12. & 13. Sergey Brin & Larry Page (Can you say "Google?")

14. George W. Bush

15. Sam Walton (I have a few problems with Wal-Mart)

16. Deng Xiaoping (He planted the seeds for China's coming of age.)

17. Michael Jordan (Great basketball player but would not be on my list.)

18. Howard Schultz, Starbucks (Not on my list)

19. Nelson Mandela (On my list)

20. J.K. Rowling (Props for getting kids all over the world to read - but not on my list)

21. & 22. Bill & Hillary (Yes, on the list.)

23. Russell Simmons (This isn't Richard Simmons the sweaty guy - it's a hip-hop pioneer. Are they kidding?)

24. Ryan White (The AIDs kid. He was a hero but wouldn't be on my list.)

25. Homer Simpson (What?)

Relationships Change

Despite being the most beloved person on the planet, Mother Teresa has had a bit of bad press lately. Because she had difficulty praying audibly she was encouraged to keep what we would call a prayer journal.

She wanted these written prayers destroyed upon her death but the higher ups said no.

So now we have her innermost, private thoughts and feelings about her relationship with God "out there."

I'm no Mother Teresa but I keep a prayer journal. If you read it, which you won't, you would see, laid out bare, every emotion imaginable. I've been mad at God more than once. I figure God can take it.

Apparently like Mother Teresa, (although I'm no Mother Teresa) I've felt totally and completely alone. I've also felt totally blessed. Maybe God doesn't change but I do.

Isn't that the human condition? Isn't that what real relationships are about?

In the movie, "The Painted Veil" (based on the book by Somerset Maugham) there is a scene in a convent in rural China in the middle of a cholera epidemic.

An old Mother Superior talking with the young woman about relationships and sacrifice tells her about her own love life. She says when she first fell in love with Christ she felt like any young lover. Now they were more like two old people sitting on the couch, not talking much. "But he knows I'm not going to leave him."

This may not be religious enough for you but isn't this what relationships are about? Ever changing.

Did I mention that I'm no Mother Teresa?

Pre Judging

We all do it. I do it. We make judgements about people based on how they look or talk or what they do or where they're from.

Here are some examples:

• Artists - Weird
• Floridians - Old
• Musicians - Irresponsible
• Car Repair People - Crooks
• Psychiatrists - Nuts
• Baptists - Narrow minded
• Women - Bad drivers
• Men - Messy
• Tall People - Basketball players
• Writers - Poor
• Southerners - Dumb

Yesterday I had lunch, as you know, at the catfish place, with a couple I've known for about 40 years. She's graceful, smart, beautiful and sings like a Nightingale - but this isn't about her.

Her husband looks like a farmer. I've - more than once -seen him in bib overalls. He's kind of old now so he's a little bent over - but actually he's always looked pretty much that way.

He's from the south so he has that slow southern cracker accent. If you met him you might think "It's Jeeter Lester from Tobacco Road."

But you would be very, very wrong.

He's a theologian and a scholar. He's open minded and easy to talk with about anything.

And still learning.

In fact, he's so smart that he says this a lot: I don't know.

Even though, as a minister, he reached one of the top rungs in his denomination, now, in retirement, he's pastoring a little country church.

I'm sure they think that he's one of them - and they're right. But he's so much more.

If you should challenge him to a game of wit (the power to perceive and express ideas that are unusual, striking, brilliant and amusing) you would lose.

So would I.

Surprises

My friend/handy man is here to start redoing my master bathroom. He was an advertising guy in his real life but this is what he's doing now and he's good at it.

It's fun to reinvent yourself when you retire.

When I returned late this afternoon from my fantastic 3 hour catfish lunch he was sitting in my shower stall pulling out tiles. A rotted wall was not what we planned on - but it's what he found. This will be a much bigger job than we thought.

Life is full of surprises but I've learned the difference between- being attacked by a bear and having a little dog yapping at your feet. (A damaged wall is the latter.)

By the way, one of my Power Rangers and her spouse recently had the interior of their town home painted by a neighbor who was a judge until he reinvented himself in retirement.

It's pretty cool when you have to choose between the advertising guy and the judge to work on your house.

What's Not to Like?

A food editor named Heather McPherson writes a column in one of the papers I read. As you know, I don't cook (much) but she's funny and smart. I love her column.

Lately she's written about state fairs and how they try to one-up each other in the fast food department.

(By the way, I haven't heard from my favorite Hoosiers about how the Indiana State Fair food stacked up.)

Last week she wrote about Minnesota and their "food on a stick." Today it's Texas (the largest state fair, of course.) It's all about the deep frying.

Some examples:

• Deep-Fried Lattes - pastry topped with cappuccino ice cream, caramel sauce, whipped cream and instant powder.
• Fried Chili Pie
• Fried Guacamole - breaded mashed avocado with ranch dressing or salsa.
• Fried Banana Pudding
• Deep Fried Coke - cola flavored batter, drizzled with Coke flavored syrup, then topped with whipped cream, cinnamon sugar and a cherry.

Tomorrow I'm meeting some old friends for lunch at a catfish place in a small, close by, town. Yes, I'll have catfish. Can't wait. Yum. Yum. I guess I can order something else, something non fried - but why?

I can assure you that:

- I will order the fingerlings, deep fried with a cornmeal coating. That's 5 whole catfish (but they're small.)

- I will eat every bite and it will take a while because they're full of bones.

- I will come home and (as Heather McPherson suggests) "Grab the Pepto."

She also said something about a defibrillator.

Anniversary

Yes, today is the third anniversary of the death of my Real Husband. Many of you seemed to be amused/perplexed/disturbed by the poem I shared a couple of days ago that explained my marriage (Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.) But those of you who knew him well got it immediately. I'll share another - so that you will have full insight into our 45 year relationship.

But this is the end of the marriage poems for a while. It's time to look to the future.

FULL CIRCLE

In the beginning I served you meatloaf

And you said,

It is good.

Toward the middle you spoke to 600 people

Telling them that when I served meatloaf,

Romance was soon to follow.

When I confronted you

You said,

It is meatloaf,

And it is good.

Toward the end

when you were eating only

Cake and soup

I served you meatloaf

On Saturday nights.

With your wheelchair at the

Candle laden table

You took one or two bites

And declared

It is good.

What is it?

It is meatloaf.

Inspiration

I'm inspired by so many people. I've always found those who do their best with what they have, or do something new, or sacrificial - to be exciting - and inspiring. I'm not talking about "winners."

We were in a small group recently discussing what it means to inspire others. A friend allowed as how she didn't have time for that right now because she was a single mom with a teenage daughter, starting a new career, and was in the process of adopting her teenage nephew after the recent sudden death of his father - her brother.

Is she kiddin' me? I was totally inspired by her.

This summer my Boyfriend and I went twice to the big Picasso exhibit in his city. Pablo Picasso was a visionary and inspired scores of painters and other artists to stretch themselves.

But there is a perplexing quote on the wall of the museum from John Graham, a famous Russian painter. After viewing Picasso's work he said:

I gave up abstract painting altogether, leaving it to Picasso who can do it best of all.

How sad. But if I was discouraged (rather than inspired) by people who are more gifted than me - I guess I'd hang it up too.

Complaint Department

Most Sunday mornings I get up early and read the paper. What a pleasure this is after so many years of having every Sunday morning be the equivalent of taking a stress test.

Sometimes I read the drug store ad - you know, the one that's the size of a magazine with lots of coupons bordering the bottom.

Sometimes, after church and lunch and exercise I stop by the drug store to pick up some of these bargains.

Guess what? They are consistently out of many of them. Usually paper towels. How can a major nation wide drug chain be out of paper towels?

I feel so sorry for people who actually need these bargains to make ends meet. Today I had a long talk in aisle 7 with one of those people. She was exhausted and almost in tears after running around trying to buy basic essentials at the best price
.
It's hard for most of us to remember that half the people in the country have to live this way.

These weekly sale items are called "Loss Leaders" and they're drastically reduced to get you into the store. Fine. But please play fair.

All in all, I ended up having a pretty productive time in the store.

But still, no paper towels.

Poetry

I write poetry. Some of it used to appear in magazines and papers. I put together a book in the late 70s that sold thousands of copies (a rare thing for poetry.)

For years a psychologist ordered the books by the dozens to use in group therapy. I was never sure how to feel about that.

In a couple of days we will celebrate the third anniversary of the death of my Real Husband. Yes, "celebrate" is the word. His death was a blessing for him and every person who loved him during the last years.

But prior to his final illness he was a "Larger than Life" force to be reckoned with.

Following is a little poem that I wrote in 1999 - describing my marriage.

MR. TOAD'S WILD RIDE!

Marriage is like a trip to Disney.

Most folks choose Cinderella's Merry-Go-Round.

It's nice.

We chose Space Mountain with a few stops at

the Tower of Terror.

Thanks for the ride!