We know that boomers are nervous about retiring because they're afraid they won't have the funds to perpetuate their current lifestyles.
Dave and I live a pretty simple life. We like it that way. We live in a small, easy to maintain space. Sometimes I think about outsourcing the window washing or other stuff we don't like to do but - so far - we haven't had a need. And housework is great exercise.
I'm aware that five of our collective six kids outsource a lot. And I'm all for it. They all work extremely hard. Unless they love it, cutting the grass or deep cleaning the house would be silly. And would deprive someone who needs that job.
But today's paper has an article about how average folks are outsourcing that kind of blew me away. ''
Here are a few:
Nameologist - We hire this person to name our kids. My mother was one of the youngest of 13 children. Her name was Carmen. So my grandma was still coming up with some good ones right to the end.
Wantologist - This person tells you what you really want when you're not sure. I would be so bad this. But I'm good at telling folks what they don't want. And, especially, what they don't need. Unfortunately, I can't get anybody to listen to me.
Baby Specialist - For instance, you can hire somebody to teach your baby to sleep through the night. But you must hire another specialist to get the baby to stay awake during the day.
Camp Consultant - This person finds just the right summer camp for each of your children. My kids had a choice of three: Church, YMCA, Scouts.
Rent a Friend - You can hire a person to see a movie or have dinner or take a trip with you. It's much better than a real friend because you don't have to even pretend to care anything about them. It's all about you.
Kid's Party Planner - In some areas of the country you are ostracized if you try to take on this task yourself.
In the 1970s one of the poems in a little poetry book I wrote addressed the emerging kid's party protocol. It's printed below. By the way, I recently saw a copy of the book on sale on the Internet for $34. Don't buy it! For $34.00 I will come over and read the poetry to you myself. And I'll tell you what you don't want for free.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU - YOU LIVE IN A ZOO
Happy birthday darling,
Here's to the full life you'll live,
It's time for your lesson in ripping off,
Your family,
Every friend
And relative.
Never mind the joy of having,
People who love you around,
"Just keep those checks and gifts
coming in,
You can measure their love by the pound.
Be sure mommy has a big party,
And invites friends and enemies alike,
And maybe she'll hire a clown this time,
Or a monkey who rides on a bike.
Remind her, her reputation's at stake
If she "cops out" she'll look like a leech,
Can she top Georgie Brewster's party last month,
With the helicopters rides to the beach?
I know that they've taught you in Sunday School,
That love and charity are real, '
But it's time that you learned the truth dear child,
All of life is "Let's Make a Deal."
***
Dave and I live a pretty simple life. We like it that way. We live in a small, easy to maintain space. Sometimes I think about outsourcing the window washing or other stuff we don't like to do but - so far - we haven't had a need. And housework is great exercise.
I'm aware that five of our collective six kids outsource a lot. And I'm all for it. They all work extremely hard. Unless they love it, cutting the grass or deep cleaning the house would be silly. And would deprive someone who needs that job.
But today's paper has an article about how average folks are outsourcing that kind of blew me away. ''
Here are a few:
Nameologist - We hire this person to name our kids. My mother was one of the youngest of 13 children. Her name was Carmen. So my grandma was still coming up with some good ones right to the end.
Wantologist - This person tells you what you really want when you're not sure. I would be so bad this. But I'm good at telling folks what they don't want. And, especially, what they don't need. Unfortunately, I can't get anybody to listen to me.
Baby Specialist - For instance, you can hire somebody to teach your baby to sleep through the night. But you must hire another specialist to get the baby to stay awake during the day.
Camp Consultant - This person finds just the right summer camp for each of your children. My kids had a choice of three: Church, YMCA, Scouts.
Rent a Friend - You can hire a person to see a movie or have dinner or take a trip with you. It's much better than a real friend because you don't have to even pretend to care anything about them. It's all about you.
Kid's Party Planner - In some areas of the country you are ostracized if you try to take on this task yourself.
In the 1970s one of the poems in a little poetry book I wrote addressed the emerging kid's party protocol. It's printed below. By the way, I recently saw a copy of the book on sale on the Internet for $34. Don't buy it! For $34.00 I will come over and read the poetry to you myself. And I'll tell you what you don't want for free.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU - YOU LIVE IN A ZOO
Happy birthday darling,
Here's to the full life you'll live,
It's time for your lesson in ripping off,
Your family,
Every friend
And relative.
Never mind the joy of having,
People who love you around,
"Just keep those checks and gifts
coming in,
You can measure their love by the pound.
Be sure mommy has a big party,
And invites friends and enemies alike,
And maybe she'll hire a clown this time,
Or a monkey who rides on a bike.
Remind her, her reputation's at stake
If she "cops out" she'll look like a leech,
Can she top Georgie Brewster's party last month,
With the helicopters rides to the beach?
I know that they've taught you in Sunday School,
That love and charity are real, '
But it's time that you learned the truth dear child,
All of life is "Let's Make a Deal."
***
