Money, Money, Money, Money

Money Makes the World Go Round - Sung by the money hungry Liza Minnelli and the evil Joel Grey in 1972 film Cabaret

A few weeks ago my minister, David, started his Sunday sermon describing his mother's attitude about money when he was growing up.  She had great difficulty spending it and the only satisfaction she derived from each purchase was defined by how much she saved.

I thought, wait a minute.  I'm not your mom.  How do you know this about me?

I used to think my husband Ken had a strange relationship with money. But somewhere along the way realized that I, as well, had an unhealthy relationship with money.  It used to be called  "depression mentality."  We were the Yin and Yang of unhealthy views.

Of course I still don't throw it away but when I realized at some point that Jesus spent his time here on earth talking to us about our relationships to money, I worked on why I functioned the way I did.  My attitude was fear based and I wanted to get over that.  I now find great joy in sharing what I have.  Sometimes anonymously.  But I'm not unique in this by any means.

Last week in Forum a younger guy facilitated a discussion on folks, from poor to rich, and how our values influence our view of wealth.  It was great.  He had an excellent handout on the hidden rules of economic classes.  But the most interesting thing he shared was a very sad story about his uncle.  I want to share it with you here.  I may not have it quite right (forgive me Luis.) But this is what I heard.

His uncle was a wealthy man but not very social.  Nor was he generous.  He would come to family celebrations but would not get involved in the festivities, no matter what they were.  At some point, in most  family gatherings, he would take out his (fat) wallet and proceed to count his money in front of the group.

I know people like that and I'm sure you do too.  It may not be a fat wallet but they find other ways to demonstrate superiority.  I find it to be so very sad for all concerned. Including, and maybe especially, the uncle.


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We're Not Goin' Home

Recently John MacArthur,  a wildly popular and successful evangelical minister of a mega church in California, when asked to describe in two words, his feelings about Beth Moore, a wildly popular evangelical female leader, replied,

"Go Home!"

This has started a big old brouhaha in the evangelical  world.  I don't travel in these circles so I barely know who John MacArthur is.  I do know about Beth Moore from her books and Bible studies but she's not one of my personal favorites.  However, in her defense, she's had a powerful spiritual impact of many folks I love and respect.

But I do know about United Methodist clergywomen.  Yesterday I had lunch with one of my very favorites.  She has strongly affected my life, both spiritually and personally, since she came into it 20 years ago.   I'm beyond grateful she was called by God to ministry and I'm beyond grateful that she accepted the call.  We have a strong group of clergywomen in the UMC.  We currently have 16 female bishops, the highest office in the UMC.

As you can image, it has not been an easy process.  As with any kind of change within faith groups, interruption of scripture is paramount.  And even just a few months ago I read an article where clergywomen here if Florida were quoting some of the boneheaded things both male clergy and lay people have said and done to them.

I don't know exactly where mainline churches are headed here in this country.  I can't imagine a world without them.  So I'm grateful for faith leaders who guide us using love, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self control.

And I know our female leaders, lay and clergy, will hang in there and make our voices known.  I don't know exactly where we're going but we're not "going home."


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Another Bridge Builder is Gone

My husband, Ken, was known as a bridge builder.  But he was also affectionately known as a Yellow Dog Democrat.  This title suggests a person who would vote for a yellow dog before voting for a non-democrat.  Even thought they are polar opposites, he loved both of these descriptions.  I, on the other hand, was way more moderate.

Yesterday's paper announced the death of life long republican  congressman, Lou Frey.  Lou was also a consummate bridge builder.  He got things done.  He liked to discuss all points of view and was good at collaborating with people.

For 20 years he did a program on NPR with Dick Batchelor, a strong Democrat.  Dick is quoted as saying  that  For 20 years at NPR, we did point/counterpoint as a Republican and Democrat, and we never argued about anything.

In the '80s, Lou Frey ran for governor.  He chose Representative Marilyn Evans-Jones as his Lieutenant Governor running mate.  Marilyn was a member of the church where my Yellow Dog Democrat husband was the pastor.  Sounds like trouble, huh.

But Ken, shockingly (to me)  ended up going through the process of changing his party affiliation from Democrat to Republican so he could vote for this team.  Why? Because it was the right thing to do.

Of course, after the vote, he switched back.

Lou Frey helped all of us learn how to be responsible, loving, kind and strong.  And above all, even though it might be extremely uncomfortable, do the right thing.


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Goodbye Ferris Wheels

Navy Pier in Chicago

Many years ago the Catholic church down the street started a fall Community Fest.  The church has a big campus and it gets outfitted with all kinds of carnival rides and everything else you could image in a mini state fair.  Driving down the street at night and seeing all the neon/twinkle lights is exciting, especially the big Ferris Wheel.   But I never went because my husband, Ken, wasn't well.  Instead of feeling excitement as we drove by, many times, I felt sad and lonely.

London Eye

When I met David a few years later we saw the lights one evening and when I told him my sad story he said, "well we're going".  And we did.  Every single year we walked over, ate crazy food for dinner and rode the Ferris Wheel.

Not only that but we rode some of the best Ferris Wheels in the world - like the one at the Navy Pier in Chicago.  The Navy Pier is one of the most popular attractions in Chicago with its 50 acres of parks, gardens, restaurants, and a giant Ferris Wheel that never stops - so you have to get on fast.

Orlando Eye

And we rode the London Eye, which was the tallest Ferris Wheel  until our hometown, Orlando, built our own Eye, featuring enclosed, air conditioned cars that hold about 18 people.  We rode that too.

The Catholic church Community Fest is next weekend.  I won't be going.  David is gone and I have no business riding, or desire to ride, another Ferris Wheel.   But I'm not at all sad about it.  I feel blessed.

Goodbye Ferris Wheels. We had a great ride.


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Inside Job

Lately I've been surrounded by personality testing opportunities.  Forum just finished up two sessions on Enneaogram testing.  I took the test but wasn't sure about my results because I was ambivalent about many of my answers.  I came out a (weak) number one.  It's titled perfectionist.  I never considered myself a perfectionist.  But some of the other stuff made sense.

Also, as I discussed in my last blog posting,  I bought the book "Living Your Strengths" took the test, and was not one bit surprised at the outcome.  Strategic Thinking trumped everything else.

So what's the problem?  I've been suffering anxiety attacks that bring on physical illness - almost daily - for four months straight.

Since I'm a strategic thinker I've worked hard to problem solve.

Then, in the past ten days, two things have happened. First, I received one of the first copies of my daughter, Sarah's new book.  Sarah has been working on this book a long time but she never shared the content with me.  For me, it's a fantastic devotional, and one of the most positive books I've ever read.  But it will be powerful for folks in all walks of life, no matter where you are spirituality. Right there on the cover it says "Throw off the facade of perfection."

Last week I started seeing a highly recommended therapist.  She's not all that interested in the stress filled life I've led in the past four months, and by the way, my whole life.  She essentially said that the problem's not coming from the outside - it's coming from the inside.  She wants me to be vulnerable, not something I'm comfortable with.

I took this as good and bad news.  But then, in reading Sarah's book, I found several vignettes about me.  Some of them not easy to read - but all of them true.  And it's not like I haven't been aware of this truth for a very long time.  I wrote the poem below in the 1970s, when Sarah was a baby.  And (this is an aside) the title is a forerunner to Sarah's job as a prosecuting attorney in Dekalb County Georgia.  (She helped stop crime big time.)

HELP STOP CRIME

I accused you of a felony,
I thought you broke my heart,
And ruined my life,
But, 
After thoroughly investigating
   the crime,
I will concede,
It could have been an inside job.

Cecily Crossman 


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Michael's Wings

In the 1996 film, "Michael," John Travolta plays a loveable but deeply flawed angel complete with big bulky wings that he keeps covered with a raincoat.  The angel Micheal seemingly has some very human traits such as eating too many chocolate chip cookies and being irresistible to women (and he to them.)  He does one of his sexiest dances ever - wearing the overcoat.  He seems to operate totally from a sense of passion.

But every time Michael saves a life it takes a lot out of him and he becomes weaker.  Eventually he starts losing feathers from the wings giving us a sense of foreboding.  It's a symbol that Michael is dying.

By the way, this is a fantastic movie.  Totally entertaining.

So what does this have to do with the photo of the orchid arrangement that I just posted a couple of weeks ago telling you how much I love it?

The petals have started to fall.  Seeing them on the flower has made me unusually sad and vaguely aware of some sad memory.  Then it came to me that it's from the images of the Michael movie. I am having somewhat the sense of foreboding that I had when Michael's wings started dropping.


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Who Am I Now?

There's no crying in baseball.  Tom Hanks, "A League of Their Own."

The phrase above essentially means "Toughen up" or "Be strong." And in this context it used to mean that baseball was a man's game and men don't cry.  Hence, there's no crying in baseball.

The prevailing stereotype throughout human history is that women are predominately right brain (emotional.)  and men left brain (logical.)

Every personality test I've ever taken has shown me to be a heavily Left Brain person, meaning the logical far overrides the emotional.  I have a friend who now lives in Colorado who has somewhat the same make up.  Years ago, she told me that when her husband was near death she instantly became tough and lazer fixed on getting the proper things done.

That's what we "left brainers" do.  I was the same when both of my husbands were dying.  A few weeks ago, when my David suddenly passed away,  I was lazer focused on doing the proper things in the proper order - first calling his kids then making absolutely sure his body was prepared for donation to the UCF Medical School, per his wishes.  But prior to that, in the few months that he was recovering from an accident (before he died!) my health began falling apart.

Self knowledge has served me well over the years and I know has enabled me to be strong and helpful to others through my work and personal relationships.  And my logical thinking and self knowledge has helped me personally as well.  I have enjoyed presenting myself as A Strong Woman.

But now I'm 80!  And have a miserable, chronic illness, to which I believe my left brain dominance has contributed.  For me, the main trigger for my Meniere's episodes is anxiety.  It's like my body is saying to my brain, "Hey, Cess's brain.  You may think you're still in charge but let me show you what I'm up to."  Have I mentioned that I have always been pretty good at keeping confidences?  So naturally I still find myself knew-deep in other people's stuff.

For the past several weeks my church has been emphasizing the concept of "Living Your Strengths."  As part of that we've been urged to take a Gallop test to determine what our strengths are.  It cost 20 bucks to take the test so you have to be motivated.

I'm motivated!  I bought the book and took the test, hoping it would give me some different data at this late date.   But no...Following are my top five "strengths."

1.  Connectedness -RELATIONSHIP BUILDING.  In your soul you know that we are all connected. Yes, we are individuals, responsible for our own judgments and in possession of our own free will, but nonetheless we are part of something larger.  You are a bridge builder for people of different cultures.  Your faith is strong.  Yes, this is me and I continue to like this.

But, in light of my current predicament and, oh yeah, the fact that I'm 80, perhaps the other four strengths need to be a little more self focused.

2.  Learner -STRATEGIC THINKING.  The process of learning rather than the outcome, excites them. 

3.  Input-STRATEGIC THINKING.  They collect information and ideas.

4.  Intellection - STRATEGIC THINKING.  They need intellectual activity. You are introspective and you appreciate intellectual discussions.

5.  Analytical - STRATEGIC THINKING.  You like data because they are value free and help you search for values and causes. 

So, no new news here!  But maybe being reminded of this left brain dominance will help me, along with a professional counselor (who won't try to hug me and say, there, there, don't worry your little head about that,) deal with my anxiety and my current propensity to watch the room spin around while I'm throwing up.

By the way,  I highly recommend this book that comes at this prospective through a theological lens, if that's your thing, as it is mine.

Living Your Strengths - From Gallup by Albert Winseman, Don Clifton and Curt Liesveld.


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