Edna and Me

My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends-
It gives a lovely light! - Edna St. Vincent Millay


I was in two separate gatherings today where I was reminded that we're all different.  And that's OK.  Fortunately, early this morning I was re-reading works from one of my favorite poets, Edna St. Vincent Millay.

Edna was a Pulitzer prize winning, feminist poet.  She was also "out there."  Her work showed it.  I, myself, am a writer/poet and feminist.  But I'm not like Edna.  I live in my head.  I like an ordered house and an ordered life.  One word to describe me would be "responsible."  One phrase to describe Edna would be "free spirit."

And yet she wrote a sonnet (I think in 1917) that describes my inability, at that time, to process sad, painful feelings. It gave me peace.  

IF I SHOULD LEARN, IN SOME QUIET CASUAL WAY

If I should learn, in some quiet casual way,
That you were gone, not to return again'
Read from the back-page of a paper, say,
Held by a neighbor in a subway train,
How at the corner of this avenue
And such a street (so are the papers filled)
A hurrying man, who happened to be you,
At noon today and had happened to be killed-
I should not cry aloud-I could not cry
Aloud, or wring my hands in such a place-
I should but watch the station sights rush by
With a more careful interest on my face;
Or raise my eyes and read with great care
Where to store furs and how to treat the hair. 

Following is the last stanza of one of Edna's poems that I think describes her but not me.  However, it gives me joy.

We were very tired, we were very merry,
We had gone back and forth all night on the ferry.
We hailed, "Good morrow, mother!" to a shawl-covered head,
And bought a morning paper, which neither of us read;
And she wept, "God bless you!" for the apples and pears,
And we gave her all our money but our subway fares. 


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Creed

A formal statement of Christian beliefs especially the Apostle's Creed and the Nicene Creed. 

Over the years I've studied the creeds and I understand why they were necessary because early Christians were continually veering off into other traditions.  So, since around 390 A.D., we've had the Apostle's Creed - the gold standard of creeds.  The name implies that the Apostles wrote it down but since it came about centuries later I'm not sure.

Last Sunday our minister preached on The Apostle's Creed and finished by inviting us to write our own creed.  I decided not to do that because I always get myself into trouble when I do.

It's not that I don't take the creeds seriously, the problem is I take them very seriously. So I'm attempting to, once again, rewrite the Apostle's Creed.  Not for everyone.  Just for me.

It's not going well.  Here's what I have so far.

I BELIEVE IN GOD, THE FATHER ALMIGHTY, CREATOR OF HEAVEN AND EARTH.

Yes, I believe in the God who created the whole shebang but I'm hung up on the word "Father."  To me it connotes the concept of the Old Testament Patriarchal system where the father of the family controlled everybody and everything.  Why?  Because he could.  It was set up that way.  And I don't even want to get into the "Father" concept as it's currently relating to church.

My rewrite:  I believe in God who is the creator of the universe and all living beings.

I BELIEVE IN JESUS CHRIST, HIS ONLY SON, OUR LORD
WHO WAS CONCEIVED BY THE HOLY SPIRIT AND BORN OF THE VIRGIN MARY.

I believe that God sent Jesus Christ who was God and is God  (and who was born in unusual circumstance which I do not fully understand) to earth to show us who God is and who we are. 

HE SUFFERED UNDER PONTIUS PILATE, WAS CRUCIFIED, DIED AND WAS BURIED;

Jesus' life and teachings were revolutionary.  He suffered, was crucified, died, and was buried. 

HE DESCENDED INTO HELL

I've never understood that part.

THE THIRD DAY HE ROSE AGAIN FROM THE DEAD.  HE ASCENDED TO HEAVEN AND IS SEATING AT THE RIGHT HAND OF GOD THE FATHER ALMIGHTY, FROM THERE HE WILL COME TO JUDGE THE LIVING AND THE DEAD.

The third day he rose from the dead.  After a period of time in which he continued his revolutionary, counter culture teachings, he ascended to heaven and is with God and is God.  He loves the living and the dead.

I BELIEVE IN THE HOLY SPIRIT, THE HOLY CATHOLIC* CHURCH, THE COMMUNION OF SAINTS, THE FORGIVENESS OF SINS, THE RESURRECTION OF THE BODY AND THE LIFE EVERLASTING. AMEN.

I have issues with the holy catholic church (big C and little c) because the church is made up of humans and we humans continually make messes.  After decades of study I still do not know what "the communion of saints" and "the resurrection of the body" mean.

I believe in the Holy Spirit, which empowers me to live my best life when I allow it.  I believe in the forgiveness of sins and life everlasting.  Amen.

Conspiracy Theories

He's Alive!

Conspiracy theories, unlike other theories, are not based on facts.   They are a belief system. 

We've always had conspiracy theories but we're currently in a season where they've run amok on all sides of almost any big issue before us.  For instance we've always had theorists who believe that UFO's and Lizard People are real but deny that the moon landing and the holocaust happened.  But now new theories that scare the bejeebers out of us are coming out daily.

This morning's Orlando Sentinel ran a column by Joseph Uscinski and Casey Klofstad about how powerful we Floridians are in making national decisions while also holding onto our own wild and weird conspiracy theories.

Here are five of the theories they shared that are especially important to Floridians, and, more importantly, have been proven to be absolutely false:

• Hurricanes are controlled by the government.  14% agreed and 18% weren't sure.
• 
  
• The 2000 presidential election between Al Gore and George W. Bush was rigged?  29% agreed and 36% weren't sure.  '
• 
  
• Parkland and other mass shootings are hoaxes designed to take away our guns.  15% agreed and 17% weren't sure. 
• 
  
• Fidel Castro played a part in the assassination of John Kennedy.  24% believed Castro was involved and 43% weren't sure. 
• 
  
• After Walt Disney died his body was frozen and is kept on ice somewhere in Disney World.  41% were unsure. 

OK, I totally call shenanigans on this last theory.  Everybody knows that Walt Disney's body is not at Disney World.  It's just his head.  And it's suspended in a batch of cryogenic material in the basement of Cinderella's Castle until such time as it can be safely thawed out.  I thought everybody in Florida knew this.

***

The Return of the Prodigal Son

A picture which those who have seen the original in St. Petersburg may be forgiven for claiming as the greatest picture ever painted. - Kenneth Clark, Art Historian

Over the years I've written several blog entries about this painting.  It became real to me years ago when I was studying Henri Nouwen's book, The Return of the Prodigal Son.  In it he shares his profound spiritual experience when viewing the painting at the Hermitage in St. Petersburg, Russia.  In the study we learned all about Rembrandt's painting and the Bible parable itself, as well as the sometimes fragile spirit of Henri Nouwen.

Nouwen says this about seeing the original painting for the first time (even though he'd seen many reproductions:)

I was stunned by its majestic beauty.  Its size, larger than life; its abundant reds, browns and yellows; its shadowy recesses and bright foreground, but most of all the light-enveloped embrace of father and son surrounded by four mysterious bystanders, all of this gripped me with an intensity far beyond my anticipation.

He spent more than four hours with the painting that day.

And then, this amazing thing happened to me.  In 2012 David and I went to St. Petersburg and saw the painting.  I wasn't moved as much as Nouwen - but I was deeply moved.  I didn't understand my feelings and didn't have adequate words to describe them.

And now, on this Labor Day morning, when I got out of bed and looked at my phone, I saw that my son and his wife, who are traveling in St. Petersburg, were looking at the painting.  Their photo shows the outlines of the additional figures in the painting that we can't usually see in reproductions.

So now I can't get this painting out of my head - again.  Not that I even want to.  I think for the first time I'm allowing myself to be the child welcomed home by a loving parent - not something I ever experienced in this life - and it's almost too much for me.

Not only do some art scholars consider The Return of the Prodigal Son to be the greatest picture ever painted, most biblical scholars consider The Return of the Prodigal Son to be Jesus' greatest parable.


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Reincarnation is a Can Of Worms

The other day when we were having a lively discussion on reincarnation, Dave's son summed it up by saying "So I guess reincarnation is a can of worms."

 Exactly.

This discussion began by Dave saying (as he has many times) that he's loved his life so much that he wouldn't mind coming back and doing it all over again.  I can't even go there.  Too many variables.  I feel good about the life I've lived, mistakes, tragedies, victories, love - the whole shebang - but I would not want to do it again.

A few decades ago the reincarnation concept was extremely popular. I had more than one person tell me that the reason they were so in love with their soul mates that they had to have been hooked up somehow in past lives.  This was their "proof" of reincarnation.

Some time in the 1970s I finally got this out of my system by writing a poem.

REINCARNATION

The little things you do
Have such a profound effect
On my being
That it seems certain
Our lives have touched
In generations past. 

Ah, but here's the rub,
I didn't like you then, 
Either.

So, yes Jeff, reincarnation can be a Can Of Worms.

***

Babette's Feast

Babette's Feast, 1984 film

This past Sunday I had the privilege of leading the discussion in Forum.  I chose "Babette's Feast" the story and 1984 Academy Award winning foreign film as the centerpiece for our discussion.

While it's not overtly religious, this story is dripping with meaning.  Pope Francis loves it because of its profound depiction of grace and mercy.

Modern day "Babette's Feast"

In the film, set in the 1800s, Babette, who had once been a great chef in France but is now a long time servant in a small Danish village, discovers she's won the French lottery.  Before leaving the village she prepares a feast for these people for whom she's already served for many years.  They don't deserve it or even want it but she prepares it anyway.

And what a feast it is.  For several decades, around the world, serious foodies have tried to duplicate Babette's Feast.  Do you think you could prepare a meal, an experience, that would significantly change a person's life?  Has this ever happened to you?

In the end, Babette is unable to leave the village because she has spent her entire fortune on the feast. What's up with that?  More food for thought.


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Gwendy's Button Box

As you know, this is my "Summer of Stephen King."  Earlier this week I read this slim, thought provoking novella written by King and Richard Chizmar.  I, frankly, didn't know what to make of it.

At first I thought it was a young reader's book - but it's not.  I was a bit confused but intrigued all the way through and was anxious to get to the end to see what the big secret was.  So I got to the end and - nothing!

It starts with, Gwendy, an unhappy, chubby twelve year old girl running up a long set of steep steps (called the Suicide Steps) in Castle Rock - a familiar Stephen King setting.  

I was reminded of the steep stone steps in Stillwater, Minnesota that Dave and I conquered a few times.  The view from the top was worth it.  

Gwendy meets a man in a black hat who gives her a magic box with buttons on the top for her to push at her own discretion.  Some are to be used for good - some not.  Gwendy is careful with the box throughout the story.  She rarely uses even the buttons that bring her good things.  Only once or twice does she use the buttons to bring destruction to others.  (The second time it was necessary to save her life.)

At the end of the story Gwendy is a college graduate headed for a wonderful life.  The man in the black hat returns to retrieve the box and she gives it to him.  It's secret is never explained!

WHAT?

So I've been forced to do the work myself.  First, I'm glad the protagonist is a young woman because I think the box is a symbol of empowerment.  We all have more power than we think - but many of us either misuse it or deny it.  How much power do we have to save ourselves or the world - or destroy ourselves and a bit of the world as well?

Where does this power come from?  How much of our life choices are our own doing or intervention from an unseen force?

I think, overall, Gwendy made good choices with the button box.  I hope, in the time I have left on this earth, I can continue, first, acknowledge that I still have power - and to push (mostly) the right buttons.


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