His Alzheimer's Journal

Almost everybody my age knows a person with Alzheimer's or some other kind of dementia.  The statistics are daunting.

A couple of yeas ago I read the remarkable book, "Still Alice."  Written from the view of a Harvard professor who has early onset Alzheimer's, it chronicled a remarkable journey.  But it was fiction.

Now, I've privileged to read along with many others, the words of Jim McWhinnie who, while he can, is chronicling his own journey. I don't know Jim well but he's writing his journal on Facebook for all to see.  He's a retried United Methodist minister who is still accepting invitations to preach from time to time.

My husband, Ken, suffered from dementia.  He, like the vast majority of folks with this condition, worked hard to hide it.   This makes care giving and other relationships most difficult.

Jim McWhinnie may be doing his most important and brave work by telling us how it is - in real time.  He's certainly helping me to continue to heal from old wounds.  Following is his journal entry for today.  Jim's spending a few days on his boat.

MY ALZHEIMER'S JOURNAL....July 16, 2014

Typically... folks with Alzheimer's and other forms of dementia live with a broadening feeling of insecurity.  We find comfort in the well-known routine.  Change becomes an act demanding very intentional initiative but eventually and even more so, becomes also an act of personal courage.  

They say with male patients this challenge tends to lead to more and more passive behavior - I suppose, not wanting to expose a lack of strength or fortitude.  Men - women, too, but in a different way - fear being exposed as vulnerable.  It is a reality of our human frailty that needs compassionate understanding.

Yet, here on the water...in my movable feast know as the Saint Brendan, the "spirit of adventure" seems to enable me to draw upon a greater strength.  Maybe all of life needs that same sense of adventure...an act of love and daring that forces us to draw upon a Greater Strength. 

I miss my wife, of course, but she is off doing her own loves while I do my Walter Mitty thing.  As a caregiver, she needs and will need...these getaway times.  I owe her that time to recover ...and my love for her does not want my weakened condition to weaken her own.  I must remember this in the months and years ahead...she needs her time away...both for her sake and for mine.  I will make a large, beautiful, calligraphy poster with those very words and hand it on the wall beside my chair.

jim Mcwhinnie


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Santa Fe, New Mexico

Old Santa Fe

Except for California and a short trip to Seattle, I've never been out west.    I tend to think of the southwest as mostly rough and rugged.  But I know that's not all it is.  We have several fancy friends who love Santa Fe and a special couple who moved there a few years ago who would never be described as rough and rugged.  He's an artist and she's a concert pianist.  I don't picture them rolling along with the tumble weeds.

From time to time I've told you about how much I love the column in The New Yorker Magazine called "Shouts and Murmurs."  It's written by different folks but always weird and sometime makes me laugh out loud and sometimes, to me, isn't funny at all - just weird.

In the July 7th issue Shouts and Murmurs" is written by one of my favorites, Jack Handey.  His piece is called "Tales of Old Santa Fe." I absolutely know that some folks have read it and think it's just weird.   I think it's hysterical.

It's a series of little vignettes (tales) about (not so very) Old Santa Fe:

The first is about a bartender who wants to do something different in his Mexican restaurant so he decides to sell fifteen-dollar margaritas.  So he does and they're a big hit.  Sold ...faster'n hotcakes.

OK, if you don't think that's funny stop reading right here. 

Another one is about a guy who was having trouble selling his 2 acre lot in "Old Santa Fe" for one million dollars.  A "mysterious stranger" pointed out that the lot had some problems and convinced the seller to lower his price to eight hundred and fifty thousand dollars.  It sold immediately.

Jack Handey is one fine and funny writer.  Buy one of his books and you'll be hooked.  Here's his last little story about "Old Santa Fe:"

THE TALE OF ALI MACGRAW

   Seems there was a rumor going 'round that Ali MacGraw was going to move out of Santa Fe.  A contingent from the mayor's office showed up at her door.
   "Ali, we heard you might be moving out of town," said the mayor.  "Please don't do it.  Before you came here, Santa Fe wasn't fit for women or children."

   "Don't worry, Mayor, I ain't a-goin' nowheres,"  said Ali.  "But, tell me, who started this dang-fool rumor?"
   "Alan Arkin," said the mayor. 
   The next time Ali saw Arkin, she threw a shot of whiskey in his face.  Arkin drew the derringer he always carries, but Ali slapped it out of his hand. 
   To this day, when folks see Ali on the street, they make the motion of someone throwing whiskey in some else's face.

Here are some things I'd like to do:  Read more Jack Handey, take a trip with Dave to see Santa Fe and maybe visit our friends and some art galleries and maybe have a fifteen-dollar margarita - and maybe spot Ali MacGraw.


***

Because The Bible Says So

I had a friend in West Palm Beach, a lady much older than me, who told me this story:  When she was a teenager in a Methodist Church during the 40s, she and her friends wanted to have a dance in the basement of the church.  She asked the minister and he said "absolutely not."  When she asked why, he said "Because the Bible says 'no dancing.'"

My friend, being the person that she was, got on a bus and rode from West Palm Beach to Miami to the office of the district superintendent of the Methodist Churches in that area to ask him what he thought about she and her friends having a dance in the basement of her church.

Same answer.  "No - because the Bible says so."

In the late 1960s I had, on two occasions, people in my own church scream obscenities at me because of my stance on desegregation.  They firmly believed in segregation because "The Bible says so."

In the 70s I had two close clergy friends and their families go through horrendous, unnecessary misery when they divorced.  Divorce at that time was not acceptable in the clergy for any reason other than adultery.  Why?  Because the Bible says so.

Early on, I had several talented, highly educated female friends who were denied acceptance into the ministry of my denomination because "the Bible says so."

I've been told that I could not teach men and, furthermore, I must obey my husband in all things where there is a disagreement - because the Bible says so.  ( My husband, Ken, used to enjoy telling people that we'd both have been in jail a couple of times if I had gone along with all of his crazy schemes)

Now, in 2014, all of the above has changed.  Most of the issues seem silly even.

The Bible, in all of its 66 books, forbids many things.  It also depicts Jesus calling into question much of the way folks (make that old white men) were interrupting the Old Testament scriptures.

I hope, with the issues we're facing today and will face in the future,  we remember that "Because the Bible says so" is just the beginning of the discussion.


***

Last Tango in Halifax

Nobody puts grandma in a corner.   - Dirty Dancing, 1987 (revised)

The woman who cuts our hair and knows both Dave and me and knows our story insisted we watch the PBS series "Last Tango in Halifax."  It's a British series about Celia and Alan who secretly longed for each other in high school, meet again after 60 years and decide - almost immediately - to get married.

Celia and Alan in Halifax

But, of course, they have families, and, of course, the families have the same kind of problems that most families have - infidelity, interracial/gay romance, alcoholism, money issues, and teen pregnancy, to name a few.   And this all comes together in the first 48 hours after Celia and Alan meet.

Here's what's interesting.  Nobody is particularly happy with these two old people falling in love.  Nor do they have time to listen to details.  It makes them uncomfortable.  These middle aged kids with their, important, busy, crisis prone lives are used to having mom and dad sit in the corner waiting and available.  Not getting on with new life.

But here's what Celia and I had to decide.  Nobody puts grandma in a corner.

(If you have Netflix you can watch "Last Tango in Halifax" from the beginning.  Otherwise, it's on PBS on Sunday nights.)

***

My Olive Garden

Old World Tuscan Farm House
OUT!

When I first invited Dave to come visit me in Florida, my daughter, realizing he was a kind of sophisticated guy, said:

Mom, don't take him to those chain restaurants you love!

In a way she was right because, as it turned out, he hadn't been to many chain restaurants other than his favorite McDonald's.

But all that changed.  I introduced Dave to a new world of Denny's, Red Lobster, Cracker Barrel and Steak 'n Shake. (Actually he hasn't quite warmed up to Denny's but I'm still working on it.)

Olive Garden Italian Kitchen
IN!

Darden restaurants are all over the world but the headquarters is here in Central Florida.  I'm a fan of the restaurants and the brand that does so much philanthropic good in our area.  However, I am a little miffed that they recently gave up on Red Lobster.

Dave and I like the Olive Garden in Winter Park.  We go maybe four
times a year but we've ordered the same thing for the last five years.

But big changes have come to our Oliver Garden.  I was just getting used to the Old World Tuscan Farm House when, after a little slump in sales, they decided to switch to a younger, hipper look.  Today we ate at the new Olive Garden Italian Kitchen.  An entirely different look, inside and out.

Do you like hanging out in bars?
Olive Garden has a new one.  Hang
out there. 

It's lovely, but will it bring in a whole new, young, hipster crowd?  I seriously doubt it.  Thank goodness they didn't change the lunch menu.  We had our salad with dressing on the side and zuppa Toscana - a cream based potato soup with sausage and kale.  Very tasty.  And with those little chocolate mints they bring with the bill - a perfect meal!


***

The Chef

Yesterday, the 4th of July, we decided to go to the movies.  We've given up on the party in the park because the intense heat here in sunny Florida makes it miserable.  So no more free hot dogs and watermelon for us.

It was easy to pick the movie because there wasn't anything we remotely wanted to see except "The Chef."  And we didn't particularly want to see that.  We didn't know much about it.

We both loved it.

I didn't warm up to it until a third of the way in but Dave was laughing out loud from the beginning.  It's about a talented chef who "loses it" after a terrible review and must restart his life.  Following is the turning point dialogue in the movie:

Carl:  I'm %@#&ing lost. 
Molly:   That's a good place to start.

"The Chef" is a visual treat.  Especially the food and the road trip scenes.  It's a big hearted, good natured, delicious movie.  It's loaded with star cameos, including Dustin Hoffman, Robert Downey, Jr. and Scarlett Johansson.   Also an actor I love and don't see much, Oliver Platt.

It's written, directed by and stars,  Jon Faveau.  He directed "Elf," one of the funniest movies ever made and Iron Man !, 2, and 3.  His son in the movie is played by Emjay Anthony and he's terrific.

A truck load of wonderful actors in this film. 

As I said, I found the first third to be stressful but I hope it's not spoiling it for you by letting you know that, once they reach Miami, it's pretty smooth sailing until the end.   (I kept thinking the kid was going to close the panini press on his hand while they were crammed in the food truck and that made me nervous - but it didn't happen.)

I like a "feel good" movie that ends well, then ends better, then ties it up in a bow.  So see "The Chef" and just enjoy!


***

The Simple Life

This is NOT what I'm
talking about. 

Remember when Nichole Richie and Paris Hilton had that reality show called "The Simple Life?"  That's not what I'm talking about here.

As you know, Dave and I have the same philosophy when it comes to "things."  We want to have a full, rich life while living as simply as possible.  While we don't come at this from the exact same place, it's so very good that we feel the same way.  

It's not always easy.  Especially when we visit in somebody's opulent home and eat dinner from fine china on top of golden charger plates.  Or ride in a car where you can actually see what's behind you on the big screen in front of you.  

But we're committed.

My minister, Gary, sent out a cool devotional this morning.  It's from Richard Foster's Celebration of Discipline.  Here it is:

First, buy things for their usefulness rather than their status.

Second, reject anything that is producing an addiction in you.

Third, develop a habit of giving things away.  (We're good at this one.  If we're not using it, we get rid of it.)

Fourth, refuse to be propagandized by the custodians of modern gadgetry.  (This morning I took my three year old cell phone to ATT for a quick repair.  Some people thought it was an antique - and probably thought that about me as well.) 

Fifth, learn to enjoy things without owning them.  (Like museums and parks and whatever is in front of you. )

Sixth, develop a deeper appreciation for the creation. (I'm a tree hugger.)

THIS is what I'm talking about. 

Seventh, look at a healthy skepticism at all "buy now, pay later" schemes.

Eighth, obey Jesus' instruction about plain, honest speech.  (I absolutely love to do this. - but with love.)

Ninth, reject anything that will breed the oppression of others.  (This is hard.  It happens many times without our knowledge.)

Tenth, shun whatever would distract you from your main goal:  "Seek first the kingdom of God."


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