"Mrs. America" is a new series on FX. In it Cate Blanchett plays female-empowerment woman Phyllis Schlafly. Only Schlafly was on the opposite side of the feminist movement. Her biggest achievement was squashing the Equal Rights Amendment. The ERA was a short statement guarantee equal legal rights to all Americans, including women.
During this time in the 70s best selling conservative author Marabel Morgan wrote a wildly popular book called "The Total Woman," in which she encouraged the traditional-stay-at-home spouse. During this time I was asked to be the speaker for a large group of conservative women in South Florida. I was especially flattered because they were aware of my views. They also invited me to bring copies of my most recent poetry book.
It was only when I arrived at the event, ready to go, did I discover that there would be two keynote speakers. Me and another woman who was, not only traditional to the extreme, but a close relative of Marabel Morgan. And she bought along piles of The Total Woman bestseller.
I was actually fine with all of this and thought the event planners did these women a service by presenting two views of what comprises a total woman. Only I brought the book that contained a snarky poem with a point by point response to Morgan's book. I just kept my head down and my sense of humor in tack and all went well. Here is my poem, which, you'll be relieved to know, I did not read.
The Total Robot
For two weeks
I agreed with everything you said.
And we both developed ulcers.
I told you the awful speech you made
Was good.
And you said
"Why did you betray me?"
I stopped wearing pants
and started wearing frilly dresses
And ribbons in my hair.
And you took me to Carvel's for lunch.
I forced Cathy to give away her $25
Overalls,
And you said,
"Why does my daughter hate me?"
I met you at the door
Wearing nothing but my sexy apron,
And your brought home
Three Hatian refugees and a
Catholic Priest.
I baked you a big apple pie,
Every night for a week.
And you said,
"Why aren't you working on your article?"
(Just before you had the gall bladder attack.)
I said, "Yes, let's;"
To everything you suggested
And our friends had to bail us out of jail.
I dressed all of the children in pink,
And lined them up to await your return,
But you never did.
- by Cecily Crossman
