Designed For Joy

Almost everyone is screwed up, broken, clingy, scared, and yet designed for joy - Anne Lamontt

As my Facebook friends know, I'm just finishing up Anne Lamontt's newest book, Almost Everyone - Notes on Hope.  Anne is, again, brutally honest about her imperfect life.  In addressing  this crazy mess in which we're currently, living, she says I am stockpiling antibiotics for the apocalypse, even as I await the blossoming of the paper whites on the windowsill...

I can so relate.

One of the things Anne Lamontt and I have in common is big messy families.  As Anne says, families are hard, hard, hard. It took me decades to realize that the vast majority of families are hard and messy.  Anne reminds us that even 12 year old Jesus gave his parents a hard time.

If the earth is forgiveness school, family is your postdoctoral fellowship. Even in what might pass as a good family, every member is consigned a number of roles intended to keep the boat of the family afloat, which because of the ship's rats - genetics, bad behavior, and mental illness - is not as easy as it sounds.

But if we could choose from all the families in the world, most of us would choose our own.  I know I would.


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Eastwood and Redford - Two Old Guys

Age 88

Age 82

Recently Dave and I saw two of Hollywood's finest film makers in action, Clint Eastwood in "The Mule" and Robert Redford in "The Old Man & the Gun."

Both films made me sad.  Both of the old men they portrayed had spent a lifetime of ignoring the people who loved them.  They were lonely old men.

In "The Mule" Clint Eastwood plays a 90 year old who is a mule for Mexican drug runners.  I was so grateful that the term "mule" in this case meant he carried drugs in his truck and were not personally ingested in some fashion.

Robert Redford's movie, The Old Man With a Gun" was about an old man who escapes from prison (again) and robs banks.  If this character wasn't played by Redford there would be nothing likable about him.

Both films were based on true stories.  But these stories are anomalies.  Old guys in their 80s and 90s don't do this.  They have plenty of daily age related issues to deal with.  Getting their shirts buttoned is an issue.  Trips to the bathroom are an issue.  Remembering to take their meds is an issue.  Remembering (period) is an issue.

I hope both Clint and Robert make more movies.  I hope they share with us things that are important, real, and and exciting about being old men.  Things like imparting the wisdom that comes only after a long life, and the ability to take disappointment in stride and show genuine vulnerability, to name a few.

Some of the old guys I know personally are caring for their spouses and other folks and routinely hanging in there when more and more friends die.  And they still have a great sense of humor and manage to have fun every day.  They are eighty-plus heroes and role models.  Cool.


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Mary Oliver's Journey

Mary Oliver

The poet Mary Oliver died yesterday at age 83.  She was wildly popular in some circles and vilified in a couple of others.  But my guess is that most people never heard of her because she was - you know - a poet!

After my husband, Ken, died I was a mess.  My life could have gone in an entirely different direction.  Then I started communicating with this man in Minnesota.   Early on he sent me a book - Ten Poems to Change Your Life.  The first poem was by Mary Oliver.  It changed my life.

On the surface the poem seems a bit selfish, but it's not.  It's about (as Mary would say) living your one wild precious life.

THE JOURNEY by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had t do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice -

though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.

"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.

But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
 at the very foundations,
thought their melancholy
was terrible.

It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.

Butt little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
and the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own
 that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,

determined to do
 the only thing you could do - 

determined to save
the only life that you could save. 


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Life Changing Events

First, Judge Belvin Perry, former newscaster Carol Nelson Pond and Photo/journalist, Tee Tayler were welcomed as lifetime members of the University Club in downtown Orlando.  This is something that would have been unheard of 40 years ago when the only folks who were welcomed in the University Club were rich old white guys.  

So congratulations to these three people who have, in significant ways, changed the landscape for good in Central Florida.  And congratulations to the University Club for extending this lavish invitation. 

The other thing that happened yesterday is that legendary Congressman, Alcee Hastings, died.  As a young attorney, Alcee arrived in Fort Lauderdale Florida around the same time we did.  It was a time when Blacks could not stay in hotels, eat in restaurants, go to white schools, and on and on.  He and my husband Ken, became good friends and worked together on projects, not only for African Americans but for women's rights.  And in later years Alcee went on to champion the LGBT community.

Following is a story I wrote in June of 2019 when word came that Alcee Hastings had pancreatic cancer. 

Sad to see in the paper this morning that my old friend, Alcee Hastings, has pancreatic cancer.  U.S. Representative Alcee Hastings is the longest-serving member in Florida's congressional delegation.  He was the first African American to be elected to Congress in Florida since Reconstruction and has been relected 14 times.

My husband, Ken, and I knew Alcee Hastings when we lived and worked in South Florida.  Alcee, the son of house servants, was born in my current home town, Altamonte Springs.  But we knew him in South Florida, at the height of racial tensions. He was a great friend and mentor to us in civil rights issues in the 1970s.

One of the things he taught us was how to keep our cool under pressure.  A couple of times we witnessed the "soup" incident.  The first time we were at a banquet.  Alcee was seated next to me.  At one point the waitress spilled soup all over him.  His response was charming.  I was concerned.  He explained that getting soup spilled on him (by a white waitperson) was a common occurrence.  I had to witness it one more time before I believed him.

Ken Crossman, in 1983, sharing his pulpit
with Alcee Hastings,
 

Alcee Hastings' political life back then was highly controversial, full of ups and downs.  In the 1980s he was impeached in the House, tried in the Senate and ousted from office.  This, despite being acquitted of bribery charges.  Ten years later, as a respected member of the House, he voted "no" on the impeachment of President Clinton.

And now, since 1992, he has served (and easily won) his seat in the House. He remains a savvy and popular congressman but, of course, he's still controversial and still poking fun at his Republican opponents.

I wish Congressman Hastings well in this new battle with cancer.  And I sincerely hope nobody has spilled soup on him in recent times.


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The Groveland Four Have Been Pardoned!

Seventy years ago, in the summer of 1949,  in Groveland Florida, a white teenager falsely accused four young black men of kidnapping and raping her.

Two of the men were shot, the other two were wrongfully convicted and lived horrendous lives.  Other African Americans were traumatized including having their houses burned down.

It's a horrible, shameful chapter in Florida history.   If you want to know more, several books have been written including the Pulitzer Prize winning Devil on the Grove by Gilbert King.

The other side of this story is that people have been working for decades to get justice for these young men and their families.

Today it happened.  They were officially pardoned by the State of Florida.  Thank you Governor Ron DeSantis.

I'm overflowing with a thankful heart for all of those who wouldn't give up, including many of my friends and family.  And I am especially proud of those of you who hung in because of your spiritual commitment.  It has not been easy.  I, myself, have been confronted  on this issue ("It's water over the bridge, Give it up.") by seemingly well meaning people in my church.

I'm just finishing up my Richard Rohr devotional, Breathing Under Water.  Here is a quote I read just this morning.

Until people's basic egocentricity is radically exposed, revealed for what it is, and foundational redirected, much religion becomes occupied with rearranging deck chairs on a titanic cruise ship, cruising with isolated passengers, each maintaining his or her personal program for happiness, while the whole ship is sinking. 

This quote could apply to my church and my nation.  Thank you again to those of you who continue to fight the good fight - because it's the right thing to do.


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The Gift of Years

It's New Year's Day.  I'm cleaning out a desk drawer.  Pretty typical New Year's Day activity.

In the drawer I have run across six quotes from one of my very favorite books, The Gift of Years by Joan Chittister.  I love her writing and this is, by far, my favorite Chittister book.  Today, reading these quotes helped me re-evaluate my life a bit.  And, that too, is a typical New Year's Day activity.

 1.  Most of us inch our way through life, sure on one hand that it will never end, certain on the other that it will surely be ending soon.

I love numbers and charts and such so I'm well aware of the implications of the 80th birthday that I just celebrated.  It was grand in every way thanks to my kids who knocked themselves out to make it special, my friends, and, of course, Dave, who makes everything special.  So I no longer think it will never end.  It will end.  Every day is precious.

 2.  We live in a world that judges its achievements by speed and busyness.

True, but my life is neither speedy nor busy.

3.  What am I when I am not what I used to DO?

Good question.  In my work I needed to be on my A game at all times.  But most of all I loved being a mom.  I poured myself into it and if I had it to do over again I would pour even more of myself into it.  But that job, and the others, are over.  (This doesn't mean that my middle aged kids don't make me happy and/or sad and/or terrified on a daily basis.)  I just know I have no overt control over their lives.)  I like no longer auditioning for rolls.  The answer to question three is: I am me.

 4.  "...Spiritual dimensions commonly increase.

This is certainly true for me.  "It is Well With My Soul."  Most of the time.

 5.  Age comes only to the truly blessed. 

You know the old saying...."Considering the alternative..."  but I experience genuine blessings every day, along with some burdens that come with age.

 6.  The gift of these years is not merely being alive...it is the gift of becoming more fully alive than ever.

Yes, in the year, 2019, when I am 80 years old, I feel even more alive and attuned to others.  I have time to spend where it's truly needed.  That's because I'm no longer speedy and busy.


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