Communication Skills

We had our final session discussing Robert Lupton's book, Toxic Charity, in Forum today.

At one point Jim, our presenter, talked about how we, as rich and poor and everything in between don't understand where each of us is coming from.

He told us about a program where different segments of  people were being trained in how to communicate with each other.  And that's a good thing.

But it reminded me of a poem I wrote in 1970, forty-four years ago.

AM I GETTING THROUGH TO YOU?

If I were running things, 

I would see that every, 

Poor/Black/White/Chicano/Ghetto Dweller/

     Oppressed Person,

Read Pygmalion, (or at least see My Fair

     Lady.)

And then require every,

Senator/Mayor/School Board Member/Teacher/

     Commissioner,

To go the other way, (maybe see it backwards?)

Because this is the truth, 

The man cannot deal with what you say, 

When he cannot understand what it is you 

     are saying.

No kidding, he really doesn't understand!

He lives in another world, 

And speaks another language. 

Cecily Crossman 1970

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Jersey Boys

Question:  When do the words "Sherry" and "Baby" have 5 and 3 syllables respectively?

Answer:  When Frankie Valli's singing them.

No group ever stretched out the syllables in their amazing number of hits like "The Four Seasons."

I had wanted to see the play when it came to Orlando a couple of times but missed it.  So I was overjoyed when the movie arrived this week.  We saw it yesterday.

Two things, first the movie has had so-so reviews.  Director Clint Eastwood is getting hammered for the story line being jumbled and boring.

Second, my over protective neighbor warned me that the language is rough.  I said, "Now let me get this straight.  You're telling me that this story of four tough guys coming up in the music business in New Jersey might at some point use the F-word?"

I loved the movie.  The music far outweighed any story-line problems.  In fact, I thought all four guys ("Four Seasons") were well drawn characters.  The actors playing them were fantastic.

I loved the scene early on in 16 year old Frankie Valli's parents home where the first thing we see in the very modest living room is an ornate clock with ornate gold picture frames on either side.  The one of the left holds a photo of the Pope.  On the right is Frank Sinatra.

And what can I say about Christopher Walken?  He always plays "Christopher Walken" - straight.  And he's hysterical.

But I know this movie isn't for everybody.  If you don't love "Big Girls Don't Cry"  (The word "Cry" has 3 syllables in this song,) "Walk Like a Man" or Frankie Valli's best song ever "Can't Take My Eyes off of You." then this movie's not for you.

One of the reviewers on 'Rotten Tomatoes' said "If my father had lived to age 72 he would have loved this movie."

He got that right!


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Black Power

Dr. Barbara Jenkins,
Superintendent, Orange
County Public Schools

Inserted in this morning's newspaper was the inaugural copy of Legacy Orlando.  This publication is celebrating Central Florida's "50 Most Impact-ful Black Professionals in Business and Industry in 2014."   It's  a great list but I know many more - right off the top of my head - who could/should be added.

Terry Prather, President Sea World

A few of those on the list whom I know or have heard good things about are Dr. Victoria Niklas, Chief of Neoatology Nemours Childen's Hospital, Dwaine Stevens, Media and Community Relations Manager for Publix and Mike McKenzie, President, Vision of Flight.

Honorable Belvin Perry, Jr.
Chief Judge, Ninth Judicial
Court

As we all know, this hasn't always been the case.  I just finished reading Susan Crandall's book, "Whistling Past the Graveyard."  It takes place in Mississippi in 1963.  It's about a nine year old white girl, a black woman and a white baby on a road trip.   They encounter much misery on the way. But I sometimes think Mississippi gets too much of the South's bad press.  I lived in Ft. Lauderdale in 1963 and it was every bit as racist as Jackson, Mississippi was in "The Help."  As was Alabama and Georgie and other southern states.

So, we've come a long way.  And we're all blessed for it.  And, yes, I know we still have a long way to go.  But I was thrilled to read this morning about a group of 50 brilliant, hard working leaders in my community who happen to be black.


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Happy

Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth, burst into jubilant song and music.  Psalm 98:4

This is not Gary.  It's Pharrell. 

My minister, Gary, preached this morning.  While he's not a music professional, he preached about how music affects us in a very powerful way.  One of the examples he used was Pharrell Williams' song, "Happy."

Williams wrote "Happy" for the movie "Despicable Me 2," but it soon went viral.  People all over the world sing it - and it seems that most of them are on YouTube.  We saw a short video clip this morning of Oprah interviewing Pharrell and both of them teared up discussing the phenomena that is this song.

Do you remember a while back when those young adults in Iran got arrested for filming themselves singing and dancing to "Happy?"

Like me, Rev. Gary, is a left-brain person.  I'm not very sentimental, I seldom cry and I'm logical to a fault.

But the right kind of music can destroy me....in a good way.  


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I'm No Longer Wreaked!

A couple of weeks ago a beautiful young woman named Megan came to lead our Forum.  Her topic was urban ministry.  She was speaking specifically about the book Toxic Charity.  (The book is basically telling us that it's much harder than you thought to help the poor.)

A couple of times she used the phrase "I'm wreaked."  Later a friend asked me if I had any idea what she was saying.  I do.  She's saying:

Despite family encouragement to earn lots of money, despite a magnificent education, despite having  a loving, talented husband whom she doesn't spend enough time with....she is doing urban ministry.  Day and night.   Why?  because she has to.  She's wreaked.

I used to be wreaked.  I felt called to sacrifice health, money, family time and sometimes safety in order to tilt windmills and hopefully make a difference in the lives of people.   I felt called to do very hard things.  I had no choice.  I was wreaked.

Yesterday's paper told the story of the west side of Winter Park, Florida.  How it's being  gentrified.  The developers have moved in and displaced families who've been there for generations.

Twenty years ago I thought I could make a difference in that very situation.  Clearly, we only - possibly - slowed it down a bit.

I'm glad I did what I did for 40 years but it's over for me.

In the meantime, Megan and her husband are on their way to Duke Divinity School.  I'm sure when they return they'll be even better equipped to tilt windmills.  Why?  Because they're wreaked.

How do I feel about all of this?  I think our future is in excellent hands.


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Words and Pictures

Words and Pictures with Clive Owen and Juliette Binoche

You've probably never even heard of the movie, Words and Pictures, because it's received no press to speak of and the few reviews it has receive have been mediocre at best.

Dave and I loved it.

On the surface it's about a man teaching honors English and a woman teaching honors art in an upscale boarding school who have a contest to see which is more important, words or pictures.

Binoche art work in the movie and in real life.

But that's not what it's really about.  It's a redemptive love story about two middle aged, complicated, struggling, broken adults falling in love.  He's an alcoholic and she's disabled - and not from some exciting accident skiing in the Alps.  She has rheumatoid arthritis.

The great French actor, Juliette Binoche, age 50, plays the artist.  She is, in fact, in real life an artist and all of the art work in the film is hers.

The great English actor, Clive Owen, age 49, plays the writer.

The have some of their best dialogue leading up to and during a loving making scene.  This is truly a love story for adults.  And, one of my favorite themes in literature, redemption.

We want to see it again.

Binoche and art. 

But it's not for everybody.  When we were standing in line for tickets there were four cool looking young men in their twenties with ripped muscles and interesting tattoos in front of us.  I asked them what they were going to see.  One of them said 22 Jump Street.  I told them we were seeing Words and Pictures. 

"What's that?"

"It's a love story about two middle aged messed up people"

He said:  "You don't want to see that.  See 22 Jump Street."

I told him we'd consider it but we hadn't seen 21 Jump Street so maybe we wouldn't be able to follow the plot.

They just looked at me.


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The Doggie Door

As I've complained various times, on Saturday mornings, Park Avenue in Winter Park, Florida is overrun with designer dogs.  Along with the occasional designer bunny rabbit, parrot, etc.

Every Saturday we pass by a popular pet store called "The Doggie Door."  How upscale is it?  The Web Site says:

The Doggie Door is Not Your Everyday Designer Pet Boutique. 

We stopped in this morning.

Here are some of the designer doggie clothes.  They actually cover an entire wall.  Dave teasingly asked the proprietor if he had any doggie tuxedos.

The reply?  "What size?  They're in the back."


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Me Before You

A coupe of months ago I read this best selling novel by British writer Jojo Moyes.

It's not a book I would normally have read because it's a love story about a 35 year old good looking, fantastically successful guy named Will who flips his motorcycle and becomes a quadriplegic who wants to end his life - and his subsequent 28 year old poor, unsure of herself caregiver named Lou.  They, of course, fall in love.

I don't care for tearjerker novels.  Rather than openly weeping like a normal person, I feel sort of bored and manipulated.

But everybody else I know who's read it loved it.  The ending was sad but realistic and controversial.

Yesterday we discussed  Me Before You in my book club.  As usual the discussion was rich and I came away with a much better feeling about the book.

For me, the big issue is Will's right to end his life.  All sides of this issue were represented, both in the book and in our ladies book club.  Some folks thought Will was being selfish to want to leave those who loved him.  Some folks felt his mom and others were being selfish for wanting him to stay.  But the discussion yesterday was civil and courteous , the way we'd like to all controversial issues discussed.

We all know of quadriplegics who've made a go of it.  Stephen Hawking and Christopher Reeves come to mind.  But, do we have the right to decide for others when or if their lives are worth living?

And, to me, the larger issue is simply aging and who decides when life ceases to be meaningful for us soon to be oldies.  It's a deeply personal question as well as a world wide moral issue.

Stay tuned:  Me Before You is currently being made into a major motion picture.


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Is It Really a Cliche?

Dr. Bob had a fantastic sermon this morning on I Corinthians 13, one of the most familiar parts of the Bible.  Folks use it in strange ways, sometimes.

I kind of freaked out my son by texting him that we'd seen a clip from "Wedding Crashers" up on the big screen as part of the scripture reading.  As you may know, "Wedding Crashers" is not a religious movie.

In the 20 second clip wedding crashers John and Jeremy are sitting in the pew as a bridesmaid goes  up to read scripture.

John says:  20 bucks, First Corinthians.

Jeremy says:  Double or nothing Colossians 3:12.

Of course, John won.

First Corinthians is a favorite tattoo among some folks.  Some girls like to insert their boyfriends name in place of the word "love."  And, as wedding crasher John proved by winning his 20 bucks, it's almost a wedding requirement.

Does that make this scripture a cliche?

Dr. Bob clearly let us know the answer.

So we know that, while it's sometimes clearly misused, it can never be a cliche.

So let me close by clearly misusing the scripture but, never the less, telling a truth.

• Dave is patient.
• Dave is kind.
• Dave does not envy.
• Dave does not boast. 
• Dave is not proud. 
• Dave is not rude.
• Dave is not self-seeking.
• Dave is not easily angered. 
• Dave keeps no record of wrongs.
• Dave does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth.
• Dave always protects. 
• Dave always trusts.
• Dave always hopes.
• Dave always perseveres. 
• Dave never gives up. 

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Normandy

Yesterday was the 70th anniversary of the invasion of Normandy.  Watching the Brian Williams special last night reminded me of my uncles coming home from the war and how different they were.

I guess the point is:  War changes us.

In 2007 I took the most romantic trip you could imagine.  This new man in my life, Dave, and I flew to Paris, then boarded a beautiful small ship for a seven day trip up the Seine River.

We were young (I was not yet 70) and oh, so much in love.  (And still are!)

We spent the second day at Claude Monet's home in Giverney.  Exquisite beauty everywhere we looked.  Our plan was to cruise to LaHavre and then take the train back to Paris to spend a few more days in the world's most romantic city.

And we did.  But our last stop on the cruise was Normandy.  Honestly, I wasn't expecting anything more than a history lesson.  But it was a day we will never forget.  The beaches and the bomb craters looked exactly as I'd seen them in history books.  The most moving part was the cemeteries - with crosses as far as the eye could see.  We were both in tears much of the time.  We relived the day - D Day - when thousands of young men, boys really, died.

The French and others have done a good job of preserving the area.  That's a good thing.  But a hard thing to see and experience.

I wasn't surprised when these old vets on television last night remembered that day so clearly.  It's all still there.

In 2007 it was a very different day on our most romantic trip ever!


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Taxi Driver

Loneliness has followed me my whole life, everywhere.  In bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, everywhere...I'm God's lonely man.  Travis Bickle in Taxi Driver

This summer Dave and I decided to watch a few classic Netflix movies we've never seen.  A few days ago we watched Taxi Driver.

Oh my goodness!  I knew the movie was raw and real but I was still a little freaked.

We all know it has several stars and is directed by Martin Scorsese.  Some people think it's his  best movie.  Possibly.

But the film belongs to Robert De Niro.  He plays a mentally unstable Vietnam vet, New York cab driver.  When his character, Travis, said  I've got some bad ideas in my head,  I believed him.

But here's what blew me away.  The movie was made in 1976 and, sad to say, it's totally relevant today.  

For instance, we still have vets coming home who are all messed up and getting no help.  Some of them go berserk like Travis.  Why are we surprised?

We still have human trafficking.  Travis was enraged by seeing Jodie Foster as a 12 year old prostitute on the streets of New York.  We still have 12 year old prostitutes on the streets of every major city in the world.

 Taxi Driver was real and raw.  The ending scared me.  Travis was rewarded for his psychotic behavior.  That's relevant today as well.


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When Martin Luther Went Viral

Martin

As you know,  Martin Luther started the Protestant Reformation in the 1500s about the same time the printing press was invented so his words (that he nailed up on the door)  traveled fast.

Last month, in FORUM, we studied Martin Luther in depth for three weeks under a fellow who really knows his Luther.  For the fourth session I led a discussion on Luther by simply using a few of his quotes I found on the Internet.

Since Martin Luther is often depicted as a harsh, angry German, I tried to find some quotes that showed his soft side.

As usual, the discussion was rich.

I really like this first one.  It's scary but all of us would be happier, better people if we did the same.

There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must take it because his conscience tells him it is right. 

When my husband, Ken, used to have really rich dessert, like a big old hot fudge sundae, he would hold it up in the air and quote Martin Luther by saying "Sin Boldly!"  I don't personally think Luther was talking about hot fudge sundaes but here's the quote below.

Be a sinner and sin boldly, but believe and rejoice in Christ even more boldly. 

There are loads of Luther quotes about the wonders of marriage.  He didn't marry until he was in his 40s and spent the first few decades of his life in a Catholic monastery so meeting and falling in love with an actual woman must have been quite an experience.

There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.  

Luther loved nature and animals, including dogs and cats.

The dog is the most faithful of animals...God writes the Gospel not in the Bible alone, but also on trees, and in the flowers and clouds and stars.  

He was also a music guy.

The gift of language combined with the gift of song was given to man that he should proclaim the Word of God through music...A person who...does not regard music as a marvelous creation of God, must be a clodhopper...

So there you have it.  Hope this makes you want to look him up and learn some more.  Just don't get him confused with Martin Luther King.  That's an entirely different guy.


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