I had a conversation today with a woman my age who'd just been with her 95 year old mother. When women my age have mothers who are still alive and kicking (literally) it's usually a mixed bag of blessings. Most folks who live that long are strong individuals.
But even when I hear my friends fuss a bit about how their moms sweetly manipulate them, like
...Please don't go on vacation because I'm afraid I'll die while you're gone...
Or when moms are feisty with their daughters and nice to everybody else,
Or feisty with everybody else and nice to them (so daughters feel guilty leaving them,)
Or when mom (who's pushing 100 years old) sleeps with a loaded gun...
I have to admit that I feel just a little bit jealous.
I never had a mom. Yes, I was conceived and was born but my mom was taken away to a tuberculous sanitarium when my brother and I were toddlers and she died there a few years later. Almost all I remember about her is seeing this beautiful woman waving to me from the window.
In order to survive I had to put the concept of "missing my mom" out of my mind for the next several decades. Most of them I spent being a mom. And trying to be a good one - but it was hard sometimes, having figure it out as I went along.
But now that I had the time I occasionally wonder what having a mom would have been like. I wonder if, right now, I'd have a sense of humor about my 95 year old mom driving me crazy.
***
But even when I hear my friends fuss a bit about how their moms sweetly manipulate them, like
...Please don't go on vacation because I'm afraid I'll die while you're gone...
Or when moms are feisty with their daughters and nice to everybody else,
Or feisty with everybody else and nice to them (so daughters feel guilty leaving them,)
Or when mom (who's pushing 100 years old) sleeps with a loaded gun...
I have to admit that I feel just a little bit jealous.
I never had a mom. Yes, I was conceived and was born but my mom was taken away to a tuberculous sanitarium when my brother and I were toddlers and she died there a few years later. Almost all I remember about her is seeing this beautiful woman waving to me from the window.
In order to survive I had to put the concept of "missing my mom" out of my mind for the next several decades. Most of them I spent being a mom. And trying to be a good one - but it was hard sometimes, having figure it out as I went along.
But now that I had the time I occasionally wonder what having a mom would have been like. I wonder if, right now, I'd have a sense of humor about my 95 year old mom driving me crazy.
***
