Hair

When we were having breakfast this morning at a neighborhood restaurant a young woman came in with two little kids. She obviously was receiving chemo. She ordered breakfast for the children and tea for herself. She was beautiful but pale and bald.

We both had empathy for her. After they left we began discussing hair. Dave said "Women are vain about their hair."

In his defense I'll say that he's been through the experience of having his beautiful wife loose her hair due to chemo so he has a right to express himself on this issue.

But... My reply was:

"Have you ever heard of Rogaine for Men and those painful implants?"

Yes, in the battle of the sexes I tend to come on a little too strong at times.

After that we had a long friendly conversation about hair.

We want lots of it on some parts of our bodies and none on others. It's only been since the 1940s that women have been routinely removing hair. Now I'm reading that young men are subjecting themselves to all kinds of waxings.

Ouch!

And then there's the strange beard thingies and daily head shavings.

Yes, women are vain about hair but aren't we all?


***

We're Alike

Dave and I are a lot alike. We're both planners and detail people. Some might call us anal retentive (a psychiatric diagnosis.)

Neither of us alphabetizes the canned goods but we've both been known to triple wrap the garbage.

This morning we had to decide which one of us is going to set up a budget for a little project we're starting. Most people wouldn't bother with a budget. They'd just do it. But that's not us.

One of the reasons I loved "The Year of Living Biblically" book was because the writer got obsessed with following all the Old Testament rules.

I'm a rule follower but I couldn't have lived the year that he did.

For instance, anything around A.J. Jacob's apartment that had the potential to stir his libido got covered with a piece of tape. That included the woman in the geisha outfit on the box of Celestial Seasonings tea.

While we'd think of many of the things he did as silly, the ritual made him a better person. A non believer, he started praying three times a day to fulfill his obligation to live biblically and, after a few weeks, it changed him in some powerful ways.

Dave and I like the discipline of regularly doing the same (good) things - even though sometimes it's not easy. (Like working out on the rowing machine at the gym.)

The writer of "The Year of Living Biblically" has OCD (obsessive, compulsive disorder) and that helped him considerably in following the 600 plus Jewish laws for a year.

I don't know what's up with Dave and me.


***

Sea of Love

Come with me,
My love,
To the sea,
The sea of love,
I want to tell you
Oh, how much
I love you...

Last week we went to a friend's lake house in Wisconsin with three other couples. These are very old friends (I don't necessarily mean very old people) of my fiance's.

By the way, I don't like calling him my fiance. It's not a fun word like "boyfriend." I think I'll start calling him Dave.

Anyway, these people were friends of Dave and his late wife decades before I came on the scene. So it made what they did even more meaningful.

We were to meet that evening at the pontoon boat to cross the lake and have dinner at a little restaurant on the other side - like we'd done before.

But when Dave and I got in (on) the boat there was a fantastic, romantic dinner laid out. Complete with tablecloths and candles. Champagne was immediately uncorked, wine flowed and we headed for the middle of the lake where we feasted on gazpacho, smoked fish and other delicacies while they made toasts to our impending nuptials.

I'm not easily moved and I'm not emotional. But that night I was both. Big time.

Made me want to say them:

I want to tell you
Oh, how much
I love you...


***

Tell An Old Joke

Today is National Tell An Old Joke Day. But you probably already knew that and have been celebrating all day by telling old jokes.

No?

Well, I've got one for you. They say that all jokes stem from a couple of original jokes. One starts like "A guy walks into a bar..." The other starts like "A priest and a Rabbi..."

I'm not good at telling jokes. When I did "platform speaking" I liked to keep people laughing as much as possible but I didn't tell many jokes.

But here's one that you can use forever.

Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Sarah, why the long face?"

Joel Osteen walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, Joel, why the long face?"

Barack Obama walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Mr. President, why the long face?"

You get the idea. Now it's your turn.


***

Golfers Are Crazy

My fiance has been a serious golfer since he was 12 years old. He and his junior high friends rode their bikes - while lugging golf clubs that they'd earned by working on the grounds - to the golf course every summer morning.

He played golf for his high school and his college. He played golf for the Army. (What a sweet deal that was.) He's played with his current golfing buddies for forty years.

He's made four holes-in-one at the public golf course where they play.

This morning it was cold and raining like crazy. He drove to the golf course at 7:00 A.M. There was one other car in the lot. Soon his other two friends arrived and parked on either side. (Yes, all four of them showed up to an empty, rain drenched parking lot.)

What to do....

One guy left but the other three piled into the same car and drove to a course 30 miles south where it "probably" wouldn't be raining.

But it was.

So they drove the 30 miles back to their original golf course. Thank goodness the rain had stopped so they were able to play - and the world as we know it didn't come to an end.


***

Cool Friends and Serious Agendas

My fiance has the coolest friends. Last night we had dinner with a veterinarian and his wife from New Zealand. I took an instant liking to them last year when they were in town.

He was a professor at the university here for many years, then traveled all over the world for Heifer International - one of my favorite groups. Then settled back in their native New Zealand. They're still regularly crossing continents to visit friends and family and such.

We had a good discussion about health care. They like their system in New Zealand and some other countries as well.

As you know, ours isn't working.

We all agreed that we'd like to see the president and others get a sensible plan moving. But the New Zealand Vet likened it to having a baby elephant.

It takes two years and the end part is really messy.


***

Breeding Ground

Have you ever wondered about how several successful people can come from the same place?

Sometimes it's a household. Many parents of multiple children have one high achiever but when they all knock it out of the ball park - there must be something special going on.

Years ago when we lived in West Palm Beach, the old Palm Beach High School was right across the street from the church. Over a few years time this high school produced Burt Reynolds, George Hamilton, Peter Lawford, Monte Markham (whom you probably don't know but he was, and still is, a fine actor) and several other lesser known movie and TV stars.

A few blocks from my boyfriend's house is a little town called St. Louis Park. It's a first ring suburb of Minneapolis. There's nothing special about the way it looks, it's very middle class. It does have a high Jewish population. I've heard it referred to, in a very kind and proud way, as "St. Jewish Park."

St. Louis Park has produced, within a four block radius, the brilliant "Times" columnist Thomas Friedman, the political scientist Norm Orstein, and the movie makers Joel and Ethan Coen (who've produced "Fargo," "No Country for Old Men," "Raising Arizona," and many other smart, funny brutal, beautiful, thought provoking movies)

The St. Louis Park guy getting all the press right now is Senator Al Franken. No matter what you think of him politically, the guy is and always has been brilliant.

Thanks St. Louis Park - and all the other places and families that continue to breed these gifts to us.


***

You're Welcome Here!

There's a big sign on a downtown Minneapolis church that says: "You're Welcome Here No Matter Where You Are on Your Spiritual Journey."

When my fiance and I got together we talked a lot about where we were on our spiritual journeys. Still do. In fact, we had a talk today. All of these discussions have helped me clarify, articulate and feel comfortable with where I am.

It's not often that somebody asks us about our spiritual journeys - unless they have an ax to grind.

The truth is that most all of us are at different places. It's a wonderful thing when we can talk about what we're sure of - and what we're not. And not feel judged.

President Obama has nominated Dr. Francis Collins to be director of the National Institute of Health. His scientific credentials are impeccable - but he's also one of only about 7 per cent of elite American scientists who believe in a personal god. He's a guitar playing, hymn singing, evangelical Christian.

He has had - and is going to get - some flack for this. But he doesn't see a contradiction. Neither do I. He believes science and spirituality are two entirely different things. So do I.

It would be great if, in every community, including the scientific community and all religious communities the reality could be:

"You're Welcome Here, No Matter Where You Are on Your Spiritual Journey."


***

My Love Affair With Newspapers

I'll probably be one of the last humans to read newspapers - daily. I love them. This summer it's been such a pleasure to read The Star Tribune - unlike my hometown paper, "The Orlando Sentinel" that has shrunk to a pitifully few pages.

Yesterday we went to the discount movie theater to see "State of Play." It came out about the same time as "The Soloist" but we missed it first time around. Both movies glorify news reporters. Other than that, they're very different.

"State of Play" stars Russell Crow as the reporter. Aside from wishing - throughout the entire movie - that he'd wash his hair and clean his apartment, he was great. The movie's a good political mystery.

I didn't realize the it had six other fine and well know actors: Ben Affleck, Rachel McAdams, Helen Mirren, Robin Wright Penn, Jason Bateman - and one of our most underrated, Jeff Daniels.

Well, maybe they're not all fine....

As you know, one of my favorite parts of the newspaper is the comics. "Pooch Cafe" has had a running plot for a few days. The dog is searching for the plank of wood that comforted him as a puppy. He calls it his plankie.

In yesterday's strip he was describing the plank to a police sketch artist: "Lets see, he's about six feet, sort of flat, wooden, stoic, bland..."

The sketch artist soon holds up a drawing of Ben Affleck.


***

Jigsaw

A week or so after I arrived at my fiance's house I started a one thousand piece jigsaw puzzle. For three weeks we couldn't have guests for dinner because the puzzle covered the dining room table. I mostly worked on it while listening to Wolf Blitzer in the Situation Room.

Seems like an odd way to relax but it works for me.

When we were living in big homes and the kids would gather two or three times a year I would try to have a jigsaw puzzle going somewhere in the house. One year it was a murder mystery. The plot was written on the box. The clues were in the completed puzzle. We got it solved before the weekend was up. Low tech fun.

My guess is that, for me, a jigsaw puzzle relieves stress because it's a quiet task that starts in chaos and ends with my having put it right.

I wish I could do that with some of the people I love. But I know I cannot.

And, of course, it's a brain teaser.

A while back my friend in Florida called. I told her about the dining room table issue and she had a solution. Do the puzzles on the computer.

So, now I'm doing a puzzle every day at www.jigzone.com. No mess. No cost.


***

She's a Babe

In the late fifties I was barely 17 years old and pretty much on my own. I'd graduated from high school a few weeks earlier (when I was 16) and had started working full time at a stove company.

Then a telephone call from the mother of a friend changed my life forever. There was an opening at the downtown Indianapolis offices of U. S. Steel. She could get me an interview.

Long story short, to my utter surprise, I got the job! A short time later I was working in a glamorous high rise all day and attending college at night. I'd never been happier.

A few weeks later I was speculating (again) with my new roommate who also worked at U. S. Steel, about how in the world I landed that job.

I guess I was thinking what Stewart Smally (aka Al Franken) would later say on SNL: I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and, dog gone it, people like me.

But my roommate set me straight by saying: "You got the job because you're a babe!"

Was I flattered? No. I was devastated. I was humiliated. I felt dehumanized.

I was reminded of all of the above this morning when I read Steve Chapman's column in the Chicago Tribune about Sarah Palin. He thinks a large part of the reason for her success is that: "She's a babe, and she doesn't try to hide it."

He quotes Tina Fey who was a remarkable Palin lookalike on SNL as saying "I'll tell you, that lady is five times better looking than I am."

To be fair to Chapman, he says the same thing about Mitt Romney and John Edwards, that their looks have gotten them where they are (or were.)

What do you think? Are we human beings that shallow - that we would give national status and power to a person just because "she's a babe?"

I hope not. It's humiliating to all parties concerned.


***

Getting the Job Done Together

A couple of years ago I led a class on Adam Hamilton's book, "Seeing Gray in a World of Black and White." One of the main themes is the concept of people who are on very different sides of an issue finding common ground and working together.

Because very often we have the same ultimate goals.

In the state of Minnesota the abortion rate has dropped steadily for almost 30 years.

The pro choice people believe that it's because they've provided affordable birth control and sex education.

The pro life folks believe that it's because they've provided women and girls with life-affirming resources.

Others, especially some church groups, believe that it's a combination of all of this plus the love and support provided by groups working together.

All of them are rejoicing over these statistics.


***

Mighty Mississippi

Last night we had a picnic with friends on the Mississippi River. Hard to remember that it starts way up here. How could we have a picnic at night? It doesn't get dark here until after 9:00 P.M. in the summer. Kind of strange.

Our job was to bring deviled eggs and dessert. We bought the dessert at the bakery so it was kinda easy. But I'm still not used to having a partner in the kitchen. It's amazing that he's so patient with me. We bought a variety of gourmet dessert bars but decided we'd cut them into fourths. He got out the knife.

Wait! I wasn't sure he he had the expertise to slice them. But he reminded me that he actually had a degree in this kind of thing (architecture.) They ended up in perfect, precise one inch squares.

Then he started to place the filling in the eggs. I felt the need to remind him that it has to come out even. He gently reminded me that when he eats pancakes at McDonald's his pancakes, syrup and sausage always finish up at the same time.

We have lots of small and big decisions to make in the next few months.

My fiance's house - that he's lived in for 42 years - sits on Minnehaha Creek. It flows into the Mississippi and the Mississippi flows all the way to the other end of the country.

And, of course, I live at the other end of the country. But I'm confident we can work all this out.


***

The Wedding of My Dreams

I was married in 1960. So was my boyfriend. Only not to each other. I didn't have a real wedding. We eloped.

So I'm thinking about the wedding of my dreams. You're all invited.

I'm thinking a mountain top. Maybe even the Himalayas. We could all fly over to this spot I've been researching. Well, we'd have to switch planes a couple of times, ending up in a Piper Apache. And then just a wee bit of hiking. Some of you wouldn't be up to that so you could rent Llamas.

I will wear silk and my bridegroom would wear a powder blue Nehru Jacket. I want all of my Power Rangers to be bridesmaids and wear long purple dresses with big puffy sleeves. Oh, and I promised my son's mother in law years ago that if I ever remarried she could be a bridesmaid too - and also a lady I met last week at the restaurant where we eat soup. I promised her as well.

I sometimes feel like I've spent my entire life trying to make other people happy. It's about time I turned into Bridezilla.

Yes, the above is all a bunch of nonsense. We ARE getting married but it will be a very small family affair.

So I will no longer refer to this precious man as my boyfriend. We are betrothed.


***

My Connection to John Dillinger

OK, yes, he was shot in front of the movie theater several years before I was born. But I grew up in Indianapolis and, like it or not, John Dillinger was a folk hero. Still is. I'm sure that Crown Hill is filling up with visitors as I'm writing this.

When I was growing up in Indianapolis we lived on a corner. The street that ran beside our house was Jefferson Avenue. It was one block long and my brother and I knew every family on the block. All the kids did.

About half way down lived an old man. He was a recluse. We hardly ever saw him and we knew not to mess around in his yard. His name was Mr. Dillinger and the word was that he was John Dillinger's half brother, Hubert.

Everybody on the block just accepted this as fact and left him alone.

This morning I've spent an hour or so Googling the Dillinger family but I can't find any proof that the Mr. Dillinger on Jefferson Avenue, was, in fact, John's brother.

My boyfriend and I saw "Public Enemies" last night. We both liked it a lot. I could have done with a little less shooting and car chases but the look of the movie is terrific, the story is exciting and seems accurate, and, of course, Johnny Depp is, well, Johnny Depp.

When you see the movie you will understand why Dillinger was seen as a hero by some.

One day we kids were playing in the street on Jefferson Avenue. Several police cars, with no sirens, pulled up in front of Mr. Dillinger's house. They were in the house for a long time (or so it seemed to me) then emerged with old Mr. Dillinger in handcuffs.

The neighbors said that John Dillinger's brother had gone crazy.

That's all I know.


***

Healthy Kids

When I was a kid my dad believed that fat people were healthy and skinny people were not. Since he saw my mother waste away with a long terminal illness I can understand his mind set.

But we know that, generally speaking, fat kids aren't healthy and, in fact, we're experiencing a fat kid crisis in this country.

But now we've learned that Minnesota, where I'm visiting for the summer, has the honor of having the lowest rate of overweight children in the nation.

They attribute this to physical activity and low poverty rates. Unlike my dad, they don't believe that the richer you get the fatter you need to be.

A few times a week we drive through a delightful little neighborhood. All of the houses are small but beautifully appointed, with flowers everywhere. But what strikes me is that there are always children playing out front. They're on Big Wheels and bikes; playing ball and tumbling down Slip 'n Slides.

I rarely see this in other neighborhoods in other states. I wonder why kids don't play outside much anymore.

So congrats, Minnesota.

On the other hand, the state that rates the highest in overweight or obese kids is Mississippi with 44.4%. Yes, that's almost half.

I guess what Garrison Keillor says about mythical Lake Wobegon is true for the entire state of Minnesota.

...where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking and all the children are above average.


***

Have You Heard?

Have you heard that Michael Jackson died? Of course you have. Even Osoma Ben Laden living in the cave in Pakistan has all the details.

What is it with us that we're fixated on this? Some people have suggested that it's our new instant communication but the same thing happened when Elvis died.

And when O. J. shot his wife. (I'm very much aware that minor celebs shooting their wives gets a lot of press.)

I get that both Michael and Elvis were great, one of a kind, innovative entertainers - but their personal lives were a mess. Is that a plus or a minus in our need for non stop info?

I guess it takes our attention from Iran, the economy and the countless other things that actually, you know, affect us.

Speaking of Elvis and Michael and their many things in common - including that crazy inter marriage a few years ago - I hear that the Jackson family has plans afoot for Michael to replace Elvis as the top money making dead celebrity.

Elvis made 52 million dollars in 2008.

I'm not questioning the Presley family or the Jackson family or even Al Sharpton. I'm wondering about our need for all this coverage.


***