The Future

Sometimes my Boyfriend and I discuss the future - but not often. We mainly discuss the near future - like what we're going to do in the next few months.

We'd already lived full and successful lives before we met. This is gravy.

And, as Maurice Chevalier used to sing, Forever more is shorter than before.

But apparently not as short as I thought.

New stats have come out saying that, at age 65, the average life expectancy is 85 for women and 82 for men.

And, since my Boyfriend is an avid golfer, more good news arrived today via an Internet article by Michael Kent.

The Scandinavian Journal of Medicine and Science found it "likely" that playing golf has a significant impact on health...Golfers are 47% less likely to die than non - golfers of the same age.

These stats might change my way of thinking. Maybe we should get married, renew our careers and have babies.

But on second thought, I don't think so. I like what Chevalier continued to sing,

The Fountain of Youth is dull as paint,
Methuselah is my patron saint,
I've never been so comfortable before,
Oh, I'm so glad that I'm not young anymore.


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Recycle Your Hummer

Last weekend we saw some innovative housing for homeless people around the world made from plastic covered cardboard.

Maybe a better idea would be to convert the Hummers everybody's trying to unload into housing that will last a lifetime. And it would be lightening proof standing on those big tires.

Because you sure can't get rid of them any other way. An article in this week's Newsweek says that ...To many, the Hummer now seems overbearing, overweight, militaristic and narcissistic.

Gosh, ya think?

Could you trade it in for a Prius? Yeah, if you gave the dealer the Hummer and $25,000 (the price of a Prius.) And you could feel lucky that you didn't have to pay a disposal fee.

Among other scary pop culture influences, we have Arnold Schwarzenegger to thank for the popularity of the Hummer. But he has converted his Hummers to hydrogen and biofuel. Something most owners can't afford to do.

By the way, today is Arnold's 61st birthday. So happy birthday, big guy, and thanks for using your considerable power in far more positive ways over the past few years.


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This is Embarrassing

A new statistic has come out listing the percentage of people who volunteer in the 50 largest cities in the country.

I sometimes brag to my Boyfriend about how we folks in Florida love to help our neighbors in need.

His city, Minneapolis-St. Paul ranked #1.

The only three cities in Florida that were even listed were Jacksonville at #45, Orlando at #46 and Miami at #50.

They suggested a possible cause for Miami's poor showing might be their higher than average poverty rate. But, to me, that just makes the need for volunteers greater.

How embarrassing for us Floridians.

My initial explanation was that churches aren't in the mix. Church people are big time volunteers but when they do it through the church it doesn't get counted.

But then Salt Lake City was ranked #2. As we know, it's loaded with Mormons. There are probably enough volunteering Osmonds to skew the count.

And, too, my argument doesn't hold up because this place (Minnesota) is overrun with Lutherans.

We Floridians need to step it up.


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Team Diarrhea

The state lab investigators here in Minnesota have been credited with tracing the source of the nation wide salmonella outbreak to jalapeno peppers - not the falsely accused and entirely innocent tomato.

These heroes have been dubbed: Team Diarrhea.

I, myself, at various points (fortunately not now) have been a member of "Team Diarrhea." Searching for the culprit, even when just your immediately family is involved, sometimes takes superior sleuthing abilities.

Unfortunately, I raised a family full of allergic reactors.

And it's no joke in third world countries. More babies die from simple diarrhea than anything else.

Thanks Team Diarrhea! May your numbers increase worldwide.


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Me and Bobby McLaughlin

I met Bobby McLaughlin three days ago on a street corner in Stillwater. His is a remarkable story.

He was arrested when he was 20 years old for a murder he didn't commit and served seven years in some of the toughest prisons in New York state.

His foster parents rescued him the first time when they took him in as a boy. They rescued him again when they persevered for all those years to find the real killer.

How do I know all of this is true?

In 1991 THEY MADE A MOVIE OF HIS LIFE! It stars Brendon Fraser as Bobby and Martin Sheen as his foster father. It's titled "Guilty Until Proven Innocent."

For many years now Bobby McLaughlin, a simple man, has worked with a team of people to get innocent inmates released from prison.

So he's passing it on!


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I'm a Lumber Jack and I'm OK

We returned yesterday from a couple of days in the old logging town of Stillwater, Minnesota. It's now a picturesque tourist town. I love it. We were there for the annual Lumber Jack Days which I'd like to tell you has to do with the rich history of the town but, in reality, it has to do with Partying.

We didn't do much of that but we had fun.

From the main street there are steep steps straight up a hill from which you can see a panoramic view of the town. 158 steps in all.

Let's see. The average flight of stairs is 16 steps so 158 divided by 16 = ....

HOLY MOLY! That's equal to ten flights of steps! We went up and down twice. No wonder my calves still feel like concrete.

Highlights of our Stillwater trip

- The Lowell Inn - An old, small, elegant hotel built in Mount Vernon style with 13 columns in front.

- Walleye (the favorite fish of Minnesota) served at the Freighthouse Restaurant. Yum yum.

- The beautiful (and clean) St. Croix River.

- The Historic Trolley Tour with our excellent tour guide who teaches junior high in the winter and the inmates at Stillwater prison in the summer. He grew up in the town so knows every home and the exciting history of this logging town where the logger barons built mansions on the hill and the boat captains built lovely homes on the river.

This morning's paper has a blurb about Jessica Lange and Sam Shepard selling their Stillwater Victorian (where they raised their children) for $1.95 million. (A bargain.)

Last year we went to Stillwater. This time we did the very same things we did then. Next summer will be a repeat. But we're gonna have to keep ourselves in shape for those steps.


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I'm a Believer

On Saturday night my Boyfriend and I saw Neil Diamond in concert in St. Paul, Minnesota. He sold out the 14,000 seat arena two nights in a row.

At 67, he's the oldest male artist to headline a major arena tour. In fact, he's one of a handful of artists of any age who can fill an arena.

And his new album, "Home Before Dark" is the #1 album on the Billboard charts.

So there!

When I talked with my children on the phone about all of the above the word "Geezer" came up repeatedly.

"He's #1 on the 'Geezer' Charts?'"

"I didn't know he was still alive." (Hello, you're talking to your mother!)

"Does he sing anything I know?"

- How about the Monkey's theme song "I'm a Believer"? He wrote it.

- How about Streisand's "You Don't Send Me Flowers Anymore"? He wrote it and recorded it with her.

- How about "Sweet Caroline," the song he recently admitted was written for Caroline Kennedy.

I'm not a huge Diamond fan but I admire his work and you have to give it to these performers who've been on top for decades - and still continue to tour.

Neil and I do connect on several levels.

I'm a man of God. I'm a man of peace. I'm a man of faith.

Me to!

And, of course, I'm - "Forever in Blue Jeans."


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The Two Madonnas

It's sad that, apparently, Alex Rodriguez (or A-Rod as I like to call him during the past week when I've actually known who he is) and his wife, Cynthia, have split up.

This happened after A-Rod was seen visiting the Central Park West apartment of Madonna, whom he has described as his "soul mate."

As of this writing, Madonna, age 50, hasn't commented on her relationship with the 17 years younger A-Rod.

Mr. Rodriguez, please be careful. I realize you're a super star but Madonna is way out of your league. She's reinvented herself more times than Microsoft and has left many broken hearts along the trail.

Twenty years ago when Madonna was merely 30 years old, a person I know who is an industrial cleaner was summoned to a Catholic cathedral after a bad storm.

His 15 year old son was begrudgingly pressed into service. But when the son heard his dad on the phone discussing a huge stained glass "Madonna" window he became extraordinarily excited about the job.

Needless to say that it was a big let down for the kid when he discovered that the priceless window was merely depicting the mother of our Lord.

I hope that, over the years, he has rethought his priorities.

Because, despite the current Kabblah thing, Madonna is no Madonna.


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I, Too, Sing America

All of the talk lately about the "old angry African American ideas about America, " i.e., Jeremiah Wright and Jesse Jackson - and the "new positive African American ideas about America," i.e., Barack Obama, have reminded me of a poem by the late, great Langston Hughes.

One of the outstanding writings of the Harlem Renaissance, this poem, with it's positive outlook, could have been written about people like Obama and so many others who have a new and different way of seeing life.


I, TOO, SING AMERICA

I, too, sing America.


I am the darker brother,

They send me to eat in the kitchen

When company comes,

But I laugh,

And eat well,

And grow strong.


Tomorrow,

I'll be at the table

When company comes.

Nobody'll dare

Say to me,

"Eat in the kitchen,"

Then.


Besides,

They'll see how beautiful I am

And be ashamed-


I, too, am America.


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My IKEA

I paid my first visit to IKEA today. A couple of years ago I never heard of IKEA but then they opened a store in my city and they were all over the news so by opening day every body in the county knew about IKEA.

People showed up two days early to stand in line for the opening. These people are called IKEAFANS - and there are millions of them.

I, of course, had no interest. I'm not a shopper.

But today my Boyfriend and I were up for an adventure so we headed to the IKEA in his city.

By the way, his IKEA is adjacent to The Mall of America. This is the largest mall in the country. Brits fly over in groups to shop for the weekend. All expenses paid.

I've been there once.

My Boyfriend, who's lived here longer than the mall, has been twice.

The big blue and yellow warehouse that we call IKEA was overwhelming and a little manic. It's a world of garish colors, plastics and red lacquered veneers.

In fact, it's many worlds. It's like Disney's "It's a Small World." It just goes on, and on and on.... until you just want to grab a baseball bat and start smashing. Oh, sorry!

We went to the restaurant that my Swedish friend has raved about. Looked it over and left. Then, on the way out, we stopped at the grill and each had a 50 cent hot dog. Not bad.

That's all we bought.


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Some People Just Can't Take a Joke

Big controversy brewing today because the cover of the new issue of The New Yorker (my favorite magazine) shows:

- Barack Obama dressed in a robe and turban

- Michelle in a terrorist outfit including an assault rifle

- Standing in the oval office doing their famous fist tap

- While an American flag burns in the fireplace and Osama bin Laden's picture hangs over the mantel.

Lots of people are up in arms over this, including, I'm sure, Obama.

Come on folks, it's satire.

All thinking people, even those who oppose Obama, know that all of the above is nonsense. As for the others, the ones still sending the crazy e-mails, nothing will faze them.

By the way, a while back my Boyfriend played golf with a stranger who seemed like a nice man who said, right out of the blue, "Obama's a Muslim, you know!" My Boyfriend said, "Oh really?" The man continued, "Yes, he was raised in the Middle East." My Boyfriend replied, "No kidding."

No use arguing with this people. Nothing will faze them.

But, come on folks, we have some REAL issues to debate.

I can't wait to get our copy of The New Yorker to see what the story is behind the cover.


***

Kurt Vonnegut, Revisited

We just spent two blissful days at my Boyfriend's friends' lake house. Golly gee, what perks come with this boyfriend business!

There were six of us, all big time readers. We discussed writers. When that happens, my friend, Kurt's name usually gets bantered about. We all pretty much agreed that his writing got a bit squirrely toward the end of his 82 year old life. But I still loved it. Besides his writing was always somewhat squirrely.

Now, just when we thought there will be no more Vonnegut, a book is coming out containing some of his writings on war and peace. Two of his best subjects.

The July 7th copy of Newsweek carries a remarkable letter from this book, one that Vonnegut wrote to his family in 1945 from a P.O.W. Repatriation Camp in France after being rescued from the Nazis.

The short and to the point letter goes into graphic detail about what happened during that time. While not Vonnegut's later style, the letter tells us that this young man is a writer.

Well, the supermen marched us, without food, water or sleep to Limberg, a distance of about sixty miles, I think, where we were loaded and locked up, sixty men to each small, unventilated, unheated box car. There were no sanitary accommodations - the floors were covered with cow dung. There wasn't room for all of us to lie down. Half slept while the other half stood. We spent several days, including Christmas, on that Limberg siding.

In 1969, he wrote the classic Slaughterhouse-Five depicting the bombing of Dresden, possibly the most beautiful city in the world at the time, by the Americans and the British. Vonnegut was on the ground as a P.O.W.

Actually the full title of this book that is required reading in most of the world's schools is:

Slaughterhouse-Five; or, The Children's Crusade: A Duty-Dance with Death.

The new book, published by Putnam is:

Armageddon in Retrospect


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This is How I've Been Moving Through It

Yesterday my Boyfriend and I, along with another couple, went to Augsburg College to see an art exhibit by a friend of theirs, Gregory Euclide.

He titled the exhibit "This is How I've Been Moving Through It."

I can't get this title out of my head.

In this morning's paper there's an article about a 17 year old serial rapist who's just been given a 25 year sentence. One of his victims was quoted as saying that she badly wants to forgive him but isn't quite ready, She doesn't want to spend the rest of her life afraid and full of hate. She's moving toward overcoming this evil that came into her life with good.

So this is how she's moving through it.

I have suffered life altering trauma. I'm much healthier now than I was a few years ago but it's been a long, lonely road. The journey continues as I continue to dig deep and make choices. Choices with which, I'm sure, not everyone agrees.

But - this is how I've been moving through it.


***

Writing Ideas

Earlier today a friend asked me how I come up with so many ideas. At that point I was stuck for an answer.

Then I talked with a very old high school friend, one who loves words as much as I do. She told me about this interesting exercise she used to do with her writing students.

On a large piece of newsprint she drew a horizontal, blue squiggly line. She asked her students to see it as the ocean. Then she asked that they visualize what they might see from the surface of the ocean. Then she invited those who cared to, to come up and draw what they visualized.

They drew deserted islands, islands with structures and people, mountains, boats, and numerous other things.

Next she asked them to visualize and draw what might be below the surface of the ocean.

they drew whales, all sorts of fish, sea creatures, anchors, submerged boats loaded with treasures - and numerous other things.

Of course, the point is: There's always a lot more going on that what's on the surface!


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How O. J. Could (Again) Jump Start the Economy

So.

This morning as my Boyfriend and I were walking our two fast miles I told him that I'd just started reading a novel by Alan Dershowitz.

This, of course, got us talking about the O.J. trial. He expressed sadness about this embarrassing time in our history.

I tried to make him see the bright side. Thousands of people got rich. Hundreds of people had their careers jump started. I'm sure that the amount of money made from the O. J. trial was more than the gross national product of some countries.

More books were published about the trial than any other crime since Watergate.

People who couldn't even read wrote books. (Kato)

O. J.'s Dream Team became household names: Johnnie Cochran ("If the gloves don't fit," etc.) F. Lee Bailey, Robert Kardasian, Robert Shapiro, Barry Scheck and Alan Dershowitz became as popular as movie stars.

Christopher Darden and Marcia Clark (She should read the posting below) became media darlings.

Attorneys overnight became media consultants and then media stars. It certainly was Greta Van Susteren's breakthrough moment.

Bronco sales took off.

Kato Kaelin whose career up to that point was "house guest" got his own radio show.

And what about those Dancing Itos?

In other words, money was being pumped into the economy hand over fist while we vented our anger over something that had nothing to do with us.

I don't want anybody to get hurt but maybe O. J. could, again, do something exciting to get us rolling.


***

Hair Again

As you know, I spend very little time on my hair. Most days it looks OK. Many years ago, after doing what most women do and spending what most women spend, I said, "Enough."

Today I read an article in the Sunday USA Magazine that made me laugh out loud. It's titled "5 Things You Don't Know About Taming Frizzy Hair."

1. See a Great Stylist.

I used to get my hair cut in the mall but when the price went from $32 to $34 I switched to "Great Clips." It's $11 for seniors. I can't tell the difference in the cut. Occasionally I try a new place but "Great Clips" seems to do it just about like everybody else. And no appointment necessary.

2. Select the Right Products. Your stylist can help you pick appropriate products.

The article goes on to suggest six different "must have" products. Are you kidding me? The stylist makes a commission on every product she or he sells.

3. Apply Correctly.

It doesn't seem like rocket science to read the directions but apparently it's much more complicated. The first thing is, after you wash your hair, never dry it with a towel. You must use a T-shirt or a microfiber towel. (I'm not making this up.)

4. Blow Dry for Your Hair Type.

Let's just say that this section is so long and complicated that the one thing I know is I've never, ever blow dried my hair properly.

5. Be Prepared!

This was my favorite part - the part that made me laugh.

Even if you do everything right, you can still get frizz. Always be ready to pull your hair back with a scarf.

So there you have it.


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Seeing Things in a Different Way

Next door to my grand children's house lives a little genius. Not that my grandchildren aren't because they're way smart - but this kid is off the chart.

One day a few years ago when he was about 8 years old he came over with a book on Origami. I told him I only knew how to do one "fold." So I folded my white construction paper over many times, then opened it to reveal a chair.

He said, "I like it, but it's a piano."

In all the years I've been folding this thing nobody ever suggested it was anything but a chair. But when I looked at it, it very much resembled an upright piano.

I'm trying very hard these days to see things in a different way. To see them from other people's point of view.

I'm in the middle of Anne Lamott's book, Grace (Eventually.) It's helping me .


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Pea Salad

Last February one of my Power Rangers sent an e-mail to the rest of us with her recipe for pea salad, because, apparently, everybody was raving about it.

The night before we'd gathered with our husbands and significant others for a pot luck dinner before seeing a play. She brought pea salad.

As it turns out, and as she smartly pointed out in her e-mail, (she's a gifted writer) the play was terrible. Only one of us liked it. The next day the critics went "old testament" on it. It was called "Alice in Techno Land." Sort of a modern, convoluted version of "Alice in Wonderland." I always thought the original version was pretty convoluted and that Alice had some serious psychological problems.

But the dinner was great.

However, I had not tried the pea salad so I wasn't excited to get the e-mail except that it's always a treat to get a written message from her.

When I was cleaning up my computer before leaving town for the summer I found the note and printed it out because you just never know when you might need a recipe for pea salad when you're away from home for several months.

Tomorrow we're going to a 4th of July party. Today I made the salad. It's sooooo good! And so easy. My Boyfriend and I used up so many spoons tasting it (no double dipping) that I'm hoping we saved enough for the party.

Here's the recipe.

Julia's Pea Salad

Mix together a 16 ox. bag frozen (small) peas, thawed, 1 eight oz. can of sliced water chestnuts, 3/4ths cup of whole cashews, and 6 green onions, thinly sliced.

In another small bowl mix together 1/2 cup mayo, 1 teaspoon soy sauce, and 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger.

Stir this into the pea mixture and you're done. It can be made a day ahead or the last minute. Serves 6.

She used what she calls the "sinful" kind of mayo. I didn't but I doubt that Hellman's light is totally without sin.

Have a great 4th of July. Remember, explosives and alcohol don't mix! Pick one.


***

A Safe House

Once when I spoke to a group of retired Methodist ministers and their spouses I used the line from Robert Frost's poem "The Hired Man" which says "Home is the place that, when you go there, they have to take you in."

Since these people have retired and finally have their own homes, they could finally relate. When you spend your whole adult life living in parsonages, as beautiful as they may be, Frost's definition doesn't always apply.

Things may happen that necessitate a move. This happens in all kinds of business situations but in the Methodist church, you must vacate your home. The current congregation doesn't have to take you in. They can kick you out.

And there are many more subtle ways that congregations let the clergy family know who "owns" the parsonage. Like people with keys who come and go at will.

But there are all kinds of toxic home situations. Some much worse than others. One of the primary things we need from home - from birth until death - is that it be a SAFE place.

I feel blessed in my condo. I'm surrounded by neighbors whom I care about - and some I love! It's a safe place.

I'm feeling at home in my Boyfriend's house. He's lived in it for over 40 years. His children who live in other parts of the country love this house.

It is missing a few things. Since we're now doing a little cooking we shopped today for measuring cups and spices. He has none.


***

Are You a Cardmember?

Have you seen those American Express ads in magazines that feature celeb cardholders answering questions?

I think they're so insightful about the person.

I have two in front of me right now. Tina Fey and Beyonce. Here's a sample of the Q & A.

PROUDEST ACCOMPLISHMENT

Byonce - "Winning my first Grammy."

Tina - "My daughter says 'please' and 'thank you.'"

MOST UNUSUAL GIFT

Byonce - Rhinestone studded pedicure toe spacers.

Tina - A bat skeleton.

RECENT IMPULSE BUY

Byonce - Lorraine Schwartz Diamond Monkeys

Tina - A case of soup.

My proudest accomplishment, without question, is raising my four children. I've had a lot of unusual gifts. But I remember many years ago a lady gave me a big doily she'd crocheted with the plastic face of a baby doll sewn into the middle. It was positively creepy. I used to tell the kids that if they didn't quiet down in their beds they'd have to sleep with the doily. (Yes, they knew I was kidding.)

I almost never buy anything on impulse but today I was in a wonderful little bookstore in Minneapolis and I bought Anne Lamott's latest book, "Grace (Eventually.)"

How would you answer the questions?


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