On Memorial Day I went to a memorial service. It was for a man I didn't really know. His wife had died a few weeks before. Her memorial service was so wonderful that I was looking forward to his when the time came.
I didn't really know her either. So everything I'm going to tell you I learned from the two services.
They were married for 69 years.
Part of each service was a slide show of family photos that depicted their life together. They appeared to be the iconic, Norman Rockwell, American couple - back in the days when life was simpler. They loved each other and they loved their three children. They worked hard and they had fun.
The man's son told us some things about his father. Like he never went to college but he served on the school board in his city. Like he encouraged the children to do their best.
They're all professional educators.
My friends and I have been sharing the following story all week: The son said that when he was in high school and was flunking chemistry, his dad had a meeting with his teacher. The son was eager to know what the teacher had to say.
"He said you have to try harder, son."
Years later when the son was graduating from college with a chemistry major the conversation with the high school teacher was brought up again.
Dad said, "I lied to you back then, son. Your teacher said you weren't college material and you'd better just learn a trade."
The son referred to his father as a "Steady Rock." It's interesting, because that's exactly how I would describe the man's daughter (the only one of the children I know.)
A steady rock.
The son told us nine of his dad's life lessons. I was only able to scribble down eight.
1. Always arrive dressed and ready - and 10 minutes early.
2. Be patient with those you love.
3. In times of adversity, suck it up.
4. Men and boys participate, including cooking and cleaning.
5. Always play your best game. Give 110%. But always congratulate the winner.
6. Education is the key to success.
7. Never give up on your loved ones - even when others have.
8. Treat your wife or significant other as a princess and always be a gentleman.
***
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
My Footprint
The Brookings Institution just released a study ranking the largest metro areas for carbon pollution (carbon footprint.)
Florida cities ranked average to poor. Four of the dirtiest in the country are Louisville, Toledo Cincinnati and Indianapolis (my hometown.)
The top cleanest cities are Honolulu, Portland Los Angeles and New York. The last two are a suprise to me!
I went online to calculate my own personal carbon footprint. I did pretty well but I do drive a car (Camry) and fly in planes.
When I die I'd like to leave a small footprint on this earth. I try to buy only what I need. I don't have much stuff. I recycle my trash and most everything else. I don't use many plastic bags. I take my own cloth bags when I shop.
But I still mess up.
Two days ago I thought there was a dead rat in my outside air conditioning unit. (I smelled a rat!) I called the A/C guy. He found a dead squirrel. Only it was beside the A/C unit. He put it in a plastic bag and was on his way.
If I'd looked around a little, found the squirrel and buried it on the spot it would have saved the guy driving his big van over here and the using the plastic bag.
Oh, and what kind of bill do you think I'll be getting for that 5 minute service call?
***
Florida cities ranked average to poor. Four of the dirtiest in the country are Louisville, Toledo Cincinnati and Indianapolis (my hometown.)
The top cleanest cities are Honolulu, Portland Los Angeles and New York. The last two are a suprise to me!
I went online to calculate my own personal carbon footprint. I did pretty well but I do drive a car (Camry) and fly in planes.
When I die I'd like to leave a small footprint on this earth. I try to buy only what I need. I don't have much stuff. I recycle my trash and most everything else. I don't use many plastic bags. I take my own cloth bags when I shop.
But I still mess up.
Two days ago I thought there was a dead rat in my outside air conditioning unit. (I smelled a rat!) I called the A/C guy. He found a dead squirrel. Only it was beside the A/C unit. He put it in a plastic bag and was on his way.
If I'd looked around a little, found the squirrel and buried it on the spot it would have saved the guy driving his big van over here and the using the plastic bag.
Oh, and what kind of bill do you think I'll be getting for that 5 minute service call?
***
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Happy Birthday Chuck
A while back I shared my joy at receiving a pair of Classic Converse All Star basketball shoes. Now wherever I go people are looking at my feet.
And I just learned today that these famous shoes are celebrating their 100th birthday. Here are a few highlights:
They were popularized in 1921 by Chuck Taylor, hence the nickname "Chucks."
They were worn exclusively by Dr. J.
Michael Jordan wore them when he hit the game-winning shot in the '82 NCAA title game to beat Georgetown.
They've been worn by the main characters in more that 500 movies.
They're featured in the poster for the movie "Hoosiers."
They were worn by the Beatles, The Ramones, Led Zeppelin and Pearl Jam.
They were worn by loads of kids on TV including Timmy in Lassie, and, of course, my favorite Opie Taylor.
They were worn by both dancing, dueling gangs in West Side Story.
Sad to say, Converse is now owned by Nike but Converse All Star Basket Ball shoes will always be known for their retro coolness.
***
And I just learned today that these famous shoes are celebrating their 100th birthday. Here are a few highlights:
They were popularized in 1921 by Chuck Taylor, hence the nickname "Chucks."
They were worn exclusively by Dr. J.
Michael Jordan wore them when he hit the game-winning shot in the '82 NCAA title game to beat Georgetown.
They've been worn by the main characters in more that 500 movies.
They're featured in the poster for the movie "Hoosiers."
They were worn by the Beatles, The Ramones, Led Zeppelin and Pearl Jam.
They were worn by loads of kids on TV including Timmy in Lassie, and, of course, my favorite Opie Taylor.
They were worn by both dancing, dueling gangs in West Side Story.
Sad to say, Converse is now owned by Nike but Converse All Star Basket Ball shoes will always be known for their retro coolness.
***
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Hard Times for Us Oldies
Last week's paper ran a lengthy article about the number of retirees who are in real financial trouble.
Here are some sad stats from AARP and financial planners:
Here are some sad stats from AARP and financial planners:
- Nearly 60% of people 65 or older are having a harder time paying for food, gas and medicine this year.
- More than 1 in 10 have sought help from relatives or charities during the past year.
- Of all the segments of the population, the group that is going into debt fastest is the senior population.
- When surveyed by "outlook," 40% of retirees called themselves "Worried Strugglers."
It helps sometimes to know that you're not in this alone and that it's not anything to be ashamed of. There are answers all around. After all, we are a generation of problem solvers.
***
Soap Memories
The other day I was rushing out to meet somebody. I wanted to take her something so I grabbed a box of Yardley Red Rose Soap.
Almost fifty years ago, after college and a short stint in graduate school, my Real Husband got his first real job. It was with, what was at that time, a large, old prestigious cosmetic company, Yardley of London, Inc. He had a successful career with them for 8 years, until he went to seminary.
Many years later, as a collector of small antiques, he began collecting antique Yardley items, like old perfume bottles, shave cream tins and jeweled compacts. The old English Yardley company that he had worked for no longer existed so these items were hard to find. (Antiquers like the hunt.)
He also collected Yardley ads. Yardley began advertising in America prior to the Revolutionary War. Of course, not during that war because they were mad at us at that time. But the ads chronicle our history, including WW II when all of the magazine advertisements were directed toward winning that war.
Still later, he began buying Yardley soap to give to friends and family. As he became more and more ill he let go of the antiquing but became a little obsessed with the soap.
One afternoon, a few months before he died, while I was away, he asked the nurse staying with him to drive him to Walgreen's where he purchased 48 bottles of Yardley Flowering English Lavender liquid soap.
And now, four years later, I still have plenty of bar and liquid soap.
One of my children used to say that "marrying into our family means never buying soap again."
***
Almost fifty years ago, after college and a short stint in graduate school, my Real Husband got his first real job. It was with, what was at that time, a large, old prestigious cosmetic company, Yardley of London, Inc. He had a successful career with them for 8 years, until he went to seminary.
Many years later, as a collector of small antiques, he began collecting antique Yardley items, like old perfume bottles, shave cream tins and jeweled compacts. The old English Yardley company that he had worked for no longer existed so these items were hard to find. (Antiquers like the hunt.)
He also collected Yardley ads. Yardley began advertising in America prior to the Revolutionary War. Of course, not during that war because they were mad at us at that time. But the ads chronicle our history, including WW II when all of the magazine advertisements were directed toward winning that war.
Still later, he began buying Yardley soap to give to friends and family. As he became more and more ill he let go of the antiquing but became a little obsessed with the soap.
One afternoon, a few months before he died, while I was away, he asked the nurse staying with him to drive him to Walgreen's where he purchased 48 bottles of Yardley Flowering English Lavender liquid soap.
And now, four years later, I still have plenty of bar and liquid soap.
One of my children used to say that "marrying into our family means never buying soap again."
***
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Then She Found Me
Ready for another (Thumbs Up) movie review?
Yesterday, along with two good friends, I saw "Then She Found Me." Produced, directed by, and staring, Helen Hunt.
The thing I like best about Helen Hunt is how she looks. Like it's not a priority. Like she needs her hair washed. Like her clothes and big sandals are comfy. In other words, she looks normal.
(Remember her look in "As Good As It Gets?" She looks the same in this movie, only older.)
She plays a 39 and one half year old woman who's life is unraveling. And she wants a baby - really bad.
Two of the saddest kinds of people in the world are women who want a baby - and women who don't want babies but have them anyway.
Just as things can't get much worse, her birth mother, played by Bette Midler, appears. It's funny to see them walking down the sidewalk together, Helen in her sandals, Bette, teetering (as only she does) on her spiky heels.
The movie also stars Matthew Broderick. How is that he played one of the coolest characters of all time in "Ferris Beuller's Day Off" but since then has played mostly nerdy uncomfortable guys?
"Then She Found Me" also stars one of my favorite actors, Colin Firth. He doesn't disappoint.
What's this movie really about? Faith and trust. That is to say, faith and trust in God and other people. And, of course, our inability to do that well because we've been hurt so badly.
All of the characters are flawed human beings. Helen does something so stupid that I found it unbelievable. But my friends assured me that it was realistic behavior.
Bette Midler plays a lying, guilt ridden birth mom.
She's also accepting, patient and unconditionally loves her new found daughter.
Isn't that what all of us would have wanted from our mothers? I know I would.
***
Yesterday, along with two good friends, I saw "Then She Found Me." Produced, directed by, and staring, Helen Hunt.
The thing I like best about Helen Hunt is how she looks. Like it's not a priority. Like she needs her hair washed. Like her clothes and big sandals are comfy. In other words, she looks normal.
(Remember her look in "As Good As It Gets?" She looks the same in this movie, only older.)
She plays a 39 and one half year old woman who's life is unraveling. And she wants a baby - really bad.
Two of the saddest kinds of people in the world are women who want a baby - and women who don't want babies but have them anyway.
Just as things can't get much worse, her birth mother, played by Bette Midler, appears. It's funny to see them walking down the sidewalk together, Helen in her sandals, Bette, teetering (as only she does) on her spiky heels.
The movie also stars Matthew Broderick. How is that he played one of the coolest characters of all time in "Ferris Beuller's Day Off" but since then has played mostly nerdy uncomfortable guys?
"Then She Found Me" also stars one of my favorite actors, Colin Firth. He doesn't disappoint.
What's this movie really about? Faith and trust. That is to say, faith and trust in God and other people. And, of course, our inability to do that well because we've been hurt so badly.
All of the characters are flawed human beings. Helen does something so stupid that I found it unbelievable. But my friends assured me that it was realistic behavior.
Bette Midler plays a lying, guilt ridden birth mom.
She's also accepting, patient and unconditionally loves her new found daughter.
Isn't that what all of us would have wanted from our mothers? I know I would.
***
Dinner
I just finished some outside work that exhausted me. Don't know how many more years I'll be doing that kind of thing. I'm getting to be a wimp.
So I'm not going out anymore today. And that means I have to come up with something to eat here - when I have NO food. Since I'm getting ready to leave soon and will be gone for several months, I've cleaned out the fridge.
But while I was scrubbing the aluminum siding a few minutes ago I thought about a person I love whom I don't see much of. (Yes, I end sentences with prepositions all the time.) Occasionally I hear something about her on the radio. Yesterday I heard that she can fix a great meal three days after most of us think that the cubbard is bare.
She always could do this. I used to do it myself.
So I was inspired. I remembered that I bought a basket of big red beefsteak tomatoes at the farmer's market this morning to give to a friend. I'll keep one, make some tuna salad from my cubbard's last can of tuna, and stuff the tomato.
That should make a nice dinner for one.
***
So I'm not going out anymore today. And that means I have to come up with something to eat here - when I have NO food. Since I'm getting ready to leave soon and will be gone for several months, I've cleaned out the fridge.
But while I was scrubbing the aluminum siding a few minutes ago I thought about a person I love whom I don't see much of. (Yes, I end sentences with prepositions all the time.) Occasionally I hear something about her on the radio. Yesterday I heard that she can fix a great meal three days after most of us think that the cubbard is bare.
She always could do this. I used to do it myself.
So I was inspired. I remembered that I bought a basket of big red beefsteak tomatoes at the farmer's market this morning to give to a friend. I'll keep one, make some tuna salad from my cubbard's last can of tuna, and stuff the tomato.
That should make a nice dinner for one.
***
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Secret Ingredients
I thumbed through a New Yorker at lunch today.
Several recent issues have had ads for a book called "Secret Ingredients...the New Yorker Book of Food and Drink." It's a compilation of all forms of humor pieces, cartoons, short stories, etc., from every age of the New Yorker.
Many of the chapters are by some of my favorite writers. Every title is interesting and provocative and begins with "On.." Only they call the chapters "The Menu." Here are a few of my favorites:
Noah Baumbach..................on the Zagat history of my last relationship
John Cheever...................on the sorrows of gin
Jim Harrison.....................on his thirty-seven-course lunch
Woody Allen..................on dieting the Dostoyevsky way
S. J. Perelman.....................on a hollandaise assassin
Steve Martin........................on menu mores
Alice McDermott......................on sex and ice cream
***
Several recent issues have had ads for a book called "Secret Ingredients...the New Yorker Book of Food and Drink." It's a compilation of all forms of humor pieces, cartoons, short stories, etc., from every age of the New Yorker.
Many of the chapters are by some of my favorite writers. Every title is interesting and provocative and begins with "On.." Only they call the chapters "The Menu." Here are a few of my favorites:
Noah Baumbach..................on the Zagat history of my last relationship
John Cheever...................on the sorrows of gin
Jim Harrison.....................on his thirty-seven-course lunch
Woody Allen..................on dieting the Dostoyevsky way
S. J. Perelman.....................on a hollandaise assassin
Steve Martin........................on menu mores
Alice McDermott......................on sex and ice cream
***
Converse
For Mother's Day my daughter gave me a pair of classic black Converse All Star basketball shoes, low tops.
I've wanted them for a while.
This week I entertained my dentist and staff by showing off my shoes. Easy to do since my feet were elevated for an hour or so.
My dentist's lovely African American assistant told me that she knows these shoes as "Chucks." I like to refer to them as Opie Taylor shoes. (His were high tops, of course.)
They were also worn by B. J. Hunnicut (Mike Farrell) on MASH. His were a much larger size than mine and Opie's.
She liked the Opie name and we got into a discussion about Ron Howard and what a good and successful person he's remained throughout his life. Unlike many other child stars.
So, besides being really cool and comfy athletic shoes, my "Opies" are great discussion starters.
***
I've wanted them for a while.
This week I entertained my dentist and staff by showing off my shoes. Easy to do since my feet were elevated for an hour or so.
My dentist's lovely African American assistant told me that she knows these shoes as "Chucks." I like to refer to them as Opie Taylor shoes. (His were high tops, of course.)
They were also worn by B. J. Hunnicut (Mike Farrell) on MASH. His were a much larger size than mine and Opie's.
She liked the Opie name and we got into a discussion about Ron Howard and what a good and successful person he's remained throughout his life. Unlike many other child stars.
So, besides being really cool and comfy athletic shoes, my "Opies" are great discussion starters.
***
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Hospitals
I've spent a lot of time in hospitals. Not as a patient but as a visitor and advocate. And, at times, I've done seminars and other work for hospitals.
But, like most people, most of the time, the hospital gives me the willies.
I visited the hospital this morning. A person I know was having open heart surgery. Surgery to remove a tumor in her left atrium.
As I walked from the parking garage, negative memories flooded back. Like memories of being so stressed after leaving my Real Husband's room that I'd be unable to find my car.
This morning when I reached the surgical waiting room I saw her smiling husband. His mood was positive. When the surgeon appeared he had wonderful news. The benign tumor was successfully removed. A hole in her heart (that they didn't even know about) was repaired.
She's going to be fine.
I need to remember that the hospital is a place where babies are born, where miracles are performed daily, where New Life Begins!
***
But, like most people, most of the time, the hospital gives me the willies.
I visited the hospital this morning. A person I know was having open heart surgery. Surgery to remove a tumor in her left atrium.
As I walked from the parking garage, negative memories flooded back. Like memories of being so stressed after leaving my Real Husband's room that I'd be unable to find my car.
This morning when I reached the surgical waiting room I saw her smiling husband. His mood was positive. When the surgeon appeared he had wonderful news. The benign tumor was successfully removed. A hole in her heart (that they didn't even know about) was repaired.
She's going to be fine.
I need to remember that the hospital is a place where babies are born, where miracles are performed daily, where New Life Begins!
***
Monday, May 19, 2008
Age Discrimination
Sad caption in one of the papers this morning: Elderly Man Remains Missing. The article goes on to say that "Authorities were still searching Sunday for a 66-year -old man who went missing..."
66 year old man? Elderly?
He's 6 years younger than John McClain.
He's 4 years younger than Jane Fonda.
He's 7 years younger than Julie Andrews.
He's 14 years younger than Queen Elizabeth (OK, not a good example.)
He's only 5 years older than Mick Jagger and Bill Clinton.
And how did this man turn up missing? Did they find his wheelchair on the side of the road?
NO. He's a deep sea diver! He's missing after a diving expedition. I sincerely hope he's found alive and well. Maybe he's on some big adventure. After all, he's the same age as Harrison Ford.
***
66 year old man? Elderly?
He's 6 years younger than John McClain.
He's 4 years younger than Jane Fonda.
He's 7 years younger than Julie Andrews.
He's 14 years younger than Queen Elizabeth (OK, not a good example.)
He's only 5 years older than Mick Jagger and Bill Clinton.
And how did this man turn up missing? Did they find his wheelchair on the side of the road?
NO. He's a deep sea diver! He's missing after a diving expedition. I sincerely hope he's found alive and well. Maybe he's on some big adventure. After all, he's the same age as Harrison Ford.
***
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Empowering Babies
A while back I was in the home of some people whose parenting skills I admire. That's because they're much like mine were when I was at my best.
We were sitting in the living room talking. The two year old knocked over a wooden chair.
She said "Oh, Oh!"
Her father, looked up, smiled, and said "Well, pick it up, sweetie. You can do it."
She pondered a while. She struggled. It wasn't easy because she was wearing her brother's cowboy boots.
But she got the chair back up. All by herself.
I am woman, hear me roar.
***
We were sitting in the living room talking. The two year old knocked over a wooden chair.
She said "Oh, Oh!"
Her father, looked up, smiled, and said "Well, pick it up, sweetie. You can do it."
She pondered a while. She struggled. It wasn't easy because she was wearing her brother's cowboy boots.
But she got the chair back up. All by herself.
I am woman, hear me roar.
***
Friday, May 16, 2008
Old Time Television
Recently I was telling a young friend what I used to enjoy on TV and she didn't believe me. For instance most people know that Ed Sullivan hosted a variety show. But did you know that one of his most popular guests was a hand puppet?
One night, when I was a young teenager, the First Lady of the Stage, Miss Helen Hayes was a guest. She was old. And she looked old. No face lift for Miss Hayes! What did she do on national television? She read a poem.
I was so moved that I wrote NBC for a copy.
It became one of my favorites. I memorized it. About 25 years ago I was speaking to a group of professional women at Hilton Head, North Carolina. I finished my presentation by reciting the poem. Several of these women were in tears.
It's more meaningful to me now than ever before. Here it is. It's kinda long - so hang in there.
THE WHITE MAGNOLIA TREE by Helen Deutsch
The year when I was twenty-one
(John that year was twenty-three)
That was the year, that was the spring,
We planted the white magnolia tree.
"This tree," said John, "shall grow with us,
And every year it will bloom anew.
This is our life. This is our love,
And the white magnolia grew and grew...
O, youth's a thing of fire and ice
And currents that run
Hot and white,
And its world is as bright
As the sun...
I was twenty-one...
And I wore a plume in my hat, and
We went to the movies and wept over
"Stella Dallas," and John sang
"Moonlight and Roses" (a little
off-key, but very nicely really,) and we
hurried through our crowded days
with beautiful plans, boundless
ambitions and golden decisions.
Oh, valiant and untamed were we,
When we planted the white magnolia tree!
And the white magnolia grew and grew,
Holding our love within its core,
And every year it bloomed anew,
And we were twenty-one no more.
No more untamed, no more so free,
Nor so young, nor so wild and aflame were we.
Dearer to us then grew other things;
easy sleep, books, a day's quiet
holiday, good talk beside a fire, the
beauty of old faces...
We have known many things since
then: the death of a child and the
bitter lesson that a heart which
breaks must mend itself again (that
it can and must be done,) and what
loyalty can mean, and how real a
word like courage can become and
that solitude can be rich and grati-
fying and quite different from
loneliness...
There is s little the serious heart
requires: friends, faith, a window
open to the world, pride in work well
done, and strength to live in a world
at war and still maintain the heart's
own private peace...
Dear God, I give thanks to thee
For the things I did not know before,
For the wisdom of maturity,
For bread, and a roof, and for
One thing more...
Thanks because I can still see
the bloom on the white magnolia tree!
***
One night, when I was a young teenager, the First Lady of the Stage, Miss Helen Hayes was a guest. She was old. And she looked old. No face lift for Miss Hayes! What did she do on national television? She read a poem.
I was so moved that I wrote NBC for a copy.
It became one of my favorites. I memorized it. About 25 years ago I was speaking to a group of professional women at Hilton Head, North Carolina. I finished my presentation by reciting the poem. Several of these women were in tears.
It's more meaningful to me now than ever before. Here it is. It's kinda long - so hang in there.
THE WHITE MAGNOLIA TREE by Helen Deutsch
The year when I was twenty-one
(John that year was twenty-three)
That was the year, that was the spring,
We planted the white magnolia tree.
"This tree," said John, "shall grow with us,
And every year it will bloom anew.
This is our life. This is our love,
And the white magnolia grew and grew...
O, youth's a thing of fire and ice
And currents that run
Hot and white,
And its world is as bright
As the sun...
I was twenty-one...
And I wore a plume in my hat, and
We went to the movies and wept over
"Stella Dallas," and John sang
"Moonlight and Roses" (a little
off-key, but very nicely really,) and we
hurried through our crowded days
with beautiful plans, boundless
ambitions and golden decisions.
Oh, valiant and untamed were we,
When we planted the white magnolia tree!
And the white magnolia grew and grew,
Holding our love within its core,
And every year it bloomed anew,
And we were twenty-one no more.
No more untamed, no more so free,
Nor so young, nor so wild and aflame were we.
Dearer to us then grew other things;
easy sleep, books, a day's quiet
holiday, good talk beside a fire, the
beauty of old faces...
We have known many things since
then: the death of a child and the
bitter lesson that a heart which
breaks must mend itself again (that
it can and must be done,) and what
loyalty can mean, and how real a
word like courage can become and
that solitude can be rich and grati-
fying and quite different from
loneliness...
There is s little the serious heart
requires: friends, faith, a window
open to the world, pride in work well
done, and strength to live in a world
at war and still maintain the heart's
own private peace...
Dear God, I give thanks to thee
For the things I did not know before,
For the wisdom of maturity,
For bread, and a roof, and for
One thing more...
Thanks because I can still see
the bloom on the white magnolia tree!
***
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Dealing Withe Dementia
Sandra Day O'Connor and Newt Gingrich (an unlikely pair) testified yesterday before a senate committee on Alzheimer's disease. Justice O'Connor's husband has Alzheimer's.
My real Husband had dementia, among other things. Was it Alzheimer's? I don't know.
For many years he went to great lengths to conceal his condition from other people. It was a long time before others knew, including family.
It started out simply. He wrote things down that he could no longer remember. Including the names of our children and grandchildren. One day, early on, he went to the dry cleaners down the street and ended up lost in the next town.
Then he couldn't be left alone.
To be a caregiver for a person with any kind of dementia is to enter a kind of hell that I wouldn't wish on anybody. It's lonely and terrifying. Every day.
That's why it struck me, and somehow comforted me, to read that Sandra Day O'Connor, when her husband could no longer be left alone, took him to work with her!
It's not like she had some easy job. She was a Supreme Court Justice.
I totally get why she did it. You would think that there would be all sorts of resources. But even family and friends don't understand.
Nearly one in two people older than 85 have Alzheimer's. Says Justice O'Connor, I'm getting pretty close to 80, so that gets my attention.
I'm not anywhere near 80 but it gets my attention too!
***
My real Husband had dementia, among other things. Was it Alzheimer's? I don't know.
For many years he went to great lengths to conceal his condition from other people. It was a long time before others knew, including family.
It started out simply. He wrote things down that he could no longer remember. Including the names of our children and grandchildren. One day, early on, he went to the dry cleaners down the street and ended up lost in the next town.
Then he couldn't be left alone.
To be a caregiver for a person with any kind of dementia is to enter a kind of hell that I wouldn't wish on anybody. It's lonely and terrifying. Every day.
That's why it struck me, and somehow comforted me, to read that Sandra Day O'Connor, when her husband could no longer be left alone, took him to work with her!
It's not like she had some easy job. She was a Supreme Court Justice.
I totally get why she did it. You would think that there would be all sorts of resources. But even family and friends don't understand.
Nearly one in two people older than 85 have Alzheimer's. Says Justice O'Connor, I'm getting pretty close to 80, so that gets my attention.
I'm not anywhere near 80 but it gets my attention too!
***
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Congrats to My Boyfriend
Last night my Boyfriend called me from 1,600 miles away in the parking lot of a Circuit City. He had his tape measure and he was ready to go in. But this meant very little because he's reached this point several times.
But, low and behold, I got an e-mail today titled "I'm Off the Hook." The first line started "You can stop the count down."
Yep, he bought himself a Sony flat screen. So when I get to his house in a few weeks my addiction to the DOW and various psychological thrillers can be fed.
Thanks to all of you who lifted up your positive TV buying thoughts.
I wonder how old we'll be when this one conks out.
***
But, low and behold, I got an e-mail today titled "I'm Off the Hook." The first line started "You can stop the count down."
Yep, he bought himself a Sony flat screen. So when I get to his house in a few weeks my addiction to the DOW and various psychological thrillers can be fed.
Thanks to all of you who lifted up your positive TV buying thoughts.
I wonder how old we'll be when this one conks out.
***
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
A Reason for Everything?
This morning I read about the German philosopher, Gottfried Leibniz. (A catchy name.) He died in 1716 and my book said that, not since Aristotle, has a major philosopher contributed to so many different branches of knowledge.
He was a smart guy.
His main things was "There is a reason for everything."
This may be true, but many times, I fail to see it.
China had an earthquake a few days ago. 3 minutes after it started 10,000 people were dead. Why?
Myanmar (Burma) suffered a cyclone a while back that has killed 30,000 people but the worst is yet to come. Why?
The front page of this morning's paper had a three quarter page picture of the firestorm we're experiencing here in central Florida. The entire front page was about the fire.
That is except for the large ad in the bottom right corner for the new Simpson's Ride at Universal Studios. Who made that decision?
I don't know the answers to any of this but I do know that disasters bring out the best in many people. What can I do? I can pray. And I can give money through my denomination, The United Methodist Church, knowing that every dime will go where I send it.
***
He was a smart guy.
His main things was "There is a reason for everything."
This may be true, but many times, I fail to see it.
China had an earthquake a few days ago. 3 minutes after it started 10,000 people were dead. Why?
Myanmar (Burma) suffered a cyclone a while back that has killed 30,000 people but the worst is yet to come. Why?
The front page of this morning's paper had a three quarter page picture of the firestorm we're experiencing here in central Florida. The entire front page was about the fire.
That is except for the large ad in the bottom right corner for the new Simpson's Ride at Universal Studios. Who made that decision?
I don't know the answers to any of this but I do know that disasters bring out the best in many people. What can I do? I can pray. And I can give money through my denomination, The United Methodist Church, knowing that every dime will go where I send it.
***
Monday, May 12, 2008
Television
A person I hardly even know (but who obviously reads this blog) got after me yesterday about pressuring my Boyfriend to buy a television set. As you know, a couple of postings back, I started a 24 Day Count Down to June 2nd.
Here are some more Boyfriend/Television thoughts:
When we were having a formal dinner with 8 lovely people on our fantastic cruise a few weeks back I brought up the subject. Attempting to motivate my Boyfriend I asked each couple how many TVs they have. All of them have several. One couple has 11!
I told them that a member of my extended family has that many - but one of my sons told me yesterday that this person actually has 14! This is a woman whom I admire very much. Not especially for that reason - but still.
I have 3.
And what about this: My Boyfriend's son lives in L.A. and is an Emmy winning television editor - for heavens sake.
OK, my Boyfriend has had other things on his mind since going home. Lots of home repairs. And this is the time of year that raccoons like to get married and have babies on his roof.
But still: We're at Day 21 of the 24 Day Count Down!
***
Here are some more Boyfriend/Television thoughts:
When we were having a formal dinner with 8 lovely people on our fantastic cruise a few weeks back I brought up the subject. Attempting to motivate my Boyfriend I asked each couple how many TVs they have. All of them have several. One couple has 11!
I told them that a member of my extended family has that many - but one of my sons told me yesterday that this person actually has 14! This is a woman whom I admire very much. Not especially for that reason - but still.
I have 3.
And what about this: My Boyfriend's son lives in L.A. and is an Emmy winning television editor - for heavens sake.
OK, my Boyfriend has had other things on his mind since going home. Lots of home repairs. And this is the time of year that raccoons like to get married and have babies on his roof.
But still: We're at Day 21 of the 24 Day Count Down!
***
The New Normal
Yesterday (Mother's Day) was a good day for me. I enjoyed being with friends at church and, later, seeing family members.
But I didn't feel well. A powerful medicine that I take, oddly, gives me the same symptoms I had with the condition it keeps in check.
My good and wise friend calls this "The New Normal."
Jane Fonda is in town to speak at a benefit. She's writing a new book on aging called The Third Act: Entering Prime Time. We're living 30 years longer than we did a century ago. Jane is going to tell us how to do it successfully.
In the 70s and 80s I worked out most days to her videos. They were brutal. And even Jane says that she doesn't do that hard stuff anymore. She lifts weights, walks and swims.
I feel better today. I walked 2 fast miles in the mall. But, like Jane, no more high energy aerobics.
By the way, just so you know. Jane Fonda is older than I am.
***
But I didn't feel well. A powerful medicine that I take, oddly, gives me the same symptoms I had with the condition it keeps in check.
My good and wise friend calls this "The New Normal."
Jane Fonda is in town to speak at a benefit. She's writing a new book on aging called The Third Act: Entering Prime Time. We're living 30 years longer than we did a century ago. Jane is going to tell us how to do it successfully.
In the 70s and 80s I worked out most days to her videos. They were brutal. And even Jane says that she doesn't do that hard stuff anymore. She lifts weights, walks and swims.
I feel better today. I walked 2 fast miles in the mall. But, like Jane, no more high energy aerobics.
By the way, just so you know. Jane Fonda is older than I am.
***
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Young At Heart
This afternoon I saw the most extraordinary movie I've seen in many years. My friends and I saw "Young at Heart" at the art theater close to my house.
My Boyfriend and I tried to see it a while back when it was the opening film for the Florida Film Festival. But it was sold out.
It's a documentary about a New England senior citizens singing group. OK, I know, that doesn't sound like much. But trust me! They've sung all over the world, mostly Rock & Roll. And by seniors I mean people over 80. The Rolling Stones are not the only senior citizens singing R & R.
I'm known for not being an emotional person but I laughed most of the way through it - when I wasn't crying.
Do you know "Road to Nowhere" by the Talking Heads? Imagine hearing it sung by this group.
How about The Clash's "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"
The leader of this group is a guy named Bob Cilman.
(Personal note to Dan: This is what I see you doing in a few years. This guy even looks like you.)
To me, it isn't so much about music as it is about PASSION. I hope I have some of this passion as I age.
Go see this movie. You'll thank me for the experience.
I think my new favorite song is "Schizophrenia" by Sonic Youth.
***
My Boyfriend and I tried to see it a while back when it was the opening film for the Florida Film Festival. But it was sold out.
It's a documentary about a New England senior citizens singing group. OK, I know, that doesn't sound like much. But trust me! They've sung all over the world, mostly Rock & Roll. And by seniors I mean people over 80. The Rolling Stones are not the only senior citizens singing R & R.
I'm known for not being an emotional person but I laughed most of the way through it - when I wasn't crying.
Do you know "Road to Nowhere" by the Talking Heads? Imagine hearing it sung by this group.
How about The Clash's "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"
The leader of this group is a guy named Bob Cilman.
(Personal note to Dan: This is what I see you doing in a few years. This guy even looks like you.)
To me, it isn't so much about music as it is about PASSION. I hope I have some of this passion as I age.
Go see this movie. You'll thank me for the experience.
I think my new favorite song is "Schizophrenia" by Sonic Youth.
***
Friday, May 9, 2008
TV Count Down-Day 24
After being with me for the winter my Boyfriend headed north last week. I'll follow in a few weeks.
In the meantime we both have several projects to complete.
Like he needs to buy a TV.
LAST YEAR his 20 year old television bit the dust! He argues that that's not technically true because it will still come on, occasionally, for about 10 minutes at a time.
My Boyfriend's kind of a cultured guy. Doesn't watch much TV. He works out at his club, reads, plays golf, goes to concerts and plays, etc.
I, on the other hand, can't get through the week without some "Law & Order" and "Criminal Minds."
I've told him and I've told many friends in his presence that I'm not coming up there until he buys a television set.
He's measured the space, he's investigated the options, he's shopped, but still, no TV.
So now you can help. Let's start a countdown. Let's give him until June 2th to get the TV. That's 24 days from now.
***
In the meantime we both have several projects to complete.
Like he needs to buy a TV.
LAST YEAR his 20 year old television bit the dust! He argues that that's not technically true because it will still come on, occasionally, for about 10 minutes at a time.
My Boyfriend's kind of a cultured guy. Doesn't watch much TV. He works out at his club, reads, plays golf, goes to concerts and plays, etc.
I, on the other hand, can't get through the week without some "Law & Order" and "Criminal Minds."
I've told him and I've told many friends in his presence that I'm not coming up there until he buys a television set.
He's measured the space, he's investigated the options, he's shopped, but still, no TV.
So now you can help. Let's start a countdown. Let's give him until June 2th to get the TV. That's 24 days from now.
***
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Sad News
My favorite niece and her husband like to hang out in bars. Well, specifically, the bar at Ruth's Chris Steak House.
That's where they meet friends and family. That's where they have meals. That's where everybody knows their name.
There is a Ruth's Chris Steak House close to where I live. But I've never been there. WAAAY to pricey. The only time I've eaten at RCSH in the last five years, is when I've been in their city.
Now, along with most other high end steak houses, RCSH is in trouble. Once a stock market darling, their shares have fallen more than 55 percent in the past year.
Of course they've done the expected thing: They've ousted their CEO, Craig Miller.
But what's that I see in the sky? Could it be a golden parachute?
According to my business paper, Miller will receive a severance package of 2.4 million dollars.
It's not anything near what some other execs get to take a hike - but still, it will buy lots of Big Macs. (But not many a la carte meals at RCSH.)
I hope Ruth's Chris hangs in there because, otherwise, my favorite niece and husband (and friends) will be wondering aimlessly in the Midwest.
***
That's where they meet friends and family. That's where they have meals. That's where everybody knows their name.
There is a Ruth's Chris Steak House close to where I live. But I've never been there. WAAAY to pricey. The only time I've eaten at RCSH in the last five years, is when I've been in their city.
Now, along with most other high end steak houses, RCSH is in trouble. Once a stock market darling, their shares have fallen more than 55 percent in the past year.
Of course they've done the expected thing: They've ousted their CEO, Craig Miller.
But what's that I see in the sky? Could it be a golden parachute?
According to my business paper, Miller will receive a severance package of 2.4 million dollars.
It's not anything near what some other execs get to take a hike - but still, it will buy lots of Big Macs. (But not many a la carte meals at RCSH.)
I hope Ruth's Chris hangs in there because, otherwise, my favorite niece and husband (and friends) will be wondering aimlessly in the Midwest.
***
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Fully Present
There is a concept called being Fully Present.
When I was a consultant I talked a lot about being Fully Present in certain business situations. By the way, it also involves active listening.
A while back, when I visited my Atlanta family, I felt a little ill at ease. The household was so busy. They never slept. I felt inadequate because I no longer have the energy to take it all on.
The last couple of times I've been there have been different. I've accepted the fact that I can no longer do the heavy lifting. I have chosen to just be Fully Present.
It's been a joy for me - and I think they like it too.
I've just returned from a 5 day visit. I loved every minute of it. I loved the comings and goings of the parents, children, nannys, neighbors guests, and business associates. I loved being Fully Present with all of them.
I especially loved listening to my grandchildren. Maybe that's all they need from me.
***
- No cell phones
- No thinking about other people or things
- No interruptions
- No day dreaming
- No grocery lists
- No multi tasking
- No checking messages
When I was a consultant I talked a lot about being Fully Present in certain business situations. By the way, it also involves active listening.
A while back, when I visited my Atlanta family, I felt a little ill at ease. The household was so busy. They never slept. I felt inadequate because I no longer have the energy to take it all on.
The last couple of times I've been there have been different. I've accepted the fact that I can no longer do the heavy lifting. I have chosen to just be Fully Present.
It's been a joy for me - and I think they like it too.
I've just returned from a 5 day visit. I loved every minute of it. I loved the comings and goings of the parents, children, nannys, neighbors guests, and business associates. I loved being Fully Present with all of them.
I especially loved listening to my grandchildren. Maybe that's all they need from me.
***
Monday, May 5, 2008
Complaining About the Complainers
My Boyfriend and I recently returned from a transatlantic cruise on a luxury ocean liner. We were waited on hand and foot. It was a magical trip with several stops in places like Bermuda, Ireland and France.
Every day involved pampering, luxurious meals and entertainment. The evenings included world class entertainment.
This ship averaged one crew member for every two passengers. They knocked themselves out to please. Many of these exceptional people live in the Philippines and Indonesia. They're away from their families up to six months at a stretch.
Our fellow passengers were, for the most part, lovely.
But I also heard some world class complaining!
One afternoon I attended an elegant tea at 4 P.M. This followed a brunch that went on for hours. I counted a dozen different stations (venues) at the brunch. It was a treat just to look at. Ice sculptures and tables heavy laden with every delectable thing you could imagine.
Anyway, back to the tea. As we were being served by gloved waiters, I was mortified to have them hear the complaining about the earlier brunch. One lady went on for ten minutes about her English muffin not being properly toasted.
Every time I heard this petty complaining (which happened pretty much every day) it embarrassed me.
I hope the other people within ear shot don't think we're all Ugly Americans.
***
Every day involved pampering, luxurious meals and entertainment. The evenings included world class entertainment.
This ship averaged one crew member for every two passengers. They knocked themselves out to please. Many of these exceptional people live in the Philippines and Indonesia. They're away from their families up to six months at a stretch.
Our fellow passengers were, for the most part, lovely.
But I also heard some world class complaining!
One afternoon I attended an elegant tea at 4 P.M. This followed a brunch that went on for hours. I counted a dozen different stations (venues) at the brunch. It was a treat just to look at. Ice sculptures and tables heavy laden with every delectable thing you could imagine.
Anyway, back to the tea. As we were being served by gloved waiters, I was mortified to have them hear the complaining about the earlier brunch. One lady went on for ten minutes about her English muffin not being properly toasted.
Every time I heard this petty complaining (which happened pretty much every day) it embarrassed me.
I hope the other people within ear shot don't think we're all Ugly Americans.
***
Iranian Barbie
Here's something else for you to worry about:
Iran has a big problem. Because of the dramatic rise in purchasing power as a result of increased oil revenues, Iran has been flooded with Western toys, especially Barbie Dolls.
The increasing visibility of Barbies has alarmed authorities who are considering intervening...Undoubtedly, the personality and identity of our children...has been put at risk and caused irreparable damage.
I think I can help Iran out here.
Coming out of my feminist years just as my older granddaughters were being born, I had some of the same concerns. I didn't want these little girls identifying with Bikini Barbie. But, wanting to be a good grandma, I compromised and bought Astronaut Barbie and Anthropologist Barbie.
Of course, things could get out of hand in Iran if they're not careful. Like, if they don't nip it in the bud, maybe soon these oil rich, Westernized children might be able to buy Reading Lolita in Tehran Barbie.
I, myself, have become so corrupted that, last Christmas, I bought one of my younger granddaughter's Barbie a big pink plastic Volkswagen convertible.
***
Iran has a big problem. Because of the dramatic rise in purchasing power as a result of increased oil revenues, Iran has been flooded with Western toys, especially Barbie Dolls.
The increasing visibility of Barbies has alarmed authorities who are considering intervening...Undoubtedly, the personality and identity of our children...has been put at risk and caused irreparable damage.
I think I can help Iran out here.
Coming out of my feminist years just as my older granddaughters were being born, I had some of the same concerns. I didn't want these little girls identifying with Bikini Barbie. But, wanting to be a good grandma, I compromised and bought Astronaut Barbie and Anthropologist Barbie.
Of course, things could get out of hand in Iran if they're not careful. Like, if they don't nip it in the bud, maybe soon these oil rich, Westernized children might be able to buy Reading Lolita in Tehran Barbie.
I, myself, have become so corrupted that, last Christmas, I bought one of my younger granddaughter's Barbie a big pink plastic Volkswagen convertible.
***
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