The Parish Nurse

At my church we have a parish nurse. About ten years ago I, along with some others, tried to get a parish nurse program into the church.

No dice. We have a fairly wealthy (but not me) church and people didn't think they needed a "nurse."

Then the hospital came to us with an offer we couldn't refuse. They paid the first year's salary.

Now, after a few years, there are still a few people who have no idea what a Parish Nurse is. But lots of others think she's a saint.

"Parish Nurse" is not a good title because it sounds like a little old lady who takes your blood pressure.

Our parish nurse is an executive. She provides tremendous learning opportunities and wellness programs. One of my favorite classes is called "Fitness for Life."

When my Real Husband was ill I thought I was really on top of things. But sometimes I couldn't get the equipment we needed because it was so expensive - and insurance wouldn't pay. I would call her and she'd say "Tell the doctor to write the prescription exactly like this." I would and insurance paid.

But she also takes blood pressure readings.

On Sunday morning she's the one who got me headed to the hospital.

Yesterday I was in a meeting and feeling woozy. I went to her office. She took my B/P and sent me directly to Urgent Care where I spent a few hours.

She's spent lots of time talking me through all of the steps I need to take to get squared away.

She acknowledges that I'm The Strongest Woman in the World but she just called to see how I'm doing.




**

Fur Is For Animals

My niece whom I love, respect and is my blogging mentor, just wrote a blog about her many fur coats.

I don't wear fur. Let me put this another way, I wouldn't be caught dead in a fur coat - so after I die don't try putting me in one for the viewing.

A while back my Boyfriend and I were in having fun in Ketchikan, Alaska. We strolled into a big downtown fur shop. More furs than I'd ever seen. Many little minks gave their lives for this store.

My Boyfriend began telling me about a fur coat he once bought his wife. (We talk a lot about our spouses - all positive.) Since we were the only people in this big place the sales guy was hovering around us listening to our every word.

Finally he became so aggressive that I'm ashamed to say that I had a little fun with him. I tried on a $10,000 coat, swirled around and said in a whisper,

He bought one for his wife so he'd better buy one for me.

Of course, we left the store soon after. Even if I wore fur it would be a waste where I live. The daytime temp rarely drops below 70 degrees.

All Drugged Up

I just spent 2 days in the hospital because my B/P went kafluey again. I though maybe I was having a stroke but after all the testing they essentially said,

Get out of here. We need your bed for somebody who's, you know, sick.

One the one hand, it's nice to know that my health is practically perfect. On the other, I have a problem that just won't get fixed.

I'm now looking for a cardiologist who doesn't think a spiking blood pressure is boring.

I went back to the hospital this morning to buy a copy of my patient records at one dollar per page. You would think it wouldn't be much for two days of testing but it set me back the price of dinner and a movie.

And it wasn't very interesting reading. What do you make of this phrase?

A female of moderate development

Is that an insult?

No Movie for Old Women

My friends and I saw "No Country for Old Men" last night. It might surprise you that we would even see this movie but I like irony. And the Coens are all about irony.

By the way, as a little aside, I heard that the Josh Brolin part was offered to him by mistake. They thought they were offering the part to his dad, James Brolin (Babs' husband.) It makes sense because (as the title states) it deals with the inability of old people to handle the violence of life. While we learn that Josh Brolin was a retired Viet Nam vet and oil digger, he just doesn't look the part.

I loved "Fargo." This movie is a lot like "Fargo." It begins with a crime gone wrong. To me the violence is tongue in cheek. Like the guy in the wood chipper in "Fargo."

Early on in "No Country for Old Men" when the sheriff and deputy come upon a scene of exceptional carnage - bodies everywhere - the deputy points to two bodies in suits and says, in his Texas twang, something like "These guys look managerial."

There isn't much dialogue but if you listen closely, you'll hear some funny stuff. The mother in law is hysterical. As are all of the desk clerks.

But here's what I think the movie is about: Evil. We all have it in us but the bad guy in this movie is pure evil.

Josh Brolin did some bad stuff but his big mistake was having compassion for a dying man early on.

I hated the ending. Evil wins. Even after two hours (and you know my limit is one and a half) and the screen went dark I looked at my friend and said "Is this the intermission?"

Listen to the sheriff's speech toward the end when he's telling his wife about his dream. That's about all the satisfaction you're going to get.

Listen up Coen Brothers, people, even old women, don't like to leave unsatisfied.

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Lately a couple of people have asked me how I come up with ideas. I don't know. They just come.

I invited some close friends of my Boyfriend to visit us when he's here this winter. She just wrote to thank me but said they wouldn't be able to make it this time.

In writing her back, my first inclination was to say "Come anytime."

You're welcome here even if my Boyfriend and I should break up and he sends my stuff back to me in a cardboard box and I put his stuff in a cardboard box and set fire to it in the living room.

But that would be silly. Because at our age probably the only reason we would break up is because one of us totally loses our marbles or dies.

And it would be silly because saying the above would make no sense to her.

But it makes sense to you, doesn't it?

I'm Thankful I Don't Have to Shop Tomorrow

Everybody loves to shop. That's everybody except me. I do not like to shop! But even those of you who do will have to admit that the Friday After Thanksgiving shopping day (Black Friday) is getting out of hand.

The mall that's 5 minutes from my house will open at 1:00 A.M. in the morning - serving coffee and donuts. They're calling it "Rockin Shoppin Eve." Can you imagine all those crazed shoppers loaded with sugar and caffeine?

So if you're planning to leave the house and 5:00 A.M. tomorrow, forget it. You're a slacker.

A couple of weeks ago a new IKEA store opened in my city. People began lining up two and a half DAYS prior to the opening. A reporter who, himself, had not heard of an IKEA store a week prior to this event, interviewed some of those in line. A few of them STILL didn't know what it was.

A couple of years ago my eye doctor moved his office into a super Wal-Mart. The first time there (and my first time ever in a super Wal-Mart) I was almost hyperventilating before reaching his office. I had to pass a McDonald's, a bank, a hair salon and a financial planner - all inside the Wal-Mart!

I have an eye appointment on Monday morning. Afterwards, I'm not leaving the big Wal-Mart until I buy every single item I think I might need to prepare for the holidays.

Then I can relax.

Thanksgiving

Today is Turkey Day and I'm feeling so very thankful.

Last night I had dinner with some of my cool friends. We kept them up late because nobody wanted to leave.

This morning I went to church to see if I could help prepare dinner for the homeless families that have been invited. But my help wasn't needed. There were almost as many volunteers as place settings at the tables. And lovely tables they were, laden with linens, silverware and harvest centerpieces.

So I left my pies and went for a walk on the most beautiful avenue in the world until time for the worship service to start at 10 A.M.

Last week when I returned home from my trip I learned that a man, whom I (and half the people in my city) love and respect - had a heart attack. He's much younger than me. He's a doctor and his nurse diagnosed the heart attack, called 911 and he was in the E.R. lickity split. He received a stint and went home a few days ago.

He was in the worship service this morning and helped the minister serve communion.

After conversations with him and other friends I headed for my son's home where I played with his two pre school daughters for a while. They're hysterical. One had on a Bell costume and the other, well I don't know. I can't keep those Disney princesses straight.

When I got home I had an ooy gooy voice mail from my Boyfriend.

And it's only 1 PM!!

A family Thanksgiving dinner still awaits. I heard on the radio that we'll be having turducken. That's a chicken stuffed inside a duck stuffed inside a turkey.

My minister told a story this morning about Rudyard Kipling. I've heard it before so it must be true.

When Kipling was in his prime as a writer in 18th century England he was said to earn 28 shillings per word. Some college students sent him 28 shillings and asked that he send them his best word.

A while later, and to their surprise, they received a telegram from Rudyard Kipling. It contained one word.

"Thanks."

Take a Feminist to Lunch

The Chicago Tribune recently published an article quoting a study that concludes that feminists make better partners and have stronger romantic relationships.

Many years ago I proudly called myself a feminist. Today I wouldn't confine myself to that label - or any label.

But I do have an opinion. I do have a point of view. I do hope that women around the world will continue to come into their own as human beings.

While I've lived a life of sacrifice, it was my choosing. And it will continue to be my choosing - Not yours!

I'll have to say that my Real Husband found me fascinating. He thought I could do anything. So does my Boyfriend. Much of our relationship is based on mutual respect. I'm fortunate that my Boyfriend's wife was a strong, beautiful woman, as is his daughter.

So he has a sense of humor about having to negotiate. Everything.

Natural Born Caregivers

My sister in law and my niece are Natural Born Caregivers. My niece, a professional writer, would never admit to it - but she is. Just like her mom!

She has an hysterically funny blog called "Living With the Oldies." It's about taking her elderly, dying in laws into her home. But, guess what?, they got better and now spend their time driving her and her husband crazy.

But my niece has chosen to care for them. There's great POWER in choosing.

But it doesn't make it easy. Today's paper has an article about the cost in $$ of care giving.

Family members responsible for ailing loved ones provide not only "hands-on" care but often reach into their own pockets to pay for many other expenses of care recipients, including groceries, household good, drugs, medical co-payments and transportation.

OK, they forgot to mention the cost of:

• Falling down and bashing into walls, lamps, vases, etc.


• Ordering things over the telephone. (After three years I'm now down to only 48 bottles of liquid soap.)


• Throwing telephones, remotes, eyeglasses, etc. in the trash.

I could go on and on - but you get the picture. The yearly expense the article gave was between $5,000 and $8,000 per year. I'd call that a drop in the bucket.

But the worst is the toll it takes on the caregiver. Most in home caregivers die before the patient.

By the way, I'm a reformed Natural Born Caregiver.

My New Cell Phone

My cell phone died yesterday. It was only four years old.

The first thought somebody my age has is to get it fixed. But I'm no longer naive enough to think this is an option.

A couple of years ago my 37 year old juicer quit. I have warm, fuzzy feelings about it so I got out my bright yellow tool kit, took it apart, cleaned up the insides, and put it back together. Bingo! It works great.

But I can't do that with the phone. Last night I searched the Internet for the best option for me. Today I visited my cell phone outlet. The guy wanted to sell me the latest thing.

It's probably been out about 10 minutes!

But I had my ducks in a row. For 10 years my plan has cost $19.95 per month. I knew I needed to upgrade so I now have the $29.95 plan for customers over 65. My new phone was free.

It does not have a camera but I've never felt the need to take a picture with my phone.

.

New Beginnings

When I was speaking before large groups I would often repeat one or both of the following truths:

• Everybody likes new beginnings.
• It's possible that the person you will love the most hasn't yet been born.

I just spent the last few days with one of the newest people on the planet - and her family.

Their livestyle is a bit different from mine (mainly faster) but I loved every minute I was with them. This new person is so fortunate to be born into this family - at this time in history.

How do you feel about babies being born today? A couple of weeks ago I was in a meeting with a man I respect who let us all know that this is a terrible time for children to grow up.

Guess I might agree if the child is born in Liberty City or Bangladesh. But even children born in hard places can have good lives if they're loved enough. And children born into wealthy cities, countries and families can have miserable lives.

Despite the billboards to the contrary, every child is not a blessing. I think the key is to truly want them.

I feel so profoundly grateful that this child is a blessing - and will be blessed her whole life.

She's perfect and mom is fine.

Let's Write a Book

About eight years ago I knew I was going to be stuck at home for a few months. My Real Husband was undergoing some medical procedures that prohibited him from being around crowds of people.

I needed to find something to do to keep my mind out of trouble.

I know, I'll write a book.

I decided that I wanted my book to be a personal love story about a couple who came to Florida 130 years ago. This required massive research. I loved doing it.

Loved discovering:

• What was going on right here on the exact spot where I live right now.
• How many of the little towns around me got their start. (My town was first called "Snow Station.")
• That Florida was as wild and woolly and had as many cattle and cowboys as Texas at one time.
• That Seminole Indians played a large part in Florida history.
• That Baptist and Methodist circuit riders and Catholic priests and nuns were in the forefront of settling Florida.
• How people lived. It was harsh, especially for women.

Most of all, it made me love my part of Florida. It's history is my history. My main characters, Cole and Catherine, had quite a ride.

During those months of writing I spent the day at the beach, swimming in the Atlantic Ocean. (One of my favorite things.) While I was bobbing up and down I began wondering what it would have been like to see the ocean from that exact spot a century ago.

So after I returned home I sent Cole and Catherine to the beach. They had to travel the first day by stagecoach. Then I had to get them across the Intercoastal Waterway.

What did I do with the book when it was finished? Not much. A few people have seen it. It needs massive editing.

But it doesn't matter. The joy was in the research and writing.

Things I Like to Look At

There is a book by Julia Cameron called "The Artist's Way." In it she's really high on "Morning Pages." Not just for writers but all who want to rediscover their creativity.

The last time I did the "Morning Pages" was in 2003. I did four pages every morning for six months. (she advocates more than that.)

This morning while I was all nervous waiting for my 10th grandchild to appear I looked at my "Morning Pages" journal.

On August 5, 2003, I wrote THINGS I LIKE TO LOOK AT. OK, I know this is reaching but YOU try writing morning pages every day.

Here's the list. I wrote fast - whatever came into my head. It's still true but I'd add more - like my Boyfriend's face.

• Beautiful old buildings


• Morgan Freeman


• My church


• My grandchildren


• All children


• Food that has been lovingly prepared


• An elegant table setting


• Snow scenes


• (My daughter) laughing


• The African American nurse in the dialysis center who's also a Pentecostal minister


• Ornate old hotel lobbies


• 42nd and Broadway


• My neighborhood


• Woodruff Place


• Brookside Park


• The Atlantic Ocean from New Smyrna Beach


• Park Ave


• The Statue of Liberty from a cruise ship

Contradictiion in Terms

Last night I attended a Hunger Banquet. "What's a hunger banquet?" you might ask. Yes, it sounds like a contradiction in terms.

When I stepped into the room I was escorted to one of three areas. In the middle were a few lavishly decorated tables with china, silver and elaborate flower centerpieces. At a larger area to the right were bare tables with paper plates and cups.

To the left was the largest area. No tables, no chairs. Just trash and garbage strewn all around on the bare floor. Most of the guests were escorted to that area. Me among them. We sat on the floor.

While we were within 10 feet of the rich diners we couldn't bother them because we were "guarded" by military men.

A large screen flashed world wide facts about hunger. The leaders did some cleaver things to further sensitize us.

After the rich group had finished their drinks and appetizers it was time for their main course. They were served first by fancy waiters.

The "bare table" group had to line up to serve themselves a simple meal.

We, the majority, were last. We got a small bowl of maze and a little cup of water. After we lined up a booming voice announced "Men at the head of the line. Women and children last." So we women fell back.

I'm glad I was in my group. I would have been so embarrassed to indulge myself in front of most of the people on this planet.

Changing Dynamics

I'm the biggest spoil sport when it comes to people having babies. I've been told that I take it way too seriously.

My daughter is having a baby today. My general feelings about people around the world having babies has nothing to do with the baby coming today.

This baby will have, by any standards you care to use, a magnificent upbringing.

The parents are "over the moon" about her momentary arrival.

I am as well - but I'll be so relieved when I get the word that "She's Perfect" and my daughter is fine too.

A few years ago these parents and I met in New York for a three day holiday. At that time they had one baby. It was winter. We walked the streets of New York, pushing the carriage in a light snow fall. We had lunch at Tavern on the Green then shared a carriage ride.

One night we put the baby to bed in their adjoining hotel room then the three of us crawled into the beds in my room and watched the hysterical Christopher Guest movie "Best in Show."

I remember being profoundly happy that night.

Today they will have their 4th baby - my 10th grandchild.

That particular New York experience will never happen again. But new ones will.

Writing My Way to an Authentic Life

Yesterday I attended a half day class taught by a good friend. He and I have teamed up from time to time but he taught this class with another writer.

The title was Writing Your Way to an Authentic Life.

As any writer will tell you, the absolutely worst thing about writing is - not being able to do it. "Writer's Block" is awful.

But for some reason my friend knows how to drag the words out of me. Not only that, but they're real.

He's one of the most open, feeling people I know. I guess it rubs off.

Here are a couple of things I scribbled down yesterday.

The couple of years prior to (my Real Husband's) death was so hard! Wondering everyday how long I could go on. But I did!

His death during hurricanes. Everybody in Florida was suffering.

Why did I renew my passport two weeks after he died? I had no trip planned.

(Boyfriend) showing up out of the blue.

I want my relationships with my family to be about that. Relationships! That's all I have to offer them. That's all they have to offer me.

I want to spend lots of time talking and listening to other people. I like hearing other people's stories. Sometimes hard to draw them out because people want to share their junk rather than the good stuff.

Reading back over the above and pages of other notes from yesterday I know what I want in the future. And I know I want to write about it.

Facts and Feelings

I met a wealthy friend on the street today who was all doom and gloom about our current fiscal situation. It was esentially the We're All Gonna Die! speech.

The facts are that the housing market is (temporarily) going down the tubes. My city was just listed as the #1 over priced housing market in the country. Our home prices are predicted to drop another 35%.

So come on down if you want a bargain.

The DOW is currently in free fall.

Oil prices are out of sight and gas is golden.

OK, first, why would we go into a depression every time the DOW drops? It's always come back up. The DOW is bipolar. It shoots up and down with the slightest provocation.

Those of us who can sit tight are fine. But I have great feeling for:

• People who have to sell a house through no fault of their own.
• People who have to retire when the market's down.
• Workers with long commutes, truckers, and other who have to fill up every day.
• Poor people. They always suffer the most when times are tough.

I am not anything close to rich. But some of the time I feel rich compared to people I know who have a lot more money than I do and are terrified of losing a little of it.

Have a good day!

Goodbye Boyfriend

I took him to the airport yesterday. Now he's 1,700 miles away in his own home. Tonight he'll celebrate his birthday with old friends.

We celebrated two nights ago with my friends - whom he really likes - but it's not the same.

Tonight he'll be with people he's known for 45 years. Friends who've shared his life. Forty years ago my Boyfriend designed a house for one of the couples. They're still in it.

Why didn't I go with him? I have things to do here. A new baby is coming. The best season of the year is coming.

He and I will both attend traditional parties that we've attended for years. But not with each other.

I have obligations that I take seriously. So does he.

We'll be together again in a few weeks. Until then we'll live our separate lives.

But it's not easy. I have no one to play cribbage with.

Another Review

I like movies. But I don't care for light comedies, car chases, animation or any movie focusing on sports. I don't care for long movies or plays. In my opinion, if the movie is over an hour and a half, the director needs to get over himself.

I want strong dialogue and strong, realistic stories.

So last night I was looking forward to seeing "American Gangster." Despite the fact that it's 2 hours and 38 minutes long!!!

This movie, staring two academy award winning actors, Denzel Washington (bad guy) and Russell Crowe (good guy) has received excellent ratings.

Cuba Gooding, Jr. had a very small roll. My Boyfriend and I disagreed about the direction in which his career is heading.

Although it was extremely painful to watch, "American Gangster" did a good job of portraying the horrendous drug problems in this country during the time of the Viet Nam war - propelled by the corruption of police forces and the inability of our armed forces in keeping the traffic flow in check.

I did not find this movie entertaining.

But my main beef is the casting of Denzel Washington - and the subsequent way he was depicted. The public sees him as strong, moral, good and handsome.

Better casting would have been for he and Russel Crowe to trade rolls but that probably wouldn't have worked since it's the true story of an African American gangster.

In the first scene we see Densel setting somebody on fire. His character was responsible for the suffering and deaths of THOUSANDS of people.

Yet he remained attractive. And at the end even heroic. This did not make sense to me.

As we were leaving the theater I said to my Boyfriend, it must be about midnight. But it was only 8:30.

Morbid Conversation

When my Boyfriend and I were walking our two miles this morning we somehow got on the subject of how it will affect us when we get old and all of our friends die.

By the way, that has not started happening to either of us yet!

I reminded him that when my Real Husband was going to a dialysis clinic every other day for 8 years, a third of the patients died each year.

How would it be if you were a high school student and a third of your classmates died each year?

Then my Boyfriend and I discussed resiliency and how you'd think that teenagers would have greater resiliency than 90 year olds - but it doesn't work that way.

Virtually all of our young men and women returning from Iraq are suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome and much of it is due to seeing their friends suffer and die.

My take on it is that part of our maturing process helps us to deal with this kind of loss. It's a natural part of life.

There's nothing "natural" about young people dying.

An Open Forum

I love my Sunday school class. 35 people were there yesterday. (Yes, I always count.)

We're a smart group. Some people call us "Eggheads." Some people have felt intimidated when asked to lead us. But the truth is, it's a very easy class to lead.

We usually have a combination of new and old members. Everyone is encouraged to speak. All views are honored. And, believe me, different views are expressed.

There is a man whom I highly respect who thinks that global warming is a hoax!

What?

The truth is that this class is easy to lead because smart people in a safe environment will open up.

It's always exciting when the truth emerges from the group.

I led the class for the month of October on the theme "Transitions." I learned a lot.

This month my close friend and favorite class leader (and that's saying a lot because we've got the best) is doing a series on:

"How Shall I Live, Knowing I Will Die?"

He's the same guy who had the heart attack a while back - but he's doing great now.

Yesterday he gave all thirty-five of us 3 x 5 cards and asked that we jot down as quickly as possible answers to the question "Who Am I?" Following are my answers:

WHO AM I?

• Mother


• Good friend


• Spiritual


• Writer


• (Boyfriend's) Soul Mate


• Grandmother


• Communicator


• Person who needs intellectual stimulation


• Lonely little girl


• Honest


• Open


• Strong


• Fragile

I was surprised at what I left out. Maybe the above really is what's most important to me.

A Good Christmas Gift

I'm a low tech person. But not as low tech as some. While I'm pretty much attached to my computer I would never dream of standing in line for the latest "whatever."

My Boyfriend has an extremely low tech friend. She's super smart, unmarried, no children and maybe a bit eccentric. She's newly retired after a brilliant career in which she successfully dodged computers and other technological wonders.

She's part of a large extended family so, like many families, they draw names for Christmas gifts. $250 is the ceiling.

A while back she drew her nephew's name. He wanted a Wii. She had no idea what that was. She called Target and a nice woman explained that they were not yet on the market and when they debuted the supply would be limited. Then the woman told her how to get one.

So, my Boyfriend's friend, on the appointed day, drove to Target at 4:00 A.M. in a pitch dark driving snow storm. She got out of her car, stood outside the door - and waited.

Soon, a young man in a dark hooded jacket tapped her on the shoulder.

No he didn't mug her. He gently explained that it wasn't necessary to line up just yet. She could wait an hour.

Back in the car she was wet and freezing so after the heater got going and warmed her up she fell fast asleep. A little after 5:00 A.M. there was a loud rapping on her window. After lowing it bit, another dark, shadowy young man told her it was time.

She spent the next several hours in line with young men at least 45 years her junior. One of them brought her a lawn chair, another brought her a blanket.

At one point a person emerged from Target with a bag of 200 numbers. She got number 7. Of course when the store finally opened the limited number of Wiis sold out in minutes.

Why did my boyfriend's friend do it? She did it for love. I hope her nephew appreciated it.

Why were the young men in line so kind? I don't know, but they were.