Down The Rabbit Hole

A metaphor for an entry into the unknown, the disorienting or the mentally deranging, from its use in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.  

It's been a while since I've posted.  I've missed you.  Hope you've missed me.  My excuse is that Dave and I have been on a little trip down the rabbit hole. 

It started when he was feeling dizzy and a little off.  I tried to explain to him that, hey, that's my job but it persisted so we made a trip to the ER.  After a while they determined that he'd had a watershed stroke.  This can be dealt with by having carotid artery surgery.  So we signed up and they sent us home to wait a few days until surgery could be scheduled.    

This is when things got interesting. 

Long story short, the night before Dave's scheduled surgery he fell in the hospital shower, hit his head, (among other things) and ended up having brain surgery for a subdural hematoma. Since we watch "Law and Order" I knew immediately what this was and that it wasn't good.  

Dave at lunch today.

The neurosurgeon told us he might not wake up and if he did wake up he might not be in good shape cognitively.  

This saga has been going on for three weeks or so.  Family and friends have been over the top helpful.  Dave's kids and my kids and grands (some of whom didn't even know each other) formed a village to care for us. We needed it, especially since these events have brought on a Meniere's attack for me every single day which means, among other things, I can't drive.  But, due to the kindness of friends with cars, I've spent eight hours a day, everyday, with Dave. No place else I'd rather be.

Here is the good, best, most miraculous news.  Dave has not been significantly impaired by either the stroke or the brain surgery.  He's currently in an excellent rehab hospital and making big strides every day.  

He's passed his cognitive tests with flying colors, something I'm not sure I could do at this point in time. 

But we still need prayers from those of you who pray and positive energy from those of you who don't.  Because Dave needs to get strong enough to have the vascular surgery that started us down this rabbit hole. 


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Plastics!

This is my favorite cloth bag for shopping.
It's a hand-me-down diaper bag used by
someone who shares my name but is now
a teenager so no longer needs it. 

Remember the 1967 film The Graduate with Dustin Hoffman?  This movie contains two of the one hundred top movie quotes.  The most famous one comes from Dustin's character listening to his prospective father-in-law, Mr McGuire, tell him where his future lies.

I want to say one word to you.  Just one word...Plastics!...There's a great future in plastics. 

Turns out that wasn't the case for Dustin's character's future.  But it was for ours.  We are drowning in plastic.  We've all seen beautiful sea creatures being strangled by plastic bags. And we all want to do something about those islands of plastic in our oceans.

But it's hard.

For years Dave and I have taken our cloth bags to the supermarket.  At home, we recycle in three different containers.  One for paper, and another for solid plastics.  Plus another is just for plastic bags (even though we try not to use them.)

Here's the thing.  When I buy meat or cleaning products the bagger always wraps them in plastic prior to putting them in my canvas bag.  By the way, the meat is shrink-wrapped in plastic before it goes into the plastic bag.  And sometimes the plastic bottle for cleaning products has its own handle. Why should it even need a bag?  Every place I go somebody wants to give me a plastic bag.  At least some of the vendors at the farmer's market use recycled plastic.

And how depressing is it to find scores of plastic bottles and containers on our kitchen and bathroom shelves?

The point is, we can't do this on our own.  However, help is on the way.  The state of New York is banning plastic bags.  Currently that state goes through 23 billion  bags a year.  But for this to work New Yorkers will have to be provided with healthy-for-the-planet alternatives.  This will help all of us.

It will make only a dent in our world wide plastic crisis, but it's a start.   In the meantime I'm going to try to do better.


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Gloria Bell

When the world blows up I want to come down dancing...Quote from Gloria Bell

Dave and I had a date yesterday.  First we walked in one of our favorite parks.   Then drove a few blocks to The Eden Bar, a little gem of an outside restaurant that's been here forever.   The covered part is attached to the Enzian Theater, which, as you know, is our favorite for artsy and/or Indy films.

After a late lunch we went inside to see Gloria Bell.  This is the new film staring the brilliant, understated actor, Julianne Moore.  The critics love Gloria Bell  but the public - not so much.  We both liked it but we're artsy kind of folk.

It's about an average, middle aged, long time divorced woman who is cheerful and loves to sing and loves to dance but is also on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  She meets Arnold - played by the amazing actor - John Turturro - in her favorite bar where she goes to dance.

Both of them have grown children.  Gloria's have their own issues and Arnold's are a mess.

Their romance is a quiet struggle.  I was surprised that Julianne Moore, at age 58, had a couple of nude scenes.  Pretty brave.  But the most romantic part for me was Arnold reading her a love poem.  It's indicative to me of how the whole film is done.  He reads the poem in its entirety.  It's long. I looked it up today.  You can too.  The first line is "If you were a nest I'd like to be a little bird."

The difference between the two of them is that Gloria is trying hard to make her life work.  She attends all kinds of crazy women's workshops and works hard at having a healthy relationship with her kids and her mom.

Sweet, adorable, sad Arnold, on the other hand, is the poster boy for the "When Helping is Hurting" concept with his kids. He's sweet but he is a coward.

I liked the film's ending.  Dave did not.  I loved the scene where Gloria is weilding the paint ball gun.  And I love the scene where she learns to dance alone.


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Huey Lewis and Meniere's Disease

As I walked to the stage in Dallas it sounded like a jet engine was going on. 

Huey Lewis said this in 2018 when he abruptly experienced the tinnitus (although it's way more than ordinary tinnitus) that was ultimately diagnosed as Meniere's Disease.  That event led him to say in the same interview:

I haven't come to grips with the fact that I may never sing again.

It's sad that performers like Huey Lewis and Ryan Adams and scores of others have had their careers altered by this condition.  But it's helpful to me to have them share their experiences.

I still go out in crowds.  I go to restaurants, attend meetings and church services every week.  Last week I went to my book club, got sick and had to leave.  Same thing happened in Forum this morning.   I think (hope) I look perfectly normal.  But, in a noisy room, there is an indescribable super noise barrier between me and whatever is happening.  I have to concentrate like crazy to distinguish the voice of the person I want to hear.  It is exhausting.

In Huey Lewis's interview he says he can hold conversations and talk on the phone but he can't sing because the music is distorted.   Yes, when crowds are talking or music is playing, it's all distorted - and exhausting.  Sometimes when the noise is particularly bad, I feel panic.  Panic attacks are common with Meniere's Disease.

But I have a lot to be grateful for. Unlike Huey Lewis, I don't have many obligations that require me to be in crowds.  The severe attacks visit very seldom these days.  Is it because of my new life style that requires exercise, extra sleep, lots of quiet time, exotic medications and a no salt, no caffeine diet?  I don't know.

If I stay home and sit still I'm usually comfortable.  So why do I leave the house and go where noisy people are gathered?  Because I want to.


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How Many 80 Year Olds Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

So, this past week a light bulb went out in the bathroom ceiling.  Since then we've been discussing our options.  It's not easy to get a repair person to show up for a five minute job.  Last night as we shared wine and snacks with friends and neighbors I was looking around for a good candidate but, while these folks are still funny, smart and entertaining, most of them did not look like ceiling light bulb changing material.

We're well aware that falls in older people can be a catastrophic.  However, experts have decided that the cause of most falls are not "slip and falls," or some of the other old-people reasons we've believed.  Most of them are caused by "incorrect transfer of body weight."

  So we decided we'd tackle it today.

This was after our long walk in Winter Park where we discussed the controversial writer Ayn Rand and her philosophical concept she called Objectivism.  Dave and I both read Rand's The Fountainhead in the early 60s.  He loved it and I did not.  So I had to explain to Dave this morning that this was because, at that time, he was an architect and artist and I was a raging liberal/feminist.

Why am I telling you this?

Because changing a light bulb in a high ceiling when you're old takes intellectual abilities, which, from the conversation above, we obviously still have.

So, working together, with Dave on the step stool (carefully using a correct transfer of body weight) and me assisting him - we got the job done.

AND we used an LED Multi-Use A19 bulb with a ten year life span.  So we won't be doing this again anytime soon.


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Passion

Last Sunday in Forum we discussed Passion.  Our facilitator, Trish, reminded us that  "passion is a feeling."  It's exciting but sometimes dangerous to share and act on our passions.  And, many times, we don't even know what our passions are.

1967 was an exciting year in my life.  I was 28 years old. My husband, Ken, and I left our suburban life in Florida and moved to Atlanta where he entered Candler School of Theology at Emory University.  I supported us by working at Emory.  We were heavily involved in civil rights issues.  The next year, 1968, we would be heavily involved in the aftermath of the assassination of Martin Luther King, Jr.

My own personal passion, one that I'd had for a long time was writing.  Being a practical person I knew I couldn't make a living writing (especially poetry) and at that time I'd never been published.

In the 60s Candler published a magazine called "Junction."  It was filled with pretty heady, esoteric stuff.  So I was thrilled when I submitted a poem and they published it.  Later on they published more, but this first one not only thrilled me by being accepted, and thereby rewarding my passion- but the poem itself was about passion.

But a Pale Shadow  

Once a man said to me,
I feel the greatest sorrow for those
   people who are rising up from the
   very depth of civilization and
   begging that the world hear their
   agonizing cry. 

And I said, "Not I, my friend."
I sorrow for those who have never bothered 
   to cry out.
Those who are content to live in mediocrity,
In suspicion of their fellow man,
Never for anything, 
Never really against anything,
Afraid of the outside,
Never knowing the ultimate love which comes
   from giving oneself completely.
Don't look for them in some far away place.
They are all around us. 

My heart weeps for them. 


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My Value System

Last Sunday in Forum our facilitator discussed our values using Scott Jeffrey's Core Values as a resource.  Fun to see where I fit.  I've been surprised that my priorities have changed.

Here are the five I came up with for my own personal life right now.

Integrity - This has always been a core value for me.  I want to be authentic - even when it hurts.  It's scary because I don't want to lose the people I love who see things differently from me.

Spirituality - This week I've been reminded that, even though I love my church, it's my spirituality that is paramount.  And, like integrity, that comes from within.

Order/Structure/Calm - Not a value for everybody, but it's huge for me.

Kindness/Civility - I value this in my one-on-one relationships and our country's international relationships - and everything in between.

Communicator/Creativity - Yes, creatively communicating is at the core of who I am.

But what was really intriguing to me as I looked over the list of 200 plus core values were the ones I used to have but (at age 80) no longer do.

Ambition
Strength
Productivity
Hard Work
Accomplishment
Power

I still value these in others - but, personally,  I think I'm done.


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