How to Marry A Millionaire

"You think he's a little old?"
"Wealthy men are never old."
How to Marry a Millionaire - 1953



I'd like to think we've come a long way since 1953.  But the other day my friend's daughter,  who'd just ended a bad marriage,  said to her mom:

"You never told me to marry a rich man."  I was amazed at that statement but others involved in the conversation said, no, there are a number of younger women (with really toned arms) in our circle of friends who've married older, successful men.  Hum.

And now the current Time Magazine has reviewed two books on the subject.  In 2013 Susan Patton wrote an open letter to Princeton women telling them to snag a husband before all the good ones were taken.  Her new book "Marry Smart" expands on this theme.

You'd think Sheryl Sandberg's new book "Lean In for Graduates,"  would have the exact opposite theme.  Her message is to hit the ground running after college.  But the idea is to be successful in the workplace fast  so you can then have children.

In other words, it's all about our ticking biological clocks.  Tick.  Tock.

I'm all for following your dreams but both of these books seem to be putting the pressure on, big time.  Where are all the books telling young men that if they mess up just once they'll end up alone and childless?

I wish young women could learn to love themselves and others, educate themselves to do the work they love and therefore be able to support themselves, marry for love, and have children if and when they want.

Just like men.


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I'm A Jimmy Carter Fan

Jimmy Carter has written a new book.  I heard him interviewed on NPR this morning.  I have admired President Carter since before he was president.  He's a great humanitarian, statesman, author and carpenter.

But what means the most to me is that, as far as I can tell, we're in the same spiritual camp.  I became fully aware of this in 2006 when I read his book "Our Endangered Values."  In that book he makes his faith journey clear.

The new book "A Call to Action" deals with the mistreatment of women around the world.   Some of this is accomplished by men using bits and pieces of scripture to justify it.

Jimmy Carter knows the Bible as well a just about any other human being.  He's been teaching it weekly for 71 years.  Both old and new testament.

While some of it is contradictory and mysterious, the words of Jesus are clear.  That's where President Carter seeks his truth.  Me to.


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The Grand Budapest Hotel

I couldn't wait to see the movie "The Grand Budapest Hotel."  It came out on Friday.  We saw it today.

It did not disappoint.

What can I say?  It's a Wes Anderson movie.  Written and directed by Wes.

Would you like it?  Let's see, did you see his last movie "Moonrise Kingdom?"  If you loved it you'll love "The Grand Budapest Hotel."

Even though they're nothing alike.  Except, of course, in style.  Hotel is a treat for all of your senses.  Legendary concierge Monsieur Gustave even smells good most of the time.

Here's what I know:  When Wes Anderson calls, half of the stars in Hollywood answer.  Here's a partial cast list.

• Ralph Fiennes
• Bill Murray
• Tilda Swinton
• Edward Norton
• Jeff Goldblum
• Tom Wilkinson
• F. Abraham Murray
• Bob Babalan
• Willem Dafoe
• Adrien Brody
• Owen Wilson
• Harvy Keitel
• Jude Law

Besides "Moonrise Kingdom," the other Wes Anderson movies I've loved are "Rushmore" and "The Royal Tenebaums."  

Here is my final observation - in the form of a question:  Does Wes Anderson hate cats?

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Monocles - They're Back

Apparently, the monocle is the new "Hipster Chic." .  In a way it makes sense because the monocle makes us look smart and rich.

On the other hand, it was once popularized by the Nazis so there's the "ick" factor.

But then it never went out of style for some folks like that guy in the Monopoly game or the promo guy for The New Yorker Magazine.

I'm interested because in a week I'll go back to my ophthalmologist  to see if I need prescription glasses.  I doubt it because my eyesight is super. I need drugstore cheaters only to read small print.  After several decades of strong prescription contacts, I still can't believe that simple cataract surgery could make such a dramatic difference.

But a monocle might do the trick.  My friends know how I love to be trendy.  (That's a joke.  Trendy is not aa word that would ever describe me.)

However it would be fun to look hipster chic, smart and rich.


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Holy Indifference

Those who practice Holy Indifference
really DO care!

Yesterday when I was leading our Lenten class called "Scarred by Struggle, Transformed by Hope," our writer talked about Holy Indifference and The Quality of Detachment.

Holy Indifference was a concept expressed by St. Ignatius.  It, basically, urges us to go through life with an open mind.  Ignatius wanted us to do God's will and not sweat the small stuff.  He wanted us to detach from the world.  Certainly not an easy thing for us regular folks to do.

The most popular way, in our culture, of dealing with problems is  spilling our guts or making our feelings paramount - but when that doesn't seem to be working, a different form of ancient Catholicism presents the concept of Holy Indifference or Quality of Detachment.  The religious significance has to do with when Christ told us to be detached from the world and keep our eyes on spiritual things.  But there's also the psychological significance that can be used by those who aren't as spiritually grounded as St. Ignatius.

Don't make emotional decisions - be open - lay aside things that distract us - suspend judgement.

Here's my personal example of how a quality of detachment saved me.  About a quarter of the way into my husband Ken's terminal illness which was increasingly involving dementia and personality changes, I read a book on "Quality of Detachment."  Then I visited a counselor for over a year in order to develop this quality of detachment.  Without it I could never have been able to keep Ken at home, where he wanted to be, for the next six years until he died.  The concept seems selfish but it's not. It saved both of us.

So the next time somebody at work or at home is antagonizing you or trying to make your life miserable, or you're trying to make a horrendous decision,  or you're trying to stay strong while caring for a dying loved one - investigate the development of a quality of detachment, or if you prefer, a Holy Indifference.


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Laws I'm Sorry Florida Has to Have

This morning's Orlando Sentential published three stories that made me sad because they were, in my mind, furthering the crazy stereotype that we Floridians
seem to love to project.

1.  Law to Band Marriage Before Age 16 - The youngest person to marry in Florida in the past two years was a 13 year old boy.  In 2013, Florida recorded 110 marriages of children 16 and younger, and 150 such marriages in 2012.  If this new law goes through 16 and 17 year olds can still marry with their parents' consent.

Now if we could only stop the 13 year olds from having babies I would be relieved.  That's the main reason they're now getting married.

2.  Law to Band "Revenge-Porn" - In case you don't know, some couples seem to think it's a good idea to take intimate photos and make intimate films of themselves.  Then, after the big breakup, these things appear on Facebook and other social media.

I want you couples to think about how smart it is to make these films.  Even porn stars have good lighting and directing.  These homemade ones are sad and scary and can wreak your life.

3.  Trials Set for Motorcycle Gangs - The murder trials are set for four Philly Warlocks gang members charged with murdering three members of the Orlando Warlocks.  While not laws, the judge as set down some rules for the trial:  No one attending the trial can wear gang colors, patches and insignia.  But she said "no" to the request that jurors be referred to by number instead of name.  These guys scare everybody, especially jurors.  "Tin Man" is being accused of killing "Lil Dave," "Hormone, " and "Dresser."  By the way, these are all middle aged men.

I love Florida.  But this stuff makes me crazy.


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Head Games

Chris

This morning, after our three mile walk, we went to an event called "Brainfest" where we heard author, lecturer, former football player and professional wrestling star  Chris Nowinski speak on our "Concussion Crisis."

Chris at Harvard

Here's a little background on Chris if you don't know him.  He played football (an All-Ivy defensive tackle) for Harvard.  Later he became a wrestler for the WWE Monday night RAW.  Along the way he suffered concussions.

Now he's an activist, spending his life letting us know how concussions and head trauma are misunderstood.

For me, the bottom line is that if you get hit in the head multiple times you will develop brain injury and dementia.  Period.

Chris the Wrestler

I'm not worried about myself.  I hardly ever get hit in the head (like never.)  But as we get older we do have to be careful about falling.

On the other hand, little kids enjoy hitting each other on the head - and we sometimes encourage it.

My personal concern is for my grandchildren and all other young people who play contact sports.  The statistics coming to light about what happens years later is, to me, terrifying.

Chris's book is called:  Head Games:  Football's Concussion Crisis.

If you have children who play any kind of contact sport, football, soccer, hockey, lacrosse - please buy and read the book.


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