Powerful Words

Today I cleaned out some files and found poems I've not seen in decades.  Some were mine, some from others.  Many years ago I was inspired by writer/poet, Judith Viorst.  She's always been a bit shocking, raw and very funny.  This book, Necessary Losses, a New York Times bestseller from several decades back, explores the loves, illusions, dependencies and impossible expectation that all of us have to give up in order to grow.  

I love the poem printed below.  It's sweet and funny but a punch in the gut.

My Mom say I'm her sugarplum.
My mom says I'm her lamb,
My mom says I'm completely perfect,
Just the way I am.
My mom says I'm a super-special wonderful terrific little guy.
My mom just had another baby.
Why?

The following poem by Cynthia MacDonald, is harsh and shocking.   I honestly can't remember if it was included in Necessary Losses but it was from that same time decades ago when I was trying to help women who were struggling with identity and overcoming our need to please.  I remember that I seldom used the poem because I knew it invoked reactions in some folks that I was not qualified to handle.  You've heard of "Shock Jocks."  MacDonald was a shock poet.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS  by Cynthia MacDonald

I painted a picture-green sky - and showed it to my mother
She said that is nice, I guess.
So I painted another holding the paint brush in my teeth,
Look Ma, no hands, and she said
I guess someone would admire that if they knew
How you did it and they were interested in painting which
I am not.  

I played clarinet solo in Gounod's Clarinet Concerto
With the Buffalo Philharmonic, 
Mother came to listen and said 
That's nice, I guess.
So I played it with the Boston Symphony,
Lying on my back and using my toes,
Look, Ma, no hands.  And she said
I guess someone would admire that if they knew
How you did it and they were interested in music which I am not.

I made an almond souffle and served it to my mother.
She said, that's nice, I guess.
So I made another, beating it with my breath,
Serving it on my elbows,
Look Ma, no hands.  And she said
I guess someone would admire that if they knew
How you did it and they were interested in eating which
I am not. 

So I sterilized my wrists, performed the amputation, threw away
My hand and went to my mother, but before I could say
Look Ma, no hands, she said,
I have a present for you and insisted I try on
The blue kid gloves to make sure they were the right size.


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P.S.  Thanks to all of you who've purchased my book New Day Updated and Revised.  I've loved hearing from so many of you.   It's available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

Putting Out Fires

This photo from yesterday's  California fires hurt my heart; for the fire fighters and the loss of property and the loss of living things.

We're good at putting out fires of all kinds.  For me, it's heartwarming every day to read about first responders and others who are keeping us relatively safe.

But responding and deep down problem solving are two different things.

Yesterday I read a devotional written by my friend, Tonya.  She heads up our church's Diversity Team.  Among other things they are tackling the book, Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson.   Tonya shared how important it is for all of us to read hard stuff and own up to who we are and what we were taught to believe.  One of the things she quoted has stuck with me for the past 24 hours.  I can't get it out of my head.

She referenced the mass incarceration complex which is set up to imprison one out of three black babies born.

Truly solving problems is much harder than this.  Most of us know that massive fires, multiple deadly hurricanes and extreme heat are caused by climate change.  And we know how to fix it.

Most of us know that our overcrowded prisons are largely filled with people who were born into circumstances that helped shape them into who they became.  We know that solving these problems needs to begin before they are born. Any of us who've ever been involved in tutoring can tell sad stories of children who've never had a book read to them.

I'm grateful for first responders but sometimes by the time they get there it's too late.  And the attempt to address crime by setting up a prison system to accommodate one in three black babies born is, well, too late.

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Looking Up

Every day we could, and sometimes do, feel an overwhelming sense of fear and anxiety.  So every day I overtly look for ways to Keep Calm and Carry on.

I'm happy I'm finally strong enough to take a walk most mornings.  Being outside, especially in my neighborhood, helps me as much spiritually and emotionally as it does physically.

On Saturday mornings my friend comes to call bringing me treats from Panera.  But the best treat is her presence.  Recently we've been sitting in the yard for our lengthly conversations.  We talk about everything under the sun but no petty gossip and complaining.

This past Saturday her chair was facing the corner and she was noticing how many cars don't stop for the stop sign at this corner.  This is a frequent experience.  It's a very quiet street so I get it.  If you click on the photo you can barely see the back of the stop sign.

When we discussed this it made me remember this story.  Years ago my husband, Ken, and I were watching on television the preparations for a space launch about to blast off from Cape Canaveral.  At that time there was a place in the middle of this street where you could look to the east and see the blast off go straight up and arc over the sky.  Spectacular and amazing since the Cape is about 50 miles away.

So Ken, who was struggling with his health, both physically and cognitively, decided he would go out to the spot to watch the blast off.  I though I would go with him but when I saw what was happening at the stop sign I thought, "You're on your own Ken."

At that particular time there was a police officer pulling over a neighbor to give her a ticket for running the sign.  She was not happy and she was loudly sharing her fury with the officer who, by this time, was equally unhappy.

So I let Ken hobble out there all by himself.  He confronted the lady and the cop and let them know what was about to happen.  I don't know how he managed it but he even got the woman to get out of her car (it was facing the wrong direction) and she, the cop and Ken stood in the middle of the street and watched in awe at the spectacular rocket launch.  By the time it was over the lady and the cop were speaking kindly to each other.

So the lesson for me today is, keep looking UP!


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Apathy

Apathy - Lack of interest, enthusiasm or concern


So I have updated and revised a book of poetry that was first published in the 1970s. The poems where written over the  turbulent decades of the 60s and 70s.

One of the ones I added, is titled "But a Pale Shadow" and it's about apathy.   It was inspired by the following:

In November of 1963 my husband, Ken, and I were living in Plantation, Florida just outside of Fort Lauderdale.  We had two children, Cathy who was a toddler and Scott, a baby.  On this day I was attending a college class while Ken's mother, who was visiting from Toledo, stayed with the children.

Suddenly someone burst into the room to say that the president of the United States, John Kennedy, had been shot while in a motorcade in Texas.  The room immediately erupted into chaos.  I grabbed my stuff and headed for the parking lot, along with several other students and teachers.  All I could think about was my children.  While it may not seem rational that they would be in harms way, I didn't know how this news would effect my mother in law.  So I raced home.

They were fine.  Ken's mother had the television on but she was totally unconcerned.  Not knowing her well at this point I was having trouble comprehending why she wasn't grasping the magnitude of this event.

That evening we were to have dinner with some executives of the international company Ken worked for.  Of course we were struggling with our feelings and didn't want to go but Ken's mother insisted that it was the right thing to do.

So we went.  While the afternoon traffic was bumper to bumper with folks trying to get somewhere, mostly because they were stunned and not knowing what was happening in our world, now there was no traffic.

The usually busy, upscale restaurant was almost empty.  But the company execs were all there and we sat through an evening of eating and drinking, like they didn't have a care in the world.

I was deeply ashamed of myself for being there.  A few months later we left our lovely home and Ken's prestigious work and we headed into an entirely new life.  It was hard.  But we never looked back.


***

Tread

I like it when family and friends suggest things for me to watch, especially in this shut-down time.  So, when my son suggested I watch the documentary, Tread, I gave it a shot.

But about two thirds of the way through I thought I was going to have to tell him he owes me an hour of my life.  But then yesterday when we were on a little road trip and he was on the phone,   I heard him suggesting that Tread might be a good discussion starter in their eclectic men's Bible study group.

 And, all at once, it clicked. I knew exactly what he had in mind.  And I agreed.  It would make for real conversation on how we handle ourselves when we get pushed to the edge by perceived injustice.

In Tread Marvin Theemeyer is a guy who considers himself a man's man.  His love of snowboarding led him to the small town of  Grandy Colorado where he lived for a couple of decades.  He was an excellent welder, owned a muffler shop,  and had friends, including a long time girlfriend.  He also had a strong faith.

Over time he had some disputes the town over property rights.  He felt that the way people got ahead in this town was by keeping other people down, including him.  He felt like he wasn't being heard or respected.  At some point he decided God's will had to be done - through him.   So he went all "Old Testament" on them.

Spoiler Alert:  Marv transforms his bulldozer into a tank and pretty much destroys the town of Grandy. Then kills himself while still in the tank.

Do I know anyone who's done what Marv did?  Of course not.  But I know many people, good people, who've destroyed the things and hurt the people they loved the most.  Let's have a discussion on why do we do this.

In case you think this is a "guy thing," following is a poem I, myself, in a time of deep frustration, wrote to express my feelings.  (You can find Tread on Netflix.)


HELLO SIXTIES

I shouted out the Emancipaiton
       Proclamation, 
The Civil Rights Act, 
And the wording to the Equal Rights
      Amendment.

And you said, 
"Let's go to bed."

I joined an underground movement,
And plotted to overthrow the government.

And you said, 
"You're cute when you're mad."

I blew up your post office,
And half of your university.

And you said,
"Are you having your period?"

With one fell swoop,
I destroyed everything we both held dear.

And you finally said, 
"Why are you doing this?"

"I'M JUST TRYING TO GET YOUR ATTENTION."

 - Cecily Crossman


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Celebs - They're (Not) Just Like Us

For the last six months I've been pretty much homebound because  of illness and for the same reason every other one of you is currently holed up in your house.  

I'm fortunate to have constant sources of comfort, and intellectual, spiritual and physical care.  But, like you, my needs are ever changing.  A while back I was told my reading materials were too intense and I needed to lighten up so I ordered subscriptions to several magazines, including The New Yorker (my favorite,) Esquire, Architectural Digest and People.

Like the New Yorker, People comes once a week.  I've done my best trying to identify with the celebrities featured in People.  For instance, like Kim Kardashian, we should all be able relate to seeing all of our triumphs and tragedies as photo ops.  Right?  And we can all relate to the heartbreak of having a wildly talented but insane husband running for president.  Right?  (I'm referring to Kanye West here - no one else.)

And, unlike the UK Royals, Prince Harry and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, are regular people who've been mistreated by their in-laws.  That's a common relatable experience.  Yesterday I was thumbing through some of their serious concerns that made Harry give up his birthright.  

 - Meghan was falsely accused of wearing the wrong color nail polish.

 - Kate didn't offer Meghan a lift in her Range Rover when they were both going shopping on the same day.

And, one of my favorites,
 - Megan's dresser purposely dragged her heels about finding Meghan the proper diamond tiara for her wedding rehearsal.  (We've all been there.)

So, as we all know because they're in People Magazine so often, Harry and Meghan did not accept (or were not offered) an assist from the folks in buying their starter home in California.  They had to come up with the 14.65 million dollars on their own.

 On the other hand, I have been able to truly (and seriously)  relate to Sean Penn, who's currently working to help heal our world by helping provide the largest Covid 19 testing site in the country.  And he and I are sporting the same hair style.  So I guess I do have some things in common with celebs after all.




***

Beyond the Blue Horizon

First, a disclaimer.  I'm not planning on leaving any time soon.  But I, like you, am bombarded every day with messages expressing fear about the future.  Thankfully, along with that, I'm also bombarded with hope and good humor and deeply meaningful messages from my worship leaders and others.

But during these extraordinarily trying times I find it helpful to look beyond.  It's kind of like losing your job but knowing you have a great IRA waiting for you when you retire.  Only this is about a billion times better.  (Since we're now hearing about trillion dollar budgets, I'd better make that a gazillion times better.)

There are many songs and hymns that remind us of this blessing to come.  Most are overtly faith based, some are secular but imply the same message.   When my husband, Ken, was critically ill and in the hospital my daughter-in-law took her hymnal to his bedside and sang "going home" songs to him.  He loved this.  It was calming and reassuring.

Several years ago my husband David asked that Over the Rainbow (the Hawaiian version) be sung at his memorial service.  After hearing it done at an earlier service he said those words expressed his own feelings.  My friend's mother had Beyond the Blue Horizon sung at her funeral.

However, we don't hear much in sermons, in a positive way, about what heaven will be like. It is, in some instances, used to (literally) scare the Hell out of us.  We don't need that right now.    We're having the Hell scared out of us every single day.

So I've turned back to trying to find literature that presents the sunny side of death.  Because we, like King Lear, tend to wonder if it might be like an eternal bad dream.

There are many near death experience books but the vast majority are not for me.  I'm too analytical for my own good and have difficultly with the woo woo stuff as well the fear factor that implies it's  for just a few of those who get the RSVP.  Only they don't always agree on "which few" will make the cut.

I've order a few books over the past months thinking they would be comforting to the dying but they are meant only to comfort the ones left behind.  While there's good it doesn't address this time of over the top anxiety, it doesn't address our need to feel confident about the future.

So I turned back to the life after death message presented by renowned neurosurgeon, Dr. Eban Alexander in his book "Proof of Heaven" which became a huge bestseller.   Dr. Alexander, himself a brain surgeon, contracted bacterial meningitis and was "brain dead" for eight days.  I've just finished  rereading his account of what heaven is like.  Not a particularly religious man prior to this experience, Dr. Alexander describes a heaven as brilliant, vibrant, estatic, stunning....(God said to him)...you are unconditionally loved, you have nothing to fear.

Dr. Alexander has since written more books on the subject.  He's still sharing this amazing promise.  If I ever have a near death experience, this would be exactly the same message I'd like to bring back.

Beyond the blue horizon
Waits a beautiful day
Goodbye to things that bore me
Joy is waiting for me
I see a new horizon
My life has only begun
Beyond the blue horizon
Lies a rising sun


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