You Aint Woman Enough to Take My Man!

Loretta Lynn being presented
with the Presidential Medal of
Freedom

On Saturday Dave and I went to the movies to see Get on Up, the life story of James Brown, then came home, went to bed and watched Coal Miner's Daughter, the life story of Loretta Lynn, on TCM.

That's right.  I watched five hours of movies on Saturday!

On the face of it, these movies have a lot in common.  James Brown survived a hideous southern upbringing to become the King of Soul.  Loretta Lynn survived a hard but loving southern upbringing to become the Queen of Country.   I can't relate much to James Brown.  Loretta and I have a lot in common.  Her songs have been an honest reflection of her life.

I was born a coal miner's daughter, In a cabin on a hill in Butcher Holler. 

Loretta and I both went through our season of popping out babies and wondering about what more ilfe would hold for us.  

But here in Topeka the screen door's a bangin,' the coffee's a boilin' over and wash needs a hangin' ...one wants a cookie, one wants a changin'......and one's on the way.

As you know, I am a strong believer in the strength and power of women around the world being unleashed for the good of humankind.  For that to happen we have to occasionally stand up to our men and set some parameters.

Don't come home a drinkin' with lovin' on your mind.

While some folks think of Loretta Lynn as nothing more than a poor, white, female country singer with a bunch of kids and a philandering husband - she's been so much more.  As her world opened up she shared her insights with the rest of us.  As you know about me, I am a huge proponent of access to birth control for every woman all over the world.  One of Loretta Lynn's songs spoke to this issue in a big way and she suffered much adversity because of it.

I'm tearin' down your brooder house 'cause now I've got the pill.

Thanks, Loretta.  I got it too!

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Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries

Dave and I like Netflix.  One reason is that we get exposed to some foreign entertainment that we don't find on the regular TV.

One of our current favorites is "Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries."  Taken from the book series by Kerry Greenwood, this series of mysteries features the very beautiful Phryne Fisher as our intrepid crime stopper.

The independently wealthy Miss Fisher lives in a downtown mansion in Melbourne, Australia in the 1920s.  She calls her butler, Mr. Butler.

But there's nothing old fashioned about Miss Fisher.  She's a witty,  James Bond type action hero -  only smarter, richer and better dressed.

Like James Bond, she has lovers from time to time.  Unlike James Bond, she doesn't kill hers when she's finished with them.  They remain friends.

Miss Fisher is a feminist.  Despite the lovers, she has an excellent moral compass and knows right from wrong.  However, she does have a "take no prisoners" attitude in her crime stopping.

If you have Netflix, check out Miss Fisher.  You'll like her.


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He Needed to Find Himself

When I saw this cartoon in the current New Yorker Magazine I immediately thought back to a time in the late 1960s.  I was working at Emory University where my husband, Ken, was in seminary.

We had two preschool children.  I was supporting us because Ken wanted to work, without pay, in a downtown Atlanta church that was newly integrating.

Even then he was all about "the big picture," saving the world, discovering new things about himself, etc.  He had no time for the mundane.

I was all about being a mom and putting food on the table - not to mention being totally exhausted most of the time.

And then he came home one evening and told me about a trip he needed to take.  I kind of went berserk inside.  But I coped, as I did many times, by writing a poem about the experience and then selling the poem to a magazine for $25.

I don't remember but maybe that paid for gas money for "The Trip."  Here's the poem:

THE TRIP

You explained to me, 
    (as the father explains
    to the dull child why
    he must do Important
    Things and therefore is
    semi permanently unavailable-
    able)

That you had to go to one more
    seminar,
That explores the inner man,
At a lakeside hotel, 
in Florida,
Near Disney World,  (as stated
    in the letter)
At not a small financial and
    emotional sacrifice to
    all of us,

To, quote, 
"Find myself."

Tell me, 
Were you there?


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Hurting, Helping or Empowering?

This morning in Forum we continued our off again/on again discussion of Toxic Charity, a relatively new book by Robert Lupton that is causing some dis-ease in religious and other mission type groups.

I try really hard not to go on a rant in this blog but I have super strong feelings about this subject.  So here goes!

When we do for those in need what they have the capacity to do for themselves, we disempower them.

Quotes like the above from Mr. Lupton are not easy to swallow.  But the concept isn't new.  Our country has been made great in many ways through groups of disenfranchised folks who've somehow been empowered.   One of the problems is that those of us who have the power don't want to share it.

And I think this is equally true, not just in helping the poor, but in raising our kids.  Do we want to empower them - or just get them to shut up and be grateful?

Never do for the poor what they have (or could have) the capacity to do for themselves. 

This is equally true for a two year old who is struggling to put on his socks.

Giving to those in need what they could be gaining from their own initiative may well be the kindest way to destroy people.

If I have a 30 year old who's still living at home and I'm feeding him while he plays video games, maybe it will make him look at me as a cool parent - but am I really?

Developing the dependency-free zone is the real challenge.

On my daughers' 16th birthday her dad took her to get her driver's license.  On the way she had a flat tire.  He sat on the curb and encouraged her while she changed it.  She wasn't one bit happy about it at the time.  But that was over 20 years ago and she still remembers it as an empowering experience.

Personal involvement offers the best way to determine if our charitable investments are being put to good use. 

It's not about how much I do.  It's about why I do it and what the results are.  Hopefully,  they are ongoing, loving relationships - and empowerment.


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Books That Make Me Crazy

A couple of days ago I took the test of Facebook that shows what you know about books.  I scored higher that 84 per cent of the people who've taken the test which makes me a "Booketarian."  Not surprising because  I've been a life long reader.  Still am.  But I've heard from a few family members and friends who are also "Booketarians" and that doesn't surprise me either.

Some books - lots of them even - I don't particularly like.  Many of them are excellent,  I just don't care for the style or content.  That's OK.

But, occasionally, I read a book that I dislike so much that it seriously makes me crazy.   And sometimes I can't even articulate why.  I just want to start screaming.

Following is a list of four.  All from different decades, all extremely popular, all made into popular movies.

All made me crazy!

1.  Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach

This book was about a seagull (that's right, a seagull) learning about life and flight.  Here's a quote:  He was not bone and feather but a perfect idea of freedom and flight limited by nothing at all. 

I can just picture a guy quoting this as he jumps off a bridge.

2.  Bridges of Madison County by Robert James Waller

Right off the bat I felt tricked because the book insinuates it's a true story.  It's not.

It's about a bored middle aged farm wife and a photographer from the National Geographic (total strangers, by the way) having a four day affair.  Then they part and never see each other again.  This couple was played in the movie by Clint Eastwood and Meryl Streep.

I kept thinking that they would have to come up for air sometime to, you know, do some laundry or wash some dishes.  But no.  I guess I was overthinking  because here's one of the quotes:   Analysis destroys wholes...  If you look at their pieces they go away. 

The only good thing for me was that I got a lot of enjoyment out of making fun of the word "Sinewy" for a year or so.

3.  50 Shades of Grey (Trilogy) by E. L. James

In truth, I read only the first half of the first book.  That made me sufficiently crazy.  You would think it was the sex that did it.  But no.  It's the objectifying and torturing the woman.  And the message that "This is what we want  This is what we need."

The quote:  I'd like to bite that lip.

4.  Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn.

Not one good person in the entire cast of characters.  The quote:  There's something distrubing about recalling a warm memory and feeling utterly cold.

The movie, coming out soon,  stars Ben Affleck.


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My Right to Bare Arms

Toward the end of May I started doing water aerobics with my older lady friends (and one very secure in his masculinity man) in our condo pool.  Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday you can find us bobbing in the water.

Remember Molly Shannon on Saturday Night Live when she did her "older lady" routine saying:

I can kick and I can stretch and I'm 50!  50 Years Old!

My arm

It's fun but hard work.  I'm really proud of these folks.  We do a complete workout.  Aside from my week at the beach, I haven't missed a day.  Consequently I'm brown as a berry and, as I've told you before, I have fabulous arms.

This is significant because, as you know, I am 75 years old!  

Yesterday in church a couple of people complimented me on my short sleeve blouse.  They didn't say so but I think they were admiring my triceps. I have a friend, a real tough looking guy,  who trains boxers. We were talking and I flexed my arm for him and told him I'm ready for training.  Quick as a wink he said:

What do you want to box?  Apples or bananas?



***

Droopy Drawers

Young black men.  Scary.

Our nation has had another difficult week what with the Ferguson, Missouri events which have caused us Floridians to relive the Travon Marin tragedy.  Nationwide, there has been some good discussion about how to address our racial divide in more positive and creative ways and, perhaps, how police departments might modify their pursuit of macho, intimidating images.

White men of all ages.
Funny.

For instance, my beloved little village, Winter Park, Florida, has a tank.  I know this because I see it from time to time in the annual Christmas parade.

 Florida legislators haven't done much to address our racial problems but they've made great advances in Florida's "Droopy Drawers" law.  By the way, this law is being sponsored by Gary Siplin and Hazell Rogers, both black democrats.

While droopy pants may seem like a trivial and harmless issue, when they're worn by young black men, it scares us.  So something must be done.

On the other hand, when they're worn by white guys, it's funny.

Norge Repairman Dan Aykroyd
on SNL.  Very funny.  

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