Start by Saying Hello

I used to lead small groups. I used to teach others how to lead small groups. It's not rocket science.

I did it in all kinds of business situations, in museums, at the Space Center, in churches.

It's interesting that Randy Pausch, who wrote "The Last Lecture" - and was a computer scientist - also thought that leading small groups was important - even though some of his students found his tips to be beneath them.

But here's one of the reasons it's so important - if it's done right:

The truth emerges from the group - not the leader.

So how do we get the group comfortable enough to do this? Here are Randy's points. I like them, of course, because it's what I did as well.

- Meet People Properly: I'm amazed at how many meetings I (still) attend where people don't get introduced.

- Find Things You Have in Common: I usually try to make this happen by initially asking each person in the group a very simple, easy to answer, question that relates to what we're about.

- Try For Optimal Meeting Conditions: Have people face each other. Make sure the temperature is right, give them something to eat or drink. Make them comfortable.

- Let Everyone Talk: I find the best way to get that accomplished is the simple question at the beginning. It primes the pump. I've attended many small groups (less that a dozen people) where half the people never spoke.

- Praise Each Other: This starts with the leader genuinely praising the ideas of others.

- Phrase Alternatives as Questions: Instead of "I think "A," try "What do you think of "A?"

Although I'm basically kind of a shy person (honestly) I find that when I'm part of a small group where I feel safe and valued, especially by the leader, it's sometimes hard to shut me up.


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It's Bigger Than the Both of Us

OK, I miss my boyfriend. I came home to Florida early - mostly for family reasons and he's staying up North a little longer - for family reasons.

So it's a good thing.

Last night I watched "Casablanca" on PBS. It's probably the fourth time I've seen it all the way through. I loved every minute - every line. The first time, Humphrey Bogart's character, "Rick," seemed cynical and self serving. But on later viewings I realized that he has a self sacrificing moral compass all the way through.

The movie is a reminder that "putting others first" is difficult in this scary world but that's a choice all of us get the opportunity to make from time to time.

So the next time I talk to my Boyfriend I'm going to say:

I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of two little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world...Now, now... Here's looking at you kid.



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The Last Lecture

I belong to the coolest adult Sunday school class ever. We pretty much take turns teaching it. Last Sunday my friend led a discussion on "The Last Lecture." I was so moved that I went straight to Barnes & Noble and bought the book.

As many of you know, Randy Pausch, a professor at Carnegie Mellon, wrote this book. Carnegie Mellon asks a professor each year to give "The Last Lecture." Between the time Randy was invited to give the lecture and he actually gave it, he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and given only a few months to live.

Randy, a seriously handsome, super achieving, computer science professor with a beautiful wife and three small children, became an overnight sensation.

The book is, as you can imagine, extremely moving. I'll leave it to you to read it or just Google "Randy Pausch" if you want to know more. But I want to share one portion.

Randy was a nerdy "Star Trek" fan as a child and as an adult. I quote:

For ambitious young boys with a scientific bent, there could be no greater role model than James T. Kirk.

Mr. Spock was the smart one, Dr. McCoy had the medical knowledge, Scotty was the engineer - so what was Kirk's skill set? Leadership. He set the vision, the tone.

In the movie "The Wrath of Khan" we learned that Captain Kirk did not believe in the "no-win scenario."

A few years ago Randy Pausch met with William Shatner (who portrayed his idol, Captain Kirk) because Shatner was co-writing a book about how Star Trek foreshadowed today's technological advancements.

This year, after Shatner learned of Randy's diagnosis, he sent him a photo of himself as Kirk. On it he wrote. "I don't believe in the no-win scenario."

I don't either.

Randy Pausch died in July.


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Health Care

I hope that, after the convention wraps up tonight, all of the candidates will get back to dealing with some real issues - like health care.

I talked with a woman this morning who told me she couldn't afford to take her son to the doctor.

My brother, sister and I grew up with no health care. None. We had vaccinations from the health department so that we could start school. Otherwise, for the most part, we toughed out our childhood illnesses.

The results: After going through several artificial heart valves, my sister died way too young. My brother is deaf and has serious lung issues. When I was 30 years old I had life saving surgery to repair my inner ear. All of this misery resulted from untreated strep infections when we were children. Yes, this was after the discovery of antibiotics.

American children still go through a great deal of unnecessary suffering. Maybe not your children or my children - but many children. And we're all poorer for it.

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Wine Snobs

Some of my kids are wine snobs. That is to say they know and appreciate good wines. They've studied, have taken gourmet/wine tasting tours to Napa and Sonoma valleys and have hosted their own wine tasting parties.

I, on the other hand, like to have a glass of white wine in the evening. That's about as discriminating as I get. I've been drinking wine for about eight years. (Not constantly, just a glass or so some evenings.) Prior to that I was a teetotaler for my entire life.

On Labor Day I went with a friend (a former Baptist minister but she, too, likes a glass of wine occasionally) to see the Indy movie "Bottle Shock" staring Alan Rickman and Bill Pullman. I love Bill Pullman. He played the dad in this movie but he was still as sweet and sexy as all get out.

"Bottle Shock" is about the historic 1976 French wine competition that put California wines on the map because a California winery, Chateau Montelena, won the blind taste test.

Prior to that, French wines were IT! Afterwards, not only were American wines prized for the first time but wines from other countries became acceptable (even though they were the same wines they had always been producing.)

I'll never be a wine connoisseur, i.e., snob, but the movie was interesting, beautifully filmed, and taught me some things about wines as well as reminding me of how important it is for people to pursue their passion.

It was worth the price of the movie ticket to see Alan Rickman (who always plays a snob) struggle with eating a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken in his rental car. Not to mention having to drink fine Napa Valley wine from a jelly glass.


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Old Movie Theaters

When I was a kid growing up in Indianapolis I saw lots of movies, usually in the two neighborhood theaters that were within walking distance (about two miles either way.) But, occasionally we climbed on the trolley and went to one of the five downtown theaters. What a treat. They were architectural marvels - as grand as opera houses.

I distinctly remember my older sister taking me downtown to see the movie Three Little Words staring Fred Astaire, Red Skelton, Vera-Ellen (the world's smallest waist) and Arlene Dahl. It was 1950, when the downtown theaters were in their heyday. I could not have been any more impressed if I'd been in Buckingham Palace.

This month's Indianapolis Monthly magazine features one of these theaters. The Indiana is now a repertory theatre but it started out in 1927 as one of the great downtown movie theaters - with an upstairs ballroom for dancing. The building was designed by Preston Rubush and Edgar Hunter. They also designed the Circle Theater. The last movie I saw at the Circle was Psycho. I remember being scared to death.

The Indiana has retained the same facade with its urn of pomgranates at its crown and medallions of King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain, among other fancy things - including a working sundial.

If you're ever in Indianapolis, first drive around the Circle, then take a look at the Indiana Theatre.


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For Better or For Worse

Most of you know that I read every comic on the comic page of the paper most every day. My paper has only one page of comics but it's in color. I prefer other big city papers that have more comics in black and white.

Some comics are so clever and have such insight into human nature that they give me more life lessons than a lot of the other stuff I read every day. Comics like "Get Fuzzy," and "Pearls Before Swine" are cutting edge.

Older comics like "Zits," "Sally Forth" and "Doonesbury" give us a daily look into real life - especially family life.

One of my very favorite comics came to an end yesterday. For 29 years "For Better or For Worse" has given us a unique insight into real family life - in real time. We've lived through three generations of life with the Pattersons. We've seen the death of loved ones, (we learned to love them as well) births, broken love affairs, homosexuality, job loss, job triumphs, bad landlords,teen angst and much, much more. Through it all Ellie and John Patterson remained the strong, steady rock that only a solid marriage can create.

Yesterday the creator of "For Better or For Worse," Lynn Johnson, gave us the unusual gift of wrapping up the lives of each of the main characters. Very, very moving.

And here's the best news! The strip started all over again this morning. So, apparently, it's ours to enjoy again for the next 29 years.


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