Natural Born Caregivers

My sister in law and my niece are Natural Born Caregivers. My niece, a professional writer, would never admit to it - but she is. Just like her mom!

She has an hysterically funny blog called "Living With the Oldies." It's about taking her elderly, dying in laws into her home. But, guess what?, they got better and now spend their time driving her and her husband crazy.

But my niece has chosen to care for them. There's great POWER in choosing.

But it doesn't make it easy. Today's paper has an article about the cost in $$ of care giving.

Family members responsible for ailing loved ones provide not only "hands-on" care but often reach into their own pockets to pay for many other expenses of care recipients, including groceries, household good, drugs, medical co-payments and transportation.

OK, they forgot to mention the cost of:

• Falling down and bashing into walls, lamps, vases, etc.


• Ordering things over the telephone. (After three years I'm now down to only 48 bottles of liquid soap.)


• Throwing telephones, remotes, eyeglasses, etc. in the trash.

I could go on and on - but you get the picture. The yearly expense the article gave was between $5,000 and $8,000 per year. I'd call that a drop in the bucket.

But the worst is the toll it takes on the caregiver. Most in home caregivers die before the patient.

By the way, I'm a reformed Natural Born Caregiver.

My New Cell Phone

My cell phone died yesterday. It was only four years old.

The first thought somebody my age has is to get it fixed. But I'm no longer naive enough to think this is an option.

A couple of years ago my 37 year old juicer quit. I have warm, fuzzy feelings about it so I got out my bright yellow tool kit, took it apart, cleaned up the insides, and put it back together. Bingo! It works great.

But I can't do that with the phone. Last night I searched the Internet for the best option for me. Today I visited my cell phone outlet. The guy wanted to sell me the latest thing.

It's probably been out about 10 minutes!

But I had my ducks in a row. For 10 years my plan has cost $19.95 per month. I knew I needed to upgrade so I now have the $29.95 plan for customers over 65. My new phone was free.

It does not have a camera but I've never felt the need to take a picture with my phone.

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New Beginnings

When I was speaking before large groups I would often repeat one or both of the following truths:

• Everybody likes new beginnings.
• It's possible that the person you will love the most hasn't yet been born.

I just spent the last few days with one of the newest people on the planet - and her family.

Their livestyle is a bit different from mine (mainly faster) but I loved every minute I was with them. This new person is so fortunate to be born into this family - at this time in history.

How do you feel about babies being born today? A couple of weeks ago I was in a meeting with a man I respect who let us all know that this is a terrible time for children to grow up.

Guess I might agree if the child is born in Liberty City or Bangladesh. But even children born in hard places can have good lives if they're loved enough. And children born into wealthy cities, countries and families can have miserable lives.

Despite the billboards to the contrary, every child is not a blessing. I think the key is to truly want them.

I feel so profoundly grateful that this child is a blessing - and will be blessed her whole life.

She's perfect and mom is fine.

Let's Write a Book

About eight years ago I knew I was going to be stuck at home for a few months. My Real Husband was undergoing some medical procedures that prohibited him from being around crowds of people.

I needed to find something to do to keep my mind out of trouble.

I know, I'll write a book.

I decided that I wanted my book to be a personal love story about a couple who came to Florida 130 years ago. This required massive research. I loved doing it.

Loved discovering:

• What was going on right here on the exact spot where I live right now.
• How many of the little towns around me got their start. (My town was first called "Snow Station.")
• That Florida was as wild and woolly and had as many cattle and cowboys as Texas at one time.
• That Seminole Indians played a large part in Florida history.
• That Baptist and Methodist circuit riders and Catholic priests and nuns were in the forefront of settling Florida.
• How people lived. It was harsh, especially for women.

Most of all, it made me love my part of Florida. It's history is my history. My main characters, Cole and Catherine, had quite a ride.

During those months of writing I spent the day at the beach, swimming in the Atlantic Ocean. (One of my favorite things.) While I was bobbing up and down I began wondering what it would have been like to see the ocean from that exact spot a century ago.

So after I returned home I sent Cole and Catherine to the beach. They had to travel the first day by stagecoach. Then I had to get them across the Intercoastal Waterway.

What did I do with the book when it was finished? Not much. A few people have seen it. It needs massive editing.

But it doesn't matter. The joy was in the research and writing.

Things I Like to Look At

There is a book by Julia Cameron called "The Artist's Way." In it she's really high on "Morning Pages." Not just for writers but all who want to rediscover their creativity.

The last time I did the "Morning Pages" was in 2003. I did four pages every morning for six months. (she advocates more than that.)

This morning while I was all nervous waiting for my 10th grandchild to appear I looked at my "Morning Pages" journal.

On August 5, 2003, I wrote THINGS I LIKE TO LOOK AT. OK, I know this is reaching but YOU try writing morning pages every day.

Here's the list. I wrote fast - whatever came into my head. It's still true but I'd add more - like my Boyfriend's face.

• Beautiful old buildings


• Morgan Freeman


• My church


• My grandchildren


• All children


• Food that has been lovingly prepared


• An elegant table setting


• Snow scenes


• (My daughter) laughing


• The African American nurse in the dialysis center who's also a Pentecostal minister


• Ornate old hotel lobbies


• 42nd and Broadway


• My neighborhood


• Woodruff Place


• Brookside Park


• The Atlantic Ocean from New Smyrna Beach


• Park Ave


• The Statue of Liberty from a cruise ship

Contradictiion in Terms

Last night I attended a Hunger Banquet. "What's a hunger banquet?" you might ask. Yes, it sounds like a contradiction in terms.

When I stepped into the room I was escorted to one of three areas. In the middle were a few lavishly decorated tables with china, silver and elaborate flower centerpieces. At a larger area to the right were bare tables with paper plates and cups.

To the left was the largest area. No tables, no chairs. Just trash and garbage strewn all around on the bare floor. Most of the guests were escorted to that area. Me among them. We sat on the floor.

While we were within 10 feet of the rich diners we couldn't bother them because we were "guarded" by military men.

A large screen flashed world wide facts about hunger. The leaders did some cleaver things to further sensitize us.

After the rich group had finished their drinks and appetizers it was time for their main course. They were served first by fancy waiters.

The "bare table" group had to line up to serve themselves a simple meal.

We, the majority, were last. We got a small bowl of maze and a little cup of water. After we lined up a booming voice announced "Men at the head of the line. Women and children last." So we women fell back.

I'm glad I was in my group. I would have been so embarrassed to indulge myself in front of most of the people on this planet.

Changing Dynamics

I'm the biggest spoil sport when it comes to people having babies. I've been told that I take it way too seriously.

My daughter is having a baby today. My general feelings about people around the world having babies has nothing to do with the baby coming today.

This baby will have, by any standards you care to use, a magnificent upbringing.

The parents are "over the moon" about her momentary arrival.

I am as well - but I'll be so relieved when I get the word that "She's Perfect" and my daughter is fine too.

A few years ago these parents and I met in New York for a three day holiday. At that time they had one baby. It was winter. We walked the streets of New York, pushing the carriage in a light snow fall. We had lunch at Tavern on the Green then shared a carriage ride.

One night we put the baby to bed in their adjoining hotel room then the three of us crawled into the beds in my room and watched the hysterical Christopher Guest movie "Best in Show."

I remember being profoundly happy that night.

Today they will have their 4th baby - my 10th grandchild.

That particular New York experience will never happen again. But new ones will.