Kim Kardashian and I Have Something in Common

Kim Kardashian has a brain aneurysm.  It's all over the news and, frankly,  it's a welcome relief from that other news.  

In August I passed out on the kitchen floor.  This was the second time in two years.  I was all banged up for a while and had, of course, a massive amount of testing.  I was hoping and praying that they would discover something fixable. 

But no.  It's my ever present Meniere's Disease. The last test was an MRI of my brain, just to be sure.  But it came back fine.  Darn!

Except, upon examining the results (which I receive through my hospital portal) I saw the word "aneurism."  This may sound silly but I had a little wave of hoping this was a cause of my brain woes.  But my doctor explained that it was tiny and causing no problems.  It's less than the size of an apple seed.  

Aneurisms are not uncommon and most cause no harm.  I'll have further imaging in a year or so. 

Kim blames her aneurysm on her volatile relationship with her husband, Kanye West.  I've not yet decided who's responsible for mine. 

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Are You Safe?

 Many times, when my son calls, his first words are "Are you safe?"  He's teasing.  But, for much of my life I felt (because I was) "unsafe."  When I told this to my husband, David, he could not relate.  "What do you mean by 'safe?'" he would say.  But his upbringing, while nothing like mine, was equally as crazy. 

When I was raising my children the "unsafe" issue emerged often, but I was determined to raise strong, healthy, decision making, risk taking adults. 

Of course, I couldn't protect them from scary, tragic moments but I wanted them to have the tools to get through it.  

But there are worse things than feeling unsafe.  

Last week I read an ancient zen saying that moved me but I wasn't sure why.  I read it to a couple of people and it left them figuratively head scratching.  

But then, while I was walking around Lake Lily this morning , it came to me.  The Zen saying is the  polar opposite of of what I wanted for my children and for myself, and everyone else in my world.  But I see it around me all the time.  

Breaking the Jar

A man raised a baby swan in a glass jar, but as the bird grew it became stuck in the jar.  The man was caught now, for the only way to free the thing was to break the jar, killing the swan.        - Zen saying

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I'm a Wesleyan

In this uncertain time in history, I find myself, on a daily basis, dealing with two big questions.  

Who do I want to BE?  What do I want to DO?  As my friend told me this morning, "It ain't easy." 

I truly miss being able to get out and about,  I miss being able to lead groups of people, especially in the church.  Over the years I led many discussions 

 on the man, John Wesley,  who inspired the Methodist Movement.  

I used to tell women, "He was one of the greatest men who ever lived but you wouldn't want to marry him."  He was never home and didn't do small talk. 

We think we have big problems now, but Wesley was born in England in 1791.  This was a time when most of the Lords could barely sign their names and the common people had no education.  Three quarters of the children died before age 5.  The death rate exceeded the birth rate.  London was filthy and ill-lighted.  After dark, buckets of refuse were emptied from garret windows onto the streets below. 

And I have some problems with his mom, Susanna, even though she is beloved by most everyone who's heard of her.  But I try to give her a break because she was poor and had 19 children.  John was #15. 

So, what kind of theology did Wesley leave us folks who call ourselves United Methodists?  

Works of Piety and Works of Mercy.  Being and Doing.

The piety part would not surprise you.  Reading the Bible, praying, etc.  Except he did these things to the max.  Every day.  While riding a horse.

But the Works of Mercy are exceptional and not what most people would expect.  Here are a few:

Money.  No, he wasn't about giving away everything you have.  He was about being successful so that you can truly be a giver and not be a burden to others.  

"Gain all you can.  Save all you can.  Give all you can."

He wanted others to learn.  He valued the mind as God's most precious gift to us. So, in these days, when we wake up and hear the constant chatter of how this is the absolute worst time in history, I try to think about who I want to be today.  And what I want to do today.  

But it ain't easy.

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I'm Stll Curious

 

I haven't written a blog posting for a while.  Life keeps getting in the way.  The decade between ages 80 and 90 is filled with intrigue.  We have harrowing stories of near misses in terms of survival.  And, unfortunately, that's all some of us want to talk about.

But, one of the upsides of this decade is retaining an interest in each other's life stories.  Our whole, entire, life stories. 

Last week I visited with a friend who is moving away.  This very unassuming woman has had an amazing life filled with courage, sacrifice, defeat, victory,  and amazing accomplishments.   How do I know this?  Because we've been in groups over the years that have encouraged us to share our stories, including accomplishments and defeats and what we've learned.   And, just as important, listening to others. 

The picture above is a card she sent me after our visit. 

Everyone has a story, including, and especially, those of us who've lived for eight or so decades.

In the '70s I wrote a poem about a wife and mother who dumfounded others with her knowledge.  When asked how she knew all this she said "I used to be a professor at Georgetown University"  Why didn't her community know this?  They never asked!

Im still curious.  

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