I Can Make That Diagnosis For You

 

As he walked, he began to hear a ringing in his ears.  His body went numb and he had trouble controlling the movement of his legs and his fingers. 

The above is a quote from Adam Entous in his Annals of Espionage article in the New Yorker called Stealth Mode.  

Have you heard of the Havana Syndrome?  It's a set of symptoms that, around 2016, suddenly came upon a senior C,I.A. officer while she was in her hotel room in Havana after a secret meeting  with colleagues. 

...awoke with a start to a low humming noise and a feeling of intense pressure in her head......(later) she began to have trouble with her eyesight and her balance.

Since that time a number of government officials have had similar experiences.  Early in the Trump administration a senior official on the National Security Council was just outside the White House.

As he walked, he began to hear a ringing in his ears.  His body went numb, and he had trouble controlling the movements of his arms and legs. 

Other officials began having symptoms.

...being bombarded by waves of pressure in their heads.  Some said they heard sounds resembling an immense swarm of cicadas.....headaches; tinnitus; loss of vision and hearing; vertigo; brain fog; loss of balance and muscle control. 

....severe vertigo...vomiting...cognitive problems

There have been well over a hundred cases of  "Havana Syndrome ."  Why hasn't it been acknowledged and diagnosed?  Entous, in his article, suggests that there has been a massive misdiagnosis, coverup, and denial of what's actually happening.  The Havana Syndrome has been described as psychosomatic, groupthink, a mass psychogenic illness, etc.  And a major problem is that these government officials who've been made ill are not allowed to share information. 

Entous' article is excellent and scary.  I've been fascinated with the Havana Syndrome for a while since I share most of the symptoms.  While these people may not have Meniere's Disease, there is obviously something terrible going on.  And it's heartbreaking that it's not even acknowledged.

So, if you're one of these victims, I get that you may not accept my diagnosis because, well, I have no credentials whatsoever. But you might want to see my doctor.  After a few years of floundering around with medical experts shaking their heads and not getting it, my specialist diagnosed me in 10 minutes.  But the real relief was that he believed me. 

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Every Breath I Take

 

Every breath you take,   Every move you make,  Every bond you break,  Every step you take,  I'll be watching you.

These lyrics by The Police could seem reassuring or a little creepy depending on who's saying them.

I've had the word "Breathe" on my mind for several days.  It could be because I've just plowed through eight seasons of "Call the Midwife."  I've seen a baby being born every single day for several weeks.  Sometimes the baby isn't breathing and that first breath requires some assistance from the midwife.  

Or it could be that my niece is unwell and I'm thinking about and praying for her every day.  Her dad, my brother, died a few years ago after suffering for years with COPD.  Every breathe was a struggle.  

Or it could be because Ken Carter, bishop of the Florida Conference of the United Methodist Church, preached at my church this past Sunday.  This was Pentecost Sunday.  

The bishop first talked about the previous year and how it impacted all of our lives.  

Learning to breathe while wearing a mask. 

 Needing a ventilator.  

George Floyd.

"I can't breathe."

Acts 2 (the Pentecost story) tells us about how, a few weeks after Jesus died and was resurrected, his followers were kind of depressed.  They still didn't quite get it.  So on this day, amid a big crowd of people the Holy Spirit blew through with a "sound like the blowing wind."  and empowered them.  This story is mysterious.  Many, if not most of us don't quite get Holy Spirit thing.  For me, being "empowered" is what it's all about.  Women, especially  in my age group, are generally uncomfortable with the concept of empowerment.  But acknowledging it has changed my life in significant ways.

And even now, at my age and stage,  most of the time, I feel empowered. 

Breathe on me breathe of God, Fill me with life anew. 

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u

Nomads

 Nomad - A member of a people having no permanent abode, a person who does not stay in the same place. 

Under the umbrella of the United Methodist Church is a group called Nomads.  They travel around the country in their RV's to do volunteer mission work.  I remember that, years ago, they used to come to the Children's Home here in Central Florida to do odd jobs, including changing out every light bulb in every building and cottage.  They parked in a wooded area and spent their evenings cooking out and having fun. 

This is not about them.  

Some new retirees, including friends of mine, buy themselves a fancy RV and travel around the country for two or three years.  There's a fancy RV storage facility close by called "Adult Toys" where you can stash your RV when you're not traveling. 

This is not about them. 

This is about a film called Nomadland that has earned countless awards including four Oscars.  Did I love it?  That would not be the word I'd use.  This film is beyond sad, bleak and depressing. Almost nothing happens.  The dialogue is sparse.  The landscape is beautiful in a way - but fiercely sad. 

So why watch it?  It focuses on a woman named Fern.  She is one of a growing number of older Americans who, due to no fault of their own, a stable existence is unaffordable.  It stars one of my favorite actors ever, Frances McDormand.  

Fern and her husband worked in a factory and had a good life.  Then, around 2011, the factory shut down. Then the town shut down.  Then Fern's husband died, leaving her unable to make her mortgage payments. So Fern, like countless of other older folks, sold and gave away everything she had and jumped into her old van which she'd tricked out herself, and took to the road.  

One of the first things Fern does on screen is pee outside on a freezing day.  Later on we see that she has a big paint can (with lid) as a toilet.  She has fixed up her tiny space herself, including a way to heat up her chicken noodle soup that she eats from the can.

She occasionally meets up with other older folks to share meals and news about temp jobs.  Fern does have some options.  When she's forced to stay with her sister while her van is being repaired, they invite her to stay on.  But she declines.  When asked if she is homeless she says, not homeless, just houseless. 

So why is this film important?  Because it's not just Fern, it's about thousands of older Americans living itinerant lives.  It's about the failure of the American dream for many of us oldies who've worked hard all of our lives. 

I can relate to Fern's fierce independence.  But one of the things totally lacking in her life is safety.  If you've never felt unsafe it's hard to understand the terror it can bring on.  I love touting the good things about growing old.  And there are many.  But being old, alone and poor is the pits.

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