My Mission

In this very serious time of year leading up to Easter, I've been thinking about the meaning of life.  Especially the meaning of my life - at this stage of my life.

I've shared with you several times the remarkable writing of my old friend, Jim Whinnie.  Jim has Alzheimer's but he's still very active as a writer, Methodist minister and all the other roles he carries including his presence at a monastery from time to time.

The other day he quoted a nun, saying words that resonated with me in a profound way.  Jim was ending his visit at the monastery and he writes:

As I type these words, I sit in an airport waiting for my flight to be called.  And beside me is my vigilant guide, Sister Rosa.  I told her I would be fine...but she answered..."It is my mission to guide you safely home and that is what I will do."

And so I say to a precious few people in my life...If I manage to outlive you..."It is my mission to guide you safely home and that is what I will do."

***

Old Hair

The amount of maintenance involving hair is genuinely overwhelming.  Sometimes I think that not having to worry about your hair anymore is the secret upside of death.
-Nora Ephron,  I Feel Bad About My Neck


I was looking at last month's AARP Magazine yesterday, which, by the way, I love.  In it was a little article by Maya Massar, an actress and artist who lives in Southern California.

Maya's article is called "Going Gray."  She's 55 years old.  This is her photo.  She's advocating going gray but she doesn't hold anything against those of us who choose to color our hair.

Are you kidding me?

This woman is gorgeous and has gorgeous hair.  My niece has hair just like this.  So does my daughter.  It doesn't matter what color it is, it's gorgeous.

Let's give Maya another twenty years.  Then she may be trying to figure out what color will help camouflage the little bald spots that keep popping up or what color will camouflage the many interesting (but not necessarily attractive) new spots that appear on her face.  Let's remind Maya that for every hair she loses on her head she may gain one on her chin.

Nora Ephron, who's quote is above, tells the story about having a luncheon in Manhattan for Jean Harris the day after she was released from prison.  Jean had been put away for killing her lover, the Scarsdale Diet Doctor.  Of all of the women assembled to welcome Jean home, all approximately the same age, the only one with white hair was Jean, who was fresh out of prison.

On the other hand,  I was with an old friend on Tuesday.  She's very old.  She'd led an amazingly interesting life.  She's come through several bouts of cancer.  She was standing before us, leading us in singing old hymns.  After many rounds of chemo she is essentially bald on top.  What little hair she has is white.

She is beautiful.


***

Abolition Women

On Wednesday I met a young woman I knew to be a social worker but she was introduced to me as an abolitionist.

That's because she is in the forefront helping eradicate the sex trafficking going on in our state right now.

I had just the day before finished reading "The Invention of Wings" so I said to her, "you must know the Grimke sisters."

She did.  Not because she'd read Sue Monk Kidd's book about them but because Sarah and Angelina Grimke were pioneer abolition women in putting and end to slavery and advocating women's rights.

Raised in South Carolina in the early 1800s, the Grimkes could have spent their lives as rich, privileged southern women.  But that wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

On her 10th birthday, Sarah Grimke was given a gift all wrapped up in blue ribbons.  It was her own personal slave.  Somehow this did not seem right to Sarah.

She also had ambition.  This would not be tolerated in a southern woman.  Here is how her mother explained it in the book:

Every girl comes into the world with varying degrees of ambition...The truth...is that every girl must have ambition knocked out of her for her own good...and so it came to this, to being broken like a horse.

But, fortunately, it didn't work.  Sarah and Angelina Grimke went on to be a remarkable force for freeing slaves and for freeing women.  But at a huge price.  They gave up everything, money, privilege, marriage and children.

When my daughter was in law school she had a colleague who made a lot of noise every time I saw her about how she was opposed to the feminist movement.  I always wanted to remind her of women like the Grimke sisters, and so many others along the way, (including me) who sacrificed themselves in order for her to become a lawyer.

Thank you Grimke sisters.  And thanks to the abolitionist I was introduced to on Wednesday.

***

The Queen of Versailles Revisted

Jackie and the old house.

On September 9, 2012, I wrote a blog posting titled "The Queen of Versailles."  Well, It was more of a rant than anything else.

Jackie and David Siegel were featured in a documentary about the new house they're building.  The house, "Versailles," at 90,000 feet is about the size of a shopping mall and reportedly will have 17 kitchens and 30 bathrooms.

The documentary made the Siegels look like absolutely terrible people.  Not to mention clueless.  But it also made them rich(er) and famous.  Jackie has been doing her best to further her career in show biz ever since.  And now, according to the front page of today's Orlando Sentinel, she's on her way.

Earlier this week she was at our world famous - all gay all the time - Parliament House resort with a camera crew filming as she judged a drag queen contest.  Jackie says that drag queens will be part of her next endeavor.

Also (despite the fact that David says he hates show business) the Siegels recently filmed a promo for a celebrity-wife-swap show.

I guess all this is easier than enrolling in Yale School of Drama.

But back to the houses, Jackie says that they will keep their old house as well as the new because, with eight kids, "some of us may live at Seagull Island and some at Versailles."


***

Dave's Art Group

Dave's art at a showing in
Minneapolis

Dave goes to an art group on Tuesdays and another art group on Wednesdays.  When he lived in Minneapolis (for about 50 years) he did most of his art with a friend.  They did a number of shows together.  Dave's art always sold well.

But that's over.  Showing ones art is expensive (framing) and time consuming.  Dave loves being with his new friends.  He loves people.  The other day a new person; a beautiful, young Korean woman, showed up in the group.   Following is their conversation as Dave explained it to me.

Dave:  "Are you married?"

Beautiful Korean Woman:  "No."

Dave:  "Would you like to be married?"

Apparently there was some hesitation on the BKWoman's part but she essentially said:  "Yes."

Dave:  "Well, maybe I can help you out.  There is a Korean Congregation that meets at my Methodist church."

BKWoman:  "Why would I want to go to your Korean church?"

Dave:  "You know, to meet one of your people."

BKWoman:  "What are you talking about?  I'm Baptist."

Dave's latest. 

Dave thoroughly enjoyed this interchange.  He loves the interesting folks in his art group.  And no pressure to prepare for shows.  He paints for his own pleasure.


***

Maya Lin

Maya Lin is an artist and architectural designer.  At age 21 she won the contest to design the Viet Nam wall.  She had designed the wall as a project for a class at Yale, never realizing it would propel her into controversial fame for the next several decades, including sending the art world into a spin.

2x4 Landscape

Yesterday Dave and I went to the Orlando Museum of Art to see Maya Lin's exhibit called "A History of Water."  One of Maya Lin's passions is the environment.  She believes, like many of us, that we are headed for a huge water crisis.

A body of water, showing depth and
 pollution.

I was prepared to do some major eye rolling because the largest and most controversial part of the exhibit is a sculpture covering an entire room and made from 72,000 pieces of 2x4 wood.  By the way, these pieces are not interconnected.  Instead of rolling my eyes I was filled with emotion.  I was mesmerized.

Everything else we saw dealt directly with water; rivers, oceans and so forth.  A mind boggling, sad and beautiful experience.  All designed to move and educate us.

In Forum this morning, guess what was on the agenda?  Water!

Rain drops.


***

The Three Wise Guys

A Muslim, a Christian and a Jew walk into a bar....

No, it's not a joke.  It's our local three wise guys, Iman Muhammad Musri, Rabbi Steven Engel and The Reverend Bryan Fulwider.  They have a local radio show on NPR on Sunday nights.

In it they do not scream obscenities at each other as you might think they would (or should.)   They laugh a lot, learn from each other and help us learn more about these three major religions of the world.

Dave and I heard them speak at our Act II program yesterday.  They were attractive, funny, self effacing scholars, and obviously good friends.

Of course the question got asked that always gets asked when they're out and about.  This time it was asked by a kind and thoughtful engineering professor:

Why don't Muslim leaders around the world denounce the atrocities committed by ISIS and others? The answer is they do.

I've seen Iman Musri answer this question several times.  Each time he is patient, kind,  thoughtful and thorough in his response.

The Three Wise Guys believe in civility.  As you know,  civility is big with me.  I think it's possible with husbands and wives, nation and nation and every person and group in between.

I think it's what will bring about Shalom!

Thank you Wise Guys

***

Quality of Life - All My Life

In order to have a good quality of life we all need some sort of "Assisted Living."    Busy,  successful folks have lawn service, dry cleaning picked up and delivered,  house cleaners and so on.  Others of us just help each other out.

It takes a little different turn when we need the assist because we are declining.  But the fact is, we need other people to assist us all through our lives.

And the opposite is true, I need to assist others if I want to be fulfilled as a human.  We all need a cause beyond ourselves.  I need a reason to get out of bed in the morning besides just having fun and watching old Seinfeld reruns.

We're having some great discussions in the "Being Mortal" class I'm currently facilitating.  Yesterday I threw out three questions for discussion.  My son, Scott, sent them to me.  They're from MIT AgeLab and are designed to help facilitate a successful (financial) retirement.  But they can be used any time we make a change, especially as we move from the big house to the condo or from the condo to assisted living.  Here they are:

1.  Who will change my light bulbs?  Who will take care of the physical things I used to do but can't or don't want to do anymore?  When I moved into my condo almost 20 years ago I made sure it was well run.  It looks better now than it did then.  If or when I need to go to some sort of assisted living, how it's maintained is important.  I, or somebody representing me, needs to check it out.

2.  How will I get an ice cream cone?  How will I still be able to go to places that are meaningful to me?   I'm an urban person.  Our condo is close to almost everything.  It's in the interstate corridor.  But for the last couple of years I've been balking at traveling out to the university to see plays and eat with friends.  I still love to do it but the commute is hard and getting home at midnight is too.

If I ever have to go to "the Home," having transportation, (not just to the doctor's office but to the theater, church, library, museums, etc.) will be extremely important for my quality of life.

3.  Who will I have lunch with?  I love a huge number of people.  But not all of them are stimulating.  And I'm a woman who needs lots of stimulation.  I need to be with folks who have open minds and open hearts.  I have that now - and I don't ever want to lose it.

So pondering these three questions if or when moving time comes will be helpful, indeed.


***

Independence

If you know me,  you know I'm a pretty independent person.

I don't need help.  I'm fine, thank you very much!

This morning my minister, Gary, continued the Lenten sermon series titled "Giving Up Chocolate."  His topic was "Independence."  

Thanks, Gary.

He began by using his sermon as an example of his independence.  It's a one man job!  He was into about two minutes of explaining this to us when the entire choir got up in a huff and walked out!

Then the other two ministers walked out!  One of them was Gary's wife!

He soldiered on.  The lights went out.   Then the sound went off.

This bit of self deprecating humor - which Gary, although he's a quiet person, is very good at - made the point.   We need God.  We need other people.

"Even The Lone Ranger had Tonto!"


***

Time To Give It Up?

Harrison Ford, age 72

In my class "Being Mortal" which I am loving because there are such interesting, open, smart people showing up - we, just this Wednesday, discussed having to give up some things we used to do.  In fact, some things we used to be very good at.

Several folks volunteered information about what they've given up, including Dave who has had to give up golf.

It's good if we can admit it, mourn the lose, and move on.

And now I see that one of my favorite movie stars, Harrison Ford, had to crash his small, vintage plane into Penmar Golf Course near Santa Monica, when the engine failed right after take off.

We know that Mr. Ford is an excellent pilot (see his 2002 film "Just Another Pilot" if you don't believe me.)  In an area of home and shopping centers, he managed to find the safest place to land.

Not just for the open space but it was a golf course so doctors were there.

Various reports are coming out about how badly he was hurt.  I'm sure we'll hear lots more in the next 24 hours or so.

I'm not suggesting that it's time for Mr. Ford to give up flying.  He showed superior skill in bringing the plane down.  But maybe he'll replace this plane with a much newer and a little bigger model.

Get well, Harrison Ford.


***

Absence of Malice

As you know, I love newspapers.  I think investigative reporting is a big cornerstone in keeping us on the right track as a nation.

But this morning's paper disturbed me a bit by publishing a quote from a woman who is running for mayor.  She used an unfortunate politically incorrect word that supposedly paints her as racist.  When, actually, she was making the opposite point.

Last week Dave and I watched the 1981 movie "Absence of Malice"  This is a legal definition of what must be present for newspapers and others to go after folks and not be prosecuted:  An "Absence of Malice."

When this movie came out in '81 I remember newspapers across the country protesting.  In it Paul Newman plays the nephew of a Mafia guy who is pressured by the D.A. and a reporter (played by Sally Field.)  He is innocent but he loses everything, even his fragile friend who commits suicide.

That's the first half of the film.  In the second half Newman turns the tables.  It culminates with one of the best scenes ever when Wilford Brimley (the oatmeal guy) comes to town and cleans house.  One of the most satisfy scenes ever!

I hope this morning's paper had an absence of malice in the way the story was written about the women who is running for mayor.

I know she had an absence of malice in her poor choice of words.


***

Naples, Florida

We just spent three days in Naples.  It's down in the southwest corner of Florida.  I'd never been there prior to knowing Dave.  It's not a place you drive through to get to someplace else.  There's only Marco Island below Naples and it's kind of like Naples, Jr.

Dave's from Minneapolis and lots of folks in Minneapolis go to Naples for a few months in the winter.  That makes sense.  Naples is a tropical paradise all year long.  We were visiting with Dave's old golfing buddies and others.  All really nice and fun folks.

Naples is astoundingly beautiful!  It's what God might have designed if he had the money.  It's one of the 6th wealthiest cities in the United States.  The median value of homes in Florida is $148,000.  In Naples it's $620,000.  And there are homes in excess of $40,000,000.

I heard a minister of a Methodist church in Naples say, a while back, that his people don't want to go to heaven - because Naples IS heaven!

Or maybe it's God's waiting room!  The vast majority of people  look like Dave and me - only much better dressed and coiffed.

They're everywhere.  But don't look for young hipsters, or children or families.  They're few and far between.

The only working folks are the ones waiting on us.  The downtown area is like this:  upscale retail store, upscale restaurant, financial institution, museum, (repeat.)

So, what's the problem?

- For working people the economy is boom in the winter and bust in the summer - when everybody heads back North.

-The working folks (not just the "working poor") can't afford to live in Naples.  They must leave and come back every day.

-50% of Collier County children live below the poverty line.

Naples is "heaven" only if you are old, white and rich.   Otherwise, it can be a pretty cold and difficult place to be.


***