Cook Books

What is it about us and cook books?  We love them.  I have friends who've given up cooking and have given up books - but still keep their cook books.

A few days ago my niece sent me this book, written by her friend from high school.  I have read every word and drooled over every photograph.  Will I make the recipes?  Probably not.  I don't make fancy things anymore.  But reading the book is pure pleasure.

The writer's name is Kristen Frederickson.  The photographer is her daughter, Avery Curran.  They are a dream team.

Pork Chops Steeped in Mango,
Papaya and Pineapple with
Barbecue Sauce

Here are a few things I especially like about the book:

The sheer number of beautiful photos, not only of the food, although every recipe is presented as a work of art, but pictures of family and of their homes in London and Connecticut.

The writing:   When Kristen describes "Sauteed Parcels of Chicken Stuffed with Mozzarella, Spinach and Bacon" she says, This dish is an excuse to gather together some of our family's favorite ingredients and marry them off.

Farfalle with Broccoli

She titled a poultry dish "Lillian Hellman Chicken"  because it's made with mayonnaise. Her family always eats it with a cheesy spinach casserole she's titled, "Dashiell Hammett Spinach."  (FYI, Hammett and Hellman were quite a literary pair.)

In describing an extremely complicated "Classic Cassoulet," Kristen begins by saying, This recipe is for when you want to make a bit of a fuss.

When Kristen describes "Grandpa Jack's Grilled Potatoes with Vidalia Onions" she takes us to her father-in-laws' back yard in Iowa where she's standing on a "hot, golden evening" with an icy glass of Scotch.

This is the kind of book you enjoy receiving from somebody you love.  Because that's what it's about:  Love.

But if you haven't yet received it, you can find it on Amazon.  Give it to yourself.


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Taking the Back Seat

The Academy Awards were last night and, right out of the box, J.K. Simmons won for best supporting actor for his movie "Whiplash."  I thought his acceptance speech might be about how he's been a character actor for 40 years; third or forth banana on Law and Order and The Closer and many others of my favorite TV shows.

But it wasn't.  His speech was about family and how we should all call our moms and dads and listen to them for as long as they want to talk.

I thank J. K. Simmons for that.  We went to dinner with my son and his wife the other night.  All four of us talked and, more importantly, all four of us listened.  It was a wonderful evening.

The other day I was talking with my friend who recently lost her husband after a long illness.  She, of course, was his caregiver.  I know her family has been taking good care of her since the death.  I asked how she was.  She said "fine."  I asked her to tell me what's really hard.  She said:

"Taking the back seat."

I knew exactly what she was saying...both figuratively and literally.  When she goes on outings with her kids - she's no longer driving.  She's no longer even in the front seat.  She's in the back seat with the kids.

In the meantime, 60 year old J. K.Simmons will no longer be in the back.  He's clearly in the drivers seat, finally.


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Lenten Selfie

Selfie from Ash Wednesday
service yesterday commemorating
the beginning of Lent.

I'm getting ready to lead a 5 week class titled "Being Mortal" in which we'll be encouraged to face the
fact that "yes, we're all gonna die!"   But, for those of us who believe in afterlife, we are mortal and, yet, immortal.

Lent is a time to be introspective.  Yesterday at my churches' Ash Wednesday service, my minister Rev. Gary talked about the book of Lamentations.  It's a downer.  In it Jeremiah wrote all these poems about the awful devastation of Jerusalem, including the slaughter of human beings.  Besides that, this guy Jeremiah was chronically depressed.

We're not called to be depressed during Lent.  But we are encouraged to think serious thoughts and to deal with suffering - in our lives and the lives of others, and the life of Christ.

Not to mention the fact that we're all gonna die!

Gary helped us understand that Lamentations isn't the only place we can find these references to suffering.  He gave us a little quiz - using the big screen - about our knowledge of the Bible and Taylor Swift.  For instance, where did the following quotes come from:  Lamentations or Taylor?

You're like a lion ready to pounce.

Your knives and swords are weapons that you use against me. 

Her foes have become her masters; her enemies are at ease. 

Gary was giving us kind of a fun way of dealing with the fact that suffering and death abounded in the Old Testament - but suffering and death abounds today as well.

If you want to look up the answers to the the quotes above, go to this website.

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Calendar Daze

If you picture me kicking and screaming as I move into technology, you would be correct.  But I learn what I need to learn and do what I need to do.

One thing I don't do is use the calendar on my phone.  I use my day planner.  Every day I open my big black book (that never leaves my home) to see what's up.  Generally speaking, if it's in the book it happens.  If it's not in the book it doesn't happen.

The day planner relieves stress.  If I'm doing something important on Friday, my calendar tells me what to do each day of the week to get ready for it.  Decades ago, when I was doing seminars on time management and leadership I advocated the day planner as an important tool.

And now I read in business section of this morning's Orlando Sentinel that Lee Cockerell, former VP at Disney World and now an expert on leadership, time management and professional development, uses and advocates the day planner.  He says:

I think one thing I've seen recently is that a lot of people have gone to try to use their phone instead of a day planner, where they can look at it and look at things they need to be working on and think about what they ought to be spending their time on today.

More and more I'm getting notes back from people saying they're going to go back to a planner.  When you're talking on the phone you can't get into your task list and when you're looking something up on your phone you can't easily get to your task list. 

Exactly!

My day planner page from this week in 2014.  Had Cataract surgery on Tues. Guess that's why I washed my fuzzy robe on Monday.  Lots of prep notes.

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Now You Tell Me!

For several weeks my ministers have been preaching a series on parenting using Leslie Leyland Fields book, Parenting is Your Highest Calling and 8 Other Myths That Trap Us in Worry and Guilt. 

I shared about the first sermon of this series in a posting titled Messy Families. Who has messy families?  That would be all of us.  This morning we heard the fifth and final sermon in the series.  Rev. Jayne used Myth # 6, "You Represent Jesus to Your Children."

She started out by telling us how, when she had her baby at age 38, and the baby had colic for four months, she did not always represent Jesus.  Then she showed a short Jimmy Fallon youtube video where Jimmy does a man-on-the-street interview asking sweet little kids "What is the Worst Thing You Heard Your Mommy Say?"  Here's the link if you want to watch it.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=emQTGwAZpa8

What's the point?  We're all flawed and broken.  Most of us want to be the best parents ever but society and - especially - our ideas of what God wants - put way too much pressure on us.

Here are some other titles in the book.  Remember, these are MYTHS!

Having Children Makes You Happy and Fulfilled.

Nurturing Your Child is Natural and Instinctive.

Good Parenting Leads to Happy Children. 

You Always Feel Unconditional Love For Your Children.


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Vaccinations

I took my troubles down to Madame Rue

You know that gypsy with the gold-capped tooth,

I told her that I was a flop with chics

I've been this way since 1956

She looked at my palm and she made a magic sign

She said "What you need is Love Potion Number Nine."

I didn't know if it was day or night

I started kissing' everything in sight

But when I kissed a cop down on Thirty-Fourth and Vine

He broke my little bottle of...Love Potion Number Nine.    (Written by Mike Stoller and Jerry Leiber)

Yesterday, my daughter asked me why I haven't written a blog posting about vaccinations. Clearly, as we learn from the lyrics of this song, not every potion is good for us - but the vaccination controversy is clear as well.  We need them.  They are safe.  Get vaccinated.

I'm old enough to remember my friend in an iron lung, another friend deeply scared (for life) with measles,  the baby down the block dying from whooping cough, and so on.  

So I'm not even going to address the baby and child needs.  Let's talk about us oldies:

Shingles cause indescribable pain, sometimes for months or years.  We usually get shingles when our immune systems are down.  Don't let this happen.  Get your herpes zoster vaccine.

Influenza - Sometimes we think we have the flu when it's really just a cold.  Flu is miserable and can kill us.  Yes, the vaccine wasn't great this year but I had the "real" flu once and wouldn't think of not having my shot. 

Pneumonia - Do you remember when pneumonia was called "The old man's friend" because it was what finally killed old people who had other serious issues?  Pneumonia is not your friend.  Get the vaccine. 

Hepatitis - I had the vaccine when I went to work for the Children's Home.  If you're susceptible, get it. 

Travel Vaccines - I've heard folks complain about all the shots recommended when they visit exotic places.  But even George Clooney wishes he'd taken his medicine before he got malaria. 

I'll end with this little love poem:

Kisses spread germs

And how I hate 'em

But kiss me kid,

I'm vaccinated! 

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On Demand

On our trip to Indianapolis a couple of weeks ago we used Uber to get around.  It's great once you get signed up and get the app on your phone. Type in where you're going.  Uber already knows exactly where you are.  Each time I've used it, the wait time has been about 10 minutes.  Each time a friendly guy has shown up in a car (much nicer than mine) and taken me where I wanted to go.

Here in Orlando there is currently a big Uber fight going on, as there has been in almost every big city in the world.  Of course, the taxi drivers don't like it.  One of my friends chided me for using Uber and denying a cabby his or her service.

I get it.

But "on demand" services are here and the shift is taking place whether we oldies like it or not.  Uber, valued at over 40 billion dollars, is the most successful ride sharing service , but there are others right behind like Lyft, Sailo and Blablacar.

We've all seen the adds for Lending Club.  You can get dressed up and go beg your bank for a loan or stay in your PJ's and find one on your computer.  Through an app you can rent out your driveway when parking is an issue or rent an apartment in Europe.  Or, if you have solar panels, you can sell your excess electricity to a utility.

But, yes, there are down sides, like no pensions, health insurance and vacation days.

One of my favorite columnists, Joel Stein,  wrote a very funny and very serious article in this week's Time Magazine about the new on-demand economy.  He says that some of the changes in society that have propelled this phenomena are the fact that more than half the world's population now lives in cities.  But, more importantly, we are becoming a people who want less stuff and more experiences.  He says, "...the homes of rich people and millennials are increasingly stark; only poorer people are still piling up stuff in their guest showers and storage units...Almost all happiness studies show that experience increases contentment far more than purchases do."

Joel Stein tried offering several of the "on demand" services from his own home.

I've always wondered (Joel says) if I could be a restaurant chef.  So, through a Tel Aviv-founded company called EatWith, I'm charging eight strangers $35  each to dine at my house in Los Angeles...No one seems disturbed that a 5-year old boy, my son  Laszlo, is the main waiter.

Toward the end of his article he says,  My car...is still being driven around by some mad Italian woman with no clue how to operate the transmission.  But, all in all, Joel had positive experiences.

To me, the point is, how we obtain services is changing.  How it shifts and how it becomes a fair playing field is yet to be determined.


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Kevin Kline

I love the actor Kevin Kline.  The other day when Dave and I were playing cribbage and talking about our day I mentioned that I hadn't seen a Kevin Kline movie in many years and I was a bit sad that he never became really rich and really famous.

Later on I Googled him.  Wow, was I wrong!

Kevin Kline has made 47 movies, won an Oscar, and has been inducted into the American Theatre Hall of Fame.

For your future viewing pleasure, I've made you a list of my six favorite KK movies:

1.  A Fish Named Wanda.  This movie was totally crazy and fun.  Also the one for

Oscar for "Fish"

which he won the Academy Award.

 2.  The Big Chill  This was a serious movie about relationships and suicide.  It has one of my favorite movie lines of all time - and one I've used often.  When one of the women tells Jeff Goldblum she's afraid that when she dies nobody will come to her funeral, he replies, "I'll come and I'll bring a date."

Another interesting "Big Chill" fact is that the other famous Kevin actor, Costner, was cut out of the film at the last minute.  We only see him lying in a coffin.

3.  In and Out  KK plays a high school drama coach who is gay but doesn't know it until one

of his former students, a movie star, thanks his "gay" high school teacher for his start.  This is a very sweet and funny movie.

4.  Dave  KK plays the president of the United States (sort of) opposite the extremely tall Sigourney Weaver.  My Dave and I watched this movie yesterday afternoon and enjoyed every minute of it.

5.  De-Lovely  The tragic story of Cole Porter with KK in the lead role.  One of the reasons I loved it was hearing Cole Porter's music sung by several exceptional singers including the great Elvis Costello.

And now for my favorite Kevin Kline movie and one of my favorite movies, period!

6.   Life as a House  KK has made many movies about the triumph of the human spirit but this one is over the top.  His character has lost everything, his family, his job, his health (he's dying) but through the metaphor of building a house,  everything changes.  Well, in the end he still doesn't have a job, and his wife's still married to another man, and he's still dying - but everything is good!

I've used this movie many times in speaking to groups about overcoming!

The last thing I read about Kevin Kline is that he's making a new movie (his 48th) and his net worth is about 35 million dollars.  Guess I've stop feeling bad for him.


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Devotionals

I pretty much read a devotional every day - and have for decades.  There are plenty out there.  Some of them bore me silly.  Some of them make me angry.  Some of them give me strength for the day and help me grow as a human being.

I'm a fairly logical, left brain person.  I'm turned off by religious platitudes.

For the last several years, along with other spiritual readings, there is one devotional that I've read over and over.  It is:

A Life of My Own - Meditations on Hope and Acceptance by Karen Casey

It's not even a Christian devotional, per se.  It was written for Hazeldon in 1993 and is an introduction  to the philosophy that under-girds twelve-step recovery.  It's written for families of alcoholics and those who are drug addicted.

I don't have a particular person in my life who fits that description, that I know of.  But here is how it's helped me:  I used to believe that I could change other peoples' situations.  I could save them spiritually and physically and every other way.  And my needs were always secondary because I believed that that was what God wanted.

When people asked for help I would charge in.  When my husband, Ken, was first given a terminal diagnosis,  I felt I could turn it around.  I would like to do this with everybody.  But I cannot.  The best I can do is love them and live my own life.  This book, like no other, has taught me that.

It is spiritual.  It's made clear that the basis for everything is a belief in God and an understanding that I am not in control of the universe - or much of anything else.  What a relief!

Here's one of the readings.  It's worth several hundred dollars at the psychiatrist's office.

DETACHMENT DOESN'T MEAN DENYING COMPASSION

Approaching life with detachment many seem cold at first.  We are accustomed to offering lots of help to other people.  Thus the first few times we back off from what has become our natural inclination we feel uncomfortable. 

...we are learning so much about ourselves.  For example, we never knew that we attained much of our worth from how we took care of others.  Detachment doesn't mean we stop loving them.  We are discovering that letting them be wholly in charge of themselves is really far more loving.  And it doesn't mean we can't have deep feelings of care and concern.  We simply need to stop doing for others what they need to do for themselves. 

Thought for the day:  I will evaluate my need for taking care of a friend's problem today.  Letting others take care of themselves is far more loving.


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New Ideas About Getting Older

Cess 76, Dave 82

Two days before my husband, Ken, died we took a little joy ride in my son-in-law's yellow convertible.  Ken was no longer able to speak but he loved the ride.  So did I.

Of course, if he'd been in a nursing home or the hospital, that would never have happened.  Nor would he have been allowed to eat cake every morning for breakfast, which he did up until the time he stopped eating altogether.

But I had to fight lots of rules and even break a few to make this happen.

There's a new movement afoot challenging the way older people's decisions get made.  Mainly, some of us think that we should get to make them ourselves.

I'll be leading a discussion class on this subject soon using Dr. Atul Gawande's excellent book Being Mortal - Medicine and What Matters Most in the End.   Following are a few quotes from the book.

I learned about a lot of things in medical school, but mortality wasn't one of them....Our textbooks had almost nothing on aging or frailty or dying. 

As I pass a decade in surgical practice and  become middle-aged myself, I find that neither I nor my patients find our current state tolerable.

There is arguably no better time in history to be old.

...for most of our hundred-thousand-year existence-all but the past couple of hundred of years-the average life span of human beings has been thirty years or less. 

This is what it means to have autonomy-you may not control life's circumstances, but getting to be the author of your life means getting to control what you do with them.

I'm anticipating a rich discussion.


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