The Power of Names

I'm taking a story telling class.  Yesterday we talked about the importance of using a person's name.  We like hearing our names.

One of the times I most like hearing my name is when I'm taking communion.  If the minister says, "Cecily, the body of Christ broken for you" I am deeply moved.

This reminds me of an old MASH episode.  There was a young soldier with a head wound and suffering from post traumatic stress, who thought he was Jesus.  Not the bossy, obnoxious Jesus a lot of people think they are but the real Jesus with the loving, forgiving qualities we know from reading the scriptures.

As this soldier is getting on the truck to be taken to a medical facility, Radar shows up with his teddy bear.  As you remember, Radar was kind of naive so he wasn't quite sure that this soldier wasn't Jesus.

So Radar said, "Would you bless my teddy bear?"

The soldier gently said, "I'll bless you too, Radar"

Radar takes off his hat and says, "My name is Walter."


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Universal Reconciliation

Universal Reconciliation is a big concept.  It's biblical but is it possible?

My neighbor just experienced a tragedy.  Her son died.  But she and her x-husband and his current wife are friends so they have shared this experience together.

I just spent the weekend in my brother's home.  They're going through a hard and frustrating time - but their home is filled with love.

Along with all of the horrible things we know that are happening around the country and around the world, there are even more stories of folks who are working together for good.

I love this cover of the current New Yorker Magazine. It's by Barry Blitt and he's titled it "The Dream of Reconciliation."

I think it's possible!


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Parking and Dog Poop

Potential Criminal

As you know, I try to be a problem solver.  In my condo community the two biggest problems are parking and dog poop.  But these are the two biggest problems in all multifamily communities.

I don't have answers for the parking issue but, I was reading The Indianapolis Star while flying home from Indianapolis yesterday,  and I found the dog poop solution.

The town of Carmel, Indiana, a high end suburb of Indy, is talking with a company that tests DNA in dog poop.  This means that if you don't clean up after your doggy, the town will go all CSI on you.

Here's how it works:  Your dog's mouth is (gently) swabbed for DNA, then entered into a worldwide registry.   Then when the "evidence" is discovered (a rogue pile of poop) it's sent to the lab.

Busted!

Apparently the success rate is huge.  Just the threat of testing makes folks start using their baggies.  Nobody wants to be identified in their communities as poop law breakers.

And how much does all of this cost?  There's a $250 deposit and $20 monthly fee, plus the swab test for $30 to $60 per dog.  And the poop test cost about $100.

On second thought, this is a solution for rich multifamily communities.


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What I Won't Talk About and What I Will Talk About

Today marks the 42nd anniversary of Roe vs. Wade. But (as you know if you know me) I don't discuss abortion.

What I do discuss - and feel passionately about - is birth control.  I am for it.   I am for women and girls having children only when they want to and choose to.  I am for healthy moms and babies around the world.  While I am not a fan of promiscuous sex, I am also not a fan of pregnancy as a punishment for having sex.

In this respect, I am a big fan of Melinda Gates.  She and Bill are giving away billions to help people all over the globe in eradicating scourges like HIV/AIDS and tuberculosis - but Melinda's special passion is birth control.   She wants to cut world wide child mortality in half.

Not much research has been done in the contraceptive area in the last 20 years but Melinda says that one day we might have a contraceptive that would dissolve, like a breath mint melts in your mouth, though it would be inserted elsewhere.  Or an implant in your arm that lasts three to five years.

Melinda Gates was raised a Catholic.  I don't know how she relates to her faith at this time.  But even Pope Francis, while he did reaffirm the Catholic Church's stance on contraception, just told us last week that we females "don't have to breed like rabbits."

Thank you Pope Francis.  That's good news.


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Jim's Remarkable Facebook Post

I like Facebook for many reasons - besides stalking my kids.

I've shared with you portions of a couple of my old friend,  Jim McWhinnie's Facebook posts.  Jim is a super smart, deeply spiritual retired United Methodist minister who has Alzheimer's decease.   I read his posts every day and they affect me greatly.  Just couldn't resist sharing this entire post.  It's amazing and inspiring.   Especially to all of us who are, occasionally, a "little off in the head."  Thank you, Jim.

MY ALZHEIMER'S JOURNAL...January 21, 2015

At a local restaurant last night, three elderly gentlemen were sitting in the booth next to where my wife and I were seated.  When the young waitress delivered their orders, apparently one of the orders was not prepared as how the man had requested.  I do not know if it was or not, we arrived after they had ordered.  Well, he blew up and tore into the server long and hard...she offered, "Sir, I'm sorry I misunderstood.  Let me take it back and get it right."  But that did not suffice...he went on and on berating this young waitress.  The other two men simply remained silent.  On and on he tore into her.  And in the end, he kept the order, dismissing her with disdain.  I was impressed with the young waitress' endurance of his rage.

After she left, I stood up - to my wife's horror - and faced the man.  He shouted at me, "What are you looking at?  Mind your own business!"  I responded...I thought calmly yet forthrightly..."I am looking at a mean, old man who likes to beat up on young women...and how you treated that young lady IS my business...did you ever think she might be my daughter?"

He started to rise but the other two men hushed him up.

When I sat down I told my wife..."If I ever get like that...promise that you will shoot me."  And my dear sweet, soft-spoken, conflict avoiding wife answered, "You're darn tootin' I'll shoot you.  Now having said that...I want to say I am so very proud of you."

When we received our check our waitress wrote on the check..."Thank you for being a Dad when my friend needed one...dinner is on all of us servers.  Again, thank you."

All tha to say this...before the Alzheimer's and what that diagnosis gave me in courageous resolve...I probably would have not come to that young lady's defense.  Sometimes...it is a good thing...to be a little off in the head.

jim mcwhinnie

I Love You

Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  -  Romans 8:39

There's an old story about a farmers' wife who, on their 50th wedding anniversary, asks the farmer if he loves her.   He thinks about it a minute then says:  I told you I loved you when I married you.  If I change my mind I'll let you know!

I taught a class of older people this morning.  One of the things we discussed was that, for the most part, our parents did not tell us they loved us, nor did they tell each other.   A few years ago an older friend called me from Illinois.  She was ill and her son, whom she adored, was caring for her.  She called me because she wanted my advice as to how to tell her son (who was in his 60s) that she loved him.  Despite the fact that she knew it and he knew it, she'd never spoken those words to him.

When I was in my accountability group this week we discussed this very subject.  We went from one of us who was told every day of her life growing up that she was loved to another (me) who was never told - and everything in between.

So, how many of us in that group have lived full loving lives as wives, mothers and leaders in work, church and community - and are still at it?

That would be all of us.  But it sure would have been nice if some of our parents had actaully said those three little words once in a while.


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City of Women

I just finished reading David Gillham's historic novel, "City of Women."  It takes place in Berlin during the waining months of the war.  Most of the men are off to the front.  This book is about the bravery of German women (and men) in defying the Nazis against almost insurmountable odds.

This was the February pick for my book club.  And, while I didn't choose it, I will lead the discussion.  We've read many books about World War II but this one is very different.

Sigrid goes from being the ordinary wife of a soldier to being a savior of countless Jews.  Along the way she does what she has to do in order for them to survive - and to survive herself.  She lies and steals and has lots of sex - and, in the end, even kills.

While reading "City of Women" I kept thinking about Adam Hamilton's book, "Seeing Grey in a World of Black and White."

In the back of "City of Women"  David Gillham asks us "What would any of us do?"

...she may have felt shame for her nation, but she did not resist, even as Jewish Berliners were marched through the streets on they way to "resettlement" in the East.  Did she feel helpless to act?  Most probably.  (What, after all, could one woman do?)  Did she feel relieved by the fact of her helplessness?  Very likely.  If she could not act, then she did not need to feel a responsibility to act.  So when she finally breaks free of this self-imposed trap, how much of Sigrid's transformation is due to love or moral choice, and how much is due simply to her sudden need to recognize her true self?

Hard questions to come to grips with about Sigrid and ourselves.   But when I discuss these issues with the wise women in my book club, I'm sure they'll have great insight and opinions.


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Messy Families

In my book club meeting this afternoon we discussed the book "The Husband's Secret."  It's a

complicated book about relationships.  It's a soap opera.  But isn't this what family relationships are?

My minister, Dr. Bob, started a new series this past Sunday called "Myths of Parenting."  I was thinkin' "Oh no, I don't want to hear about parenting.  I'm done."  But he surprised me, as he frequently does,  by saying just what I needed to hear.

Dr. Bob talked about King David, the greatest king of Israel.  There's more written about David than any other character in the Old Testament.  He's my favorite character in the O.T.  Why?  Because he's smart and good looking and powerful and God's man.  And he's passionate, jealous, a murderer, a liar and - even though he's the king of Israel - he can't keep his grown children under control.

2 Samuel 13 is about his kids Amnon, Tamar and Absalom.  They're a mess.  Amnon rapes Tamar then kicks her out.  Absalom takes her in, but then goes to war with his dad, King David.

Not smart.  You don't mess with David.

In the end Absalom is not only defeated, but killed.  How does David react when he gets the news?

2 Samuel 18:33 The king was overcome with emotion.  He went up to the room over the gateway and burst into tears.  And as he went, he cried, "O my son Absalom!  My son, my son Absalom!  If only I had died instead of you!  O Absalom, my son, my son.

This is what it's like sometimes to be the parent of grown children.

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What Do You Remember?

In Forum this morning we were asked to remember what historical event, in our lifetimes, impacted us.  The ages in the  room varied from the 30s to the 90s.

I remembered, of course, exactly what I was doing when President Kennedy was shot.  The 30 somethings, of course, had not been born.

I remember the 1963 Cuban Embargo.  We were living in Fort Lauderdale and everybody was scared to death and lots of folks were arming themselves.  We determined then how we wanted to live with this threat.  I've lived with this value system ever since.

I lives through the other assassinations, the Civil Rights Act, birth control, Watergate,  and so much more.  All of this shaped me as a person.

Much younger adults, the ones who are now running things, come from a much different background.  Technology has always ruled their world.

No wonder it's hard to relate and we frustrate each other sometimes.

Over the holidays I was in Chicago having breakfast with Dave and some of his family.  When it was time for me to get to the airport I asked Dave's daughter-in-law if she would call Uber for me.  She did.  A driver pulled up within five minutes.  I jumped in and, after a few minutes, I asked the driver how he was to be paid - cash or card.

He explained how Uber worked.  No money involved in the car.  The ride was charged to Dave's daughter-in-law's account.

I, of course, was embarrassed by that.  But it's indicative of how hard it is for most of us "Oldest Generation" to keep up.

What I came away with after our Forum discussion this morning is that we have much to learn from each other.

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Miss Americas and Bad Boys

Bess Myerson

A few days ago Bess Myerson, 1945's Miss America, died at age 90.  She had an interesting life.

It made me think about all of the women I know, and know of, who've been brought down by a relationship with a bad man - and why women choose "Bad Boys."

My answer to this phenomena is "I don't know."  Here's a sad example.  Very few men in prison are there because a woman led them into a life of crime.  Most of the women in prison are there because a man led them into a life of crime.

Good Looking Mayor Lindsay

Bess Myerson was the first Jewish woman to become Miss America.  And what an important year for that to happen, just as World War II was ending.  She was beautiful, smart and an accomplished musician.  She was also full of integrity.  The pageant's director wanted her to change her name to something less Jewish.  She flatly refused.

After Bess became Miss America she spent a little time in show business then went on to become a consumer affairs commissioner under popular New York mayor John Lindsay.  (And, I might add, he was so very good looking!)

Bess was a powerful woman in New York politics and was a driving force in the election of Mayor Ed Koch.

But she had this boyfriend, Carl Capasso, who was a married, multimillionaire crook.  Bess was accused of bribery and conspiracy in connection with Carl.  She was later acquitted but her career was over.

Bess and Mayor Koch

I remember all of this.  It made me sad.  I didn't understand how she could be so dumb.  But it's happened so many times since that I'm no longer surprised.

However,  I'm still confused.


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Culture Wars

In Forum yesterday they handed out a Generational Differences Chart for us to examine and think about this week.

My age group (born 1900-1945) has had various names, Greatest Generation, Silents, Radio Babies and Traditionalists, to name a few.  We're supposed to have certain attributes like working hard, being patient, patriotic, and responsible.  We're also savers.  All of that describes me.  I sometimes tell people I have a "depression mentality" even though I didn't live through the depression.

A friend who is an executive at an upscale retirement community tells me it's important for their staff to know these generational differences in order to understand where their residents are coming from.

But I also find myself very much identifying with the "Baby Boomer Culture."  When I was a young woman I was all about equal rights, personal growth and wanting to make a difference.  Also, instead of telling my children to believe everything their teachers told them, I told them to question everything.

Two famous people listed from my generation are Bob Dole and Elizabeth Taylor.  I've always found it important and fun to relate to current cultural stars.  That's why I've mentioned to you several times the two currently most famous Kims -  Kardashian and Jong Un.

Decades ago I told stories about Frank Sinatra and Elizabeth Taylor.  For instance, when I led Bible studies and we discussed  Mark 12:25, where they asked Jesus about the woman who had several husbands, who she would be married to in heaven, I referred to it as "The Elizabeth Taylor Scripture." Still do.

By the way, can you name all of Elizabeth Taylor's husbands?  Dave and I can.  That's because we're  "Radio/Golden Age of Hollywood Babies."


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When to Make the Call

My regular readers are very much aware of how I feel about end of life issues.  When it's time to go...I'm ready.  But what if it's not time to go?  How do we know when or if to call 911?

What if it's serious but not an end of life issue?  I have never called 911 for myself but I hope that I will if it's necessary.  Or I just think it's necessary and it turns out to be something trivial.

This morning I began reading Jill Bolte Taylor's book, My Stroke of Insight.  Jill is a Harvard trained expert on the brain but when, at age 37, she has a massive stroke,  she does all sorts of things before she calls for help,  including taking a shower and getting dressed for work.  (This seems like something I would do.)

In fact, I was almost laughing to myself as I was reading this description of all that happened to Jill's brain before she decided to make the call.

But it's not funny.

In time, Jill's brain was so disintegrated that she couldn't dial 911.  She finally called a colleague.  She was unable to speak intelligibly but, fortunately he recognized her voice.   Then she fixated on something else to which I could totally relate.  Jill says:

Yet even in this discombobulated state, I felt a nagging obligation to contact my doctor.  It was obvious that I would need emergency treatment that would probably be very expensive, and what a sad commentary that even in this disjointed mentality, I knew enough to be worried that my HMO might not cover my costs in the event that I went to the wrong health center for care. 

The book is by and about brain scientist, Jill Bolte Taylor,  having a devastating stroke and her (eight year) road to complete recovery.

I hope, that if I think I'm having a stroke, I'll call 911, even before I take a shower and dress for success.


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