How to Marry A Millionaire

"You think he's a little old?"
"Wealthy men are never old."
How to Marry a Millionaire - 1953



I'd like to think we've come a long way since 1953.  But the other day my friend's daughter,  who'd just ended a bad marriage,  said to her mom:

"You never told me to marry a rich man."  I was amazed at that statement but others involved in the conversation said, no, there are a number of younger women (with really toned arms) in our circle of friends who've married older, successful men.  Hum.

And now the current Time Magazine has reviewed two books on the subject.  In 2013 Susan Patton wrote an open letter to Princeton women telling them to snag a husband before all the good ones were taken.  Her new book "Marry Smart" expands on this theme.

You'd think Sheryl Sandberg's new book "Lean In for Graduates,"  would have the exact opposite theme.  Her message is to hit the ground running after college.  But the idea is to be successful in the workplace fast  so you can then have children.

In other words, it's all about our ticking biological clocks.  Tick.  Tock.

I'm all for following your dreams but both of these books seem to be putting the pressure on, big time.  Where are all the books telling young men that if they mess up just once they'll end up alone and childless?

I wish young women could learn to love themselves and others, educate themselves to do the work they love and therefore be able to support themselves, marry for love, and have children if and when they want.

Just like men.


***

I'm A Jimmy Carter Fan

Jimmy Carter has written a new book.  I heard him interviewed on NPR this morning.  I have admired President Carter since before he was president.  He's a great humanitarian, statesman, author and carpenter.

But what means the most to me is that, as far as I can tell, we're in the same spiritual camp.  I became fully aware of this in 2006 when I read his book "Our Endangered Values."  In that book he makes his faith journey clear.

The new book "A Call to Action" deals with the mistreatment of women around the world.   Some of this is accomplished by men using bits and pieces of scripture to justify it.

Jimmy Carter knows the Bible as well a just about any other human being.  He's been teaching it weekly for 71 years.  Both old and new testament.

While some of it is contradictory and mysterious, the words of Jesus are clear.  That's where President Carter seeks his truth.  Me to.


*** 

The Grand Budapest Hotel

I couldn't wait to see the movie "The Grand Budapest Hotel."  It came out on Friday.  We saw it today.

It did not disappoint.

What can I say?  It's a Wes Anderson movie.  Written and directed by Wes.

Would you like it?  Let's see, did you see his last movie "Moonrise Kingdom?"  If you loved it you'll love "The Grand Budapest Hotel."

Even though they're nothing alike.  Except, of course, in style.  Hotel is a treat for all of your senses.  Legendary concierge Monsieur Gustave even smells good most of the time.

Here's what I know:  When Wes Anderson calls, half of the stars in Hollywood answer.  Here's a partial cast list.

• Ralph Fiennes
• Bill Murray
• Tilda Swinton
• Edward Norton
• Jeff Goldblum
• Tom Wilkinson
• F. Abraham Murray
• Bob Babalan
• Willem Dafoe
• Adrien Brody
• Owen Wilson
• Harvy Keitel
• Jude Law

Besides "Moonrise Kingdom," the other Wes Anderson movies I've loved are "Rushmore" and "The Royal Tenebaums."  

Here is my final observation - in the form of a question:  Does Wes Anderson hate cats?

***

Monocles - They're Back

Apparently, the monocle is the new "Hipster Chic." .  In a way it makes sense because the monocle makes us look smart and rich.

On the other hand, it was once popularized by the Nazis so there's the "ick" factor.

But then it never went out of style for some folks like that guy in the Monopoly game or the promo guy for The New Yorker Magazine.

I'm interested because in a week I'll go back to my ophthalmologist  to see if I need prescription glasses.  I doubt it because my eyesight is super. I need drugstore cheaters only to read small print.  After several decades of strong prescription contacts, I still can't believe that simple cataract surgery could make such a dramatic difference.

But a monocle might do the trick.  My friends know how I love to be trendy.  (That's a joke.  Trendy is not aa word that would ever describe me.)

However it would be fun to look hipster chic, smart and rich.


***

Holy Indifference

Those who practice Holy Indifference
really DO care!

Yesterday when I was leading our Lenten class called "Scarred by Struggle, Transformed by Hope," our writer talked about Holy Indifference and The Quality of Detachment.

Holy Indifference was a concept expressed by St. Ignatius.  It, basically, urges us to go through life with an open mind.  Ignatius wanted us to do God's will and not sweat the small stuff.  He wanted us to detach from the world.  Certainly not an easy thing for us regular folks to do.

The most popular way, in our culture, of dealing with problems is  spilling our guts or making our feelings paramount - but when that doesn't seem to be working, a different form of ancient Catholicism presents the concept of Holy Indifference or Quality of Detachment.  The religious significance has to do with when Christ told us to be detached from the world and keep our eyes on spiritual things.  But there's also the psychological significance that can be used by those who aren't as spiritually grounded as St. Ignatius.

Don't make emotional decisions - be open - lay aside things that distract us - suspend judgement.

Here's my personal example of how a quality of detachment saved me.  About a quarter of the way into my husband Ken's terminal illness which was increasingly involving dementia and personality changes, I read a book on "Quality of Detachment."  Then I visited a counselor for over a year in order to develop this quality of detachment.  Without it I could never have been able to keep Ken at home, where he wanted to be, for the next six years until he died.  The concept seems selfish but it's not. It saved both of us.

So the next time somebody at work or at home is antagonizing you or trying to make your life miserable, or you're trying to make a horrendous decision,  or you're trying to stay strong while caring for a dying loved one - investigate the development of a quality of detachment, or if you prefer, a Holy Indifference.


***

Laws I'm Sorry Florida Has to Have

This morning's Orlando Sentential published three stories that made me sad because they were, in my mind, furthering the crazy stereotype that we Floridians
seem to love to project.

1.  Law to Band Marriage Before Age 16 - The youngest person to marry in Florida in the past two years was a 13 year old boy.  In 2013, Florida recorded 110 marriages of children 16 and younger, and 150 such marriages in 2012.  If this new law goes through 16 and 17 year olds can still marry with their parents' consent.

Now if we could only stop the 13 year olds from having babies I would be relieved.  That's the main reason they're now getting married.

2.  Law to Band "Revenge-Porn" - In case you don't know, some couples seem to think it's a good idea to take intimate photos and make intimate films of themselves.  Then, after the big breakup, these things appear on Facebook and other social media.

I want you couples to think about how smart it is to make these films.  Even porn stars have good lighting and directing.  These homemade ones are sad and scary and can wreak your life.

3.  Trials Set for Motorcycle Gangs - The murder trials are set for four Philly Warlocks gang members charged with murdering three members of the Orlando Warlocks.  While not laws, the judge as set down some rules for the trial:  No one attending the trial can wear gang colors, patches and insignia.  But she said "no" to the request that jurors be referred to by number instead of name.  These guys scare everybody, especially jurors.  "Tin Man" is being accused of killing "Lil Dave," "Hormone, " and "Dresser."  By the way, these are all middle aged men.

I love Florida.  But this stuff makes me crazy.


***

Head Games

Chris

This morning, after our three mile walk, we went to an event called "Brainfest" where we heard author, lecturer, former football player and professional wrestling star  Chris Nowinski speak on our "Concussion Crisis."

Chris at Harvard

Here's a little background on Chris if you don't know him.  He played football (an All-Ivy defensive tackle) for Harvard.  Later he became a wrestler for the WWE Monday night RAW.  Along the way he suffered concussions.

Now he's an activist, spending his life letting us know how concussions and head trauma are misunderstood.

For me, the bottom line is that if you get hit in the head multiple times you will develop brain injury and dementia.  Period.

Chris the Wrestler

I'm not worried about myself.  I hardly ever get hit in the head (like never.)  But as we get older we do have to be careful about falling.

On the other hand, little kids enjoy hitting each other on the head - and we sometimes encourage it.

My personal concern is for my grandchildren and all other young people who play contact sports.  The statistics coming to light about what happens years later is, to me, terrifying.

Chris's book is called:  Head Games:  Football's Concussion Crisis.

If you have children who play any kind of contact sport, football, soccer, hockey, lacrosse - please buy and read the book.


***

Longwood Bears

Longwood, Florida

Longwood, Florida is an upscale bedroom community just north of us.  It has a long and interesting history but it is most noted for it's neighborhood bears.  They're everywhere.  Most folks know to lock up the garbage and the outside freezer but, occasionally they cause trouble.

A few months ago there was a tragedy when a bear attacked a woman walking her little dog.  But that sort of thing is highly unusual.

There are two schools of thought about the bears.  Some folks want to trap and either relocate or kill them.  But most people want to let the bears co-habitat with the humans.  For the most part, that has worked pretty well.

Then last month a man reported to wildlife officials that he was slammed to the ground (by his pants) by a Florida black bear.  He was pretty roughed up.  There were photos on Facebook and he described to reporters an epic battle with the bear.

Having a snack on the patio

However, his official account was released yesterday.  Here is part of it:

I was sitting in my chair outside...drinking a beer and I saw a bear run by the house and for no good reason at all, I jumped up and started chasing it...and tripped over a speed bump and fell. 

He's not going to charged but I think the bear should sue this guy for slander.


***

My Lip Accident

On Monday I went to our close by Dillard's Department Store in the mall to get this Clinique Bonus bag consisting of $70 worth of make up for a purchase of $27.00.

It's a great deal.  One that lasts all of March so go get yours.  Or buy it for a friend.

Please look closely at the item on the far right in this photo.  What does it look like to you?  I did not know that Clinique sold nail polish.  So, since there's no label on the bottle, I assumed it was lip gloss.

So, after applying lipstick, I brushed it on my lips.  Wowie!  It burned like crazy.  Then, of course, I got a little bit in my mouth.  I thought I was feeling woozy.  Oh no, I've poisoned myself and I have to leave soon to teach a class.  What to do?  

I rummaged around in the wastebasket to find the brochure that clearly states that the little bottle contains nail polish.  So, diagnosis confirmed! Then I gargled with mouthwash and scrubbed my lips with soap and water.  Crisis avoided!

You probably think that this is "the sign" that "Cess is losin' it."  But think about this.  I had the good sense not to use my 100% acetone nail polish remover on my lips because that would have removed them.  My lips that is.

And that would have been so embarrassing.


***

Can't We Talk About Something More Pleasant?

I'm around groups of folks who do a good job to talking about aging and death.  But most people do a terrible job.

 My friend who's an expert on these things tells me that most older people don't drop dead.  It's a long, slow process that needs to be discussed.

But it isn't.  So I was more than surprised to see in the middle of this week's (March 10, 2014) The New Yorker a 12 page graphic novel by Roz Chast on this very subject.   It's called "Can't We Talk About Something More Pleasant?"  It features a woman trying to communicate with her parents whom she describes as a "tight little unit."

In the twelve pages of cartoons, she takes them from being healthy and strong, although perfectly capable of driving her crazy - to being unable to clean their apartment, becoming hoarders, and on and on.

There are many, many painful changes.  The point being that the discussion needs to begin sooner rather than later.

Buy this copy of the New Yorker magazine.  The graphic novel in the middle will make you laugh and cry.  At the same time.


***

Nebraska

We saw the six Academy Award nominated movie, "Nebraska," last night - but it wasn't easy.  Earlier in the week it was playing at only one theater in the Orlando area but they dropped it because, apparently due to being filmed in black and white and being filmed in Nebraska, movie goers complained that they couldn't see it.  Too dark.

So, for the first time ever, I figured out how to order the movie from iTunes.  And it took me only two hours and a call to my computer guru, Ryan, to get it done.

Bruce Dern

The movie is dark.  And depressing.  But sharp and funny.  Dave and I loved this latest film from director Alexander Payne.  By the way Payne was born in Nebraska and lives in Nebraska.

"Nebraska" is a road movie.  Some of the other Payne movies I've loved are:

• "About Schmidt" - a road movie set in Nebraska
• "Sideways" - a road movie
• "Election" - set in Nebraska
• "Cedar Rapids" - a road movie set in Nebraska
• "The Descendants" - not a road movie, not set in Nebraska 

Will Forte

June Squibb

"Nebraska" stars 78 year old Bruce Dern.  His wife is played by 84 year old June Squibb.  "Nebraska," Bruce,  June and Alexander were all nominated for Academy Awards.  

The son is played by 43 year old Will Forte.  I think he's nearly perfect in his roll.  This particular road trip is about a crazy old man obsessed with the idea he's won a million dollars but he has to get from his home in Billings Montana to Lincoln Nebraska to claim it.  But, deep down, it's about family.  It's about a son caring for his father even when his father hasn't cared for his son.  

The movie is very funny and raw and real.  Figure out how to order "Nebraska" from iTunes.  Then order the other five Alexander Payne movies I've listed.  You'll like all of them. 

***

The Catfish Place

Apopka is a small, very old, town about 15 miles straight west of where we live.  Of course it's grown over the years but still has a small town look and still has crazy small town politics.  The mayor, for instance, is well into his 90s and will probably win re-election - again.

The very best thing in Apopka, as far as I'm concerned, is The Catfish Place.  It's been there forever. It's always been wildly popular.  It used to be tiny but has been enlarged and remodeled.  It still retains it's old, redneck looking, flavor.

We go to The Catfish Place once every three years or so.  Can't go more often because I go crazy when I'm there.  Crazy eating that is.  I always order the same thing.  Fingerling Catfish.  That's the whole catfish.  Five of them.  Fried.  With hush puppies.

Yesterday we had a great time eating with friends.

By the way, I'd seen my friend earlier working out on the dreaded elliptical at the gym  and said to her, "Getting ready for the catfish are we?"

We first ordered fried okra and fried green tomatoes for the table.  It would be impossible to tell you how good this food is.  I ate all five fish, plus baked potato and salad.  Dave had fried oysters.

Everything at The Catfish Place is delicious and inexpensive.  They do have a few items that are not fried.  Don't order those.  Go fried or stay home.

Dave and I dropped off our friends, came home and had tall glasses of Alka Selzer.  We'll resume our healthy eating today.


***

Scott Peck - Truth Teller

Do you remember Scott Peck?  He died in 2005.  For several decades he was an extremely popular psychiatrist, controversial Christian, and best selling author.  His most famous book and the first one I read was "The Road Less Traveled," written in 1978.

He had me with the first sentence, "Life is difficult."

As a person whose early childhood was somewhat the equivalent of being raised by wolves, I learned about life from reading books.  Good books.  Great books. For many years Scott Peck was my truth teller.  Toward the end, in my mind, he got a little squirrely but I forgive him for that.

I've just finished re-reading Scott Peck's book about evil called "People of the Lie" which he wrote in 1983.   It's powerful.  It deals mostly with those of us who refuse to accept the truth about ourselves.  He says:

People who are evil attack others rather than face their own truth.

He also came on strong about telling our children the truth.  I tried my best to do that with my kids.  Still do.

Here are the four things that Scott Peck said we need to do in order to be morally, spiritually and emotionally healthily.

Be dedicated to the truth
Delay gratification
Accept responsibility
Live a balanced life

I think this holds up pretty well today.


***

Home Remedies and Clean Eating.

Easy and Clean

Dave and I are always looking for new ways to stay healthy.  We're eating at home more and eating plain food with fewer chemicals.  I think the new phrase for this is Clean Eating.

For our big meal today we had roasted chicken, baked sweet potatoes, steamed broccoli, sliced tomatoes and sweet onion slices.  It was easy and delicious and no chemicals or extra fat were used in the production of this lunch.

I also love home remedies.  I faithfully read "The People's Pharmacy" by Joe Graedon and Teresa Graedon.   Here are some recommendations;

Almonds for heartburn:  They recommend eating 5 salted almonds to immediately get ride of heartburn.  This works for me.
Pickle juice for heartburn:  Swallow a tablespoon of pickle juice.  This has not worked as well for me.
Soap for leg cramps:  I keep a bar of soap between the sheets and it works for me. (Dave has a sense of humor about this.)
Vicks VapoRub rubbed on the soles of your feet for nighttime cough.  I haven't tried this but lots of folks swear by it.
Vicks VapoRub for nail fungus.  I've tried this with mixed results.
Cilantro for psoriasis:  Infuse the cilantro in extra-virgin olive oil and rub it on the psoriasis.
Hummus for constipation.  Have a hummus snack in the evening.  I have not tried this one.

The best thing about these home remedies is that, while they may not help you, they won't hurt you.

I've recently had a sad health/aging issue.  I noticed that, almost overnight, my face has way more wrinkles.  Very troubling.  What is happening?

As it turns out it's because I had such successful cataract surgery.  The only thing that has changed is that I can now see the wrinkles.   So I'll just keep on slathering the cream and hope for the best.


***

The Music Man

Last night we attended the University of Central Florida Theater production of "The Music Man."  Not the same as the 1957 Broadway version or the enormously popular 1962 movie staring Robert Preston and Shirley Jones.....

....but the UCF production was good.

I think most folks my age love "The Music Man."  Most know the music.  Next time you see me ask me to do "Ya Got Trouble" for you.  I can.

The young cast last night was excellent but nobody does or did Professor Harold Hill like Robert Preston.   Likewise, the litte boy who played Winthrop last night, Jason Zavitz, was good, but the lisping Winthrop Pardoo always has, and forever will be, eight year old Ronnie Howard.

By the way, Ron Howard turned 60 years old today!

I'll leave you with these cautionary words about what the presence of a pool hall can do to your city:

I say, first, medicinal wine from a teaspoon,
Then beer from a bottle.

An' the next thing ya know,
Your son is playin' for money
In a pinch-back suit.
And list'nin to some big out-a-town Jasper
Hearin' him tell about horse-race gamblin'.

Not a wholesome trot tin' race, no!
But a race where they set down right on the horse!
Like to see some stuck-up jockey boy
Sittin' on Dan Patch?  Make your blood boil?
Well I should say. 

Friends, lemme tell you what I mean.
Ya got one, two, three, four, five, six pockets in a table.
Pockets that mark the difference
Between a gentleman and a bum,
With a capital "B,"

And that rhymes with "P" and that stands for POOL!

***