Stopping By Woods

Did we succeed in learning how to be happy ourselves by walking the dog, making jewelry, learning to fish, restoring wood -- doing something that we do only because we love doing it?   Joan Chittister "The Gift of Years"

I taught a class this morning and we discussed a difficult but important question:  What do you do purely for fun?  It may have a point to it, like singing or reading, or an end product like fishing or needlepoint, but that's not the goal.  The goal is simply to have fun and be happy.

Lots of sharing ensued.  I didn't give an example but I could have.  A few weeks ago, when I was rereading my Robert Frost poems, I decided to memorize "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening."  For no reason whatsoever.

First, I had to memorize the title because some folks call it "Stopping By Woods at Night." Then I had to re-learn the first line because most of us think it's "Whose woods are these..".But it's actually "Whose woods these are..."

It hasn't been easy because it gets harder and harder to memorize as we age.  When I saw the great British actress Maggie Smith on "60 Minutes" a while back I was amazed that she can still remember reams of dialogue.

But I did it.  And I enjoyed myself in the process.  Why is this important?  Following are a couple more quotes from Joan Chittister's wonderful book "The Gift of Years."

Life is now.  Only now.  But who of us has ever much stopped to notice it?  We did what we did in all those other years because those were the tasks of life then.  But the task of life now is, simply, life. 

In the end, it becomes so clear:  success is a much simpler thing than they ever told us.  It has to do with having the basics, with learning to be happy, with getting in touch with our spiritual selves, with living a balanced life, doing no harm, doing nothing but good.  The only test of the good life here is happiness. 

Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening

Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know,

His house is in the village though;

He will not see me stopping here

to watch his woods fill up with snow. 

My little horse must think it queer

To stop without a farmhouse near,

Between the woods and frozen lake

The darkest evening of the year. 

He gives his harness bells a shake

To ask if there is some mistake. 

The only other sound's the sweep

Of easy wind and downy flake. 

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep. 

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Cess Predicts

We're in the 4th day of the George Zimmerman trial.  In case you just awoke from an extended coma, Mr. Zimmerman is being tried for second degree murder in the shooting death of teenager, Trayvon Martin.

I have strong feelings about this terrible situation.  To me, it's way more complicated than this trial.  My hope and prayer is that better race relations will emerge from this tragedy.  I hope that Sanford, Florida continues in its effort to build bridges.  I have great sympathy for the Martin family and the Zimmerman family.

Because of our current technology we are seeing the trial, both live and in recaps 24-7 - around the world.  Much as I predicted many months ago.

But I'm not predicting the outcome.  I have no idea what that will be.

Rachel Jeantel - A Star is Born

My prediction has to do with Rachel Jeantel, the 19 year old 12th grader who has been testifying yesterday and today.  I predict that she will be our next reality star.

As Stefon (who used to be on Saturday Night Live) would say,  "This witness has everything."

Yesterday she mumbled.  And her defiant, teenage attitude couldn't have been more apparent if she had just sat in the witness stand, crossed her arms and rolled her eyes.  She sealed it when she called Defense Attorney West, "The bald dude."

Obviously, somebody gave her a talking to - because today she's all "Mr West" and "Yes, sir."  But the 'tude is still there.   I'm sure millions of teenagers around the globe can relate to Miss Jeantel.  Again, I have no idea how she's affecting the case - but Rachel Jeantel is going to have some interesting offers to contemplate following her testimony.

Her 15 moments (at least) of fame started yesterday!


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Ronnie's

In today's obituaries I saw that,Gladys Leckhart,  the wife of the owner of Ronnie's Restaurant died.  For over 40 years Ronnie's was an iconic, wildly popular, Jewish restaurant and delicatessen in Orlando, Florida.  It closed in 1995.

Folks still talk about it like it closed yesterday.  I'll bet you have restaurants in your history like that.

Everybody knows about the "rigid rules" and "abrupt" service.  What did that look like?  Whenever I used to see the Soup Nazi on "Seinfeld" it reminded me of Ronnie's.  For instance, you were only allowed two pats of butter and there was to be no sharing of food.  Also, no dividing checks.  Larry Leckhart and his waitstaff where infamous for offending customers.

So why did we keep going back?

I remember yummy items on the table even before we sat down.  Like pastries, pecan rolls, olives, pickles and coleslaw.  This was free - before you even ordered. Everything was mouthwatering.  The portions were huge.  But, remember, no sharing.

Sometimes we went with friends to Ronnie's after Sunday evening church services.  Usually we ordered this sundae they called The Extravaganza.  It served 8 to 12.  I remember it being about a foot and a half tall and covering most of the table.  It was several flavors of ice cream, nuts and fruit, and a big mound of whipped cream and cherries on top.  Everybody got a big spoon and dug in.  Not considered sanitary today - but then I guess the free food sitting on the table from one costumer to the next wasn't either.  

Gladys Leckart's Cabbage Soup 

But here's what I remember most.  There was always a line.  Absolutely no waiting inside.  The lines (two of them) formed outside.  A line of 3 or less on the left.  A line of 4 or more on the right.  Woe to you if you found yourself in the wrong line.  It usually brought on a severe tongue lashing from the gate keeper.

One of the most popular items on Ronnies menu was Gladys Leckart's cabbage soup.  You can still find the recipe on line.


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Time Management

Yesterday's sermon title was "Breakfast on the Beach."  Dr. Bob told the story of Jesus fixing breakfast on the beach for some fishermen, including Peter who had recently, when questioned about being Jesus' friend, essentially said "...never heard of the guy."  Three times.

I love this story.  When I was doing time management seminars in the business world I sometimes used Jesus as an example.  More specifically, the resurrected Jesus.  Just think about it - in a "time management" context.

For instance, if you died and then came back to life for a short time - what would you do?  Oh...and another "if"....if you were the savior of the world, what would you do?

Jesus did some surprising things with this valuable time.  In this story, he fixed breakfast for his friends and then after breakfast he repaired a relationship.

So, there you have it.  I love that Jesus did a servant woman thing by fixing breakfast.  I love that he helped the guys catch some fish.  I love that he forgave Peter.

So the next time you have to choose between a very important meeting or having dinner with some folks who need you, ask yourself....WWRJD?

(What would the resurrected Jesus do?)


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Historic Homes

Capen House

I'm sad when anything old and beautiful falls.  Even a tree.  When I see a several hundred year old breathtakingly beautiful building and I ask Dave why we never see new buildings like that he always answers - "Too expensive."

 A decade ago, Casa Feliz, an historic house on breathtakingly beautiful Interlachen Avenue in Winter Park Florida, was saved at the last minute and moved to the edge of the golf course so that the new owners of the original property could build a mansion that rivals Downton Abby.

Now another old home on this lovely avenue is fighting the wrecking ball. It's the 128 year old Capen House.  It originally belonged to James Capen, one of the city's founders.

Casa Feliz

Winter Park is a city of historical homes, or used to be.  They're dropping like flies and are being replaced by McMansions.  Why does it matter?  Syndicated columnist Marni Jameson reminds us that, five years ago, Winter Park was ranked 38th  by National Geographic in the 100 top historic places in the world, based on authentic and well-preserved architecture.  That's in the world, folks!

Below are HGTV's Nicole Curtis' 6 reasons why you should care:

Because tearing them down is wrecking our history.  In Italy and France you see 300 year old buildings housing subways, restaurants and McDonalds.

Because it's bad for our Earth.  All that glass and plaster goes into landfills.

Because you can never replicate these houses once they're gone.  The woodwork alone came from 200 year old trees.  And made by hand.

Because we don't need new homes.  We need to take care of what we have.

Because we're losing our uniqueness.

Because of their quality.  They've weathered the storms of life.

I hope nobody decides to knock me over and haul me away just because I'm old.


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Frances Ha

I've been kind of spinning out of control the last couple of days worrying about a 20 something friend of mine who just can't seem to get her act together.

So yesterday afternoon Dave insisted we go to the movies so that I would (as Cheri Oteri used to say on Saturday Night Live,) "Simma down."

So we headed toward our little jewel of an art theater, the Enzian.  The wildly successful and positively reviewed indie film, "Frances Ha"
is playing.

It's about a 20 something young woman who just can't seem to get her act together!

Frances lives in New York.  She has no apartment.  She pretty much lives with (messy) friends.  She's an apprentice at a dance studio but not really a dancer.  She doesn't actually get paid very often.  She worries about her life but makes crazy decisions...liking flying to Paris for the weekend on a whim using a new credit card she'd just received in the mail.

Frances is endearing, silly, deep, hopeless and promising.  And, at times, seems filled with joy.   I, of course, thought she was totally not dealing with reality.  I thought she needed an intervention.

But, on the other hand, Frances is life affirming and the movie made it clear that this is the current 20 something culture.  And, in the end, she does kind of get her act together.

So it actually made me feel a little better.


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Good Leaders

Yesterday I wrote a post about icebreakers.  I'm a stronger believer in servant leadership.  When I was a consultant I worked with leaders who inspired me and I worked with leaders who were clueless about how to motivate their people in order to grow a great organization.

In Joan Chittister's book, "The Monastery of the Heart," which deals with Benedictine spirituality, she defines leadership in the monastery in much the same way I tried to define it in the workplace.  Here are some quotes from her chapter on leadership that I think apply to any group, be it a pizza delivery service or the CIA.

It (leadership) demands that we work together to release one another's gifts to strengthen the communal voice. 

It insists that the ideas of each must be both solicited and respected...

...it does mean that the community binds itself together for the sake of learning from the wisdom of all.  

It is easy to choose as leaders those who claim to have answers we do not want to trouble ourselves with discovering.  Better to simply follow orders, we are tempted to believe

...to choose for leaders those who allow the community to drift into nice, comfortable, secure routines...

The complacent community asks itself no difficult questions...

The comfortable community opens no new or challenging paths...

The self-satisfied community carves out no new directions, risks no new questions...

The placid community forgoes its prophetic role...

Leaders must be an example to the community of its best self:  open, loving, hospitable...

The leader must maintain the integrity of the community.

Identifying and choosing good leaders is of the essence of community building.   We will become what we choose.


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Icebreaker

I enjoyed seeing this Canadian icebreaker in Montreal.  Since I've lived in Florida all of my adult life, I forget that, in the winter, it's necessary for icebreakers to cut a path for ships and other vessels to make their way in the frozen rivers.  This one is on the St. Lawrence River.    

I have no expertise regarding this kind of icebreaker.  

I do have some expertise with the other kind.  The kind that seems much less important but, in reality, is extremely valuable in helping to clear the path for better communication in small groups.  

Why?

Because otherwise a small minority of folks in every group will take over.  Does that mean they're smarter and have better ideas?  Absolutely not. 

Also the icebreaker says to the group that they are being heard and they are cared about as whole persons.   

So the icebreaker is important because it gets each person to speak.  It "primes the pump" of communication.  Once a person has said something, he or she is way more likely to say something of real value later on.  The icebreaker can also help us get an insight into others - fast. 

The icebreaker needs to be easy to answer and nonthreatening.  

It's each person in the group's job to answer the question.  It's the rest of the groups' job to listen to the answer.  Here are some fun and insightful icebreakers. 

- What movie or TV star would you cast in the movie of your life?

- Where did you live when you were ten years old?

- Where do you get your favorite hamburger?

- If you were involved in a play on Broadway would you rather be 1. Lead actor 2. Character actor. 3.  Producer 4.  Director 5.  Writer 6. Set Designer?

- What do you do when you play?

- Seashore or mountain vacation?

The icebreaker works with sullen teenagers, CEOs and every other small group.

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The Monastery of the Heart

No, I'm not checking into a monastery.  But I've been reading from several of Joan Chittister's books the last few days.  "The Monastery of the Heart" is an invitation to a meaningful life.  Joan Chittister is an active peace advocate, a prolific writer and much more.  But, as a Benedictine nun, she's also lived the last 50 years of her life in a monastery.

She's not suggesting that we do this.

But she is suggesting that, if we work on a satisfying spiritual life, all else will fall into place. And she shares the Rule of Benedict.  Here's a quote:

...the spiritual life lay in simply living this life, our daily life, well.  All of it.  Every simple, single action of it.

Now that sounds like fun, right?  Joan says in another book, "The Gift of Years," about getting older:

Life is now.  Only now.  But who of us has ever much stopped to notice it?  We did what we did in all those other years because those were the tasks of life then.  The task of life now is simply - LIFE. 

I experienced two huge examples of this on Wednesday when I met with my Power Rangers.  First, I was deeply concerned about a sad and frightening situation.  These women dealt with it instantly and perfectly.  Then, another of us told about how she handled a delicate situation where someone hit her car.  No, worse than that, hit her husband's car while she was driving it!  She handled it in such a sensitive loving and strong way that I wanted to weep.

All this to say, LIFE is all around us.  I want to live it well every day and not miss most of the good stuff like some folks seem to do.

Or, as Auntie Mame said:

Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!


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Now Is The Best Time

Yesterday I was talking with a person who told me about how life was so much better when he was growing up in the 1930s.  We hear this all the time.

The good old days.

I firmly believe that we're living in the best time in history.  Just think, the wealthiest people in the world didn't have the advantages most of us regular folks have - even fifty years ago.

Here are a couple of examples:  Prior to the 20th century people didn't bathe.  Even the cleanest didn't bathe often.  One of the reasons the French wore those white wigs was because, when they took them off at night, some of the head lice stayed with the wig.  But not all of them.

When we were recently in Charleston, South Carolina looking at lovely old mansions on the river, our guide told us about how it was living in those homes a century or so ago.  He told us about a horse dying on the street right where we were standing.  Nobody picked it up so it rotted for weeks.  Folks on the street couldn't breathe.

This photo is of the home close to the dead horse.  Also, notice the different balconies.  The men stood on the top and bottom balconies.  Women stood on those in the middle - in order to accommodate their hoop skirts.  Because they weren't seen in public without them.  Oh, brother!

Matt Ridley, author of "The Rational Optimist," writes about why this is the best time to be alive.  He says we're richer, we pay less for our stuff, our resources are in better shape, we have much better health care, and so on.

But we're not happy about it.  We'd rather complain.  We complain about having to have medical tests, we complain about our schools, we complain about over-choice in the grocery store.

This is not to say people don't have problems.  They do.  But many times we can help solve their problems - and dream up ways to fix it so they won't happen again.

I wouldn't want to live in any other time in history.  And I can't wait to see what's coming up next.


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Jobs

Several of us were talking yesterday about how, at our age, no matter our qualifications, we would have a tough time getting a job.  

This is true.  But I think I'd be pretty good at some jobs.  I could be a bag boy at my supermarket, Publix.  All except for driving in 20 shopping carts at a time from the parking lot.  I just don't understand how they do that part.  

I think I'd be good a cleaning hotel rooms - but not people's houses.  I think I could be a room steward on a cruise ship.  A big part of that job is being sweet and kind.  I could do that.  But I could never, ever learn how to make those towel animals.  

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