MyBestTime

The Happiness Project

2012-01-30T13:30:00.000-08:00

Over the holidays Dave's daughter suggested that I read "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. I wasn't sure. As some of you know, I did not like "Eat, Pray, Love" which was about a wealthy, beautiful woman trying to find happiness by traveling all over the world.

Oh brother!

But "The Happiness Project" isn't superficial or selfish. It's about finding happiness all around us - most especially by helping other folks be happy.

So....when I knew I was scheduled to teach an Oldies Sunday school class I decided to use this book along with the Sermon on the Mount as the basis for our discussion.

Now these are not the beautiful, jet setting folks who are traveling all over the place looking for the big romance. They ARE beautiful - but in various and different ways.

They're all older than I am. Most of them have experienced serious loss. Many of them are in declining health.

After reading aloud a letter I'd received from an old lady who is most unhappy - I asked the class "What Makes You Happy?"

The responses warmed my heart. One man told us about moving to Assisted Living with his wife six months ago. They're both 86 years old. He's been through horrendous health issues. He talked about kindnesses they'd received and kindness they'd given - he especially complimented his wife for reaching out to other residents.

This man ended by telling us about a few folks in their new home who are over 100 years old and really sharp. He wrapped up by saying, "Naturally the residents in their 90s are sharp!"

As the Be-Attitudes that begin the Sermon on the Mount tell us - attitude is everything.

***

Presidents on Our Minds

2012-01-26T12:54:00.000-08:00

It's that time of every four years again. Non stop thinking about who will be our next president.

Yesterday Dave woke up with a worried look on his face.

I'm trying to think of all of the presidents since I was born, says he. And I'm having trouble.

So, since yesterday morning, we've been trying to think of all the presidents, in order, in our lifetimes. This morning we thought we had it. But we'd forgotten Jimmy Carter. This afternoon I was driving across town and realized we'd forgotten Ronald Reagan. How could we? We hear his quotes every day.

To get them in the right order I tried to think of what I was doing at the time they were in office. For instance, when then unknown Jimmy Carter was first running, my husband, Ken, drove down to Miami to have some one-on-one time with him. But this morning I couldn't remember whether he drove from our home in Ft. Lauderdale in the 70s or our home in West Palm Beach in the 80s.

Of course, we all know exactly where we were when John Kennedy was shot (those of us who were alive at the time.)

I remembered I was ironing while listening to the Watergate saga so I must have had kids.  I was originally thinking Nixon was right after Eisenhower because their kids married (actually Ike's grandson married Tricia Nixon.) But I was wrong.

I talked with my daughter on the phone last night. Three of her four young children know ALL of the presidents in order and can rattle them off really fast. But I wasn't about to cheat.

By the way, I could list things I admired and things I didn't admire about each of these men. But, as you know, I have great respect for the office of the president.

Just a while ago, when we thought we had it right, Dave Googled the list. Here it is. All 13 presidents since we've been alive.

33-45   Franklin Roosevelt
45-53   Harry Truman
53-61   Dwight Eisenhower
61-63   John Kennedy
63-69   Lyndon Johnson
69-74   Richard Nixon
74-77   Gerald Ford
77-81   Jimmy Carter
81-89   Ronald Reagan
89-93   George Bush
93-01   Bill Clinton
01-09   George W. Bush
09-       Barack Obama

***

Incredibly Moving

2012-01-23T14:23:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was an incredibly moving day. First, in church, we heard a General Contractor tell us, from the pulpit, how he and his family lost their business, their home and all of their investments in this terrible recession. But now things are finally looking up.

I am hearing this latter story (things are finally looking up) from several sources these days.

Later Dave and I changed into our jeans and drove downtown to Lake Eola where we saw the mini traveling version of the Viet Nam Wall. This is my second time to see a replica of the wall but I was still moved almost to tears as we traveled down the columns.

From there we went to the movies. We saw "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close." I was expecting it to be a 9/11 movie but, to me, it was a story about a child with Asperger's and Post Traumatic Stress Syndrom. This incredibly well loved child with an incredibly active mind takes us on a remarkable journey through New York City.

The child, Oskar, after the death of his father in the twin towers, finds a mysterious key in his dad's closet and sets out to find the matching lock.

The reviewers haven't been kind to this movie but I was glued to my seat from beginning to end. The boy's parents are played by Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock. His mysterious companion is played by the great Max Von Syndow. By the way, he's 82 years old and is still a magnificent actor that you can't take your eyes away from when he's on the screen.

At one point I thought about all of those thousands of dads who's names were on that Viet Nam Wall and then this child's dad, lost in a similar way.

But, somehow, as Oskar reminds us, we manage to carry on.

***

Betty White Still Has Her Marbles

2012-01-17T15:17:00.000-08:00

We watched Betty White's 90th birthday party last night. We found it entertaining. And then right after that we watched about 5 minutes of her new show. Couldn't take any more because it was pretty awful but we were amazed that Betty is starting another new show!

The good news is that there are thousands of really, really, old people who are doing exciting things and living full lives.

I saw in my AARP magazine that Lesley Stahl is turning 70. What? She's gorgeous and has great legs that she enhances with gorgeous high heels.

And, speaking of reporters on "60 Minutes," most of them are really really smart and really really old. Morley Safer is 80, Bob Simon is 70, Steve Croft is 67.

Scott Pelley is young at 55 and the newest member, Lara Logan, the amazing war correspondent, is a kid at 41.

In this culture that reveres youth to a frustrating degree, it's exciting to see role models we can all follow - even us oldies.

***

Ditch These Things

2012-01-16T13:45:00.000-08:00

Yesterday's Orlando Sentinel ran an article by Deborah Netburn the "Savvy Shopper."

She listed 10 obsolete devices we need to get rid of immediately. Remember a couple of years ago when you stood in line to pay top dollar for these devices? Fortunately, I never had any of these things so I'm OK. However, I'm listing them for you so that you can trash them - because they are sooooo 2011!

The Flip Cam

The Portable DVD Player - I've seen folks on planes playing games with these but I usually just read a book. (So 1700s)

Flash Drives - Thanks to "cloud computing" (whatever that is) you no longer need this.

GPS for your car. We have no GPS whatsoever. Speaking of that, have I told you about getting hopelessly lost in downtown Atlanta and getting hopelessly lost in downtown Lisbon?

The Digital Camera

The FAX Machine

Netbooks

PDA

Voice Recorder - the smartphone has made all of the above obsolete.

CD Player - OK, I was happy to read about this last one because I love my Bose CD player. Everybody is getting rid of their obsolete CDs so that's good for me. I can buy CDs on Amazon and a number of other places for next to nothing.

As you know, I'm old school.

***

Happy Birthday, Martin

2012-01-16T13:16:00.000-08:00

Since I started this blog in 2007, I've written several posts about Martin Luther King, Jr. Yesterday was his real birthday but today's the day we celebrate. For many years I marched in a parade on MLK, Jr. day. Now I do quieter things.

But each year on this day I always read the "I Have a Dream" speech. I know we have a ways to go but I feel comforted in the knowledge that many of Dr. King's dreams have been fulfilled in my lifetime.

Following are a few excerpts, ones that are most familiar to you. See what you think.

I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation...

I say to you today, my friends,so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have adream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day thisnation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We holdthese truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on thered hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day eventhe state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, swelteringwith the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom andjustice.

I have a dream that my fourlittle children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged bythe color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today...

And when this happens, when weallow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet,from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when allof God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants andCatholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negrospiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free atlast!"

***

Curried Chicken

2012-01-14T13:56:00.000-08:00

Years ago I used to prepare a fabulous curried chicken. It took hours. I finally got smart and invited friends to bring the toppings - the best part.

Dave, on the other hand, had an entirely different recipe seeing as how he spent his first six years in Malaysia.

But the days of dueling recipes are over. Last night we had a little dinner party. We had chopped chicken in the freezer ready to go. We put it in the pot, added several jars of Pakak's Korma Curry Simmer Sauce, cooked up a pot of Jasmine Rice and Voila! We had curried chicken.

Pictured here are our (easy) toppings: Pineapple, raisins, chopped boiled eggs, peanuts, coconut, chopped scallions and mango chutney.

The toppings were good but they weren't the best part. As Ann Landers used to say, To ensure a good dinner party, it's not what you put on the table that counts; it's what you put on the chairs.

***

Why the Title?

2012-01-13T13:07:00.000-08:00

Several of you have asked about the title of Abraham Verghese's book "Cutting for Stone."

In addition to being a superb novelist, Verghese's day job is Professor and Senior Associate Chair for the Theory and Practice of Medicine at the Stanford University School of Medicine.

Additional clues to the title are (1) the book is about surgeons and (2) the surgeons' (father and sons) name is "Stone."

My friend, Nancy,by coincidence, was reading the book at the same time I was. But she finished well before me. She said she couldn't put it down and read the last part in five hours straight.

For the record, I've never done anything - even things I love to do - for five hours straight.

Another clue: Nancy pointed out that in Verghese's epilogue, he points out that each year he renews his vowels to medicine at commencement along with the graduates in part by saying ...I swear ... to be true to her (Medicine) for she is the source of all...I shall not cut for stone."

But in an interview Verghese clarifies,

(The term) stems from the days when bladder stones were epidemic, a cause of great suffering, probably from bad water and who knows what else. There were itinerant stone cutters...who could cut either into the bladder or the perineum and get the stone out, but because they cleaned the knife by wiping in on their blood-stiffened surgical aprons, patients usually died of infection the next day. Hence..."Thou shall not cut for stone."

(Also this is a classic example of "The operation was success but the patient died.")

If you love all things medical as I do, you'll love this book. Once, many years ago, I saw a vasectomy being performed. I told my family that it looked pretty easy and I thought I could do it. (Yes, they were scared.)

In "Cutting for Stone" there is an entire chapter devoted to Ghosh instructing another doctor on how to perform a vasectomy.

Now I'm sure I can do it.

***

Cutting for Stone

2012-01-12T15:02:00.000-08:00

I finally finished this remarkable and long (almost 700 pages) book this afternoon. One of the reasons it took so long was because I'd stop to look up some event or description to see if it actually happened.

Just when I think I can maybe call myself a writer of sorts I find an author like Abraham Verghese and think - Oh, doggies. This guy's the real thing.

Verghese describes in this book of fiction the word "fistula." I've always understood fistula to mean an abnormal passageway between two organs. My husband, Ken, had a fistula fashioned in his arm to receive dialysis. A good thing.

Verghese's use of the word fistula has to do with a different part of the body. This is an opening or abnormal passageway from the bladder to the vagina or from the bowel to the vagina. I'd not heard of what he was describing so I researched it. To my dismay, I discovered that this condition is still common in many parts of Africa and Asia. So, in "Cutting for Stone," as in many other great works of fiction...

It's the truth even if it didn't happen.

Following is a quote from the book that helps us to understand this sinister situation caused by sinister practices.

... Five Failings that Lead to Fistula. The first was being married off too young, child brides; the second was non existent prenatal care; the third was waiting too long to admit that labor had stalled (by which time the baby's head was jammed halfway down the birth passage and doing its damage) and a Cesarean section was needed; the fourth failing was too few and too distant health centers where a c-section could be done. Presuming the mother lived (the baby never did,) and the final failing was that of the husband and in-laws who cast out the woman because of the dribbling odoriferous fistula...Suicide was a common ending to such a story.

And still is. It's so hard to grasp that young girls in third world countries - and sometimes here as well, are still being treated in atrocious ways.

Are You Smarter Than You Were Last Year?

2012-01-10T14:40:00.000-08:00

We should be getting smarter all the time. That's the essence of life long learning. But, as we get older, some of us feel like we have to scramble to just stay even.

This week's Newsweek lists "31 Ways to Get Smarter in 2012." Here are most of them. For your convenience, I've separated them into Hard and Easy.

HARD

Most of the hard suggestions involve learning new stuff and seeing things in a different way. For instance they recommend getting your news from "Al Jazeera" once in a while. And downloading the TED app. TED stands for Technology, Entertainment and Design. I agree that they have some cool lectures. Check it out.

Learn a new language. Mastering a second language gives us a workout in our prefrontal cortex, which affects decision making and emotions.

EASY

OK, now for the fun, easy stuff. Play word games on your phone (but not on airplanes unless you're a Baldwin.) Eat dark chocolate. Learn to knit. This will refine your motor ability and bolster cognitive skills. Eat Yogurt. Probiotics are not only good for your stomach but some studies say they're also good for your brain.

Drink, stay hydrated. Visit art museums. This not only makes us look smart but viewing art reduces stress, letting you focus on other things. Play the tuba. Learning an instrument boosts I Q.

Play Violent Videogames. What? The articles says that playing violent games quickens our reactions, improves multitasking and reduces hostile feelings.

I don't know about this last one.

***

Discussing Good Books

2012-01-10T13:44:00.000-08:00

I was privileged to lead the discussion this afternoon at my book club. It was great. The book being discussed was "In the Garden of Beasts, " by Erik Larson. It's about William Dodd, the U.S. ambassador to Germany in 1933.

His job was to keep things cool in order to placate those of us here in the states who wanted to pretend that Hitler wasn't such a bad guy.

We all know how that turned out.

One of the last questions we dealt with was, with our current technology and with the world being flat and all, "Could it happen now?" The overwhelming answer from this group of wise women was "Yes."

And then they cited many places in the world where this kind of tyranny is happening now and we choose to ignore it.

They also discussed the book's title. And talked about other places in the world that look lovely (The Garden) but are governed by Beasts.

"In the Garden of Beasts" is not an easy read. Larsen ends it with 61 pages of footnotes. But, among other things, it's an excellent reminder of how human nature continues to play out in surprising ways.

***

Sometimes the Old Ways Are Best

2012-01-07T13:53:00.000-08:00

I prepared a really good dinner last night - if I do say so myself. Very old school. I roasted a chicken with potatoes, celery, onions and carrots. The whole place smelled yummy all afternoon while it was baking in the oven.

But the best part of the meal, for me, was the green beans. Remember how your grandma made them? She picked them, strung them, broke them up and put them in a big pot with "half back," onions and, sometimes, potatoes. And she cooked them all afternoon.

And then a few years ago we were told that the only proper way to prepare green beans was to put them in the microwave for about 2 minutes, till they were "crisp tender," then add a little lemon juice and pepper. I did that. But then I stopped eating green beans.

Yesterday I opened a large can of beans, rinsed them in cold water, put them in a big pot with a few pieces of ham, about a half cup of chicken bullion, a teaspoon of sugar and a little pepper. Then added water from the tap and cooked them. All afternoon.

Everybody loved them. We just now finished up the left overs. Yum.

***

Medical Communication

2012-01-04T08:42:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went to see the nurse in my new doctor's office. I had a urinary tract infection and was not a happy camper. The nurse had me sit down to go over my medications, hand writing them from the list I'd given her.

She looked up and asked me about "Valerian Root." "What is it?" she said. "It's a benign herb supplement that I use for sleeping", says I.

She says, "Most older people don't need much sleep." I say, "I've had life long insomnia."

She says, "Exercise will make you sleep."

What I want to say at this point is, "LOOK AT ME! DO I LOOK LIKE I DON'T EXERCISE?" (At the current time I have fabulous abs.)

But I didn't. I told myself she was trying to be helpful and that my main goal was to get out of there with a prescription for antibiotics. I tried to gently get her back on message. She ended up getting the job done.

As we age, and just at the time we need communication most, communicating with our medical providers many times becomes more difficult. It's sad but we are often treated like children. It doesn't seem right but it's up to us to be assertive without getting these folks too ticked off.

Not easy when we're hurting and/or scared.

I read recently that 70 percent of Americans don't get a second opinion after a serious diagnosis because they don't want to get their doctor mad at them. By the way, the poll also said that doctors don't get mad about second opinions. And even if they did, we need to gather all the research we can when serious decisions must be made.

Do you know who's in charge of my health? I am. And if that changes I've already decided who else will be. And, believe me, medical folks don't want to mess with her.

***

Giving the Right Thing

2012-01-01T11:51:00.000-08:00

Two people whom I love were recently in Haiti. One did important work in a hospital and felt good about it. The other felt like things could have gone better. There is much frustration in Haiti. There's very little coordination and folks don't always send what's really needed.

Years ago, when I was active in urban ministry, we had the same problem but on a lesser scale. Many times the gifts didn't match up with the needs. But we were always grateful and always said thank you.

I'm in the midst of reading "Cutting for Stone," by Abraham Verghese. I love this book. In one section an old nun, in charge of a hospital in Ethiopia in the 1950s is talking with an American benefactor who has come to see how things are going.

She says, "God will judge us, Mr, Harris, by what we did to relieve the suffering of our fellow human beings....We need medicine and food. But we get Bibles..."I always wondered if the good people who send us Bibles really think that hookworm and hunger are healed by scripture? Our patients are illiterate."

(But) People here love these Bibles. They're the most valuable thing a family can possess. Do you know what Emperor Menelik did when he fell ill? He ate pages of the Bible. I don't think it helped...

So now the Bibles pile up, Mr. Harris. They breed in the tool shed like rabbits. They spill over into our storerooms and into my office. We use them to support bookshelves. Or to paper the walls of the huts.

OK, here's my take on this. WE'RE the ones who need to read the Bible. And then do what the scriptures tell us to do. Which, to me, is, clearly, to relieve the suffering of our fellow human beings.

I'm with the nun on this one.

***

Exotic Florida

2011-12-31T13:21:00.000-08:00

Floridians love exotic pets. When my older son was young he had a pet fish. It wasn't just any fish, it was an Oscar. Oscar fish are native to South America but they're all over the place now. My son's Oscar was big. He kept it in an aquarium on his desk - with a piece of plywood over the top because Oscar was always trying to escape.

I was scared to death of him. The Oscar, not my son.

Sometimes Oscar would bump up against the plywood so many times that he'd actually flip it and fling himself out onto the floor where you could hear him flopping around all over the house. If Scott wasn't home I'd have to pick up Oscar and throw him back into the tank. Very scary business.

What did he eat? Anything that went into the tank. Oscars eat mice but I don't remember Scott ever feeding him mice. His favorite treat was raw hamburger. (That's Oscar, not Scott.)

We in Florida read all the time about folks trying to sneak exotic pets and foods into the country. There are whole areas in South Florida where parrots and other exotic birds have been let loose. We also have a big problem with pythons.

And speaking of pythons, this morning's paper had an article about a Brazilian trying to get through airport security in Miami with several baby pythons and tortoise hatchlings in his underpants.

I hope they let him go. I think having baby tortoises and pythons in your underwear is punishment enough.

***

What a Difference a Decade Makes

2011-12-30T11:13:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve. I guess we will all evaluate our lives a bit in the next couple of days.

The photo above was taken in 2002 at the annual Winter Park 4th of July party. I was having a nice time with my Oldies and my late husband, Ken, who was terminally ill. I can't tell you how difficult it was watching this brilliant, energetic, creative man disappear before my eyes. But I was determined to keep him at home until the end, even though I was aware that care giving spouses tend to die before the patient. I was exhausted in body, mind and, occasionally, in spirit. But I figured I'd probably spend the rest of my life "resting" in front of the TV set.

The photo below was taken a few months ago in Venice Beach, California. Dave and I are having a fantastic time on one of our many fabulous trips.

What a difference a decade makes! I've had a life full of love, hard but meaningful work, and a big beautiful family but, for some strange reason that I don't understand, this is My Best Time.

God works in mysterious ways. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

***

Fun on the Road

2011-12-29T07:20:00.000-08:00

Just arrived home from our annual Christmas trip to the north. Lots of fun seeing families. Hope you enjoyed the holidays wherever you were. Some of you don't celebrate Christmas. I wish you well - as well!

Driving back from Atlanta was a bit of a challenge due to every other American and Canadian heading for our neighbor, Disney World, at the same time. I felt bad when I heard on the radio this morning that Disney and Universal had to turn folks away yesterday. They were full up.

But we made it home despite the massive traffic. Here are some highlights.

On the way up north Dave had a little health issue. We found a clinic in Macon, Georgia. They did blood work right there on the spot so we were in and out and on the road with our antibiotics within a couple of hours. These clinics that have sprung up around the country are terrific for little stuff. And so convenient.

We like to pick up those little coupon books for hotels and such. On the way up we stayed at a place that was discounted to $40 plus. Not so great. On the way back we stayed at a Country Suites, discounted at $50 plus. What a difference ten dollars makes! It was nifty, with indoor pool, work out room, warm cookies and the big breakfast that I love. As you know, I don't actually eat the big breakfast but I like to look it over.

Prior to starting our travels we headed to the library to check out books on tape. Yes, we're still old school. We listened to six hours of a David Baldacci mystery. It was OK. Then listened to Garrison Keillor's Prairie Home Companion 25th Anniversary series. There just isn't a better short story teller.

One from his early days was about a 13 year old nerdy little kid who loved to write, (much like Keillor himself.) His 17 year old cousin came to visit and, via a sweet, sad, funny narration we learn that the cousin is pregnant. The boy eavesdrops on the conservative, Lutheran, Lake Wobegon parents and other relatives and learns that they're going to throw her out if she doesn't write a letter of contrition, stating what a vile and wanton sinner she's been and how she fully repents. The kid tells his cousin what she has to do and she says no, she can't write such a letter because it wouldn't be honest. The kids says, "I'll write it for you." And he proceeds to write a very flowery, apologetic letter of contrition that only a 13 year old writer could pull together. Especially since he's not really sure of what she did to get herself pregnant. He's very proud of what he's written.

But then the phone rings and it's the cousin's boyfriend asking her to marry him. She does and they stay married for 30 years and the boy never gets to show off his excellent letter.

I'm happy to be home with lots to do, but I miss the folks in Lake Wobegon - as well as my own family.

***

My Favorite Restaurant

2011-12-17T13:41:00.000-08:00

You already know how I love McDonald's. So what a cool experience last week to sit on a plane next to a man who works for McDonald's. OK, I know that almost everybody in the country has worked at McDonald's at one time or another, but this man had been an exec - and now does consulting work for them all over the world. And he's darn proud of his company - as well he should be.

We talked about consistency, safety (when have you ever heard of anybody getting sick eating at McDonald's?) and decor. And, yes, after we talked a while I was able to express my disappointment with the Asian Chicken Salad going away. Good news - It'll be back.

They must just like to tease us with it, like the McRib.

Following are some fun facts about McDonald's.

The first McDonald's drive thru opened in 1975 on an Arizona military base to serve soldiers who weren't permitted to get out of their cars while wearing fatigues.

McDonald's is the leading foodsource retailer on the planet.

Ronald McDonald speaks 31 languages.

My sister in law's dad was the only person I know who didn't like Ronald McDonald. Many years ago he was a local Popeye impersonator in Indianapolis and he was jealous of Ronald because he got all the good gigs in children's hospitals.

The highest McDonald's is located in Kuala Lumpur Tower in Indonesia. This is where Dave was born. Not in the tower but in the city.

The golden arches are the most recognized symbol in the world.

There are 179 McDonald restaurants in India.

While I was in Denver and was sharing my love of McDonald's with a very sophisticated friend, she surprised me by saying she felt the same way. She's been all over the world and said she's eaten breakfast and/or lunch at a McDonald's in every country she visited. She added, "I'd eat dinner there as well if they served alcohol."

***

Is That Grandma's Underwear Hanging in That Tree?

2011-12-14T08:52:00.000-08:00

We're on day 15 of an on going washer/dryer saga. Don't worry, I'm not sharing the gory details. Just know that we've been inspired, once more, by Harry Truman who was known, among other things, for washing out his own undies when he was traveling.

But we're keeping our sense of humor. And feeling grateful for this time of year when something wonderful is happening every day. Yesterday Dave attended a party at his art class where they had a smorgasbord of great food. Dave loves trying a little bit of everything. The artists exchanged cards they'd made for each other. I attended my favorite annual Christmas lunch with my Power Rangers. I love them so much. Last night we had pizza and salad with family members.

We've already given and received gifts and we've given lots of gifts to less fortunate folks. Our church makes it easy to do. And the parties just keep coming.

We're feeling blessed that we have the means to do this. And to do so many things together - like work out at the same place the Orlando Magic works out - only Dwight Howard might be turning in his towel for the last time soon.

We're blessed that we can afford a new washer and dryer. And that some day they will show up.

In the meanwhile, we have laundry hanging all over this condo. Not actually outside, however, because our condo board has strict rules about where you park your car and where you hang your undies.

***

Flying too High With Some Guy in the Sky...

2011-12-13T08:28:00.000-08:00

We're getting ready to travel. It's that time of year. I don't like to travel but I love being in other places. As you know, we flew to Denver last week. Since we flew Southwest, we didn't get to sit together. When we came down the isle Dave pointed to the first desirable seat and said, "You sit here." Yes, he loves me that much.

But it worked out well because the guy next to me was an exec for one of my very favorite restaurants, McDonald's. I'll share with you soon some of the exciting things he told me about Mickey D's. All in all, a good flight each way.

Next week we'll fly from Atlanta to Chicago for a couple of days. I'm hoping we'll have no craziness like what happened to some women flying from New York to South Florida last week.

Three old ladies in three separate incidents were strip searched in the airport by the TSA.

- Lenore, 84, was a suspected terrorist because she had a defibrillator for her heart.

- Linda, 66, was suspected of being a terrorist because she was wearing a glucose monitor.

- Ruth, 88, was suspected because she was wearing a colostomy bag.

Thankfully, at the present time, I don't have any spare parts but you never know what the TSA folks will find suspicious so I'm going to try, as I always do, to mind my "Ps" and "Qs" when I go through security.

And here's a personal note to Lenore, Linda and Ruth. Don't let this depressing incident at the airport keep you from enjoying your holidays - and especially don't let it keep you from flying wherever you want to go in the future.

***

Harry is Gone

2011-12-11T11:01:00.001-08:00

Harry J. Welch 1921 - 2011

This past week Dave and I were in Denver for a memorial service for Harry Welch, whom I've affectionately called "My Oldie" in this blog. He died over a week ago.

Last Saturday, during the Christmas Parade I was really missing him because, as you know, Harry stopped more than one parade to allow his wife, who was the love of his life, to cross the street to have her hair done.

There is no way, at this point, to convey how I felt about this larger than life character. But his family and the minister did a good job of capturing who he was.

His son wrote the following words about him in a song:

This is the man that I remember,

He was strong and caring and smart,

He saw the world as a Van Gogh painting,

He knew life as a work of art.

About a dozen years ago Harry was invited by a man in Winter Park to be a part of a small group of men to gather and discuss great ideas in philosophy, history, theology, and so on. I, of course, teased Harry by referring to it as the Woman Haters Club. Later on this same man started another group for both sexes so I was able to be a part of it, along with Harry. And I was reminded once again, as we discussed great books, of what a brilliant man he was.

Last week I wrote this man to tell him Harry had died. He wrote back saying:

I'm so sorry to hear about Harry, who I always adored. He was a very special guy with an amazing mind and sense of humor, and I'll miss him enormously.

And so will I.

***

The Parade Was Ten Hours Long

2011-12-04T11:34:00.001-08:00

Yesterday we went to the Winter Park Christmas parade. Well, we went to breakfast as we usually do, ate, read the paper, talked with folks, and then walked outside to watch the parade for a bit.

The parade is always lots of fun. It's one of those parades that it seems like every person with a kid, a wagon or a dog can march in. I've told several people that it lasted ten hours but it really didn't. Only two-three hours.

I do tend to exaggerate. I like to exaggerate. I've said to Dave, "If anybody ever tries to put me in an MRI, just shoot me." But I don't actually want him to shoot me. I just don't want to suffocate in an MRI. Sometimes I say "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse." But I couldn't - and I wouldn't, even though it looks like the government might lift restrictions on slaughtering horses for human consumption.

When I exaggerate I'm using hyperbole. One of the features of hyperbole is that what is said is not logically possible.

But I'm in good company when I use hyperbole. None other than Jesus used it extensively when he was walking among us. He said things like "get the log out of your own eye," or "If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off," or "If you have enough faith and say to a mountain, 'be lifted up and thrown into the sea' it will be done."

Jesus is telling the truth - but using hyperbole. We need to take his words seriously but not literally.

So when I say it's raining cats and dogs. You know what I mean.

***

My Power Rangers

2011-11-29T07:23:00.001-08:00

As you know, I have this special group of friends that I like to call my Power Rangers. That's not what they call themselves but I think they continue to be full of the most important kind of power imaginable. And they're all over the place, hence the ranger part.

Of course I have other friends, even other very close friends, but these women hold a particular place in my life.

It's hard to describe us. But, strangely, none other than the outrageous Roseanne Bar wrote an article in the most recent Newsweek that makes me think of my Power Rangers.

She writes about life after menopause and how good it is. Like:

Sometimes, as the months whip past now, like telephone poles from the window of a bullet train, I continue to realize how much of my life I spent firmly under the thumb of Mother Nature, that inscrutable Boss Lady.

A few years ago one of my Power Rangers wanted to use the word "Crone" to describe us. I didn't like it. But Roseanne Bar likes it. She says:

Depending on who's defining the word "crone," it can be a really wonderful gem of language. Crone got saddled with the role of synonym for hag, and old grizzled woman who's often bitchy at best, malicious at worst........Luckily, intelligent women and some men, have begun returning the word to its rightful definition; an experienced, mature woman who's arrive on the north shore of the raging seas of this largely corrupt planet.

In other words, there's a lot that's good about getting older. And my Power Rangers are still using their powers in a magnificent way for good. As Bar sums up her article:

You don't need a young athletic body or piles of money to read some of the world's great books; or to soak up brilliant music and art; or to grow something beautiful in a little garden spot. May your uterus remain relatively undisturbed during these, your glorious turban years!

I'm leaving now to go meet my Power Rangers for a birthday lunch. I have a heavy heart this morning because another friend of mine, who just moved away so I can't see him, is dying. I most likely won't share this news at the birthday celebration ....but the PRs will empower me anyway.

***

Higher Ed

2011-11-26T13:04:00.001-08:00

Dave and I both are involved in helping to provide educations for college students who can't foot the bill. That includes most students these days. Recently, we were talking about the percentage of young adults who go straight from high school to college - and graduate in four years.

Dave thought the number was high. I didn't.

But I can understand his premise. His kids went straight from high school to collage and graduated in four yeas. Mine did as well.

But I know that's not the norm. I recently read some statistics saying that 50 percent of kids from wealthy homes ($87,000 or more) got their degrees in four years - but only 9 percent of low income ($26,000 or more) students graduated.

These stats are scary for our country but we can all understand the reasons for this disparity. I went to college first at night after working a nine hour day and then, years later after working, caring for my kids and husband, volunteering in my church, and getting three meals on the table. In other words, it was a luxury after everything else was done.

My kids had it easier. But not much.

I can't image how fantastic it would be to get a free ride to a bachelor's degree or higher without having to be concerned about other, sometimes crushing, responsibilities.

Sounds like heaven to me.

***

I've Got the Sun in the Morning and the Moon at Night

2011-11-26T10:55:00.001-08:00

Did you have a good Thanksgiving day? It seems like even those folks who like to complain a lot can crank up some good thoughts on Thanksgiving. Even George Will wrote a kind of light hearted (for him) column on Thursday. He even told a joke about the economy in Europe.

A Spaniard, an Italian and a Greek go into a bar. They drink until dawn. Who pays the tab? A German.

Hahahahahaha, George. You crazy guy.

Yes, we do live in trying times but now is the season for us to be filled with love and try not to be scared out of our wits. Just don't buy stuff you can't afford. I'm trying to let folks know how much I love them in other ways.

Don't look at your 401K. Instead take Irving Berlin's advice and do this:

Taking stock of what I have
and what I haven't
What do I find?

The things I've got will keep me satisfied.

Got no diamonds
Got no pearl
Still I think I'm a lucky girl
I got the sun in the morning and the moon at night.

Got no mansion
Got no yacht
Still I'm happy with what I've got
I got the sun in the morning and the moon at night.

And with the sun in the morning and the moon in the evening
I'm alright.

***

J. Edgar

2011-11-22T07:20:00.001-08:00

The movie "J. Edgar," directed by the great Clint Eastwood, has had mixed reviews. We saw it on Saturday.

I understand the mix.

It's long and dry. No warmth. But, as far as I can recollect, it's an accurate depiction of our first director of the FBI, J. Edgar Hoover. He scared and intimidated all of us for almost 40 years - and that includes all of the presidents he served under.

We'll have to admit he did some good but, to me, that can't override the harm.

Coincidentally, I'm currently reading "In the Garden of the Beasts," the best selling book by Erik Larson. It's about the rise of Hitler in Germany. I'd certainly never before thought about any comparison of Hitler and Hoover but I thought about it a lot while watching the movie.

They both hunted down and punished anybody who got in their way - including those in power.
They were both paranoid about so called subversives and radicals.
They were both self loathing in their personal lives and accused others of the very lifestyles they were actively pursuing.
They both liked to dress up.

Both Leonardo DeCaprio and Armie Hammer give powerhouse performances as Hoover and his long time lover, Clyde Tolson. In the movie, the relationship between these two was loving. (But I've read over the years that Hoover played out his gay leanings in most unhealthy ways.)

After the movie, over bowls of soup, Dave and I discussed whether or not it's possible for our world wide leaders to be totally full of integrity. I don't know the answer to that but I hope it's yes.

***

Garbage Detail

2011-11-17T08:25:00.001-08:00

Have you ever had to dig around in the garbage to find something you or your kids accidentally tossed? I've stuck my hand into more messy garbage disposals and cans than you can imagine. I've dived for retainers, pacifiers, jewelry, toys and lots more.

But what a great feeling to complete the rescue.

Last week's paper told the story of a man in south Florida who, when he threw away his razor, accidentally threw his wife's 1.5-carat ring into the garbage. And it, along with tons of other things, made its way to the dump.

He went after it. After lots of rummaging in knee deep smelly yuke, and at one point, throwing up, he "hit pay dirt" when he recognized a pink cup from his wife's favorite yogurt shop. He kept digging until he found their own personal garbage bag - and eventually discovered the ring in a puddle of black sludge. ''

Man, I know the feeling.

***

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

2011-11-16T09:34:00.001-08:00

Last week we saw the most current "Ape" movie at our neighborhood theater. I wasn't too excited about it but Dave had never seen any in the series so we went.

We both loved it.

I had no idea that James Franco stars in this movie. He's no Charlton Hesten but he's, you know, James Franco. Actually the movie is very contemporary and not at all like the old ones. Franco's father, played by the great John Lithgow, has Alzheimer's and scientist Franco is trying to find a cure.

Because of this they end up adopting a really cute, sweet and enormously smart baby ape named Caesar. By the way, this photo is of Caesar, not Franco.

Franco has managed to produce a formula that makes the apes he's experimenting on really, really smart. The first thing I thought of was that maybe James Franco has taken this drug in real life. Because, as you know, he's really, really smart. And full of energy (like the apes.)

There's the writing, acting, directing, painting, teaching at New York University, oh yes, and getting the Ph.D thingy from Yale.

But then, in the movie, the formula (SPOILER ALERT) kills every person on the planet so I guess this is not what gives Franco his energy and intelligence.

The filming is beautiful. I love the house and the neighborhood. The apes all have personalities.

If you can get over all of the human beings dying issue, it has a pretty satisfying ending. (Don't leave when the credits begin to roll because there's more to the story.)

So, if you don't have a neighborhood theater that shows second run movies for $1.25 except on Tuesdays when they're 75 cents, consider renting "Rise of the Planet of the Apes.

***

Forgiveness

2011-11-13T11:54:00.001-08:00

This morning, in my Forum Class, two people I love and respect led a discussion on forgiveness using a book called "Amish Grace." It's about the tragedy a few years ago when those little school girls were gunned down in their little schoolhouse by a mad man. But it's primarily about the totally loving and forgiving response of the Amish community.

In general, we had a wonderful discussion. To me it veered off a wee bit by getting into talks about Penn State, 9/11 and so on. But I know part of that's just me. I always think the topic should be internalized and not about what "those people" should have done. In Forum, it's about us at what we are called to do and be as followers of the teachings of Christ.

Not what we would like to do and be in our time of pain and suffering caused by others - but what we are called to do and be.

Our leaders did a wonderful job of presenting this concept:

Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive us who trespass against us. This is what the Amish children are taught from day one.

Of course there are always those around who say - sometimes in a variety of ways - "Well, what would you do if someone profoundly hurt your child?"

People have hurt my children just as people have hurt your children. And it always hurts us as well (Sometimes even more than it hurts them.) And then a couple of years ago someone physically and emotionally and permanently hurt my child. In a profound way. With a gun.

This morning we needed at least another hour to discuss the meaning of forgiveness. One thing I know, it doesn't come from weakness. It comes from profound strength.

***

New Words

2011-11-09T11:37:00.000-08:00

The American Heritage Dictionary just put out its new edition containing 10,000 new words! Can you imagine? Here are some that you know .

Cargo pants
Hoodie
Baby daddy
Tramp stamp

Here's one you might not know.

Spaghettification

No, it's not pasta. It's an astronomical term describing something like a black hole that stretches and then falls forward.

Here's one thats' definition is changing.

Marriage

It's now defined as "The legal union of a man and a woman as husband and wife".....and...."In some jurisdictions, between two persons of the same sex."

Here's a question to ponder: Will this be the last edition of a print dictionary?

***

What If You Were a Little Kid and Had No Place to Go?

2011-11-08T12:33:00.000-08:00

Let the little children come to me. Jesus
When you've done it for the least of these you've done it for me. Jesus

Yesterday Dave and I went to a luncheon at the Florida United Methodist Children's Home. It's a wonderful place and very beautiful. I worked there many years ago. It was a good place then but even better now.

I know tons of stories about kids who've had their lives changed at the Children's Home.

I wish, that, when my little brother and I were growing up, we'd been at the Children's Home.

Here are three new groups the Home is now helping:

A beautiful cottage for girls who have babies or are pregnant. I want to call them little girls because a 13 year old, to me, is a little girl. Even if she has a baby.

A beautiful cottage for little boys who've been sexually traumatized.

A a foster care program for babies. Couples care for these babies and toddlers in their own homes. Sometimes the babies arrive badly injured or addicted.

While we were having lunch I also learned that one of the teenagers who was a resident at the Children's Home when I worked there is now running for mayor of Orlando.

Yikes! Am I that old?

***

Can Mark Harmon Pull It Off?

2011-11-06T13:42:00.000-08:00

I'm a huge fan of the John Sanford "Prey" books. Dave got me started a few years ago and now I think I've read all of them. They're detective stories. The protagonist is Lucas Davenport. He's a smart, great looking, independently wealthy, snappy dressing leader of Minnesota's Bureau of Criminal Apprehension (BCA.)

He's also a loner who "takes no prisoners." He's a sort of Dirty Harry in a thousand dollar suit.

I'm also a big fan of Mark Harmon who plays Leroy Jethro Gibbs on NCIS. Harmon's bringing Sanford's "Certain Prey" to television tonight on the USA Channel.

I hope he can pull it off. Thousands of us have Lucas Davenport fixed in our minds in a certain way. Harmon, in real life, is 60 years old.

I hope he's able to pull off a hot 40 something detective with a hot surgeon wife named Weather to my satisfaction.

I'll be watching.

***

Time Management

2011-11-04T08:15:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my Internet service went kaflooey. I hate when that happens. After trying everything I called my Internet provider.

Another hour of fooling around.

Upshot was that we couldn't fix it over the phone so a service call was necessary.

"Will you be available tomorrow?"

"What time tomorrow?"

"All day."

Today's paper has an article titled "Hours spent cooling heels for cable guy cost us billions." It says Americans waste an average of 4 1/2 hours per year waiting for repair people.

When I was a consultant one of my most popular seminars was on "Time Management." It was not all about time being money - it was about time being your life - and how you want to spend it.

It used to be - like for all of history until about 50 years ago - that women primarily waited. They waited for their men to come home from the war, from the golf course, etc. Now it's a more even playing field. We all waste time waiting.

Some might say that older, retired folks (like me) have the time to wait. I say we have less time. After you've hit a certain age - every minute counts.

With the invention of this new communication device called cell phones - there's no practical reason for people to stay home all day waiting for a repair person.

Yesterday I explained - in a nice way, of course - some of the above to the Internet guy. Within 15 minutes after we hung up he had the problem fixed.

***

Celebrity News

2011-11-03T07:51:00.000-07:00

I woke up at 5:45 this morning and turned the radio to my news station. The first four news items were as follows:

Kim Kardasian Speaks out About Her Break Up After 72 Days of Marriage

Do you remember the O.J. trial when Kim's dad, Robert, was part of the dream team? He and O.J. were good friends. O.J. moved in with them after the tragic death of his wife. As we've discussed before, lots of folks' careers took off after that trial. It ignited a cottage industry.

Now the next generation has taken the Kardasian brand to heights dad never dreamed of. Wouldn't he be proud of Kim and her sisters that look just like her, and his dancing son, and his wife, and Bruce?

Lindsay Lohan to Get 30 Days in the Slammer

Isn't this, like, old news? We've heard it before.

More Herman Cain Sexual Harassment Claims

I never, for a minute, thought Herman Cain would be our next president but I did think he was a good and decent man, a good role model for all of us in many ways. What's happening now is sad and depressing.

Justin Bieber's Fans Make Death Threats

Talk about sad! I bought one of my granddaughters a Justin Bieber doll for Christmas. I'm going to wait until the blood tests come out before I return it.

---

I know there must be other news happening in the world but these are the first bits I heard. What does this say about us?

***

Halloween Tales

2011-10-29T12:51:00.000-07:00

In my last posting I documented how creepy we Floridians can be - and also bragged to you that we have the best trials ever!

Here's proof. (And, trust me, this is way creepier than anything you're going to experience on Halloween.)

Yesterday, Kimberly Boone was tried and convicted for trying to kill her husband. I don't think Kimberly's a very dangerous person because she's pretty inept. Try as she did, she couldn't get the job done.

OK, for those of you who've tried to get it straight via the newspapers or Internet - here it is in a nutshell.

***

In 2008 Kimberly was having money problems. Apparently she had embezzled $700,000 and needed to pay it back. Obviously the only thing she could do was drug her husband with some of her Zanax and set the house on fire.

Husband, Bob, testified that, after she gave him a drink, he felt like he was having a stroke and asked her to take him to the hospital. She told him to take a nap while she went shopping. As soon as he was unconscious, she lit the place up - then went shopping. Fortunately, Bob was saved by a neighbor.

But, despite overwhelming evidence, she was not charged for this crime.

***

Three months later, in 2009 Kimberly allegedly shot her husband in the chest. Miraculously, he survived. But, this time, she was arrested and tried for attempted murder. Despite overwhelming evidence, she was found not guilty.

But....prosecutors began thinking about that fire three months prior - and then charged her with the 2008 attempted murder.

At the latest trial (for the first attempted murder) her first husband testified that she tried to set him on fire as well.

Let's think for a minute about husband Bob's continuing to come back for more.

When found guilty yesterday, Kimberly's attorney, Buck Blankner, Jr., immediately asked for a retrial.

And there you have it.

***

Yes, We're Creepy

2011-10-28T12:51:00.000-07:00

John Walsh of "America's Most Wanted" was quoted in the paper today saying Florida has a lot of creeps.

They're not necessarily born here but, like everybody else, they come down here to hide out. Walsh said that of the 1,200 people caught on his show, 30 per cent have been found in Florida.

We Floridians don't like to brag about it but we are fully aware of our serial killers and rapists, not to mention our colorful politics. We also have the most exciting trials.

Have you seen this photo going around the Internet showing former Florida resident O.J. Simpson and current resident Casey Anthony?

Now, this is creepy.

***

The Ides of March

2011-10-28T12:29:00.000-07:00

We saw "Th Ides of March" a couple of weeks ago. I like politics. I like George Clooney. I wasn't bored.

But I had a hard time with the movie. Very cynical. Clooney produced, directed and co-stared so I was expecting some new thoughts.

Some reviewers called it original. I didn't see anything original in it. Haven't we all seen this in real life?. Here's a key:

The part of the really good looking, charismatic, smart, full of excellent values and ideas with only one flaw - played by George Clooney...............Bill Clinton.

The part of the young, idealistic slightly naive campaign manager - played by Ryan Gosling.........George Stephanopoulos.

The part of the smart and beautiful but conniving intern - played by Evan Rachel Wood..............Monica Lewinsky.

Come on - what's original about it?

***

Lobster Festival

2011-10-22T13:02:00.000-07:00

Last night we walked to the Autumn Festival at St. Mary Magdalene's Catholic Church - as we do every year. It's a big deal. It's much like a county fair.

We looked at all the eating places. Dave wanted a chili dog. I wanted a lobster. They cook up these big lobsters right in front of you. At $12 each, they sell out fast. Last year I missed out.

My lobster came with a big wooden stick - the only thing available to get the meat out. I began beating on it and, of course, the lobster juice sprayed everywhere, including all over my clothes, in my hair and all over my face. It took me 20 minutes to wrestle all of the yummy meat out. The toddler who shared our table was highly amused.

Afterward we walked around among the hoards of other folks and rode the Ferris Wheel. We watched the ladies frying up Snickers bars and Dave thought about having one - but didn't.

Then we walked the 8 or so blocks back home. All the while, I was sticky from head to toe.

But it was well worth it. I can't wait for next year.

***

Do I Want to Live Forever?

2011-10-20T13:02:00.000-07:00

Two days ago I met with some folks who's goal is to help us live to be 100.

Yesterday I met with my Power Rangers, all about my age, all strong and vital and making a difference in the world, despite some of us coming through some serious illnesses, including cancer.

Today I saw my Oldies. All in all a good visit but they're in their 90s and are weak in body, mind and spirit. Their quality of life is questionable at best.

A few years back I had a friend in her late 80s who refused aggressive treatment for lung cancer. Her doctors were appalled. Just a few weeks ago I told you about my book club friend, Barbara, who did the same thing. She opted for Hospice instead.

The thing is that, when we get old, cancer drugs, while many times helping us, also harm us.

If I was diagnosed with cancer now I feel reasonably sure I'd choose aggressive treatment. 20 years from now I'm not so sure. But doctors find it hard to take when people reject their treatment paradigm. I hope, by the time I'm really old, the conversation will be more about how I want to live.

Some experts think old women don't need treatment for some types of breast cancer.
Some experts think old men don't need treatment for prostate cancer.

Yes, it might be interesting to live to 100 - but I'd like to choose how.

***

My Second Act

2011-10-17T13:23:00.000-07:00

We have a relatively new group in our church called Act II. It's for folks over 50. There are service projects and spiritual times but occasionally we do something fancy.

On Saturday night a big bunch of us got dressed up and went to the Orlando Philharmonics "Night at the Oscars." First we had a backstage party, then those who cared to, attended a short lecture by the conductor. (We stayed back stage with our friends and ate cheesecake.)

I can't imagine anybody not enjoying this concert. On stage was a huge screen above the orchestra that showed film clips of movies that have won Academy Awards for music. Movies like "Citizen Kane," "Ben-Hur," "An American in Paris," and "The Wizard of Oz."

All in all, a fantastic night with our fantastic Orlando Philharmonic.

***

Legoland - It's About Time!

2011-10-16T12:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Legoland opened its fifth - and largest in the world - theme park in Central Florida. The others are located in England, Germany, Denmark and, of course, California.

Those Californians always get the good theme parks before we deprived Central Floridans do!

It seems like so very long ago that Universal opened its hugely successful Harry Potter Theme Park at its Islands of Adventure. It's been at least a year!

And yes we do have all of the Disney World theme parks, Epcot and Sea World, Universal, and all the others - but we needed Legoland. As one guest said "It's very family oriented." (As opposed to all that wild and crazy adult stuff going on at the other parks?)

Well, we know that's not happening. But, as another Legoland guest said, "Finally, a place where they can ride the rides and not worry about their height too much." I don't even know what that means. Have Disney visitors been worrying about their height all this time and I didn't know about it?

For all of you who visited Legoland yesterday and are now looking for a brand new theme park, help is on the way. Legoland will add a Water Park in May.

Legoland's one day admission price is $75. I'm going to start saving my money and hope that I'm not too tall.

***

50/50

2011-10-14T09:58:00.000-07:00

Last week Dave and I saw the movie, 50/50. It's about a 27 year old guy who's diagnosed with cancer and given a 50/50 chance of survival.

The cancer guy is played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt, (that kid from Third Rock From the Sun - only all grown up - sort of.) His buddy is Seth Rogen who's famous for his potty mouth. The fame is richly deserved in this movie.

Despite that, I liked the movie. It's sweet. The characters don't know how to react or even how to talk to their friend who may be dying. Even his therapist is inept.

This is kind of how we are about death and other serious matters. We don't know how to talk about them. When my husband, Ken was in a dialysis unit every other day for several years and ONE THIRD of the patients died each year - this is how they dealt with it: They didn't.

We need to find better skills for talking with each other about serious and scary issues. Because our chances of dying aren't 50/50.

They're 100 per cent.

***

Is Leaving Always Wrong?

2011-10-14T09:12:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday I met with my book club ladies to discuss "Loving Frank," the story of the love affair between Mamah Cheney and Frank Lloyd Wright.

As you know from a previous blog posting, I was fussing and fuming all the while I read the book about these two and their selfishness. For instance, they left two spouses and eight kids who loved them.

A couple of the book club ladies said that it's never OK to leave your kids. On the other hand, some of them were willing to give Frank Lloyd Wright a pass because he was a genius who left a great legacy to the world.

Is leaving always wrong, especially for a mom?

I struggled with that issue a bit when my kids were young. I could have been much more successful in my work if I'd traveled more - and sometimes we desperately needed the money. But I was away overnight very little. In fact, I don't think my kids were very aware of my working.

This morning's newspaper brought the news that the mother of a much loved and respected politician here in Florida died. Mel Martinez was a former mayor of Orange County and went on to become our first Cuban-American senator. His brother, Ralph, is a well known attorney.

In the early 1960, their mom, Gladys Martinez and her husband made the decision to send their two sons to the United States after Castro took over in Cuba. They weren't sure if they'd ever see them again. But they were reunited four years later when the parents were able to come to Florida.

I know two moms who've been deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan - twice.

Dave's mom lived most of her adult life in Malaysia as a missionary. Dave turned out to be a magnificent man.

My mom was in a T.B. sanitarium while I grew up. Then she died.

So I can't put a pox on all moms for leaving. I guess we have to evaluate it case by case.

Mamah Borthwick Cheney was an intellectual, a mother, a feminist, and a translator. But she could have been all of that and stayed home with her kids. It appears to me that she abandoned them, along with her husband, sister and others simply because she fell in love with Frank Lloyd Wright.

That, to me, is wrong.

***

I Still Love Albert

2011-10-10T14:40:00.000-07:00

Maybe you've been reading about the new discovery by the world's best scientists, that will replace Einstein's theory of relativity.

In a nutshell it's this: Neutrinos can travel faster than light.

What are neutrinos?  They're particles that travel through almost everything - anytime they want.

What does "faster than light" mean?  It means, if you shoot a gun - the bullet leaves before you pull the trigger.

Charles Krauthammer of the Washington Post Writers Group, says that, if it' true, everything we know about the universe is wrong including  Einstein's theory of relativity - because it's the absolute prohibition on speed faster than light.

If it's true we'll need a new understanding of past and future.

Are you confused? Maybe this little joke that's going around scientific websites will help you.  You know how I love bartender jokes.

We don't allow faster-than-light neutrinos in here, says the bartender.
A neutrino walks into a bar.

Think about it.

***

Death and Communication

2011-10-06T13:17:00.000-07:00

It was sad to wake up hearing on the radio that Steve Jobs had died. But apparently, I was one of the last to hear. The word spread across the world like wild fire. And it's fitting, because communication was much of what made up what Steve Jobs shared with us. It was his passion.

As I was reading about him this morning, Dave walked into the room to share with me a letter he'd just run across while unpacking some boxes. It's an original letter, written in 1863 by one of Dave's relatives, in beautiful script. A portion of this letter is attached below.

It's from Hanover and Deborah Briggs and written to their children. It looks like Hanover is the one actually doing the writing.

In the letter he's telling his other children that their brother, Harvey, has been killed in the war. Looks like they're receiving this word quite a while after Harvey died. Here are some excerpts:

Dear Children,

it is under the most painfull sircumstances that I address you. it is the Death of Harvey I got the word by the way of a letter from Dent Gist. he says he was killed in the great battle of the 22 of May in storming the breastworks at vicksburg. He says Harvy is the only man killed in our company one of the bravest men in the regiment.

I hope his name will ever be Dear to you. I feel to Mourn with deep regrett the loss of A precious Son, one that never gave me a saucy word in his life, one that never told me a rong story, one that never said any work was to hard for him to do. he has carried out the same principles in fiting rebbels.

...all the evils and cares of Earth and things present or things to come can ever wear the precious name of Harvey J. Briggs from my mind.

,,,I got a letter from Harvey writen Just one week before he was killed. I think the last he ever done. I will send you a coppy of it.

From your Affectionate Father and Mother,

Hanover and Deborah Briggs

The old ways of communicating, ones that took weeks and months, are gone. But they did have a certain charm and grace.

***

Moneyball

2011-10-06T10:02:00.000-07:00

We saw Moneyball this week. It's had nothing but rave reviews. Everybody loves it. It's been described as sharp, tender, touching, soulful and funny. I didn't think it was any of these things.

I didn't care for it. The first two thirds was too slow moving, sad and frustrating for me. Then it got better - but the ending was unsatisfying.

As you probably know, it's about the Oakland A's and how they broke all the rules of baseball by employing some unorthodox method of player analysis called saber metrics.

It's based on a true story but lots of liberties were taken.

General manager Billy Beane is played by Brad Pitt. He's great in this movie. But Billy is a closed off, unemotional character. In real life he has a second wife and twins. It would have been good for me if that part hadn't been cut out of the movie. Moneyball is solely lacking women.

To me, the best part of it was his daughter singing that song from Juno for him in the music store.

Jonah Hill who plays Peter Brand is excellent.

Phillip Seymour Hoffman who plays the A's manager is excellent. I think he's one of the finest actors around. He looks really old in this movie.

As I said, the ending was frustrating for me. As long as they were makin' stuff up - they could have made a happier, more satisfying ending.

I'm just sayin'.

***

Birth Control and the Wesleys

2011-10-03T10:23:00.000-07:00

A while back somebody questioned how I could be a Wesleyan and still be so adamant about birth control since the Wesleys had all those kids.

Yes, my wish for the world would be that women would become pregnant only when they want to - and then - only after they'd been encouraged to think about the consequences and responsibilities they will face for the rest of their lives.

Susanna and Samuel Wesley had 19 children. One of them, John, was the impetus for the formation of the Methodist Church. But, beyond that, the entire western world is a better place because of John Wesley. His brother, Charles, primarily a hymn writer, had a big part as well.

This morning in church Dave pointed out that the hymn we were singing was written by Samuel Wesley. I don't know if that was the dad or another one of the sons. Dave notices these things because his grandfather was a hymn writer.

Anyway, there is a concept among some folks that several of our greatest leaders throughout history would never have been born if their parents had used birth control.

Case in point: Susanna and Samuel Wesley. They had:

1. Samuel
2. Susanna
3. Emilia
4. Annesley
5. Jedediah
6. Susanna
7. Mary
8. Mehetabel
9. Unnamed
10. John
11. Benjamin
12. & 13. Unnamed Twins
14. Anne
15. John
16. Unnamed
17. Martha
18. Charles
19. Kezziah

John and Charles were # 15 and #18 so the argument would be that if Suzanne and Samuel had stopped at, say, an even dozen, these great men would never have been born.

I'm not buyin' it.

First, only eight of these Wesley kids lived to age 50. Six died as babies. Most scholars believe that Suzanna was an exceptional human being. Just think what she could have accomplished if she hadn't been pregnant for 20 years.

Yes, I'm grateful for John and Charles Wesley. But I'm still strong on birth control.

***

This Is Not About The West Memphis Three

2011-09-30T10:16:00.000-07:00

Most of you know about The West Memphis Three, the young men who were tried and convicted almost 20 years ago for the brutal murders of three little boys - and then were recently released.

But this isn't about them. If you want to know more about them look up "West Memphis Three."

This is about what happened to them in prison. For the first six years they were routinely beaten by other prisoners and guards alike. They've had multiple broken bones. And they were abused in all sorts of despicable ways that I won't go into. (Read it on the Web.)

They've had trouble adjusting to being free. They haven't seen the sun in 18 years. Haven't walked without chains, haven't used a fork, (they had to eat with their hands.)

But this isn't about The West Memphis Three. It's about us.

I'm ashamed to live in a country that routinely tortures human beings - In this case, the same ones for decades.

Just last night I saw another cop show where the cops were threatening a young man by describing, in graphic, sexual ways, what would happen to him if they decided to send him to prison.

The West Memphis Three are more than likely innocent. But this isn't about them. It's about us.

***

The Electricity Bill Was What??

2011-09-26T13:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday a friend and person I admire was the speaker in our Sunday school class. (She's the one who recommended we see the movie "Contagion.")

She's also a big time environmentalist. That's what she spoke about. As you know, Dave and I are aspiring environmentalists as well. But we could do a better job. We all could.

When we got back to Florida in early August after being away for three months, the condo was a mess. Dark and hot. I'd warned Dave that there might be a few dead bugs but I was still afraid it might be a deal breaker when he saw them. The Florida Palmetto Bug - which the rest of the world calls a roach - is a sight to behold when several of them, about the size of lobsters, are belly-up on your kitchen floor.

We got them cleaned up but, after seeing a couple more in the next few days, I broke down and used some chemical spray behind the fridge and dish washer.

That was wrong. Bad for the environment.

Then we had several weeks of work done, including having the place painted. Every day when I came home the doors were wide open and the outside hose was running. I spoke to the guys a couple of times but not very firmly.

Needless the say, the utility bills were through the roof.

I told Dave I was so happy he married me so we could pay them together. But that's not the point. The point is that we all need to be careful with our resources, i.e. the earth's resources.

Once they're gone - they're gone.

***

Another Reason Why I Read

2011-09-24T11:32:00.000-07:00

A couple of postings back I printed a poem I'd written in 1973 about Playboy magazine. The underlying reason for choosing that particular poem from the book was my amazement that NBC is putting a series about a Playboy Club on the air.

I would have liked to have written a posting about all that Playboy was (and was not) in that era, but I don't have the words.

Then this week's Newsweek arrived with an article by Nora Ephron (one of my favorite writers) saying it for me. Buy the Newsweek if you want to read it - but I will share three short observations of Ephron's. They will help you if you insist on watching this new show with the voice over saying ridiculous things like "changing the world, one Bunny at a time."

1. Trust me, no one wanted to be a Bunny.

2. A Bunny's life was essentially that of an underpaid waitress forced to wear a tight costume.

3. Playboy did not change the world.

And, of course, Ephron has some funny things to say about Hugh Heffner himself. She calls him a whack-a-mole that just keeps popping up.

Thanks, Nora Ephron, for saying so well what I couldn't say at all due to the steam coming out of my ears.

***

Contagion

2011-09-23T13:43:00.000-07:00

A person I care for and respect told me on Wednesday that she and her husband liked the movie, "Contagion." So Dave and I saw it yesterday. It's not a comedy.

It starts with a cough and ends with 26 million people dead.

It's not the typical disaster movie. It's not a melodrama. It's not touchy-feely. There are no high tech disaster scenes. There are no monsters.

It's scarier than that. It's realistic. It's played out in a rapid, almost documentary form.

As in real life, the disaster (in the form of a world-wide virus) brings out the best and worst in people. It's uplifting to see folks give themselves to solve the problem. We see this all the time in small and big disasters in real life.

I know people who run to the fire.

There are a number of big stars in this movie:

Laurence Fishburn - This must be why he left CSI.
Gweyneth Paltrow - She looks really bad but we'll give her a break since she's dying.
Jude Law - Plays one of the only bad guys (and a blogger at that.)
Kate Winslet - Don't get too attached to her character.
Marian Cotillard - She's a good guy.
Matt Damon - He's a good guy who plays "everyman," as he does so well.
Elliot Gould - Some of you might not know him but some of us remember when he was married to Barbra Streisand and, way before that, when he was the original Trapper on MASH.

It's a good movie. Go see it.

***

Who's To Blame?

2011-09-23T13:13:00.000-07:00

...around 80% of antidepressant medications are prescribed by non-psychiatrists, including internists, GYNs, family practitioners, and non-MD's such as physicians assistants and nurse practitioners.

Psychiatrist, Joseph Mason, quoted in the New Yorker

We have another super high profile murder trial here in Central Florida. Robert Ward is accused of killing his wife, Diane, in the bedroom of their palatial Isleworth home, just west of Orlando.

Yes, that's Tiger Woods neighborhood.

The case has all the elements of high drama. Fantastic wealth, bankruptcy, adultery and bizarre behavior by both Robert and Diane Ward. Some of Robert's is caught on tape from his prison cell.

I have no clue as to what really happened. He says he was trying to save her from suicide when the gun went off. The prosecution says he shot her.

Unfortunately, in his call to 9-1-1 he said, "I just shot my wife."

The sad thing is that Diane Ward had high levels of antidepressants and alcohol in her system when she died. Antidepressants can make life livable. But sometimes they can do the opposite when they get out of whack.

In any case, it's another sad story of sad people.

***

An Old Book

2011-09-18T13:26:00.000-07:00

This week, while Dave was cleaning a closet, he found an old poetry book I'd written 35 or so years ago and had completely forgotten about.

After he read it, I read it. Again, but for the first time in many, many years. I will have to say, with all humility, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I was reminded of what we women - well, some of us - went through in the 60s and 70s and how much life has changed. And the part some of us had in that change.

Here are a couple.

The Thingmaker (written in 1972)

I saw a layout
in playboy magazine
featuring a racing car
shaped like a woman

dear playboy
I am not a machine
I am a human being

Is your relationship
with your machine
unfulfilling
undemanding
unsatisfactory
unloving
incomplete
unfinished

next time
try a person.

The following was written in 1973

Why Women's Lib,
Confuses me.

Am I the cause of all
my problems,
Or is he?

***

What Ever Happened to My Oldies?

2011-09-17T16:21:00.000-07:00

People ask me from time to time for an update on the Oldies. This is a couple I've seen at least once a week for the past 25 years or so. That is, up until things started to go downhill for them a while back.

He's 90. She's 91. As I've told you before, he was one of the most brilliant, exciting, fun men I've ever known. He was a neighbor and acquaintance of Andy Rooney at one time. He and Andy had that sense of humor/curmudgeon thing in common.

We visited them this morning in their fancy assisted living digs. They were both in bed. But, sweetly, in the same bed. A caregiver was with them. She's there several hours a day.

My Oldies are on the kind of high end scale of elderly adults needing assistance. They have the means and family support to help them through this end stage.

But it's not pretty. She was in pain and when she's in pain he's beside himself.

We used to spend hours at a time together. Now fifteen minutes is about all they need and about all I can take.

***

We Served Lunch Again

2011-09-15T14:04:00.000-07:00

Today Dave and I served lunch to the homeless - as we do from time to time. It's always an awesome, humbling honor.

It's especially moving to see little kids and medically challenged folks. It's painful to see folks, especially young folks, who are obviously embarrassed to be in this position.

Two people got to me. A young, tall, very good looking African American man wearing jeans and a plaid shirt, very clean and neat - seemed so very ill at ease.

A young, blond woman, extremely thin, wearing Daisy Duke shorts, was carrying a baby on each hip.

I always wonder about the stories of every person we serve but I especially wonder about these two.

Later, when Dave and I were driving away from the downtown core, we saw the blond woman walking down the street, still carrying a baby on each hip. But she had no purse or bag. These babies were in diapers. I wonder what she does when they need changing.

***

Why It's Good to Read Books

2011-09-13T13:34:00.000-07:00

A couple of years ago Dave was reading "Loving Frank" by Nancy Horan. It's about Mamah Cheney's love affair with Frank Lloyd Wright. Almost every day, while Dave was reading the book, he fussed and fumed about the selfishness of these two. Not only with their affair (they were both married with small children) but in the way they treated everybody around them.

I decided I would save myself all this grief by not reading the book.

But it's the October pick for my book club so I started it yesterday. This morning I began fussing and fuming to Dave about the behavior of these two.

But Frank Lloyd Wright was a brilliant artist who's work changed the face of architecture. Millions of people are still being positively affected by the beauty of his work. His life was complicated.

As was Mamah Borthwick Cheney's life. As are all of our lives. We're all complicated and broken people.

I'm only on page 68 but in the last line of this chapter Mamah's close friend says to her, "What about duty? What about honor? You wouldn't take down two families, (including eight children.) You couldn't live with yourself."

But we know that she does - and she does!

I'm going to keep reading. Because I believe that when I'm forced to question the choices and learn about the lives of other people, I'm also questioning and learning about myself.

***

Is This The Next Step?

2011-09-10T14:07:00.000-07:00

My husband, Ken, used to get upset with me when I tried to get him to use his walker and especially his wheelchair. They were humiliating for him and, as he explained to me, they weren't temporary. He was never going to get better.

They were the next step.

When I met with my Power Rangers this week a couple of us were confessing and/or teasing each other about our forgetfulness. For instance, I messed up my pill boxes this week. And I neglected to send an important e-mail.

Is this normal? Or is it the next step?

This morning we had a lengthy conversation with a man we see from time to time. Not exactly a friend but somebody I care about. He's been very ill so I'm especially concerned about him. I would tell you his name, but....at the moment...

I have no idea what it is!

***

I've Been Vindicated

2011-09-09T08:51:00.000-07:00

Last week my little 2000 Camry went kaflooy in the middle of the highway. Very sad. Had it towed to my mechanic who, after looking it over for five days, gave me a repair estimate totaling a couple thousand dollars. I said "OK, fix it."

When Dave heard what I'd done he was skeptical. I told my son and he was skeptical.

But the car has at least one hundred thousand miles left on it. It's old but it looks good and has and has character - like me. '

This morning I had my old friend and handyman, Mario, come over to look at my busted 27 year old refrigerator. He's from Cuba and very wise. He fixed it right up. And he agreed that fixing the car and fixing the fridge is the right thing to do.

He told me that his 94 year old mother is still using her 35 year old bonnet hair dryer.

She's my kind of woman!

***

Oh, The Wonder of It All

2011-09-08T14:11:00.000-07:00

Oh yes, indeed we know
That people will find a way to go,
No matter what the man said
And love is fine for all we know
For all we know our love will grow
- that's what the man said
So won't you listen to what the man said.

Listen to What the Man Said, lyrics by Paul McCartney

Once, when Dave and I had known each other only a short time, he came to visit me on his birthday. Wanting to impress him, I took him to dinner at a new restaurant on Park Avenue called Luma. That was about five years ago. We usually walk past that restaurant at least once or twice a week. Always on Saturdays on our way to Rollins College and beyond.

But we've never been back to Luma. It's kinda swanky - and not really "us." I was just trying to impress Dave that first time. I now know what he really likes.

Today for lunch we had mashed potatoes topped with Campbell's Chunky Sirloin Burger Soup.

But guess who was in Luma a few evenings ago? Paul McCartney! He and his fiance were in town to visit her son who goes to Rollins.

Oh, the wonder of it all, baby.

***

Why?

2011-09-08T13:37:00.000-07:00

I'm getting ready to lead a small group in my church. We'll be discussing why God operates the way God does.

Some folks believe that if they're good and keep their noses clean, nothing bad will happen to them.
Some folks believe everything happens for a reason.
Some folks believe hurricanes, earthquakes and other natural disasters are God's way of trying to get our attention.
Some folks believe that if they really please God, then God will make them rich beyond their wildest dreams.
Some folks believe that the reason God doesn't answer their prayers is because they're not good enough (neither the prayers nor the folks praying.)

Our class begins on Wednesday and lasts for five weeks. I'll let you know what we come up with.

***

Don't Mess With the Ewok

2011-09-03T11:57:00.000-07:00

I was never much of a Star Wars fan. But I have several super smart friends who are fans and my children were fans for years and my younger grandsons are big fans, mostly due to their father instilling the Luke Skywalker love in them from the time they were babies.

I just heard a man speak a few days ago who said the first 20 years of his life he wanted to be Luke Skywalker. That's not uncommon. The Star Wars phenomenon knows no bounds.

Now I see that George Lucus is in big trouble! It seems he's made a couple of "minor" changes in the nine-disc Blu-ray "Star Wars: The complete Saga" - coming out this month.

He's made Darth Vader all touchy-feely be having him yell "Nooo!" when the Emperor is trying to kill Luke in "Return of the Jedi."

And - get this - due to computer-generated special effects, he's made the Ewoks blink.

George, is nothing sacred to you? Here's what your fans are up in arms about: You don't mess with perfection.

***

The Bad Thing About Hospice

2011-08-28T12:36:00.000-07:00

The bad thing about hospice care is that most folks don't utilize it soon enough. The main reason is we don't want to deal with the reality of an impending death. My husband, Ken, was with hospice home care for about five days prior to death. I wish he, and I, and our family had been able to experience this kind of care much sooner than we did.

Hospice, typically, takes over only after aggressive care has been abandoned and the patient has admitted that his or her illness will result in death. The protocol then goes from trying to get well to dying pain free and with dignity.

I've never met a patient or family member who wasn't happy with the decision to admit the truth and let hospice minister to them.

Last week I read in the paper that Barbara, a member of my book club had moved to hospice. I don't really know Barbara but she's impressed me, in book club, as a very wise woman.

She was diagnosed in June with advanced bone cancer. As a retired nurse, she'd volunteered in several hospices in Florida so she's aware of what they are and what they are not.

The paper quoted Barbara quoted as saying "To me it's very important that I'm not lying there moaning, screaming and groaning in pain...They (hospice) give you enough medicine to be free of pain...It's a very dignified and very family-oriented place to go to."

So, instead of suffering through aggressive chemo, Barbara is comfortable and making a video of her life for her family.

Barbara is my hero. Along with hospice.

***

Egg Plant

2011-08-23T13:56:00.000-07:00

Egg plants are beautiful. I love them. Most people don't. The reason I know this is because almost all egg plant recipes are complicated. They usually start with peeling the egg plant, baking it, then mashing it and adding about 17 other ingredients.

The lovely, purple egg plant which is a relative of the tomato and the potato has a rich complex flavor of it's own. It doesn't need all that other stuff.

It's low in calories and full of vitamins and minerals. The only slightly negative (and strange) thing about it is that it contains a little nicotine. But you'd have to eat about 20 pounds of egg plant to equal smoking one cigarette. So there's no chance of your teenager developing an egg plant habit.

On Saturday I bought a big egg plant at the farmer's market. Since Dave doesn't care for egg plant it's taken me a few days to eat it.

Here's how I like it best. I cut it up, peel and all, and fry/steam it in a skillet with some Pam and a little water. Then add salt and pepper.

For lunch today I had mashed potatoes and egg plant.

Delish.

***

Dead or Alive - Which Is Better?

2011-08-22T13:36:00.000-07:00

I read about this in the paper yesterday. Here is a quote:

People who are alive have more mental capacity than people who are dead. They are more aware of their environment, they have more personality and more memory.

OK, do you feel smarter having this information? Or maybe you already knew this since you're, you know, not dead!

But....and this is interesting....the article goes on to say that being dead is better than being in a vegetative state. The dead got higher scores. Those in a vegetative state are "more dead than dead."

These views are due, mostly, to our belief in an afterlife.

A vegetative state is a holding pattern. Death is a new beginning.

***

We Finally Saw "The Help"

2011-08-21T13:22:00.000-07:00

Remember last week when we wanted to see this movie but it was sold out for all the showings on a Saturday afternoon - so we saw "Cowboy and Aliens" instead?

Yesterday we had better luck. We went to see the 3:45 PM showing. It was sold out so we bought tickets for the 4:15 PM which was showing on two screens at the Regal. They, eventually, were sold out as well.

I'm a little puzzled about why this movie is doing so well. But, of course, I'm happy about it.

"The Help" takes place in Jackson, Mississippi in 1963. Skeeter, an aspiring writer, ends up writing an expose about how maids were being treated by their beautiful young junior leaguing racist housewife employers. Skeeter couldn't have done it without the bravery of the maids.

For some of us who lived through these times, the book and the movie have been cathartic. Some critics have called it "light weight" because it deals with dopey women and their maids. And then there's Sceeter, who gets very brave and serious.

I think, throughout history, folks living every day lives have been the ones to make great changes. Sometimes when they've perceived just a little bit of inner power from outer circumstances (like Skeeter) and some who've done the brave thing because they've reached bottom (like the maids.)

Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose.

On February 3, 2010 I wrote a blog posting called "The Help" after reading the novel. In it I shared some of my own adventures as a young, white housewife from the North, living in Fort Lauderdale, Florida in the same time period in which "The Help" takes place. And then the decade of the 70s which was just as turbulent.

I was an ordinary person who, somehow, was able to do some small but extraordinary things. But extraordinary things were happening everywhere in the country.

The following events were significant for me:

June 12, 1963 - Medgar Evers was shot and killed.
November 22, 1963 - John F. Kennedy was shot and killed.
April 4, 1968 - Martin Luther King was shot and killed.
June 5, 1968 - Bobby Kennedy was shot and killed.

Go see the movie. It's not about Jackson, Mississippi. It's about us.

***

Our Sofa

2011-08-18T16:54:00.000-07:00

Dave and I are both bean counting, practical to a fault, pragmatic folks. One of the things we decided early on was to get rid of my Florida sofa and his Minnesota sofa and buy a new one.

After weeks of searching, we settled on a sofa from Crate & Barrel. Over several months time we visited it in the store, sent away for fabric swashes, and dragged some of our kids to the mall to see it.

Then, day before yesterday, we did, uncharacteristically, a wild and crazy thing. We went to Ikea. My palms are getting sweaty just thinking about it. And, as you know, I don't sweat.

First thing we did was eat. Ikea has great, cheap food. I had two hot dogs, chips and coke for $2. Dave had Swedish meatballs with loganberry sauce for not much more.

Then we started the search. You really need that Ikea Road Map to get around. Long story short, We fell in love with a sofa!

And to make a much longer story short (the one where you get lost trying to check out and arrange for delivery while carrying your own sofa parts on your back.) we bought it.

It arrived yesterday, but, to our amazement, these big guys carried in some big boxes, put them down on the living room floor - and left!

Five hours later we had it assembled. We love it even more because we made it ourselves.

Now we can ask ourselves what my husband, Ken, used to say:

"What'll we do with all that money we saved?"

***

Political Insights

2011-08-16T07:25:00.000-07:00

Some political experts where surprised that Michele Bachmann won the Iowa Straw Pol and knocked Tim Pawlenty totally out of the race. I'm sure that two or three years ago, when they were both in Minnesota, Tim never dreamed that Michele would turn out to be his worst nightmare.

I was surprised at the results of the straw pol as well. But for this reason:

After attending the Minnesota State Fair last year, I'm aware of what Upper Midwesterners like to eat for fun. The Iowa caucus takes place on the Iowa State University grounds. All of the candidates have their own tents and serve free fun food.

Tim served Famous Dave's Bar-B-Q. It's wildly popular in Minnesota. I love it. Ribs, chicken, beans, corn on the cob, yum, yum. This is a universal treat.

Michele served corn dogs and meat sundaes. The sundaes are made with mashed potatoes, chunks of beef and then covered in brown gravy. With a tomato on top.

I thought the Bar-B-Q would win hands down.

But, like with so many other political predictions, I was wrong.

***

Cowboys, Indians and Aliens

2011-08-14T16:24:00.000-07:00

This was the opening weekend for the movie, "The Help." Knowing it would be jammed packed, we opted to see "Cowboys and Aliens." It turned out to be a good call because "The Help" was sold out for the evening.

"Cowboys and Aliens" is just big, silly fun. First, it has the best title since "Snakes on a Plane." And, like "Snakes," the title says it all.

To me, this is an old fashioned cowboys and Indians movie with the only difference being that the cowboys and Indians (and by that I mean our Native American friends) have to band together to fight the aliens.

I had a little trouble with so called good guys committing several acts of brutality.

But you can't beat Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford for craggy, tough faces.

Can't believe that it's a Brian Grazer/Ron Howard movie. To me it's another one of those movies that could have been put together by a group of 13 year old boys.

All in all I liked it. But did I learn anything?

No. I already knew that you don't mess with Harrison Ford.

***

I'm Thin Skinned

2011-08-12T09:06:00.000-07:00

Since we've been doing so much work around the condo I'm seeing nothing but bruising up and down my arms. It's a fact of life at my age. I'm thin skinned. No arm fat. As we age the lining of blood vessels and capillaries become weaker (along with most everything else.)

Also blood thinners such as aspirin and even vitamin supplements like fish oil can be culprits in the ugly arm battle.

I know that many of you deal with the same issue.

I've looked for some light arm covers but no luck. The best I can find are tennis arm bands. They're hot and don't cover much - and silly looking when you're indoors.

About three weeks ago I had a tiny, almost pin prick puncture in my forearm. It wouldn't stop bleeding so I put a band aid over it. Later, while eating in a restaurant, I noticed I had bled all over my shirt sleeves.

Gross.

So when I'm getting ready to have any kind of medical procedure that might produce bleeding I need to stop taking blood thinning drugs well beforehand.

And so should you.

***

Everybody's a Critic

2011-08-08T09:30:00.000-07:00

This week's Shouts & Murmurs" in the New Yorker magazine is dealing (tongue in cheek) with our ability to let others do important work and then "comment" on how they didn't do it right.

The column deals with God doing his first six days of work here on earth. Following is a sampling.

COMMENTS

Not sure who this is for. Seems like a fix for a problem that didn't exist. Liked it better when the earth was without form, and void, and darkness was on the face of the deep.

***SPOILER***

One of them is going to eat something off that tree You told them not to touch.

Beta version was better. I thought the Adam-Steve dynamic was much more compelling than the Adam-Eve work-around.

Adam was obviously created somewhere else and then just put here. So, until I see some paperwork proving otherwise, I question the legitimacy of his dominion over any of this.

Not enough action. Needs more conflict. Maybe put in a whole bunch more people, limit the resources, and see if we can get some fights going. Give them different skin colors so they can tell each other apart.

Seems to me we've finally got this last "comment" accomplished.

***

From Chaos to Perfect Order

2011-08-06T10:05:00.000-07:00

All's well with Dave and me but we spent our last few weeks in Minnesota in a world of chaos and hard work and arrived in Florida to repeat the process - backwards. We moved out. Now we're moving in.

Oh, and, as usual, Florida itself is in chaos. So is the entire country. And the world. I just hope that my stock portfolio comes back in time to help my kids pay for the big party I hope they have for me after I'm gone.

And, yes, it's hot here. It's hot all over the but the Florida heat is unrelenting. Working in the garage this morning was like being in a vat of steaming lobsters. My arms are bruised from wrist to elbow. The slightest scrap causes bleeding due to my age and vast ingestion of blood thinners. I look kind of like a Methodist stigmata.

But Dave and I are still thankful for, and discussing daily, how well things went in our Minnesota leave taking.
We have the blessing of reconnecting with friends and family here.
We're moving along with the condo fix up - we had delightful painters in for two days who did an amazing job.
Knowing that folks in Minnesota and Florida are in serious need has made it easy and fun to just give stuff away.
We're going to church and Sunday school in the morning - one of my very favorite places in all the world to be.

This chaos in all of our lives is temporary. God is all about perfect order.

***

The Pope on Twitter

2011-08-04T14:10:00.000-07:00

We're home in Florida after a 1,900 mile drive in Dave's Camry. The last couple of days I've been entertaining him by sharing articles in The New Yorker. As you know, it's my favorite magazine.

This week's "Shouts and Murmurs," by frequent contributor, Paul Rudnick, is very funny. As you know, the Pope tweeted for the first time a while back. Since most folks on Twitter tweet about their inner most silly thoughts, Rudnick lets us know what he thinks the Pope has been tweeting. I hope my Catholic friends will forgive me but here are a couple:

Sometimes, when I'm all alone, I like to put on my cassock and spin around really fast and pretend I'm a tepee.

If people ask, "Why does God allow war and evil?" I ask, "Why do the high-school students on 'Glee' look forty?"

If someone questions papal infallibility, I reply, "I know one thing for sure:you shouldn't be wearing horizontal stripes."

I met the Dalai Lama and he was so nice, but all I could think was, Sandals? In January? Really?

Nancy Grace: perfect name for a gay Pope.

If you want to read more, pick up a copy of the July 25th New Yorker.

***

Thoughts on Compromise

2011-07-30T15:40:00.000-07:00

We're on the road - headed south. Things are all tied up in Minnesota.

We've seen some strange driving the last couple of days. My old friend, Vernon, used to say that the only way to drive safely was Ten-and-Two. I guess we all could accept a compromise between that and the folks who seem to be driving with their knees while texting.

The most disturbing bumper sticker I saw today was "My Other Auto is a .45."

As to what's going on in Washington right now, I saw a political cartoon this morning in the Indianapolis Star. Malia and Sasha, with their math and economic school books under their arms, are presenting their dad with their version of a debt reduction plan.

I think they could do it and I could do it too. So could you. I would, basically, ask every government agency to lower their budgets by 4%. And do it by cutting waste. And I'd ask that the Richy Riches (those netting over one million dollars a year) have a tax increase of 3%.

That would save us 14 trillion dollars.

OK, I made up that number but I think the plan would work.

***

Life as a House

2011-07-23T13:02:00.000-07:00

The 2002 movie, "Life as a House" is one of my favorite movies of all time and my very favorite Kevin Kline movie.

In it the Kline character hates his life. Then he's diagnosed with terminal cancer on the same day he's fired from his job.

This turns out to be the best day of his life. He decides to build a house with his druggie 16 year old son and in the process he builds a happy life, including reconciliation with his family and friends. Yes, the house is a metaphor for his life.

I used parts of this powerful movie as a discuss starter several times in my work.

In these waining days before leaving Dave's house in which he's lived his entire adult life, I've thought a lot about the movie. This house holds happy memories for Dave and his family and friends. The house was a part of every milestone. I hope the young couple who will move in next week will find a lifetime of happiness in this Life as a House.

***

Work is Fun

2011-07-21T09:34:00.000-07:00

The other day we had breakfast at a new restaurant called Mill Valley Kitchen. Our waitperson was as cute as she could be. She has a new bachelor's degree in psychology but she can't do anything with it. I asked her when she figured that out. She laughed.

But she doesn't want to work anyway. She's living with her boyfriend and working just enough to get by. She told us that she thinks people should be able to just play and have a good time when they're young and then work hard in their 60s and 70s. What kind of psychology is that?

I've always thought young people - children, teens and adults - should work hard and play hard. Why? Because it helps us figure out who we are. And it's empowering.

OK, I'll give babies a pass but even a toddler can bring mom a diaper or assist grandma with the remote.

Yesterday Dave's son was telling us about his first after school job washing dishes in a restaurant. He was 14. He said that, once he got the hang of it, he felt good about being part of a team and doing his share.

The young lady we saw at Mill Valley Kitchen is fooling herself if she thinks she will like working hard in her 60s and 70s, especially if she's working in a restaurant at that age.

***

What Do You Believe and Why?

2011-07-18T15:28:00.000-07:00

Dave just read me a letter that he received from his dad when he was a teenager. Most of the letter, sent from Malaysia where his dad was serving as a missionary, was admonishing Dave for playing pool with his friends.

If you ever saw "The Music Man" you know how middle America felt back then about the presence of a pool hall in their communities.

My mother-in-law had a strange belief that men don't eat mayonnaise.

For years my husband, Ken, refused to let our daughters have their ears pieced. "Only bad girls have their ears pierced."

In a 2009 Harris poll, 45 % of the people polled believed in Darwin's Theory of Evolution. 42 % believed in ghosts.

What do you believe and (more importantly) why?

The founding publisher of Skeptic Magazine, Michael Shermer, has written a new book called "The Believing Brain." His premise is that we form our beliefs for a variety of subjective, personal, emotional and psychological reasons and then selectively filter data to reinforce rather than refute.

I haven't read all of the book but even though I disagree with some of what he says he makes me think. And what I think is that it's important to be able to articulate our beliefs. But I think it's even more important to articulate why we have them. And then be willing to listen to, and respect other's ideas.

Michael Shermer was on the Corbert Report the other night. Corbert suggested that we're even more sure of our beliefs if they rhyme.

If the glove don't fit, you must acquit.

***

Shingles

2011-07-15T15:57:00.000-07:00

A while back I saw a creepy cartoon. A doctor is examining Pinocchio who's sitting on the exam table with roofing shingles growing out of his back. The doctor says "Yeah, that's a bad case of shingles."

Shingles aren't funny. You get horrible blisters on various parts of your body, and sometimes your face. The pain is extreme and lasts for weeks - or months. One in three people who've had chicken pox at any time of their lives will get shingles. Over half of the people who get shingles are over 60 years old.

Since the vaccine came out a few years ago it's been expensive ($260) and hard to get. My doctor doesn't have any.   Walgreen's in Florida has it but you have to find a Walgreen's with a clinic, make an appointment, etc, etc.

Medicare Part B doesn't cover the vaccine. Medicare Part D (drug coverage) does.

A couple of weeks ago, on a Friday, I heard about an old friend who died from complications from shingles. What a horrible way to go.  I started thinking about how I must find a way to get the vaccine.

The very next day we were riding down a street in St. Paul, MN. I saw a sign in front of a Walgreen's that read "Shingles Shots Today." I yelled, "Stop the car."

We were in and out in 10 minutes. No clinic. The pharmacy intern gave me the shot. I paid $25.00. I have no idea if my insurance covers the rest, but I'm sure I'll find out.

***

The Shutdown - Day 13

2011-07-13T15:23:00.000-07:00

It's been almost two weeks since the Minnesota government shut down. And, until today, I didn't believe there was much hope for a comeback any time soon since the Republican house and the Democratic governor have not been able to see eye to eye on much of anything.

So far, none of the sad stories have moved them...

- Not the thousands of poor and disabled folks whose funds have dried up...

- Not the government workers who've had to postpone house loans, college tuition and everything else other than basic necessities due to no income. (By the way, the legislators are still paying themselves.)

- Not the new adoptive parents camped out in a motel room in Wisconsin with a two week old baby because they can't get the legal papers signed to bring him home to Minnesota,

- Not the closing of the rest stops on the highways so you can't stop at a place like Goose Creek Rest Area (but I guess if you were truly desperate you could just use Goose Creek.)

But the headlines in today's paper tell us that hundreds of bars and restaurants in Minnesota are running out of alcohol because their state issued purchasing cards need to be renewed. Maybe this is the impetus these lawmakers need to turn the corner in what so far could be called anything but negotiating.

I heard a guy with the Minnesota Licensed Beverage Association being interviewed on the radio this morning. The host asked how serious this issue really is. The guy answered,

We could run out of beer this weekend.

Yes, it's that serious!

***

War Stories

2011-07-11T09:39:00.000-07:00

I was recently privileged to read an autobiography that my friend translated for her late father. He was an artist in Estonia and Germany during the second world war. The man's adventures helped me remember that, in war, not every person on one side is evil and every person the other other is angelic. Wars aren't like that. Life isn't like that.

Reading the story reminded me of one about my own dad. He was also an artist but lived his entire life in Indiana and struggled to make a living as a dry cleaner who did art on the side.

During WW II my dad ran the laundry and dry cleaners at Fort Benjamin Harrison in Lawrence, Indiana, just outside Indianapolis. At that time there were hundreds of German and Italian POWs working at the Fort. Some of them worked in the laundry. My dad became good friends with a German POW named Gunther.

After the war Gunther was sent back to Germany. Later on my dad sponsored him to immigrate back to the United States. Looking back, I'm amazed that he went through all of the steps to get this accomplished.

Gunther did return and worked again with my dad at Belleview Cleaners in Indianapolis. (This was before my dad opened his own dry cleaners in the inner city that he named Fine Art Cleaners where he displayed his oil paintings in the window.)

Gunther visited our house many times over the years. One day he brought a woman by for us to meet. He eventuality married her.

I vaguely remember the day we picked up Gunther at the bus station when he first returned to the states. He hugged my dad so hard that he cracked a rib.

***

If We Knew We Couldn't Take It

2011-07-08T13:26:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wanted to know the future? I haven't. Sometimes when we're attending weddings Dave will say, "It's a good thing they don't know what lies before them." He's not being negative. It's just that, if we knew, we'd worry about the bad stuff and that would keep us from enjoying the good.

Because life is a combination of joy and sorrow and all that lies in between.

I just recently came into possession of this photo of my mother. She was a very young teenager at the time.

She looks happy and mischievous. What's that furry thing she's wearing? What is she thinking?

We know this: She became a writer, married, had children and died at a young age.

It's a good thing she didn't know all of this when the photo was taken.

***

Yankee Doodle Dandy

2011-07-05T16:07:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy, a Yankee Doodle do or die...

We watched this movie on TCM last night. I've seen it many times, Dave had never seen it. I love the 4th of July. I love the Boston Pops. I love my country. I always feel kind of sappy about it on the 4th - and at other times as well.

But I part ways with folks who want to be isolationists. We live in a global village. There a other beautiful countries and folks who love living there. We're all in this thing together. I have no interest in changing the name for French fries or putting a "Love It or Leave It" sticker on anybody who points out our imperfections.

I'm currently living in a state where the government has shut down. We have some issues

One of my favorite hymns is "This Is My Song." Here are a couple of stanzas.

This is my song, O God of all the nations,
a song of peace for lands afar and mine;

this is my home, the country where my heart is;

here are my hopes, my dreams, my holy shrine:

but other hearts in other lands are beating

with hopes and dreams as true and high as mine.

My country's skies are bluer than the ocean,

and sunlight beams on cloverleaf and pine;

but other lands have sunlight too, and clover,

and skies are everywhere as blue as mine:

O hear my song, thou God of all the nations,

a song of peace for their land and for mine.

***

Larry Crowne

2011-07-03T13:28:00.000-07:00

Yes, we saw this movie. We wanted to see "Tree of Life" but it's gone already.

Yes, everything you've read about Larry Crowne is true. It's slow, silly and predictable.

No, it's not about a motorcycle gang. They have motor scooters! And don't worry, they do wear helmets. This photo is of a little fantasy that runs during the credits. The seriousness of the movie is summed up by Julie Roberts looking directly at the camera and mouthing "Hi mom!"

I was wondering how it ever got made but then remembered that it's starred in, written, directed and produced (read that "paid for") by Tom Hanks.

But here's the thing. I kinda liked it. I've often thought of Tom Hanks as a modern day Jimmy Stewart. A really good, squeaky clean guy on and off the screen. That's what he is in this movie that he starred in, wrote, directed and paid for.

Hanks plays a middle aged man (which is what he is in real life at age 53) who gets laid off and, desperate, enrolls in college. Yeah, that makes sense.

Don't worry. There's no suspense or stress in the movie. Even when the motor scooter gang breaks into his house it's merely to Feng Shui it.

I don't know if this is a movie for grown ups - but it is a movie made by grown ups.

Tom Hanks looks old and scraggly but good.
Julia Roberts looks every bit her age (whatever that is) but good.

Cedric the Entertainer looks good and is very entertaining.

***

Saying Goodbye

2011-07-01T12:01:00.000-07:00

I like routine. I'm sure some of that comes from living much of my life in chaos. The other morning I got up, made myself a cup of tea, fetched the paper and headed into the living room to sit in my favorite chair. Only it wasn't there. We'd sold it the day before to an art dealer. I had to improvise and sit on the couch.

It will be leaving soon.

David's house of 47 years is sold and, if all goes well, the closing will be on July 28th. A life time of memories is slipping away. The house was purchased by a young couple, some art work and valuables have gone to David's children, and a few things will go to the condo in Florida. The rest is up for grabs. Every day is emotional as David pours through letters and photos. Every day is emotional as a piece of furniture or art work goes out the door. Little by little he's letting it go.

This is a spiritual experience for both of us.

The fat lady hasn't sung yet but she's in the wings, gargling with lemon juice.

***

I Heart Clergy Persons

2011-06-28T16:23:00.000-07:00

Over all the years of my so called career I worked, off and on, with Methodist ministers. I love and respect the vast majority of them. And there would be no way to adequately express the loving feelings of awe and respect I have for the three ministers currently at my church. Oh, and I almost forgot, I was married to a Methodist minister for 44 years.

All this to say I have very positive feelings for my clergy friends and for the stressful career path they chose - or chose them. In my opinion, a minister or priest who doesn't feel "called" isn't going to make it.

So I was pleasantly surprised to read about a recent study funded by the University of Chicago that says clergy tend to be, of all professionals, the happiest and most fulfilled in their jobs. 87 percent described themselves as "very satisfied." It makes sense because the work is all about helping people - in this life and the next.

At the same time that this positive information came from the University of Chicago another study, coming out of Duke Divinity School, tells us that clergy persons tend to be the most unhealthy and overweight.

This makes sense to me as well. Most clergy I know and admire work way too hard, are under way too much stress and tend to put other peoples needs above their own on a regular basis. Not to mention the occasional church member who's one goal in life is to torture his or her minister. I used to tease ministers I worked with saying that "if you don't have high blood pressure you're not doing your job." Of course that's not true. But working night and day and being "on" all the time seems to be the norm.

Not to mention the food that's forced on them by well meaning parishioners. A Lutheran minister here in Minnesota was quoted as saying, "If I could send a message to my congregation (concerning gifts) it would be - Think Fruit Basket!"

My selfish prayer is that my ministers stay alive, healthy and happy (where they are) for many years to come - or at least longer than me.

***

Memory Issues

2011-06-25T14:34:00.000-07:00

This morning I attended a writing class at the Edina Library. It was funded by the Minnesota Arts and Cultural Heritage Fund. Like most writing classes, I was challenged to write for five minutes at a time about various subjects the instructor presented.

Like what happened to me when I was 20 years old...But I couldn't remember much of anything that happened to me at that age. So I wrote about that, and how a bit of memory loss is probably a good thing.

Certainly not like Alzheimer's or other forms of dementia that ravage our brains, but the convenient memory loss of those things that we really don't want or need to rehash.

By the way, I found it sobering to read in this morning's paper that Glen Campbell has Alzheimer's. I had a little crush on him for a while around the time that he was a lineman for the county.

On the other side of the coin, there was a "60 Minutes" segment last Sunday about people who remember everything that's ever happened to them, including dates and times. Only a hand full of folks have been documented with having this gift. One of those interviewed was Mary Lou Henner. What was fascinating to me was that not one of them, although they all seemed exceptionally bright, was using this gift for great accomplishments and they all had a mild form of OCD. It appeared they needed the OCD to keep their thoughts organized.

But the most interesting was the knowledge that the painful things they experienced, say, in their teens, stayed with them forever.

So, like I said, I'm kind of glad I don't have total recall about everything.

***

Tummy Talk

2011-06-23T15:15:00.000-07:00

I brought two pairs of black pants to Minnesota. One small, one bigger. Last night I was getting ready to have dinner with friends. I put on the small pants. Yes, I could button them. Barely.

I'm ashamed to say that I've fretted about the size of my stomach since I can remember. I weighed 104 lbs. when I married (the first time) and I remember feeling self conscious in my dress. I distinctly remember "sucking it in."

The only times I felt OK about the size of my stomach were during my four pregnancies. The minute I "knew" I let it all hang out for the next seven and a half months.

I've done thousands, maybe millions of sit ups. For the last two months I've done crunches five days a week. How has my stomach changed over the last five decades? Not much - until the last couple of years, when it began expanding a bit.

Is what I've just told you not the dumbest thing you ever heard? Are you saying to yourself, "she's nuts?"

I know that you're not! Because I know most of you feel the same. But that doesn't mean it's not dumb. Because it is.

By the way, last night I changed to the bigger pants - and enjoyed my dinner.

***

It Ain't Over Till the Fat Lady Sings

2011-06-23T14:48:00.000-07:00

Do your remember Kate Smith? She was a great American singer who started out, early in her career, singing the last song at all kinds of events. When you heard "God Bless America" you knew the ballgame was over. She became one of the most beloved singers in the country. She was also quite heavy set. Hence the phrase, "It' ain't over till the fat lady sings."

That saying has served me well over the years. I think about it when things look hopeless. I think about it when things look promising. Some folks get happy or spend the money way too soon. Some folks throw in the towel way too soon.

When my older son first went into commercial real estate he never celebrated until after the closing.

For those people who are sure of the outcome of the Casey Anthony trial, "It ain't over...

***

Micky D's

2011-06-20T15:09:00.000-07:00

One time when Dave and I were just friends he called to tell me he'd just had dinner at Mac and Don's Supper Club. I thought "Wow." But, of course, he was referring to McDonald's.

Everybody knows McDonald's is the Supreme Junk Food King of the Universe.

We eat there a lot.

For breakfast I usually have oatmeal with fruit and maple brown sugar. Yummy. It has 290 calories and 160 mgs of sodium. But this morning I had an Egg McMuffin without cheese. It has 320 calories.

Occasionally, if I'm still hungry, I have a Fruit n Yogurt Parfait. It comes in at 130 calories, with 55 mgs of sodium.

My new favorite lunch is the Asian Salad with Grilled Chicken at 270 calories. I add 1/2 pkg. of Newman's Own Low Fat Sesame Ginger Dressing, 45 calories. But it is high in sodium.

The salad leaves a hot, spicy taste in my mouth so, occasionally, I top it off with a Vanilla Reduced Fat Ice Cream Cone - but I ask them to give me only half the ice cream so it comes in at 75 calories.

I know all this because each tray at McDonald's is lined with a place mat giving nutrition information for everything they sell. I enjoy their food and still stay well within my 1,300 per day calorie count.

Yes, I could order the Big Breakfast with Hotcakes for 1,090 calories. By the way, this is without butter and syrup. And a Carmel Frappe for 550 calories. But this would take me well over my calorie limit for the whole day.

Yesterday morning we ate with old friends at the downtown Minneapolis Marriott. I had a fancy dish with eggs atop all kinds of beautiful mystery food. It was good but I'll bet if the calorie count was next to it on the menu I would never have ordered it. And it costs $16.00.

My McDonald's oatmeal is $1.99.
***

Mothers

2011-06-16T16:17:00.000-07:00

I had a conversation today with a woman my age who'd just been with her 95 year old mother. When women my age have mothers who are still alive and kicking (literally) it's usually a mixed bag of blessings. Most folks who live that long are strong individuals.

But even when I hear my friends fuss a bit about how their moms sweetly manipulate them, like

...Please don't go on vacation because I'm afraid I'll die while you're gone...

Or when moms are feisty with their daughters and nice to everybody else,
Or feisty with everybody else and nice to them (so daughters feel guilty leaving them,)
Or when mom (who's pushing 100 years old) sleeps with a loaded gun...

I have to admit that I feel just a little bit jealous.

I never had a mom. Yes, I was conceived and was born but my mom was taken away to a tuberculous sanitarium when my brother and I were toddlers and she died there a few years later. Almost all I remember about her is seeing this beautiful woman waving to me from the window.

In order to survive I had to put the concept of "missing my mom" out of my mind for the next several decades. Most of them I spent being a mom. And trying to be a good one - but it was hard sometimes, having figure it out as I went along.

But now that I had the time I occasionally wonder what having a mom would have been like. I wonder if, right now, I'd have a sense of humor about my 95 year old mom driving me crazy.

***

Embracing Mystery

2011-06-13T14:46:00.000-07:00

Mysticism - Belief in a reality surpassing normal human understanding or experience. - The Free Dictionary

As some of you know, my faith can be defined as much by what I don't know as what I know. Years ago, with the help of loving spiritual friends, I became comfortable with the concept of embracing mystery. I'm very comfortable answering questions with "I don't know." Because I don't. To me, that's why it's called "faith" and "belief."

The last few days I've been reading about mystics. Specifically Hildegard of Bingen and other women of her ilk who lived around the 11th century. They spent their lives searching for spiritual truths.

Unlike the guy who says, "I know what I know. End of discussion!"

The word mystic comes from the Greek word mystes. It's the same root that gives us mystery.

As Jan Richardson says, "It means shutting up long enough to notice God shuffling around in the daily events that make up our lives...But this path requires us not only to know god but also to be willing to live with our not-knowing of God."

***

"Super 8" Home Movies

2011-06-13T13:40:00.000-07:00

Did you ever, when you were young or your kids were young, make a scripted movie? Did you ever put an old chenille bedspread over four or five neighborhood kids crawling around on the floor to make them look like a monster?

We've all seen old Super 8 family movie reels. But the ones that were the most fun were those that had a script. Our own personal adventure movies!

With that in mind, Dave and I saw the new movie "Super 8" yesterday. It's about 6 kids who make a Super 8 horror movie. It's about more than that - but I didn't react much to the overriding plot.

The movie opened this weekend and was # one at the box office. We probably wouldn't have chosen to go but we're in a holding pattern with the house so we were killing time.

This film was produced by Steven Spielberg and directed by J. J. Abrams, both home Super 8 movie kids who grew up to change the face of movie story telling. "Super 8" works for me as a wonderful feel good film. It's a small town adventure full of passion and heart. It's sweet, funny and scary. The kid actors are terrific, especially Joel Courtney, an unknown from Idaho.

If you see it, be sure to stay through the credits to the end. You'll be rewarded by getting to see the kids' home movie. And it will make you want to make your own.

***

In Case There's a Change in the Weather

2011-06-10T13:40:00.000-07:00

Being a long time resident of Florida, I could be a good meteorologist. For instance, here's the forecast for Florida, every day, May through September:

High - 92 with afternoon thunderstorms. That's it. Count on it.

Here in Minnesota it's a different story. Today, June 10th, the high temperature is supposed to be 57 degrees. What's up with that? But wait. On Tuesday it was 103 degrees. The streets were buckling, cars were on fire, air conditioners went kaflooey, etc. I could say "all hell broke loose" because that's what it felt like. There was a real tragedy when a caretaker left an old man outside in his wheelchair for three hours and he died.

But, of course, Dave and his buddies played golf on Tuesday just like they have for 30 years. Their only concession was they wore their cute shorts instead of long pants.

These Minnesotans know how to go with the flow - weather wise.

***

Trouble is Dead

2011-06-10T13:08:00.000-07:00

Such sad news to hear that Leona Helmsley's little doggie "Trouble" died in December. He was twelve years old. That would make him about 84 human years old. So he had a long life.

And a good one, apparently. Remember that when Leona died in 2003 she left Trouble 12 million dollars in her will. A judge later dropped that to 2 million. But still....

Trouble was able to hire his own full time security guard and spent 8 thousand dollars a year on grooming. Carl Lekic, the general manager of the Helmsley Sandcastle hotel in Sarasota was paid 60 thousand dollars for being Trouble's companion.

So, all in all, I would say that most of the people on the planet would feel very grateful to have this dog's life.

***

Midnight in Paris

2011-06-06T13:17:00.000-07:00

I love Woody Allen movies. I love everything Woody Allen writes. I think I've read everything he's ever written. Yesterday we saw his latest movie. About three minutes into it I said to Dave, "I love this movie."

Will you love it? Here's a little test:

Are you afraid of death?
Do you love Paris?
Do you love Cole Porter lyrics?
Do you love art and literature?
Do you love subtle, intellectual humor?
Are you a romantic?

If so you'll love this movie. Owen Wilson plays a writer named Gil. (But we know, as always, he's a Woody Allen surrogate.) He's frustrated and unhappy - then falls down the rabbit hole - actually, he's invited into a great car by Zelda and Scott Fitzgerald - and he's off to the 1920s,where he immediately begins to pal around with expatriates like the Fitzgeralds, Hemingway, Gertrude Stein, and on and on.

Here's an example of the humor: Gil, chatting with T.S. Eliot, says something like, "Where I come from (California) they've measured out their lives with coke spoons." If you don't get this, you may not be thrilled with the humor. But still...

This movie is a total treat for the eyes and ears.

***

Would You Like Me to Take Your Picture?

2011-06-05T15:05:00.000-07:00

When Dave sees families taking photos he usually walks right up and says, "Would you like me to take the picture so you can all be in it?" He especially enjoys offering his photo skills to young couples.

Last Sunday we were with friends at the Mississippi Rive Lock and Dam in Minneapolis. Interesting spot. There's a public observation deck for watching the big water fall and the lock itself.

While we were wondering around we saw a young middle eastern couple. She was in a full burka. We all smiled and he smiled back. Not sure about the woman because her mouth was covered but she had beautiful, expressive eyes.

A few minutes later we saw the young man taking her picture. I was wondering about the protocol. I wasn't sure if women in burkas were even allowed to have their photos taken. I wasn't sure if we should be watching.

But then Dave walked right up to the young man and said, "Would you like me to take the picture so you can both be in it?" Now I'm thinking, Yikes! But the man handed Dave his camera.

Afterwards they were sitting on a bench and Dave walked over and plopped right down beside the young woman and started chatting away. She said nothing! I'm thinking "Now, Dave you've gone too far."

But the young man who'd been on his cell phone leaned over, smiled, and told Dave two things. They were on their honeymoon - and she didn't speak English.

Whee! An international incident was averted.

***

Summer Reading

2011-06-03T14:07:00.000-07:00

I traditionally read a boat load of books in the summer. Some dificult, some important, some mysteries, some silly. I am usually sorry when I try to read "women's novels." Last week I read one by Karen White and I was sorry. Then read Never Change by Elizabeth Berg. It was good - and dealt with the serious issue of euthanasia in a sensitive and realistic way:

As you know, I'm currently reading a meditation book called In the Sanctuary of Women by my friend, Jan Richardson. Extremely meaningful. Also rereading the New Testament.

And I've just started a John Sanford novel, Shadow Prey. His second in a long list of "Prey" mysteries. They're set in the Twin Cities. I've read most of them since I started spending summers here in 2006.

But the most interesting and different books are a series of graphic novels I stumbled on to by accident. Many of you may be familiar with Art Spiegleman and his Pulitzer Prize winning Maus series but I was not.

They are brutally moving works of art. Art Spiegleman tells the terrifying story - in cartoon form - of his parents' life in Nazi Germany. I'm moved by the drawings themselves and the stark honesty. The Nazis are cats, the Jews mice. Spiegleman, who was born after the war, has a tortured relationship with his father. But I can understand his father's actions after what he's been through.

I found the first volume in Dave's house as we were cleaning out boxes. I searched for the second in a used bookstore close by and was thrilled to find it. I think, when I finish the second, I'll donate them to the Holocaust Center close to my house in Florida. The Center is dedicated to help all of us ... not forget.

The first Maus book opens with this quote:

The Jews are undoubtedly a race, but they are not human - Adolf Hitler Scary and upsetting. But we need to remember.

***

Is God a Maniac?

2011-05-29T13:57:00.000-07:00

The main reason I love the meditation I'm currently reading is that it makes me go deep. Rather than give answers, it asks questions. And it's very brave.

Jan Richardson quotes a writer who has suggested that God, in what he's expecting of us, is acting like a maniac. Richardson responds in her own journal:

A maniac, indeed. I am searching for the mercy of a maniac who seems to delight in outrageous possibilities and maddening timing and in opening the ground beneath our feet, carving a fissure, breaking open a gap from which we will not exit the same way that we entered. Mercy, mercy, mercy.

Looking back, I've said the same kinds of things in my prayer journal. I actually wrote the following once:

What? You want me to do what? Are you crazy?

It must be much harder for those folks who think God purposely causes everything that happens to us, i. e., the recent tornados that have taken hundreds of lives and thousands of homes and then threatens those same people with a flood. I don't believe God does these things. I believe that in some cases they happen because we're not listening.

I also believe, as I look back on my life, that God expected unusually tough stuff from me. Somehow he managed to give me the strength to get through. Because I'm still here.

Richardson closes this section with a blessing:

May the mercy
of the maddening,
outrageous, outlandish God,
meet you and feed you
in every need.

***

Cuban Revolution

2011-05-27T15:16:00.000-07:00

We had breakfast this morning at Victor's 59 Cafe, at 38th and Grand in Minneapolis.

Quite an experience. It's a little, tiny Cuban cafe covered with graffiti. 1959 was the year the Cuban Revolution was completed. Hence the name. Their food is "Revolutionary."

And yummy.

Guy Fieri from Diners, Drive Ins and Dives was there last year. You can have some fun if you want to look it up - see the video.

While we were eating, Dave and I discussed how we felt about the Cuban revolution when it was happening. I was a teenager but very aware of the evil Batista Regime. Havana was sin city. Much of it was controlled by the mob. It was the place to go for a weekend of vice. Vegas on steroids!

And then these handsome, young revolutionaries emerged from the jungle. Che Guevara and the Castro brothers, Fidel and Raul.

It wasn't until later that the Cuban people (and we) realized they traded one evil for another.

Right now we're both wishing we hadn't eaten black beans, rice, fried sweet plantains and tortillas covered with creole sauce and topped with fried eggs - just before going to work out.

But it was fun.

***

Happy Hubert Day

2011-05-25T12:24:00.000-07:00

If he were alive, Hubert Horatio Humphrey would turn 100 years old this month. He started in politics as mayor of Minneapolis but I became aware of him later on when he became a U.S. senator and then vice president under Lyndon Johnson. I liked and admired HHH - LBJ, not so much.

Hubert was a big civil rights person before it was popular or safe. So was I.

He was a happy, upbeat guy. His favorite phrase was "pleased as punch." But he was outspoken about his views and made many enemies. A line in one of this speeches became known as "the liberals' mantra."

It was once said that the moral test of government is how that government treats those who are in the dawn of life, the children; those who are in the twilight of life, the elderly; and those who are in the shadows of life, the sick, the needy and the handicapped..

I never thought of it as "the liberals' mantra." I thought of it as the teachings of Jesus.

***

Happiness and Joy

2011-05-24T16:05:00.000-07:00

Some folks don't know the difference between happiness and joy. To me, one is on the surface and the other goes deep.

Today I experienced both.

I was in the library here in Minnesota when I got a call from Atlanta telling me that my granddaughter, and name sake, had just been elected by her teachers and fellow classmates as...

The Student Most Likely to be Elected President of the United States! This news made me HAPPY all over. OK, yes, she's only five. But she's already a powerful force of nature - like her mom - and her pop.

This evening I received an e-mail from a close friend. She's on the last and most powerful chemo the docs can come up with. So lots of us have been on pins and needles waiting for the latest tests.

The tumors have "decreased in size!"

Tonight I'm filled with JOY.

***